Miko spider corruption p7-9
Added 2022-10-12 23:07:58 +0000 UTCAlright, the draft is finish! Sorry for late post.
Anyway if you have any suggestion or want to help fix my bad grammar feel free to post it in the comment.
Comments
woow
Stormfries
2022-10-13 12:30:23 +0000 UTCthank!
ibenz009
2022-10-13 10:51:09 +0000 UTCThank you!
ibenz009
2022-10-13 10:51:01 +0000 UTCGreat work! Grammar ideas (all capped words): Page 1, I didn't see any mistakes Page 2 "Rejoice, as Goddess HAS blessed you..." "And with this mark ENGRAVED on you, you are now A fellow PRIESTESS of THE great mountain goddess..." "WHAT'S wrong, my sister?" "It FEELS almost like we have been SISTERS..." Page 3 A few MONTHS later "This land DOESN'T need..." (unless you want to go super casual, then don't is fine) "Look, another sacrifice come to BANISH us, sister." "Indeed, sister. LET'S take care of this..." "These MORTALS never learn, DO they not?" "I have A few PLANS in mind for her." "...you are facing Yame-Hime, GUARDIANS of this land, AVATARS of the goddess." (as noted before, they referred to themselves in the plural before, so they'd use it here, at least for Avatars. Another possibility, to allow clarification, is rephrasing the whole thing as "Now, mortal, you are facing Avatars of the goddess Yame-Hime, Guardian of this land.")
ElSalsaRey
2022-10-13 02:39:05 +0000 UTCOn the final page the name Yashe-Hime indeed should be plural if their both involved? Also wouldn’t it make more sense to now call Kyo, Makoto Hime?
MagicCobra911
2022-10-12 23:27:01 +0000 UTCAlready looks amazing! Looking forward to see it in its final glory!
Alfredo
2022-10-12 23:24:24 +0000 UTCWow that looks amazing. Really breathtaking design
StarGazer
2022-10-12 23:18:09 +0000 UTC
