Chapter 369

How many times did he have to ask? How many times did he have to beg? It felt like a never ending cycle. Who was he kidding? He was distracting himself at this point. Trying to get his mind off of it all. The anger was getting worse every single day. Little slips, eye-rolls, a jaw so tight it felt like it was going to crack. Every single day felt like a struggle just to reclaim an inch of ground. He exhaled and cupped his head as he sat in his bedroom. His head was pounding. Just a breath, he just needed a breath.

Rat tat tat!

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his fingertips against them, pleading against the headache. He just needed to get something done. Please leave me alone. Let me breathe for a little while. Another knock and his roomates voice came through. Muffled. They were rambling about something he was apparently supposed to do. He glanced up and groaned. “I can’t hear-” his roommate kept talking as they walked away. He couldn’t hear them well through the door to begin with, they knew that, and then they walked away and kept talking.

He dragged himself to his feet. The instinct to do for others just pushing him to move. He tugged on the gold chain around his neck and cracked the door open. “Bro, I can’t hear you, what do you need?” He called down the hall.

His roommate turned, the dark haired guy turning and crossing his arms. “Then fix your fucking ears, dude,” he said with a scowl. “We need you to go pick stuff up for the party tonight.”

He rested his forehead against the wall. “I have office hours today, man, you guys have cars too, right? Can’t you order it or something? They do same day.”

“Oh, here we go,” his roommate groaned. “Office hours, uhuh, that shit isn’t a real job dude, get a life.” He dropped his card and a folded piece of paper onto the counter. “Just go and get the stuff.”

He felt that headache coming on again. Every ounce of self control went into taking a deep and steadying breath. He just wanted some time to himself. Just for a little while, just to get some work done. He paid the rent with the money that he made, what more did they want from him. God, I hate people, he thought, reaching up to tug on that gold chain again. It was the only thing that held it all together. A reminder of why he did what he did. A grounding point. He pushed his way towards the counter. A shopping trip won’t take too long, then I can get back and-

“There’s ingredients for that baked ziti you make,” his roommate said, “When you get back, get started on it. The party’s tonight at six.”

He turned to him, dread exploding in his chest. It was happening again. “Party? Six? I need-”

The guy was already gone. He stood at the counter, the card in his hand, the plastic feeling like it was made out of magma in his fingertips. He unfolded the paper and stared at it before walking out the door. His chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. The drive through the city, he barely remembered where he even lived anymore, took half an hour. He spent it rehearsing what he would have said a half hour before. Thinking about how he would have put his roommate in his place, imagining how good it would have felt.

Then he got out of the car and trudged to the door to the market. He dragged his way through the door, grabbed a cart, and started grabbing things. He was down to the specific kind of beer they wanted and stopped in front of the cooler. His eye twitched. The spot was empty. He took a picture of the spot with his phone and sent a quick text to his roommate.

<They’re out of Ruby>

No response. He tried calling. No answer. He felt his blood pressure spike again.

He stood there for ten minutes before grabbing something. He didn’t drink beer so he didn’t know shit about what was good or what wasn’t. He just grabbed it. It was the same price as the other stuff and he wasn’t getting a response. He pushed the cart over to the register, forcing his best smile towards the cashier who glanced up at him, checked her watch, and shut off the light over her register. He watched her walk away and his eye twitched again. Just unlucky, he reminded himself, Just hitting the end of her shift. Her time is important. He thought, ignoring his watch, ignoring the numbers ‘01:38’ on it. 

He walked to self check-out, scanned up his stuff, and paid. So much for human interaction. He thought dryly as he scanned one thing after another. Humming to himself along with the music coming from overhead. His lips pressed into a line despite enjoying the tune. The total came up and he pushed in his roommates card; ‘Declined’. He squeezed his eye shut and leaned against the register, praying to for patience. He reached up and rubbed his thumb over the chain again. He thought about what would happen if he came back empty handed. The yelling, the arguments, the stress, he felt the bubble in his chest grow and he just paid for it. Sighing as he pushed the cart out. He smiled at the guy standing next to the doors and watched the woman ahead of him pass him by.

The man raised a hand to stop him. “Need to see your receipt.”

He blinked, Why me? What about her? He asked as he begrudgingly pulled out the receipt. He just wanted to go home. Standing up for himself right now felt exhausting. The man looked over the receipt and then back at him, frowning, before handing it back. “All right, you’re good.”

Don’t look so disappointed, he thought as he pushed his way back to the car.

He was back at the apartment another half hour later. Two hours of his day lost when his roommates could have done this stuff themselves. He felt like he was a slave in his own residence, fighting for every moment of time just to breathe. He hefted everything up the stairs, it took a few trips. He plopped the bags onto the counter with the list and the card. His roommate from earlier and the other one sauntered out of the first’s room. They walked over to the counter and started going through it. 

“Where’s the Ruby?”

His eye twitched again. “They were out, I texted you, also your card declined.”

His other roommate looked up and grinned. “Shit, did you pay? Thanks man,” he said with a laugh and no offer to pay him back. “Guess we’ll deal with this shitty stuff,” he continued, examining the cans. “You wanna get started on that ziti?”

He frowned. “I have work-”

“Dude, just get it done and we’ll leave you alone,” the first roommate said with a shrug.

No you won’t,  you’ll be throwing a goddamn party all night, he thought irritably but his body was already moving towards the stove. He barely even thought through the process. At least they like my food, he thought with a sigh and kept working. It took another hour to get it just right. He set it up for baking later and pulled the plastic wrap over it, shoving it into the fridge. He set an alarm for himself, knowing better than to ask them to start it up on time.

He went to his room and fell onto his bed, eyes shut, fists clenched at his sides. He needed to work, to do something to feel just a little bit better about himself. The exhaustion was getting to him though. His mind burning with more arguments, more toss-backs of their words. They needed to pay him back now too! He pressed his fingers to his eyes and let out a short breath before rubbing the chain on his neck. Just get something done, you’ll feel better.

He hopped up and checked his website. More viewers lost. Of course. He exhaled and pulled his chair back sitting down. He set up the camera and adjusted it. Maybe he could record something exciting to really bring people back in. He spent a little time working out the details and started up the recording. He took a breath and-

Rat tat tat!

He nearly crushed the mouse under his hand. “Yo!” he called.

“Ey, you joining us tonight?”

He grimaced as the mouse creaked under his fingers. “M-maybe! I’ll think about it!”

“Dude it’s your apartment, you better-” the rest was muffled as the idiot kept talking and kept walking away from the door like he had superhuman hearing or something. He turned his face towards the camera as the pressure built behind his eyes. They’d promised to give him some breathing room but it was like they didn’t even understand what they were doing was aggravating. How could anyone not see that he was frustrated? That he needed time to work.

He pressed his palms to his eyes and breathed slowly. He needed to blow off some steam. He couldn’t work like this. He leaned back with a slouch and closed his eyes. Or a fucking nap…

The sound of his alarm going off jolted him out of his sleep and he stared bleary-eyed at it. He looked at the time and groaned. Wasted time. Lost time. All because of fucking people never leaving him alone. He grabbed his phone and stalked out to the living room, heading to the kitchen and setting up the oven. The pressure in his head was like a cooker. He was just going through the motions. He’d lose more today, waste more time. The other guys were laughing about something in the other room. He set the timer and put the ziti in.

Why don’t I just say something, start the fight, clear the air? He asked himself bitterly as he marched to his room. He shut the door a little too hard and someone shouted at him. He paid it no mind. He sat down on his bed and stared at the floor. He lost track of time in his own thoughts, trying to pull his head back together into a space that actually worked. Everything just to get back in the right headspace to do something productive. Then the music started and he cupped his face in his hands.

There was no escape.

God I hate people. 

The noise got worse and worse. Recording was going to be impossible. Working was just something he’d have to try to do tomorrow. He glanced up at the door and wondered if he should just try to enjoy himself. He’d paid for all the food and drinks after all. But looking at the others made him feel sick. He squeezed his eyes shut and fell onto his back, staring up at the ceiling as the hours ticked by. Someone banged on his door at some point but he was already out of it, lost in the silent noise of his own head.

Just leave me alone.

He rolled onto his side and felt himself slip, pulled a little more, tugged just a bit more into that blissful freedom of sleep. Just a nap, right? 

The next morning he woke with a start, holding his head. The headache was so much worse today. Oh my god, I lost yesterday entirely, he thought, horrified. He staggered to his feet and walked over to his computer. He grabbed for the chair like it was his lifeline. The others would be totally hung over right now so he might be able to get some work done. 

Rat tat tat!

His eyes were wide and almost feral as they flicked towards the door. He walked over to it and yanked it open with a little force. “Y-yeah?” he asked, throat tight.

His roommate stepped back and looked up at him with a squint. “Easy man, just tellin’ ya you’re going with us to-”

He barely heard him, the words drowned out by the pounding in his head. He rested his head against the doorframe and stared out at the window just over his roommate’s shoulder. Another day of orders, another day of losing time, another day of this bullshit. Then he saw something that made his eyes narrow a bit. A faint glow in the distance. His roommate said something but he didn’t hear it. What the hell?

“Hey! Asshole!” his roommate shouted, shoving his shoulder. “Are you fucking listening to me? You got shit to do today!”

The anger flared and he whirled, opening his mouth to finally retort when the light hit. It was a burn that seared through every cell of his body. A deep change that altered the very fabric of his being. He felt it all the way down to his soul. His mind opening up to new possibilities that were just impossible to imagine. Yet the instincts settled in, real, true, undeniable. He stumbled back as cars crashed outside. Sirens went off. Dogs barked. Something roared far away. He gripped the side of his face and pulled himself back to the door. He looked out the window into the city. Fires were already rising up. His chest was pounding, he could feel the instincts burning under his skin like live wires.

He looked down at his roommate who was looking at his own hands with startled curiosity. He was sitting on the ground, a small crackle of electricity dancing along his fingertips.

“W-what the?” his roommate breathed. “O-oh man, this is so cool! W-what just happened?”

The doorframe shuddered as he gripped it, part of it turning black. He looked at it in surprise before looking down at his own fingers in fascination. His roommate was already in his own world. “I’m like… an elemental!” he laughed. “Seriously, what the shit?”

Something about the way he said it. For the rest of his life he would remember it. Something in his tone or something about how stupid the words felt to him as the world was burning around them. It all just made everything start to crumble in his head. He reached up and rubbed the chain between his fingers and it just… dissolved. He looked down at the black powder in his hand, then flicked his eyes to his roommate. “No you aren’t,” he said coldly and snapped his hand out before the man could scream. “I am.”

The body turned to coal as he kicked it over and smashed it. His eyes snapped to the other door. Finally free. Finally awake. God I hate people. 

When order was restored, the police came, going door to door. He was already on his hands and knees when the officer approached him. He looked up at the officer and grinned. “Killed ‘em both,” he said flatly.

The officer recoiled and looked towards the black spot in the hallway. He swallowed hard and looked down at him. “You got a name son?”

He shrugged. “Call me Graff,” he said. “Now hurry up and get me to prison. I want a fucking nap.”

—

Graff opened his eyes in the stubborn heat of the strange place he'd been brought to. The nap had been good, at least. He rose slowly to a sitting position, staring at the door. He waited, expecting, but that rat tat tat never came. He'd asked to be left alone, and they complied. They had better things to do. Their own work. His boys were... somewhere, he'd check in with them later.

He reached for a necklace that hadn't been there for a long time. He hadn't done that in a while. Sentimental. His lip twitched and he made for the door, pushing it open, and finding the crazy blue haired chick on a couch in this hellish lounge of obsidian and pervasive heat. “Alright, I'll hear him out.”