Demon lord 2 sketch p5-9
Added 2020-11-04 19:22:52 +0000 UTCSorry for late update. I kinda in the creative block period. and also forgot to save Aria ver 3 design so I'll have to draw it again sorry about that. Lack of sleep didn't help too lol.
Page 5 dialouge has been edited. If you feel like it doesn't make sense please our you found an error. Feel free tell me in the comment.
Comments
Yeah this is something I want from this too. It's boring if Aria just becomes a repeat of Gilda with different powers.
Mokinokaro
2020-11-07 18:00:47 +0000 UTCI hope Aria can stay good. is useless if she becomes another evil
John Hynden
2020-11-07 08:43:13 +0000 UTCI do hope she keeps her sanity. Roughly.
DuckHunter
2020-11-06 20:38:51 +0000 UTCAh, there it is! The phrase I was grasping for but couldn't find.
Asani
2020-11-05 07:46:06 +0000 UTCI read it before as a bit of Hero breaking through, but you leaned into Demon Lord leaving it ambiguous and almost gloating here. Either works, I'm not super invested in what tone the story takes. 5.3.1 Hmm, does it really matter (who or what I used to be)? {keep this statement in a separate dialog bubble; makes more of an impact on its own and the next two sentences fit together.} 5.3.2 I am the ruler of all demonkind. Their collective will demands I exist, [and so I do / and so here I am]. 5.4.1 If you really must know, his body and soul were fused with untold generations of Demon Lords past. Therefore he persists in the "me" you see before you. 5.4.2 Who can say what [pieces / parts] remain though. I still remember some of the adventures you had together, yet all I feel are his darkest desires, and the need for revenge heh heh {More could be added, but this page is already kinda text heavy and I'm not sure what else needs to be said.} 5.5.1 But enough about me {Delete the first sentence, which was added. IMHO the dialogue and layout flow better how you had them originally.} 5.5.2 Today you are the star of the show. {Delete "After all," it works better on page 9 I think.}
Asani
2020-11-05 07:41:30 +0000 UTCShadow magic is always super freaky because of how unnatural something you never really take notice of suddenly is. That creeping sense of things being off makes for some of the best horror. It would be cool to have a strong sense of directional lighting in this scene. Aria could be backlit with a bunch of candles so she already has a well-defined shadow in front of her that the tome liquid merges with. Or there could be clusters of candles which create the multiple distinct shadows that rise up and attack her. On the topic of edits, multiple people doing their own proofreads in separate comment threads must get confusing. Would putting the script in a Google Doc be an option? That way edits can be inline, and there are features like permissions and change tracking. Dunno if that's the best solution, but seems worth a try.
Asani
2020-11-05 07:40:42 +0000 UTCGiven how… carefree and child-like that Gilda's been acting so far in this comic, perhaps "Okey-dokey" might be a better verbal response (in the last panel of page 8), rather than "Alrighty"?
Benjamin Lawton
2020-11-05 07:15:38 +0000 UTCI still feel like like many others have mentioned I want this to be willing on at least SOME level. Maybe despite inserting the seed she holds off on actually changing her any further, or trying to convince her to join her side and enjoy her new body and remain the party they've grown so close as for as long as they did~ Another method might be as a powerful mage her resistance is to strong and she has to be convinced to give in or else she'll never change all the way? That could also be interesting, I just feel like regardless of how "far gone" or "distant" the hero has become it'd be a genuine waste of a perfectly good Chekovs gun for their connection to just be ignored, after all the connection with Gil wasn't forgotten and pushed Hero over the edge of becoming the new demon lord. In a way it'd be a beautiful thematic finish for the one who didn't agree with what they did and felt bad for Hero, to be not be willing to forsake everything they've been through. Mayhaps she doesn't need convincing? Simply believing the Demon Lord is trying to put on a face and Hero is still not only their but maybe even currently in control, just waiting to hear they aren't gonna be alone in the new world they seek to create...that demon lords can still have meaningful connections! And ones that are beneficial as well as being both LOYAL and FUN~
RedeemerofDark
2020-11-04 22:34:13 +0000 UTCpage 2: 1 - By my authority as ruler of all demons, hear me! Child of the abyss, shadow born of this soul, answer my call! Let your form materialize in this realm! 2 - The tome turned into black liquid!? No, is that a shadow she materialized? Hero, what are you planning? Huh? 3 - That black thin goo... it's moving into my...? 4 - No Is that... 5 - My shadow!?
Roxanne Giling
2020-11-04 20:41:14 +0000 UTCLet's see if I can do my edits page 1: 1 - Hero... no... the new Demon Lord. 2 - Are you the hero? Or just the demon lord using his body... 3 - Hmm, does it really matter who I used to be? I'm now the ruler of all demons. I'm a manifestation of the demonic will to have a leader. 4 - If you really must know, what was left of his body and soul has been fused to the untold amount of generations of demon lords, all to create the "me" you see before you. I still remember that some part of me used to be your precious hero. I remember his adventures with you. Even then, I'm not sure how much of his personality still remains. Heh heh heh. Maybe I'm just his a manifestation of his darkest desires. Who knows? 5 - Maybe the fact that I am still taking the time to talk to you like this is a proof that I am still your hero? Ah, but enough about me. After all, today, you are the star of the show.
Roxanne Giling
2020-11-04 20:36:30 +0000 UTCYeah, I can clearly see the grammatical struggle
Murphy_Byzantine
2020-11-04 20:32:29 +0000 UTC@Arboc B. Cigam He probably meant the next iteration of rough concepts for Aria's design.
Arthur Yeung
2020-11-04 19:52:12 +0000 UTCI saved Aria’s ver 3 design in my files, would you like me to send it to you? Ooh wait you still have Aria’s V3 concept image on here, what do you mean you didn’t save it?
MagicCobra911
2020-11-04 19:43:20 +0000 UTCHow the transformation is being done is really good
Sandro Giovagnoli
2020-11-04 19:36:30 +0000 UTCAria’s struggle to maintain physical form as well as sense of self and having the demon seed inserted in her chest like she were made of jelly is certainly interesting.
MagicCobra911
2020-11-04 19:35:38 +0000 UTCThis is shaping up to be really nice <3
Roxanne Giling
2020-11-04 19:31:25 +0000 UTCThe dialogue of page 5 is a bit better although there are still multiple rough edges that probably should be ironed out.
MagicCobra911
2020-11-04 19:29:47 +0000 UTCWow, love the idea behind Aria's transformation. It already looks fantastic.
StarGazer
2020-11-04 19:25:35 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 Can I submit my proposal for Aria's design to you within this week?
Arthur Yeung
2020-11-04 19:24:28 +0000 UTC
