The Prank of all Pranks (Antonia/backstory)

Aunt Camilla hands me another cookie and I take it with a stern nod. 

I ask: "What do you think about the plan?"

"I think it's deliciously evil. I will help you to execute it."

I knew I could count on her. She dislikes these two fools as much as I do. I'll show them what it means to anger Lollia Antonia Claudia Phoebe Piso.

Camilla smiles. "How are you going to get them to undress?"

"I will shove them into a mud pond."

"Both of them? They are quite heavy."

"I will figure out something."

She nods. "Gaius ends the meeting before noon. Can you get those two ready and undressed by that time?"

"Yes. You should slam the door with everything you've got. The impact should send one of them flying."

"Could you make sure that the one behind the door is Marcus? I would slam the door even harder if I knew that it's him."

"I like the way you think."

We give each other another nod and share a smile. It's show time.

Uncles Marcus and Niall stand beside the mud pond just as I planned. They have no idea what is going to happen to them.

I take up running and clash my shoulder with uncle Marcus's butt.

However, he doesn't budge. He is too heavy. Gods dammit!

"Antonia? What are you doing?"

This is not working. I need to get these fools dirty so they have no other option but to undress. If I can't do that, everything will be ruined. 

I take some mud in my hands, experimenting with its texture. I could make balls out of these and throw them at them. It's just a game, I'd say. Fun little game, nothing heinous behind it at all.

So, I throw one at uncle Marcus. It hits him right in his shin.

"What the—"

"Haha!" I make another one and throw it at uncle Niall.

He laughs, too, unknowing of my plans. He makes one, himself, and throws it at uncle Marcus.

"Are you ganging up on me?!"

In the end, both uncles end up with mud on their clothes. I'm drenched, too, but it was necessary.

"Oh no," I say, hopefully convincingly. "We should change our clothes."

Uncle Marcus squints his eyes at me. "What are you planning?"

"Nothing, uncle. Don't you want to change? Your clothes are awfully muddied."

"Hm."

Once the uncles are both fully unclothed and ready to head for the bath, I need to stop them from leaving the changing room. And make them stand just in the right spots.

Uncle Marcus will be a problem. He's suspecting something.

"But, uncle Marcus. You should stand right here. In this spot." I show him the space in front of the door. It's just a matter of moments before aunt Camilla arrives. I can't waste any more time.

Uncle Marcus, however, doesn't play nice. When does he ever! That idiot! He squints his eyes at me and crosses his arms. "Why would I? This smells like a trap."

"It is not a trap!" I blurt out.

Niall sighs and shakes his head. "Why do you want us to stand here? Is this a game?"

"Yes. It is a game." I nod. I knew uncle Marcus would be too suspicious. He's always been difficult. I need to time this right. Do I hear footsteps? Is that Camilla? 

It's time! 

I take the scroll out of my tunic and watch as uncle Marcus's eyes widen in horror. "It's a game of 'let's not let Antonia sully uncle Marcus's 1st edition of Martial's Epigrams'."

I throw it towards the door, watching as uncle Marcus flies by me.

He manages to take the scroll and sighs in relief. Then, he turns to me with eyes blazing in anger.

Yes. Be angry. But don't move. 

The footsteps stop behind the door. 

The door slams uncle Marcus on his butt and sends him flying straight on top of uncle Niall.

Camilla leads an entourage of toga-clad men to the room, now showing a scene of uncles Marcus and Niall lying on each other naked. Uncle Marcus's butt is aimed straight at the toga-men.

Camilla gives me a quick, triumphant smile before shrugging at the shocked men behind her. "I didn't realize we were disturbing a tender meeting between brothers."

"NO!" Both of the uncles shout at them. They are a mess of naked limbs, struggling to break free. Uncle Niall is redder than a pomegranate.

Ha! It's too late for denials! The rumors will start spreading like wild fire.

It's done.

With my muddied dress still on, I clap my hands and give the uncles a little smile. I bend over to whisper in uncle Marcus's ear: "Next time, take care not to eat the last piece of my cheesecake."

"What?" He yelps but I turn my back on them and leave them to sort their mess.

Victory.