Demon lord chapter2 p 17-18

18.1.1 The entire village was slaughtered. 18.1.2 survivor => survivors 18.1.3 None, and we lost a few men putting it down. 18.1.4 Sir, we found a girl hiding in the well! 18.1.5 She says she is the daughter of that thing. 18.2.2 She is part of that accursed family, we can't let her live. Apples never fall far from the tree. 18.2.3 For Goddess' sake... Is being an asshole something you learned, or is that your birthright? 18.3.1 I will take her in. Anybody got a problem with that? 18.3.2 Sir, you can't, you are a paladin. The high command won't stand for it. 18.3.3 They will, or they can shove it up their collective ass. 18.4.1 Well, kid, I guess we're stuck with each other now. There's a priestess I know. Hard old hag, but she's a good person at heart. She took me in when I was lost, and she'll help take care of you too. 18.4.2 didn't know => don't (even) know 18.4.2 you? => yours? 18.5 {I made my best guess at how this part should go, but it's difficult without knowing how things turn out.} 18.5.1 Does Otto deserve punishment as well? Everyone in the Church? 18.5.2 No, I can't! (I won't!) I became a priestess to save people. Like Otto. Like Hero. I won't let them end up like Daddy. That's my duty! OUR duty. Right, "me"?

Asani

17.1.1 The Church. Humanity itself. They have all failed us. Look at what happened to Hero, to Gilbert, to us! They deserve to be punished. 17.2.1 Yes, relax and let me take care of it. 17.2.2 Let go of our humanity and we can run wild, just like Father. 17.4 {It's unclear if Aria's mother and father are the only two performing the ritual, or if there are more people, possibly other family members, involved. Having it be just the two of them is simpler and that's how I edited it, but I'm not sure what you were picturing.} 17.4.1 Are you sure about this? The forces we're meddling with... 17.4.2 All this time, all this preparation, I'm confident we'll succeed and finally fulfill our family's ancient ambition. There is too much at stake not to proceed. 17.4.4 I told her to stay in her room(, she's still too young). 17.5.1 We => I 17.5.3 I can't! My god, the (dark / hell / nether / some other kind) energy is pouring into him... 17.6.2 Dad? => Daddy? {Move this text up and the left text down so this reads first and then he responds.} 17.8.1 Chomp / Crunch / Munch {Swap the placement of the eating sounds and his dialogue. Makes more sense to me that he attacked offscreen and that's what Aria is reacting to, followed by his vain attempt to comfort her.} 17.8.3 Honey, it's Dad. Don't you recognize me?

Asani

Late to the party, as per frickin' usual. Hopefully I can still offer some value though.

Asani

@ibenz009 So what was Aria's family hoping to accomplish with the portal?

Arthur Yeung

"Oh yeah, it's all coming together" This is it! This is the tipping point! The climax! I feel it in my bones! All it'll take now is just one sentence/one phrase/one statement and the dominos will fall~ Their are a number of ways this could go now that I've thought about: If shadow says: "Who says they have to die? They can join us~"; Her fears and doubts are resolved by the shadow her telling her that she doesn't have to kill them, that she's better then that. She can still save people like she wanted but the church casts a "corrupted and rotten light" so together they can go back, take over the church! Remold it! Make it what it's truly supposed to be! A sanctuary for all, not a treacherous house sending out soldiers who decide "who deserves to live and who deserves to die". To truly be able to give everyone a chance and help them all~ Honestly I'd love to see this interpretation a whole lot cause it'd better cement how powerful she is and make sense to her character before and after she's changed I feel like, and again would be incorporating her past rather then forsaking it. If shadow says: "No of course not~ He was one of the few good ones, but the rest deserve to burn!" To claim that the church is beyond saving but their are of course a few good ones worth whisking away to show them a better way that they can help people~ This would be less ideal but would still make sense to her character and would still have a silver lining to what's happening so I could see it working as a darker but still having things to be happy about path. If the shadow says: "Yes even him! They're all to far gone! We must destroy them cleansing it and build it up anew with our better know-how" This would result in a incredibly cruel and dark path of feeling like it's to late to save any of them and would result in them wanting to build up a true and stronger church from the ground up that doesn't suffer from the same issues. This and other similiar "fuck them all" scenarios I HIGHLY contest and hope are not what your going for, not only does it seem needlessly cruel and monstrous it would be quite nonsensical to have such an easy reversal of herself like the evil ending in Infamous: Second Son I don't think people would be happy with this ending at all. If the shadow says: "We don't have to! Once hero is in control we can change everything for the better! All we have to do is make hero the new ruler of the land and everything will become better!" Trying to convince her that Hero still has good intentions and that they would make a better ruler then the current one, that with them in charge they could fix things and right the wrongs. This would be an interesting way of circumventing her fear of them all rampaging across the countryside and ruining innocent lives. Why do that when you can just take control and slowly trickle down reform and improvement? This would be a very very interesting take that would make sense for her character, not forsake her past, and still be a corruption for her to even be able to go against their ruler like this. This or the first one I feel like are both some of the best possible paths or something close to them would be one of the best and most intriguing options to explore. (This last one is unique for the sake of another "interesting path* just like the one above this one) If the shadow comforts her and says something like: "No no no! I'd never dream to hurt him or any of the innocents. I'm YOU remember? Believe it or not I have our best interests at heart and I believe going with Hero into this new life is the best way, after all we can always try to continue saving him from the other side" This would result in Aria staying largely the same in personality or at least in terms of her goals. This could result in Aria that has fun with her new self and abilities and despite wanting to save Hero can't deny she loves the changes she's experienced. That she is happier now and can't help the new feelings and desires her new form gives her, but that she would die before giving up on Hero like a true believer, no...like a true friend would. It could be a lot like "Naruto following Sasuke into the darkness" type thing, with her doing her best to still do good even like this and making sure Her knows how much she cares for them. This I reckon would also be one of the best possible outcomes, it leaves room for a lot of philosophy, intrigue, expectation subversion, and exploration. It would be an incredibly unique take that would fit in a longer form story that could be continued later, making us practically beg to see what happens next and to follow Aria and see her psyche and how her thoughts and feelings grow and evolve in this new life. It'd allow for a very deep dive into the story and allow it to hold a lot more meaning beyond simple changes and sexy fantasy girls, all in all it would be very interesting to see and would give the story much more depth if you decide to go with this expectation subverting path. Those are all of the ones I could think of after reading these pages, but I may add more if I can think of any more.

RedeemerofDark

Edits delayed! I got to this late and am going to let it marinate for a bit before I feel confident in some more extensive feedback.

Asani

P1: 1: The church, the humans, they all failed us. Look at what happened to the hero. To Gilbert. To us! They all deserve to be punished. ... All of them? 2. Yes. Just let me be the one in charge! Let go of our humanity. Let's run wild just like our father! Father... 3. Just like that night. 4. Are you sure about this? Don't you think it's too dangerous? I'm confident. If the ritual is a success, we will have realized our family's ambition. There is too much at stake. Where is Aria? I told her to stay in her room. 5. We can't control the portal!! Close it! close it! We can't! My god, it's pouring into him! 6. Aria?! What are you doing here?! Dad? 7. Run Aria! Don't look back! Just run! Grrrgh!! 8. Dear, it's me. Don't you recognize me? No... AAAHHHHH Chomp chomp chomp

Roxanne Giling

Edits incoming!

Roxanne Giling

@Arboc B. Cigam I believe Otto was another Paladin in the past, like Gilbert, but as part of an older generation. As for my adaptation, I will choose a different name for "Hero."

Arthur Yeung

Is Otto another name for Hero?

MagicCobra911

Just let go your duty Aria

Please, may the righteous win !!!

John Hynden

I hope this ends with the church and everyone getting corrupted like aria and them :3

Poor Aria, her backstory is rather saddening but it's still interesting to see!

Arbiter

Wow, this is looking so much more like it'll end in a personality merging, both her shadow persona and current mind combining into one. Does this mean her shadow form could have a different personality to when she's not in shadow form?

StarGazer