Face/Off (1997 film) = Finished

- WHO GAVE NICOLAS CAGE A FREDDIE MERCURY MOUSTACHE

- WHO ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN

- imagine being the person who gave Nicolas Cage a Hack3r skull etch-a-sketch with little flame buttons that light up when he puts in his crime code. imagine being responsible for this

- oh wait it's just his diary nevermind folks

- Sean hisses out the word intelligence with every fiber of malice in his body

- I-I don't think I want to see Nicolas Cage smile any more

- "Take a break when the case breaks" I'm not sure you've built time into that schedule for breaks, Sean

- I didn't know I needed a dancing priest Nicolas Cage until exactly this moment and now I know I never needed anything else

- Nicolas Cage swings so hard that he made a choral singer drop their music

- how does he do that

- OH GOSH WE JUST HEARD NICOLAS CAGE SPEAK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THIS MOVIE (always an adventure) AND IT IS TERRIFYING NEVERMIND

- OH LORD NICOLAS CAGE

- OH NO NICOLAS CAGE *NO*

- executive produced by Michael Douglas

- why is every jacket a cape

 - i want a jacket cape 

- "Directed by John Woo" oh okay this makes sense now

- Golden guns, aviators, and chiclets. What a pairing.

- Nicolas Cage switches out jackets like knights switch out armor--complete with squires.

- We got an emotional shoelace-tying scene right before Nicolas Cage pulls out a dragon's head money clip full of hundred-dollar bills.

- I think I need to watch more John Woo films

- dear god nicolage cage

- I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR PEACH-EATING HABITS

- Pollux is so very impressed by his awful, awful brother.

- If he dies, I riot.

- That FBI agent was not getting paid enough.

- MESS WITH THE CAGE GET THE...

- Bars?

- I'm not sure where I was going with that.

- Nicolas Cage just made the "It's free real-estate" face after shooting an FBI agent and if that doesn't sum up this movie I don't know what does.

- In Face/Off, each bullet has the individual force of several monster trucks colliding in mid-air while electric guitars herald their destruction.

- NO WAIT EVERYTHING HAS THAT FORCE NEVERMIND

- I don't even KNOW what caused that spark eruption. I don't think I care, either.

- Pollux is trying so hard, God bless him.

- Shotguns are also rocket engines.

- Sparks are awesome. Why doesn't everyone have this many sparks? I love sparks. It took me twenty damn years to realize I love sparks. This is on everyone.

- THEY'RE FIGHTING AROUND A LITERAL ROCKET ENGINE

- DON'T CUSS AROUND NICOLAS CAGE

- Why does this feel like a ballroom dance scene but with guns.

- NICOLAS CAGE JUST GOT KICKED INTO A ROCKET ENGINE

- God this family reunion is a ROLLER COASTER

- Every scene that isn't an action scene is a tonal tower drop and it works??? somehow?!?!?!!

- Nicolas Cage is a Flash animation expert. It's good to have hobbies.

- It's a sci-fi body replacement movie now

- and the body parts are made like Darkman???

- "now here's the REAL science"

- i think i love face/off

- the only way to defeat him is to become him, Sean

- This guy's bald scalp is presented with the gravitas of a holy relic.

- If John Woo's shtick is to take cop-related stuff and turn it up to a degree of melodrama and style not measurable by Earthen standards, I need to watch every single damn John Woo movie ever.

- THEY AREN'T EVEN DOING ANY MODIFICATION - THEY'RE JUST STRAIGHT UP STICKING CAGE'S FACE ONTO HIM

- THAT ISN'T EVEN HYGIENIC

- WHAT THE HELL

- Software iteration in action. Wow. Gosh.

- Okay, wait - a violent sneeze could dislodge this critical device you need to pull off your super-secret plan? T-that doesn't...That's not a good idea.

- Nicolas Cage's version of Sean is constantly doe-eyed, confused, and miserable. It's like getting paid to do a shitpost of another actor.

- dear god Sean-Cage such a cop

- OH LOOK. VIOLENT IMPACTS.

- Sean-Cage is very happy to inhabit Sean-Cage and I support that happiness.

- Okay flashes of meat-face Cage are much more disturbing than sustained contact. Holy crap.

- "It belongs in the Louuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvre"

- DUDE YOU ARE STILL UNDERCOVER CHILL OUT A BIT BEFORE BREAKING OKAY

- Okay Cage-Sean is much more of a shitpost than Sean-Cage nevermind

- NOT TITO

- who is tito

- oh no Cage-Sean no NO LEAVE JAMIE ALONE NO

- Cage-Sean is incorrigible.

- It's a good chin Cage-Sean

- Wait - it's Silicon Valley guy! The guy we love to hate! I love to hate that guy.

- Yeah, maybe going to the electric chair room wasn't the best idea.

- I'm just enjoying a nice little prison break. How often do you get to do that in life?

- Man, Sean-Cage's trials are nearly gothic. Gosh.

- If John Woo has convinced me of anything, it's that helicopters are mankind's greatest achievement.

- Is it just me, or are Sean-Cage and Cage-Sean becoming more like each other over time? Sean-Cage is being (reluctantly) supportive of Sean's wife, and Cage-Sean is becoming more unpredictable/action-y.

- Isn't that just like the tech industry? The fragile device inconveniently lasts forever, and the important stuff breaks like it's nobody's business.

- Sean-Cage is starting to enjoy this waaaaay too much.

- WHY IS THIS INFILTRATION SCENE SO POIGNANT

- HE SAID THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE

- HE FINALLY SAID IT

- HE SAID IT *AGAIN*

- THEY SAID IT A THIRD TIME

- HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU  SAY FACE/OFF

- KICK HIS ASS CAGE-SEAN

- "Dress up like Halloween, and ghouls will try to get in your pants."

- IT STILL COUNTS IF YOU REFERENCE USING A DIFFERENT FACE, MOVIE

- YOU'VE DONE THIS LIKE SIX TIMES NOW

- Giving your kids knives is peak daddery

- that is not michael

- So now we're getting a thing where Sean-Cage is taking care of Cage's son and on-off girlfriend. Where are they GOING with this

- This is SUCH good use of "Over the Rainbow."

- and it's contextualized so well too. SH*T.

- oh man we're getting the face off now OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN

- They're on opposite ends of a mirror, shooting at the reflections of themselves

- this is so good

- why is this so good

- pollux is dead now but that's okay I won't riot don't worry

- "face to face" I see what you're doing movie, don't think I don't

- "hello officers i would like to report a man with a heart condition just died due to sudden and violent impacts to his face and chest area when no one was watching except for me, the only man in the room. what a tragedy. oh heavens. what could have happened."

- WHY AM I FEELING SO MUCH ABOUT EVERYTHING

- The final showdown is happening.

- I, legitimately, could not be more excited.

- AH MAN THE DOVES AH MAN

- CATHOLIC MUSIC

- WE'RE REALLY HEATING UP NOW

- SO MANY F*CKING DOVES

- ARBITRARY CANDLE BLOWING

- PRAYER HANDS

- I AM SO F*CKING EXCITED AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

- PICTURE OF SON

- LONE DOVES

- YES

- YES

- GRIMLY SMILING CAGE-SEAN

- YES

- IT'S JUST THE FACES NOW - AND ALL BETS ARE *OFF*

- IT'S A JESUS

- Y'ALL IT'S A JESUS

- CHURCH FIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

- whoops, spoke too soon. 

- i guess it's time for a.....stand/OFF

- there are so many guns in one place

- AND THEY'RE ALL FIRING

- FLOWERS

- FLOWERS

- DOVES

- CHAIRS

- DOVES

- JESUS

- DOVES

- oh man that is so saBULLETS BULLETS BULLETS BULLETS BULLETS BULLETS mary mother of god

- PIGEONS, COUSINS OF DOVES

- HOW DID THEY FIT SO MANY STANDOFFS IN LIKE 3 MINUTES

- NO CAGE-SEAN NO PEACHES

- Jamie is the best. 

- I uh, guess sir is okay

- ARE WE

- GETTING

- A SPEEDBOAT CHASE

- OH LORD IN HEAVEN YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

- IT'S LIKE BUMPER CARS BUT HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS AND BULLETS BULLETS BULLETS

- IT'S LIKE A BOAT KNIFE THROUGH HOT BUTTER

- HOT BOAT-TER

- HOLY CRAP FACE/OFF

- THE BOAT IS BLEEDING FIRE

- WHY AM I SO HAPPY

- HE'S A BULLET MUPPET ATTACHED TO BOAT BY A METAL STRING

- I AM NOT GOING TO EDIT ANY OF THIS SH*T

- DEBRIS IS FALLING FROM THE SKY LIKE SHARP LITTLE PIECES OF RAIN

- that harpoon gun is the most important thing in the world, for both of us

- THAT RING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD

- FOR BOTH OF US

- i love face/off