hey!

hello friends!

so i wanted to really quickly come on and just be as honest as possible with all of you.

i’m sorry i was missing in action this month. i had a lot going on irl and it carried into my creative flow and i just wasn’t able to record. i mean, i tried throughout the month but nothing i recorded felt right and i never want to half ass any of y’all so i just kept telling myself i’d get it together and i just wasn’t able to.

i had a patron of mine earlier this month basically call me out for my inactivity this month and i 100 percent think they were and are valid to do that. the reason i hadn’t said anything is because i was trying and trying all month and also because there’s like, over 300 audios on my patreon and i figured it was impossible anyone had listened to EVERYTHING on here and i thought my catalog held value. when i started my patreon, i priced my work the way i did because i was just starting out. i never restructured my pricing because i didn’t want to inconvenience anyone who had been with me for a while. as time went on, my catalog has gotten bigger and bigger, i sometimes thought getting 3 audios + sfw stuff + my past catalog was definitely worth well over $5-$15 but i was just so grateful people believed in me and so i never restructured. i definitely feel like when i started this, i priced my work low because i was just starting out. and this isn’t to be conceited or blow smoke up my own ass - but my work was grown both in terms of quality and subject matter throughout the last like year. i thought my working my ass off consistently for 3 and a half would build enough of a catalog that it would be okay for me to take some time off and that was a serious lapse of judgement on my end this month and i apologize profusely.

at the beginning of the month, i had a huge drop in patron engagement and also sign ups, and it made me feel super worthless. on top of this, last year, i removed myself from posting in public spaces because of my unsavory interactions with a specific subreddit on reddit. in doing this, i cut myself off from promoting new work or being able to grow monetarily. this month, i was going to move back to posting publicly (i’m literally already verified and have a profile on pornhub where my work will go) and just thinking about being in a public space again, at the will of peoples judgment and expectations really really really overwhelmed me so so much, i couldn’t focus on it at all.

i take all of this so fucking seriously. i don’t think i can explain how much i torment myself for not doing enough or not providing my best to all of you. i don’t remember a moment in the 3+ years that i’ve been doing audios on patreon that i didn’t have major anxiety about trying to do my best by all of you. i’ve worked my ass off. my online persona and patreon have been the source of inspiration for so many others in the community i used to be in. i don’t know why i thought that was sufficient enough for me to take a break if i needed to and i shouldn’t have assumed and i’m sorry if you feel let down.

i don’t want to ever let anyone down and i am very very sorry to anyone i let down or whose expectations i didn’t exceed. i wish i could change how this month went and i can’t and i’m sorry for that as well.

all this to say, if you want a refund - i would be happy to provide one. if you want to unpatron me, i seriously don’t blame you. am i done doing audios? no. i just hit a speed bump and felt like i needed to listen to my body. i plan to get back to all of this and hopefully transition to public posting again next month. at the end of the day, i am a breathing living person with feelings and a life outside of being a sexual being just like you. at your job, you’re probably allowed to take time off. i don’t know how to ask for time off from all of you and i went about it the wrong way and i am very sorry.

if you want to support me and stick with me, i’ll be back killing this shit in no time and i appreciate your kindness, support and generosity more than you could ever understand. i want to do right by every single one of you. if i failed, i’m sorry but i will never stop trying to be better.

also - a few months ago, the same patron who had a problem with my silence this month told me that me sharing my personal life with you all was a damper on the audios, which also got me in my head about how to go about articulating all of this but honestly, fuck that, i’m always going to keep it 100 with all of you and i hope you understand if and when you see me make life posts on here.

if you have concerns or anything, you all know where to find me.

i appreciate you!

-m