ch35

[Chapter 35 - The Villain's Melancholy]

I clutched the volunteer service certificate tightly as I exited the library's main gate.

My steps were heavy. Even my horns drooped. Another blemish on my villainous career.

"It's happened again…"

A sigh escaped me involuntarily. The scrap of paper and the plaque in my hand were nothing more than proof of a villain's shame.

'Library Special Achievement Award,' it read.

Special Achievement Award.

Achievement Award!

I clenched my hand, ready to tear the volunteer certificate, but then a thought struck me.

'If I show it to Evelyn, she might increase my allowance. With that, I can buy more villainous tools…'

Yes, this is just a stepping stone for even greater villainy.

My throat felt parched.

I had expended a lot of energy trying to commit evil deeds all day. Only a cool carbonated drink could soothe this sense of loss.

There, a vending machine was visible in the corner of the library plaza.

"On a day like today, grape flavor is this body's choice!"

I inserted two 500-won coins into the slot and pressed the blue grape-flavored drink button.

Press-!

Nothing happened.

I pressed it again, and again, and again…

Still no response.

"What? Why is it doing this?"

Tap tap tap-

I repeatedly hit the button, but the vending machine stubbornly remained silent.

"What? Dare you refuse this body's command?"

Irritation surged. I had been plagued by frustration all day, and now even this hunk of junk was ignoring me?

"It's all because of the machines those stupid humans make! Human foolishness has infected the vending machine too!"

A faint gray light began to emanate from my horns. This time, I couldn't hold back. The frustration that had been building up all day erupted at once.

"Did you think you could steal this body's coins and get away with it?"

I recalled a battle cry I had seen in a manga. Infusing it with as much of this body's malice as possible…

"Cherio─!!"

I raised my left foot high and kicked the vending machine with all my might.

Thump!!!

A red light flashed across the vending machine's panel.

Ding!

Rumble rumble rumble─!

With the sound of circuits breaking, the front of the vending machine burst open, and coins and drink cans poured out.

"Eek!"

I stepped back in surprise.

Drink cans rolled around me. Drinks of all kinds were scattered on the ground.

At first, I was flustered, but soon a sense of triumph washed over me. The corners of my mouth turned up.

"Kakat! Behold, you insignificant machine! The fate of those who defy this body is this miserable! Daring to oppose Grimoire, the foolish one!"

My chest felt relieved. My drooping horns began to rise again.

I crossed my arms proudly and smiled contentedly.

I had committed a proper act of villainy! Vandalism, a textbook example of evil!

Murmur murmur-

Hearing the commotion, people began to gather. Library staff also came running.

'Good, now everyone will think I'm the villain who broke the vending machine, right? I'll finally be recognized as a villain!'

Surely they would be shocked. When they realized that I was the one who destroyed the vending machine with a single blow, they would tremble with fear!

Yes, this is the true image of a villain!

I struck a confident pose and declared,

"That's right! This body is the one who destroyed the vending machine! Tremble, all of you! Kakat!"

One person heard my words and…

Clap clap clap-!

Started clapping.

"…Huh?"

Then others joined in, applauding and cheering.

"That faulty vending machine finally got smashed! Serves it right!"

"It's been eating money and not dispensing drinks for a whole week. I must have lost ten thousand won to that machine."

"That's right! We contacted the company, but they just ignored us."

A female student in a school uniform chimed in.

"And then sometimes it would mockingly dispense pine needle-flavored drinks. Who would want to drink pine needle-flavored drinks?"

"I was hoping someone would take care of it, and finally, a champion of justice has appeared!"

Champion of justice?

What was going on? This body's horns tilted left and right in confusion.

"Thank you so much. Seeing that vending machine smashed makes me feel so relieved."

"N-No… this…"

I was speechless. My horns felt even more droopy.

A staff member from the library ran out, panting, and said,

"We've been getting constant complaints about that vending machine. The management company just kept saying it was 'operating normally.' Thank you so much for taking care of it!"

My expression grew increasingly distorted.

People around me began to hand me the fallen drink cans as a sign of gratitude.

"Here, this is the hero's share!"

"You were amazing today!"

"Thanks to you, we won't have to waste money anymore. Thank you!"

My arms were soon filled with various drink cans.

"I've… I've become a hero again…"

I stared at the wreckage of the vending machine.

That hunk of metal had a worse reputation than me… This was definitely wrong!

"I'm not a hero! This body is the villain who destroyed the vending machine!"

"Indeed, a true hero always denies being a hero!"

"You're too humble! And your horns are so cute!"

"Grimoire! Grimoire!"

I screamed, but people just cheered even more, saying I was being modest.

Still, I should take the drinks. These are the spoils of villainy! Definitely not a hero's reward!

Clutching a pile of drinks, with my horns drooping, I headed home.

"How am I going to explain this to Evelyn…"

A villain's miserable return home, the only solace being the drinks in my arms.

• -

Carrying countless drink cans in both hands, I trudged down the Crown Villa hallway.

Villainous endeavors definitely require stamina. I was completely exhausted from trying to commit evil deeds and repeatedly failing all day.

I arrived at the door of room 301, but my hands were so full of drinks that I couldn't open it.

"This body has returned. Open the door, Evelyn!"

There was no response. A second attempt.

"The King commands you! Open the door swiftly!"

Still only silence. I pouted and tapped the door with my foot.

"Evelyn… I have too many drinks… I can't open the door…"

At this moment, I just wanted to go home quickly.

Click-

The door opened, and Evelyn appeared. She was dressed in her usual perfect maid uniform.

"Master, what's the matter? Where did you get so many drinks…"

Instead of answering, I brushed past Evelyn and entered the living room, dumping all the drinks on the floor. Then I threw myself onto the sofa and lay face down with my arms outstretched.

"Master…?"

Evelyn cautiously approached. I groaned, burying my face in the sofa cushion.

"Ugh… This body's villainy has… again… again… and again! Failed!"

Without a word, Evelyn began to pick up the scattered drink cans and take them to the kitchen. I could hear the sound of the refrigerator door opening and closing.

"I feel like the world is collapsing right now! Do you understand the feelings of a villain hanging upside down in the despair of chaos?! It's all ruined! Completely, thoroughly, absolutely ruined!"

"Would you like to tell me what happened?"

I jumped up at Evelyn's calm voice.

Babble babble-

All of today's failures poured out of my mouth.

I acted out all the frustrations that had occurred at the library with gestures and expressions.

"Why does it always turn out like this?! The world doesn't recognize this body as a villain! The vending machine is more villainous than me! This body is definitely the strongest villain of all time!"

I jumped up and began pacing around the room.

Ugh, it's unfair! It's so unfair!

"Master, you may be frustrated by your past failures in villainy, but I believe that all of this is part of your grand strategy."

"What?! Evelyn, did you not hear what I just said?!"

She shook her head slightly. Her black hair swayed gently.

"Think about it, Master. What is true villainy?"

Evelyn raised her fingers and began to count them one by one.

"Simply hitting people and smashing things? Anyone can do that kind of villainy. But your villainy is much more profound."

She handed me a drink can.

"You have completely changed the perceptions of the people at the library. The way they read mystery novels, the way they view self-help books, even the way they organize books. This is not simple villainy, but high-dimensional villainy that affects the subconscious."

"Uh…"

I was confused, but listening to Evelyn's words, it somehow made sense.

"An ordinary villain destroys buildings, but a great villain destroys beliefs."

"Uh… is that so…?"

"Manipulating people's perceptions is the quality of a first-class villain. You have already planted seeds of chaos in people's minds. They don't realize it, but they are already under your evil influence."

Evelyn's words slightly restored my pride.

"In that sense, there are no failures today. There are only stepping stones for even greater villainy."

"Yes! This body's villainy is on a different level from ordinary villains! Psychological domination! Mental chaos! Kakat! I knew this body was a genius villain!"

"And how did you feel when you saw the people today?"

"They were stupid! The lowly humans didn't understand how great this body's villainy was at all. How could the people in the library be so foolish? Their heads are completely empty!"

Evelyn responded with her eyes instead of a smile.

"Then your 'S City Foolification Plan' has already succeeded."

"…Huh?"

At Evelyn's words, a light bulb suddenly went on in my head. That's right! What I had planned this morning!

"The S City Foolification Project! I went to the library to make the citizens stupid… but the citizens were already fools! This body's plan was guaranteed to succeed from the start!!"

I threw myself back onto the sofa and burst into a victorious laugh.

"Kakat! Kakat!"

Now everything was perfectly clear. My genius sometimes amazes even me. This is what a great villain is!

"Good! Then let's start a feast to celebrate today's victory! Bring all the snacks in the refrigerator!"

Evelyn's expression changed slightly.

"Master, overeating is not good for your health."

I held out my hand, cutting off Evelyn's words.

"Silence! A villain doesn't care about health!"

Hiss-

Glug glug-

I opened a drink can and gulped it down in one go. The cool carbonation felt good as it went down my throat.

"Puhah! This isn't enough! I need something much sweeter! I'm going to eat all the ice cream and chocolate cake right now! I'll break the record of five tubs of ice cream!"

"Master, if the villain's health is compromised, who will conquer the world—"

Before I could be swayed by Evelyn's words, I ran towards the refrigerator.

"Cake! Cake! Chocolate cake! Huh?"

I flung the door open.

I couldn't speak. The sight before me was too shocking.

"Wh-What… what… is this…?"

Squeak-?

Inside the refrigerator, Darkness and White King─ my loyal (or so I thought) rat subordinates were happily eating my precious, top-quality snacks.

Their mouths covered in chocolate, the rats stopped in surprise when they met my eyes. A piece of cake that they had been eating fell from their mouths.

Squeak?

"……."

We stared at each other for a moment.

"Wh-What is this?!"

I searched the refrigerator thoroughly, and the situation was even more serious.

Premium ice cream made with Madagascar vanilla beans?

When I opened the lid, half of it was neatly gone.

A block of Gouda cheese imported directly from France?

It had been gnawed so much that it looked like the surface of the moon with holes all over it.

Black Forest cake?

The chocolate decorations on top had disappeared without a trace, and there were rat footprints on the whipped cream.

What's more, my beloved special strawberry yogurt, rare cheesecake, Belgian handmade chocolate, and even high-end pudding!

All of them had been half-eaten or had clear rat teeth marks on them.

"This… this is a clear act of treason!!!"

My whole body trembled with anger. All the desserts that should have been in the refrigerator had been attacked by the rats.

The most malicious thing was that they hadn't touched a single gram of Evelyn's ingredients.

The neatly stored cooking ingredients were perfectly preserved, as if a boundary had been drawn.

Only snacks meant for this body alone had been targeted.

"Daring to touch this body's emergency energy source! Daring to touch this body's villain fuel! Embezzling war supplies for world domination is punishable by death under military law!"

Grimoire struck an imposing pose, hands on hips, like a military officer.

"Plotting such treason while I was away on a library expedition! More wretched than the betrayal Caesar suffered!"

Squeak, squeak—

Darkness and White King embraced each other, trembling. Their small bodies shook with fear.

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