Demon lord chapter 2 sketch p1-2
Added 2020-10-19 19:17:41 +0000 UTCOk let's do this chapter 2 is finally begin!
Well if you found any mistake or have suggestion on dialouge feel free to post it in the comment.
Comments
Awesome feedforward!
l3ad-1uck
2020-10-24 20:02:59 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 If it's not too much trouble, mind increasing "Gilbert's" bust size to something like this Photoshop edit? It helps add to her playful, flirty side and helps her stand out as this statue-esque pinnacle of perfection. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bzR1jgOKUwZJkfoJs8IU7wfzUJaOy5YU/view?usp=sharing
Arthur Yeung
2020-10-22 15:18:18 +0000 UTCJust noticed Fembert leaning on part of her “hair” like a railing in the second page. I love seeing novel uses of non-human anatomy like that. Makes a character design feel so much more alive and fully realized!
Asani
2020-10-20 21:47:47 +0000 UTCJust out of curiosity: Do Gilbert's original eyes even still work at all? Or are they just ornamental now, and she's actually seeing through the "jewel" in the center of her forehead?
Benjamin Lawton
2020-10-20 18:38:50 +0000 UTCHas been a day. I took what Nepisa had and threw in some additional suggestions for your consideration. () = optional [] = pick one 2.1 had => have (Are you alright? => How are you feeling?) 2.2.1 reconize => recognize Lord => Lord's 2.2.2 Or more precisely, the ruins of it. We really did a number on this place! 2.2.3 Hero, no, Goddess put you to sleep and had me bring you here. 2.3 So it wasn't a nightmare. Both Hero and Gilbert are... 2.4 They're [demons / monsters] now. I mustn't be fooled by the innocent looking maiden in front of me. 2.5.1 What is it, Aria? Something on my face? Or perhaps you find [this guise / my new form] enchanting? 2.5.2 No, please... stay back! What [is going to happen / are you going to do] to me?
Asani
2020-10-20 07:19:28 +0000 UTCAnd so it begins... with the usual aplomb!
Asani
2020-10-20 07:18:55 +0000 UTCAgreed. Perhaps "Gillian", as the closest feminine equivalent?
Benjamin Lawton
2020-10-20 06:11:31 +0000 UTCOh this is good so far to me. First though i think that "Gelbert" She end up getting a new name. Renaming herself into something else by the Demon lord. Also i feel like she should forget her past life as a human. Lastly i feel like that Aria should end up as en emo/gothic like girl in mind as she is going to be a shade demon girl.
Nightmare49
2020-10-20 04:49:19 +0000 UTCInteresting start, I did not expect an immediate time skip, I wonder how much of that will be elaborated on? Gilbert sure is bubbly here I love it😁, it will especially be a great treat to see these first two pages colored!
MagicCobra911
2020-10-20 03:25:58 +0000 UTCIs "Gilbert" still going to be called "Gilbert"? I like the new playful attitude, and the reveal of her standing on her head with the head-things is nice and helps highlight how much she's changed. That also implies they're strong--if Gilbert keeps doing the uncomfortably-close-personal-space thing, having a few of them wrap around Aria's head or limbs at some point and hug her tightly would be a good way to add menace while keeping the attitude. I also like that the servant here isn't just a mindless puppet. "Slaves" having some sense of personality and agency in service of their master/mistress makes them more interesting. Can't wait to see where this goes next!
A. H. W.
2020-10-20 02:51:00 +0000 UTCAhh looks like Gilbert actually has emotion, I thought after she become slave she would act more like a robot slave with no emotion
Arxynos
2020-10-20 02:38:14 +0000 UTCI Really Hope The Girl Keeps Her Mind Intact With The Transformation And How She Learns To Deal With Being Transformed.
CrazedGamma1721
2020-10-20 02:32:57 +0000 UTCCan't wait
UltraOrbZero
2020-10-20 00:51:13 +0000 UTCGreat work cleaning up the wording, however, I disagree with having the name be "the hero". Everyone has called him "Hero" up until now, it would break immersion while reading if that changed randomly in a later panel.
l3ad-1uck
2020-10-19 21:43:23 +0000 UTCCool
Stormfries
2020-10-19 21:28:16 +0000 UTCLove the sketch, a few things on page two: 1) You don't [recognize] this place? We are back at the demon lord[']s castle! (apostrophe makes more sense) 2) Well[,] a castle ruin to be exact. We really did a number on this place[,] huh[?] 3) [The Hero - no, our Goddess -] put you to sleep and [brought] us here (seems more fitting if Hero is his job description and not a name, also "brought" for "bring" the past) 4) So it's not a [nightmare]... Both [the Hero] and Gilbert are... 5) Is there [something] on my face? Perhaps[] you are enchanted by my new look? 6) No...[ ]Not that[...] please not that [close]. [What's] going to happen to me?
Nepisa
2020-10-19 19:47:08 +0000 UTCGilbert is one of my favorite characters and designs you've done. Glad to see them back in the first couple of pages for chapter 2 ( ◜‿◝ )♡
DaxJaden
2020-10-19 19:46:36 +0000 UTCA little fix on the second page should say: “No...Please...Not that close...P-Please...What’s going to happen to me?...”
TheMotionHero
2020-10-19 19:43:22 +0000 UTCSo Demonlord is more like Goddes of the dark now.
T004
2020-10-19 19:22:48 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 So did Gilbert ever retain the same personality after being transformed? Or is it a new personality, but with the same memories?
Arthur Yeung
2020-10-19 19:22:21 +0000 UTCLove how the Demon Maid has a very playful flirty side to her.
StarGazer
2020-10-19 19:19:40 +0000 UTC
