Carefully Chosen Words

Hati crying/Quinn's POV

Well, that didn’t go as planned. No matter, I suppose. New plans, new me. 

A sob draws my attention.

Are you… crying? “Hey?” You look like you’re crying.

You look away. Alright. You definitely are crying.

“There’s a tear running down your cheek,” I say and show you, fighting the urge to lick it. I don’t think I’ve seen others lick their loved ones’ tears, perhaps that’s weird. But they’re salty and it makes me feel closer to you.

You almost roll your eyes at me. Oh, right. Comforting actions. So, no tear-licking, no cheerful words, nothing of the sort. Would innuendo work?

No. Some part of me says it’s wrong, it doesn’t fit the situation.

And I said that I wouldn't read your mind. What if just a peek, though?

No.

Alright, so–

You look at the meatsack and your breathing quickens to the verge of hyperventilation.

A part of me understands the reaction. However, he was meant to die. He wanted you to die. It was meant to happen this way. I would’ve never let him kill you, so your reaction is, quite frankly, wrong.

I was always there, watching you. Making sure you were alright.

But, you don’t see it that way. In fact, I think you thought you were going to die.

You bend over, your hyperventilation worsening.

I think this is the time to offer you some physical comfort.

So, I grab you tightly in my embrace. Hugs always work, right?

• “No! Let go of me!”

You shout at me. Fear oozes from you. Who is it that you fear? It couldn’t be me.

You fear me.

Why would you fear me, out of all people? You’re my reason to live.

There’s something in your eyes I can’t quite put my finger on, there’s the prickly smell of something seeping out of you like a festering wound. Like you don’t… trust me. But why? I’ve been nothing but a helpful friend, a trusted ally. I’ve kept my word, I’m here.

No, it must be because you almost died. It’s the shock that’s to blame.

“I understand,” I say. I don’t. “I acted strangely.” Did I? I suppose I did.

You did.

I know how to do this, alright?

“I think I was…” I search for the right words. “In shock.” I definitely wasn’t. I was just angry. “I was angry at the idiots who didn’t come to save you.” Yes, that’s the truth. I wasn’t angry at you. You’re trying your best.

“But it sounds like you’re just using me.”

“Using you?” Of course I am. You should use me, too, I’m really useful. But no, you look like you don’t want me to say that. “I’m sorry for making you feel like that.” That’s the right thing to say. You look a little more at ease but only barely.

“I didn’t realize how startled you were.” That’s the truth. There was no need for that.

“How could you not?” You ask.

You talk about this as if I should realize I’m in the wrong. It’s strange.

You are in the wrong.

But how?

No answers.

“I’m sorry,” I say. I am. I’m sorry for not being able to understand.

You look disappointed.

Something twists in my stomach. Ugh, I hope I’m not catching the flu. Weak meat is so prone to illnesses.

• You lean into the hug.

“I know this is scary but I’m here for you, alright?” I say the right words. Is it scary? I don’t know. Let’s think about it: Yes. Being alone is scary. Being away from home is scary. You probably did fear that you were going to die, so that’s scary, too. And you smell scared. So, the only conclusion is that it was scary. Relief makes me nod to myself. My chosen words were just the right kind.

You look like you believe me. Another surge of relief. Even if, at first, I doubted the first part of the sentence, the rest were nothing but the truth. I will be here for you. I’ve always been here for you, just as you’ve been here for me.

Always. Right?

Right?

Right.

I give you another squeeze to reassure you.