Bonus Content for Ep. 190

To offer up a hot take on the question about dating someone with a child: 1) Be patient, especially if the situation you're entering into is either a) very unhealthy vis-a-vis lots of contention, etc. or b) very healthy, with lots of honest and forthright co-parenting. Trying to insert yourself too early can be disastrous, 2) Don't ever think you'll be more important than the child to your new partner. And if you are? That's probably some suspect behavior (unless the kid is all grown up and off on their own) 3) Be patient. Observe. If the kid is interested, they'll come to you. But I think one of the worst things that can happen is for someone to exert themselves too soon or too vehemently. "Hi! I'm your new best friend!" And consider that your role in parenting might end up being negotiated between the kid's real parent and the kid. At least in the beginning 4) Figure out as fast as you can whether or not you're in it for the long haul. Don't stick around to "make or work" or hope that things will get better. You'll just end up being that one person who was around for a while and then took off. And no one wants that baggage

Thanks Jarrod! I guess maybe I didn't emphasize enough the fact that I was hoping not to have another friend or acquaintance drink themselves to death. I understand the need to want help, and indeed probably the reality that nothing anyone else says might make a lick of difference to an addict. But most of what I took from John's response was almost, "Don't bother," which I wasn't expecting :)

Owen, if you want to talk to another alcoholic about your question, let me know. My initial answer is pretty much the same as John's though: an alcoholic can only be helped if they want to be helped.

Jarrod Lombardo (he-him)