Steve Notes Smackdown 8/13/21

John Cena opens smackdown

He said school is back, he’s gonna give Roman Reigns his report card, calls him a D. A Below average D, a D-bag, a Disappointment, cuz for ten years, the WWE has been selling him, but judging by the numbers, the only person buying is Roman. At Summerslam he’s gonna give him an F. He asks Tulsa, do you think Reigns is gonna beat the hell out of Cena at Summerslam? He says Reigns WILL beat the hell out of Cena at Slam, but he also knows that Reigns will lose at Slam. Reigns comes out, he just stands there on the stage, I think we’re gonna go to commercial before this face to face happens.

Cena introduces Roman, he gets the mic from Heyman, who has it holstered. He says don’t waste my time, lets get to it. Cena says he won’t waste his time, next week he’s gonna embarrass him on the biggest stage of them all. Roman says is that it? CEna: When I see you, I see a guy waltzing around here like it;’s your show, like we play by your rules, this is your company, everybody knows it belongs to them. You think you’re so far above everyone, that’s why I’m back, I’m the only who can shut you up. WWE Has been pushing you for years now, failure after failure, you’ve built such a layer of protection, no one has a chance against you. I’m gonna feed you a piece of humble pie. YOu see they know they got one week left to choose Team Reigns or Team Cena, Slam is gonna be history.

Roman says I thought we were gonna get something original, fresh, but we get penis jokes, hit me with some good stuff.

Cena says Roman is gonna beat my ass at Slam, spear, spear, big punch, hype man slimy in the corner holding up the title. I don’t need to prove myself to you, I just need to pin you. If I could hold on to that one more time, that’d make it 17. That match would make history. All I would need to do that is 1 2 3. AS fun as that would be for me, I’m here to help you.

Roman: He’s here to help me! I’m not like you John, we do sophisticated storytelling around here, you’re arguably the greatest of all time, underappreciated, you’ve done things no one has done before. You’re the best, mount rushmore, might be on every slot. I’m just proud to say I could beat Cena, you’re good enough to juggle Hollywood and WWE. You’re good, man. You’re good enough to main event Slam with me. You’re good enough to win the WWE Title. But you’re not good enough to win the Uni championship. 20 years of missionary might be good enough for you. But it wasn’t good enough for Nikki Bella. I’m gonna smash you. I’m gonna retain this title. I’m gonna pack you up on a private jet and send you back to hollywood. I want you to toast this, this might be the last time we ever see Cena again.

Cena: You wanna be a hypocrite, fine, you’ve been protected, you ruined the shield, ran Ambrose outta WWE, five mania main events, heyman in your corner, the protection of the system, you people wanna compelling story, right? Slam will be compelling, Heyman knows how long I can hang in there, I built Suplex City, you need to overachieve, all I need to do is hang in there and get 1 2 3. And I’m gonna win that title, jump over that barricade, might even blow you a kiss.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Apollo Crews

Ref ejects Boogz from the match for playing guitar on the apron, then Azeez gets on the apron, he gets ejected, so we’re gonna get at least a zero-interference match.

Out of commercial, Apollo hits a second rope kinda-superplex, two powerbombs gets two. Apollo gets caught on the cheating pin. Apollo hits german for 2. Nakamura lines up Kinshasa, HITS IT, 3!!!!!! NEW CHAMP!!!

***

Street Profits interview, are you concerned about Otis tonight? Last time, it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I couldn’t laugh for two months. Now that I’m rehabbed, I’m not concerned, I’m excited.

Dawkins: Tez is my brother.

Profits vs. Alpha Academy

Tez comes out on top over Gable, who tags in Otis

Otis slams Tez as Dawkins tags in, Otis handles Dawkins

Hahah McAfee makes COle break by calling Otis a nimble clydesdale

EEk, Tez has a scary tope out the ring onto Otis as Gable eats a finish and pin from Dawkins

***

Rollins yells at production as Smackdown rolls on

Seth Rollins promo:

According to Edge, you got the next best thing, Edge-Lite. If that’s not the most egotistical thing ever, but it makes sense, because Edge is a hall of famer, he’s done everything there is to do here, he can’t stand the fact that my career has been just a little bit better than his, I’ve done everything he’s done but better, we have PROOF of this, I put together a retrospective of myself and Edge to prove it.

A package rolls.

I just realized, all of you should be thanking you. Had I stomped Edge in 2014, we wouldn’t get this dream match. All those moments, his comeback, wouldn’t have happened. His acting career, that’s gone, he wouldn’t be at home pushing his girls in a swing, his girls would be pushing him in a damn wheelchair!

Crowd chants WE WANT EDGE! He says NO, he’s pushed me too far. He’s making me say things I don’t wanna say, he’s put himself between me and the Uni champ too many times, compromising my future, and my family. He gets right into the camera, says times have changed, I have changed, I will not hold back or hesitate, I will stomp your head into this mat, and if it puts you out for good, then so be it.

Rey is backstage once again pressuring his kid not to make a mistake. Dom is like whatever dude, Rey says get yur head out of your ass.

Dirty Dawgs vs. Mysterious

Dom has Dolph lined up for a 619, the Usos show up on the tron DOm gets so distracted he forgets he’s in a match, but Dom still gets the rollup win on Roode, former NXT champion.

**

After the match, Usos say we’ll see you at Slam

Recap the opening segment

Oh dear, it’s bum ass Corbin’s LAST PLEA

As all of you may already know, I’ve been down on my luck lately. If things don’t turn around quickly, I’ll have to file bankruptcy. That’s what’s wrong with society, when someone like me falls, you wanna keep them down, don’t you? THis is the last time I’m gonna publicly ask for help from any of you. I’m used to a certain way of life, so I’m gonna need each and every one of you to contribute a min. Of $1,000. I have a credit card scanner in my phone.

Kevin Owens comes out

Corbin says I’m not sure if this works with Canadian credit cards--

KO says you stop begging, embarrassing yourself, I tried to help you, someone who made mistakes but learned from them, but clearly that’s not the case, you’re just using sympathy to your advantage, you ruined Balor’s contract signing, on MOnday you went to Raw and when Drew was willing to hear you out, you asked him for $100,000 WHO DOES THAT?

Corbin: Someone who needs 100,000 man! JUst give me your spare change! I’m not leaving til you give me a min of $1,000.

KO says Ok I will, should I? Tulsa says NO. But you gotta help yiourself to get it. TO get it, you have to beat me. YOu beat me, you get $1,000. One more condition, if you lose, if I beat you, this STOPS, no more begging, embarrassing WWE, and you help yourself. What do you say?

Corbin: FINE, I agree. I wouldn’t be in this situation if you werent such a cheap piece of-

KO STUNNER

Kevin Owens vs. Baron Corbin

Owens pretty much dominates this, til Corbin comes alive with a right hand, takes over.

I think Cole and McAfee are both trying to break each other making shit up about Corbin

Owens wins with a rollup, then hits Corbin with a stunner

**½

Backstage interview: WHAT NOW? BARON STEALS MITB CONTRACT HAHAHAHA

Sasha/Bianca Contract Signing

Bianca: All you had to do was ask.

Sasha: Your hair whip left me out for months, I’m not here to be your friend bitch.

They argue, Sonya checks them both, says sign your names now.

Sasha fakes it, says before I sign this, I’m gonna need some witnesses. Carmella and Zelina Vega, she says I’m always two steps ahead of you. Bianca signs. Zelina and Carmela attack, Bianca takes them all out, Sasha attacks, the others come to and help

Sasha puts her on the table, knees her, beats her down