Hey :,)

I've mentioned some of this stuff before, that I have depression and struggle with a lot of anxiety/trauma-related issues. I want to be super honest about it with the people that I care for, and that includes you reading this right now! If you don't want to read all the details know that I love you and i'm always wishing you the best :]

So anyway i'm a year into meds & treatment, and learned in that time that i'm bipolar and likely have been since my teens. It has been a lot of realizations about my past and present behavior, very illuminating stuff in general. I got so dang tired from pretending to be okay and trying to power through tough times on force of will alone. As time has gone by i've just been digging a deeper and deeper hole, never allowing myself to truly rest. It got me to a point of complete and utter shutdown. I only sought help once I hit an emotional rock bottom. I learned the importance of looking outside myself for support and that I didn't need to bear that weight. So this is me not only being honest with you dear reader, but also myself. When I would pretend to be okay I wasn't just lying to the people that cared for me but I was lying to myself as well. This prevented both myself and my loved ones from seeing the actual struggle I'm going through. 

How could anyone help me or even know how if I didn't tell the truth? If I believed the lie that "I'm okay" how could I even help myself? These were the questions that stopped me cold.

I know that not everyone always has access to the kind of help/support needed in these situations and that's a fucking travesty. Even if you don't feel comfortable reaching out or can't for whatever reason I think the first and most important step is being honest with yourself. Its okay to not be okay, and the sooner you let yourself see the whole problem the sooner you can take the next steps towards solving it <3

Again, much love to you and best wishes :3