KK's Quickies: Sexist Tech Bro to Sexpot Secretary (1/3)

The polls are in, and we have a winner! 

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Mac McMurphy was going places: at the tender age of twenty-three, he was already running his own tech company, RoboPogo, an app-based start-up that was growing more lucrative by the day. Though he himself was no technological whiz, he had a knack for finding the right people, be they coders or web developers…just the “luck of the Irish,” he always said, referencing his red-headed roots. He also had a knack for getting the most out of those employees, mostly by being an overbearing, aggressive, nose-to-the-grindstone boss.

While nobody was spared, per se, Mac’s female employees definitely received the worst treatment. Now that he was making the big bucks, and heading up his own company, Mac’s ego had gotten out of control…and he seemed to think that his success entitled him to any woman he wanted. Not only was judging his female employees’ looks a substantial part of his hiring process, once hired, he was constantly pestering them to wear higher heels, shorter skirts, and sexier makeup, insisting that he needed his company to present a fresh, fun, youthful image…nevermind that his male employees were as slovenly as ever!

Inappropriate remarks and casual touchy-feely behavior with the girls was par for the course for Mac, and the more success his company had, the worse he became. Everyone could agree that their awful boss needed to be taken down a peg, but nobody wanted to jeopardize their own job security, or lose the chance to be part of the start-up’s increasingly bright future. But every now and then, the universe provides an unmissable opportunity…

“Penny, what the hell is this nonsense?” Mac demanded, waving his phone as he came out of his office.

“I know it’s Pride Week, but just send some dumb Tweet about “equality,” or whatever. Don’t sign me up for this LGBTQ charity bullshit!”

Penelope blinked innocently. “What, the “Magnates in Drag” event?” she said. “It’s last minute, but I thought you might want – ”

“What, to mingle with a bunch of queers?” Mac barked. “We live in San Fran, Penelope, I get enough of that on a daily basis! Look at these clowns!”

He thrust the phone in her direction, displaying photos from the previous year’s event, all of them depicting various businessmen smiling sheepishly for the camera whilst dressed in a variety of dresses, high heels, wigs and makeup. Penelope pursed her lips, then primly swiped two photos over, raising her eyebrow in Mac’s direction. Her boss took a closer look, frowning, and when he did so his eyes widened dramatically.

“Wait, is that who I think it is?” he demanded.

“Yep,” Penelope said. “He keeps his participation somewhat low-key, to avoid the whole event becoming about him, but he’s always been a very staunch supporter of the LQBTQ community here in San Fran. When I found out, I figured you might, you know, want to network?”

Mac stared down at the photo, which depicted none other than Gill Mathers, one of the wealthiest CEOs in the country, wearing a sparkly evening gown and long blonde wig. The man had been Mac’s business idol ever since he was a teen, and while seeing him all done up in drag was slightly disturbing, it also presented an incredible opportunity, one Mac couldn’t afford to turn down. Getting bought out by Gill would put him into a whole new stratosphere!

“Hold all my calls, and cancel my meetings!” Mac barked. He grimaced, then spoke a phrase he had never once in his life imagined leaving his lips. “You need to find me a dress, STAT."

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Mac’s employees looked on in wonder and confusion as a procession of beauty professionals, ranging from a stylist to a hairdresser to a makeup artist, made their way through the cubicles to their boss’s office, where the blinds had been drawn. Inside said office, Mac, stripped down to his socks and boxers, was already having second thoughts.

“Leg waxing?” he screeched. “Why the hell would I need my legs waxed?”

Penelope blinked. “I mean, you saw the photos, right?” she said. “Guys go all-out for this event. If you show up looking like you just found out about it this afternoon, and threw something together at the last second, wouldn’t that be, like, a bad look for networking?”

“Well, yeah, obviously!” Mac blustered. “But if going all-out means waxing my legs, it also means…” He stroked his treasured soul patch beard, trailing off with an expression of deep melancholy. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that big a sacrifice,” he muttered.

“Your soul patch?” Penelope asked. “But a macho guy like you probably grows that back in two days flat!”

Mac grimaced, unwilling to divulge the fact it had taken him practically an entire year to grow his small, neatly trimmed facial hair. “Probably even less,” he lied. “It’s just the principal of the thing, that’s all!”

“Gill Mathers shaved his side-burns,” Penelope pointed out, displaying the photo once more. “And those are iconic.”

Mac scowled, staring at the photo of his feminized business hero. Why the hell did the man have to have such a soft spot for queers? “Fine,” he snapped. “Let’s just get this whole thing over with.”