Demon lord chapter2 p12-16
Added 2020-11-29 15:10:46 +0000 UTCSorry for taking a while.
I wish I could work faster but here is a update on demon lord comic.
Hope I manage to wrap this up within 10 page.
If you found any mistake or have any suggestion feel free to post it in the comment.
Comments
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Bhumpharn
2020-12-01 16:29:46 +0000 UTC16.1.1 Come now, you don't have to hide it. "This is really not so bad," am I right? 16.1.2 Of course I am. There's a kernel of desire that yearns to be by Hero's side again, even if the price is becoming a demon. You're wondering how I know. Heh heh, that's because [I AM you / I'm "you"]. 16.2.1 No, (no, )you're wrong... (that can't be!) 16.3.2 A part of you is loving this, being [reformed / reshaped] to serve at Hero's side for (all) eternity. {"He" seems like a "she" at this point, but I wager people have irreconcilable opinions on the matter. Better to just cut out pronouns.} 16.4.1 The three of us back together again, like nothing ever happened. And we can move against the humans who forced (poor) Gilbert to betray Hero. 16.4.2 Together forever... Faithfully serving Hero... Slaughtering those treacherous humans... {Pronouns... 😖}
Asani
2020-12-01 04:03:20 +0000 UTC15.1 you see => you're [dreaming / seeing] 15.2.1 I'm => am... 15.2.2 I'm => Am... 15.2.3 [Not exactly. / Not quite.] {Consider using a different font / effect for Shadow Aria's dialogue.} 15.3.3 I'm your subconscious, silly. Who else would I look like? 15.4.1 (inner => real / true) 15.4.2 No... you're just an illusion... a fake... 15.4.3 Aww, don't be [such a spoil sport / like that]. You can share anything with me, "me". 15.5.1 Like the fact that you are actually enjoying this. {I feel Shadow Aria should use more direct statements since she has full knowledge of Aria's inner world, but rhetorical questions work too.}
Asani
2020-12-01 04:03:03 +0000 UTC14.1 Oh, I almost forgot. You dropped this. 14.2 We can't have you running around without your staff, now can we? 14.3.1 It's like you (always) said, a mage without her staff is like a bird without wings. 14.3.2 I'm leaving things in your capable hands, Gilda. At this stage (of the process) her form is highly unstable; any foreign element could cause mutation. {Shift the panel break over so this sentence gets grouped into the next panel. Or fit this text into the space above Gilda's head with what's there already. 14.4.1 I don't want to come back and find (my) Aria has turned into an amorphous blob of shadow, understand? {Went back and forth on "understood" vs. "understand", but I think "understand" works better since Gilda repeats back her own interpretation of Demon Lord's directive.} 14.4.2 ...weird, gotcha! Leave it to me, Goddess! 14.5.1 look => looks 14.5.2 (take care => watch over)
Asani
2020-12-01 04:02:44 +0000 UTC13.2 {Tilt Aria's head forward and move it up a little as a transition into panel 3.} 13.3.1 Sweet dreams, Aria. Your... 13.3.2 I don't intend to rewrite your personality, but there may well be some... realignments. {I tried to leave it ambiguous exactly how much Demon Lord is influencing the process.} 13.4 So try not to lose yourself in there(, okay)... {Took out "your best" to make it roll off the tongue easier.}
Asani
2020-12-01 04:02:28 +0000 UTC{} = comment () = optional change or addition [] = pick one / = alternatives 12.1.1 How are you feeling, Aria? We are almost... 12.1.2 Don't worry, you won't end up blindly devoted to me like dear, sweet Gilda (over there). 12.1.3 Heh, Gilbert really was wracked by guilt after the whole betrayal thing and (pretty much / basically) let me do whatever I wanted with him. 12.2.1 It seems you're still resisting though. Holding out hope I can yet be saved, are we? 12.3.1 Such determination deserves a reward. 12.3.2 How about a kiss from your (new) Demon Lord?
Asani
2020-12-01 04:02:05 +0000 UTCOkay, here's my usual pile-on. Sorry for the delay. >_<
Asani
2020-12-01 04:01:53 +0000 UTCI really like the process but I hope they're a twist with Aria who succeed to stay true to herself and be a double agent working also to save the human. In my opinion, it will be a bit bland if she's just converted.
Hydeang
2020-11-30 09:37:28 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 @RedeemerofDark The funny thing is, before seeing today's pages, there was a non-con element in the metamorphosis of Aria when I was drafting my adaptation. You wouldn't mind if I keep that part in, right? Also, based on concept art, I always assumed that Aria would end up more melancholy.
Arthur Yeung
2020-11-30 05:03:46 +0000 UTCI am pleasantly surprised to see this go on a bit longer. I didn’t think this would have more pages than part one particularly since it involves one character transforming not two.
MagicCobra911
2020-11-30 04:33:29 +0000 UTCVery good...they are together again😄. I can’t help but feel that I nudged you on the story a little bit, of course Gilbert felt guilty for what the Church tried to manipulate him into doing. If anyone is curious to see some narration on this revenge here https://www.deviantart.com/magiccobra911/art/Rise-of-the-ArchDemon-Queen-Part-2-2-TF-TG-862480569!
MagicCobra911
2020-11-29 20:21:02 +0000 UTCAlso I think it would be nice to see an emotional ending after Aria fully transformed as she agrees to sided with the demon lord she quickly hugs the demon lord still believes in her still role as the hero in tears as she misses the bond being together as a team
Arxynos
2020-11-29 19:43:01 +0000 UTCI hope at the end the humans are actually the bad ones just like how gilbert betray the hero Reveals that human nature has more demon characteristics than demon itself while the former demon lord that fuse with the hero were only meant to maintain and protect their race by taking over the hero and his party and also revenge against the bad humans and bring piece to both factions
Arxynos
2020-11-29 19:27:40 +0000 UTCAww! See this is what I was talking about! We aren't forsaking her past for the sake of a quick corruption. It's being taken into account! It still has meaning! And Aria really isn't being forced to do anything, from the looks of it she's merely being encouraged to accept her true feelings, that she'll be happy to be with her team again, that they'll be happy together, that they can punish those that tried to drive them apart! Aria may not realize it yet, but this is one of the best possible outcomes to what happened, she's lucky she isn't in one of the depressing outcomes where they were wiped clean into mindless drones as tortuously and painfully as possible. At least they all were able to enjoy these changes~ And should be able to continue doing so~
RedeemerofDark
2020-11-29 18:06:24 +0000 UTCimpressive work so far
D Banks
2020-11-29 18:00:47 +0000 UTCYour comics just keep getting better and better. I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops!
Arbiter
2020-11-29 17:40:12 +0000 UTCThat’s part of the demon job description, love. ^^
Asani
2020-11-29 17:32:18 +0000 UTCdont worry about it taking awhile. We are pationt.
ChaosOverlordZ
2020-11-29 16:46:25 +0000 UTCPlease dont let Aria become evil and slaughter people :(
John Hynden
2020-11-29 16:20:57 +0000 UTCPretty sure that's the direction we're going. Or at least a final Aria who is her honest self.
Mokinokaro
2020-11-29 15:52:02 +0000 UTCPage 1: 1: How are you feeling, Aria? We are almost done with your transformation. Don't worry. I won't alter your personality like I did with Gilda. Heh, Gilbert just let me turn him into whatever I want... he must really feel guilty about this whole mess. 2: Are you still resisting? Are you still holding on to the hope that you can still save me? Ghghh I'm touched, Aria. I really am. 3: Let me give you a reward for your determination. How about a kiss from the demon lord.
Roxanne Giling
2020-11-29 15:34:11 +0000 UTCAwesome! Okay, edits coming up!
Roxanne Giling
2020-11-29 15:31:46 +0000 UTC10 more pages? Wow this is a big one. Still love how it's coming along. I do find it curious that the Demon Lord is planning on changing Aria's personality.
StarGazer
2020-11-29 15:15:53 +0000 UTCReally hope that she keeps her personality safe.
CrazedGamma1721
2020-11-29 15:14:48 +0000 UTC
