HAPPY ANGST SUNDAY!! Njotr was actually going to let that last guy live, up until he brought Fiadh into it.
Check out SantaTheGrey on YouTube for more of his wonderful voice work! Thank you all as always for the support! <3
2024-09-22 20:12:07 +0000 UTC View Post
I'd love to work on a colored version of this soon, though I do love the contrast of the red. I just wanted to say thank you all for the support, I truly appreciate it!! <3 More coming for you all soon~
2024-09-20 20:04:42 +0000 UTC View PostHere's a new written work, it is un-beta'd (we die like men), I hope you enjoy! Fiadh is slowly regaining memories while traveling on her own.
~~~
Fiadh stared up at the old building that sat before her, nestled in the village center. It had multiple levels, with dirty glass windows one could barely see through and a worn out sign that hung near the front entrance. Despite its ragged appearance, the inn was still clearly busy, being the best place in the large town to rest at. Many ended up here on their travels following the main roads, and Fiadh hadn’t been any different. She’d stopped in her tracks in the busy street, overcome with an uncanny familiarity as she stared at the inn. She’d been here before, but the memory was broken, there were pieces missing. The sights and sounds were all prickling at her mind to remember the last time she’d been here. It was too specifically familiar to be a dream, the dragon on the sign, its tongue twisting out of its mouth.
Fiadh had been fairly certain she’d never even been this far south before, she hadn’t recalled anything about the town or even the roads leading up to it, but something about this building ushered her inside, and as she stepped up to it, pieces of memory flashed through her mind. Somewhere in the past, she had crossed the threshold of this doorway before, but the memory was stained with an emotional charge, something that had been urgent.
It had been nighttime, though the inn had been even more lively then, a wave of sound and music greeting Fiadh as she’d pushed her way past a few drunk tenants to get inside. It had been late, but the occupants hadn’t acted like it, many of them playing table games or lost in drunken discussions of the local news. It was summer, and the inn also served as a tavern in which the locals would congregate after their days’ labors. It had been nearly impossible to secure a room there a few days prior, with what little coin they’d had. More people traveled in the nicer weather, and they’d run low on coin to be able to keep the tiny room. Usually, that wasn’t a problem, but things had gone badly. Njotr had been hurt.
He’d developed a fever through his recovery, and they’d been in a rare case of actually needing a safe place for him to rest. Fiadh had managed to buy some medicine from the local healer with what remaining coins they’d had left, but now they had nothing to pay the bill for the room. Still, they’d manage, they always did. If they could rest for just a day or two longer, she was sure he’d recover quickly.
Fiadh hurried up the creaking stairs to the second level, and pushed into their tiny room at the end of the hall.
“Njotr, it’s me…” She said in a hushed voice as she entered and closed the door behind her, pushing back the hood of her knitted shawl. “I found you some med-” She turned and startled, finding a couple in the room, the woman sitting on the bed and a man adjusting his clothes near her. Njotr was nowhere in sight, and what little supplies they’d had were missing as well.
“Wrong room, lass?” The man asked casually, raising a brow at her.
Fiadh’s brow furrowed, her eyes widening as she looked over the small space again, as if she’d somehow missed Njotr. “Where is he?” She asked, her chest tightening in a panic. “What are you doing in here?”
The man raised a brow. “This is our room, got it earlier today.”
Fiadh stepped closer, urgently, her hand moving to grab the man’s arm harder than she’d intended. “The man that was in here, where is he?” She demanded, her voice rising. She could hardly believe she was being this forward, but her usual shyness had been consumed by her fear.
The man shoved her off. “Oy, get outta here, if this was your room it isn’t anymore!” He said, the woman on the bed standing up as well. “Inn keeper had said he kicked out whoever was here, couldn’t pay for the room anymore, so get outta here!” The man pushed her towards the door, but Fiadh was already turning to leave, her heart sinking into her stomach.
She rushed back downstairs, and looked over the tavern and lower level, looking for any sign of Njotr, half hoping he’d be sitting at a table somewhere. But she found nothing but strangers, and so instead went for the bar, leaning over it to get the attention of the owner. It took her longer this time to gather up the courage to speak to him, something about a room with so many eyes making her hesitate, but only for a moment.
“Sir?” She called, her voice too quiet. She swallowed, not even the nearest person at the bar turning at the sound of her voice. She leaned in again, her swelling panic forcing her to when the barkeep didn’t answer. “Sir!” She called louder, and tried to ignore the flush of heat she felt rising up her neck when everyone at the bar turned to look at her. Her eyes remained focused on the barkeep as the man finally looked at her and walked over.
“Sorry I didn’t see you there-” The man started, approaching as if to take her order, but Fiadh cut him off.
“The man that was upstairs, he’s…he’s tall, blonde hair-” She made a gesture with her hands, hopelessly, as if that would paint a better picture for him. “Where is he? We were in room four, at the end-” She pointed, but the man’s face turned sour, and he planted his hands on the bar.
“You’re the girl with him? Ya haven’t paid for yesterday let alone today. Inn rules, you can’t pay then you get kicked out for someone who can. My men turned him out earlier, he’s not allowed back unless you can afford it.” He pointed to a sign on the wall behind the bar. Fiadh glanced at it briefly, swallowing down her nerves as she leaned in. She wanted to go and find Njotr, but if she could at least get a room for them first, then she’d have somewhere to bring him back.
“I-I know, I’m sorry, but we need the room, please. I will pay you, I promise.” She tried.
“With what? You haven’t even paid for the last day.” He pointed out and Fiadh scrambled for one of the gold rings on her finger.
“Take this.” She offered it to him, and the man raised a brow at it, plucking it up from her as he examined it. “Please,” Fiadh continued, “Just another day, we need a room.” She pressed. “He’s not well, if he can rest in an actual bed for just a little longer-”
“I’ll take this for what you already owe, but that is all.” The man pocketed her ring, and frowned at her. “Sorry, lass. But I ain’t got the room.”
Fiadh opened her mouth but the man was already turning away again. Fiadh stared after him, her shoulders falling. Her hands fisted tightly and her jaw clenched. “I can give you more jewelry!” She called after him, loud enough for the occupants at the bar to look at her again. The man glanced back at her, his brow creasing in a way that warned Fiadh he was losing his patience. She slipped another gold ring off her finger and held it up for him to see. “I can find other payment, just take this for now-"
“Barnabas, get her outta here.” The man called to a large man that was working behind the bar. Fiadh’s eyes widened, but quicker than she could react, the man’s strong grip was already on her arm, and he was ushering her towards the door.
“Wait, at least tell me where he is!” She tried to argue back, her cheeks flushing at the laughter that rose up from the people at the bar as they watched. She tried to resist, looking to the barkeep pleadingly. “Stop, please!” She tried again, but gasped as she was bodily lifted, and in a few steps, they were outside again. She yelped as she was suddenly flung forward, not able to catch herself as she tripped and landed roughly in the wet dirt. Rain was starting to fall as she pushed herself with a pained groan, and looked back at the door. The warm light of the inn that spilled out was abruptly blocked out as the door slammed shut.
She huffed, turning onto her side gingerly as she stared at the door for a moment. She looked down at herself, smeared with dirt and mud. She wiped what she could away, then noticed something pooling over the dirt from her pouch, leaking through the fabric. Her eyes widened and she gasped, quickly opening the pouch.
“No, no, no-” She opened her pouch to find the broken pieces of glass from the vial of medicine, its contents already lost. She let out a defeated huff, tears flooding her vision as she hopelessly watched the liquid soak into the earth. She’d spent their last coin on that, which she’d needed to combine with a silver bangle just to be able to afford it, and now it was gone, wasted. She felt her shoulders hitch in a sob, but she forced it down, her eyes lifting to the street. She couldn’t change that now, she still had to find Njotr.
She pushed herself up with a groan, forcing herself forward as the rain started to fall heavier. Her chest felt tight with anxiety and her mind raced with what she would do when she did find him. Not only did she not have anything to give him, but they were now without a safe and dry place to rest. She looked down the alley between the inn and the next building. He couldn’t have gone far.
“Njotr?” She called, though her voice was weak and shaking with emotion. She swallowed, forcing back tears as she focused on her task, her eyes searching the alley as she pressed on. “Njotr!” She called louder, the uneasy pit in her stomach only feeling heavier.
Fiadh circled the building and wound through the nearby allies between, the rain muddying the ground and only adding to her anxiety. She searched for tracks, though she couldn’t be sure which would be his or a stranger’s, the area too heavily traveled to be able to tell. And what tracks remained were starting to get washed away from the rain. She called his name as sparingly as she could, not wanting to draw too much attention to either one of them. They could never be sure who was watching or listening, and she didn’t like yelling out his name to the air, but in this case, she didn’t know what else to do.
When she still had no luck, she forced herself to take a moment to try and calm down before she started to panic. Some old insecurity of hers whispered the possibility that he’d left, that he’d moved on without her. That he was better off that way. She shoved the thought away quickly before it could truly make her break down. He wouldn’t do that, besides, it didn’t make sense for him to, not in his current state at least. He still needed her, for now. She started looking for signs of him, trying to be more perceptive to the buildings and streets around her. He couldn’t have traveled far, and he would have most likely sought out the nearest place for shelter that was safe and unassuming. But as she searched, she found nothing, and became increasingly discouraged and worried.
Eventually, Fiadh stopped by a flour mill, its large wind turbine circling slowly as the rain pelted her. She let out a defeated huff, blinking through the rain as she looked up at the mill. She considered circling back around, not willing to rest until she found him, but by pure chance she spotted a red strip of something hanging from a glassless window in the upper level of the mill tower. She had to squint to see it through the rain, and the darkness that was creeping overhead, but its color was unmistakable, the fabric moving with the wind and heavy from rain water. It must’ve been tied to something at the base of the window, perhaps purposely placed. Fiadh’s eyes lowered to the base of the tower, suddenly looking for a door. Her heart leapt to her throat as she hurried forward, circling around the building. She found the door and hesitated before attempting to open it. It creaked as it swung open freely, the building’s inside dark.
Fiadh took a slow breath, her heart pounding against her chest but she gathered her courage and quietly slipped inside. Inside it, the sound of the rain was amplified by the roof, and it echoed through the large space. She waited a moment, willing her eyes to adjust to the darkness, though there was still some natural light spilling from the upper level, most likely from that window. She moved as quietly as possible, unsure if anyone was inside, though it seemed vacant. Her curiosity led her up the spiraling stairs, grimacing every time the wooden boards creaked under her boots, but the sound of the rain pelting the roof covered it a little. As she got to the top level, she found piled bags of grain and flour, and then a bedroll, a familiar pack.
She let out a relieved breath, but before she could even land her step forward, strong hands suddenly grabbed her and she found her back pushed up against a hard pile of flour sacks faster than she could comprehend. Her gasped shriek of surprise echoed through the tower, followed by the metallic sound of a hidden blade sliding from Njotr’s gauntlet. Fiadh had never imagined herself on the receiving end of Njotr’s deadly wrath, but understood now first hand the terror that went through his targets as she stared wide eyed up at his hooded face, his blade aimed at her throat. But she watched the cold expression drain from his face in a heartbeat, and he exhaled as she did, feeling the rigid tension of his body sag against hers as his blade quickly retracted again.
“Njotr-” Fiadh gasped in relief, her eyes wide as tears watered her vision.
"Sorry,” Njotr growled, eyes still glassy with fever, "Couldn't tell it was you." he was breathing heavily, the small burst of action already draining what little energy he had left. "You found me."
“I was almost afraid I wouldn’t.” Fiadh admitted, exhaling shakily again as she looked to the window. Njotr’s red sash was indeed tied to an iron anchor at the base of the window, serving like a flag. She panted slightly, trying to slow her frantic heartbeat, though Njotr’s appearance didn’t allow that pit in her stomach to entirely disappear. She instinctively pushed off the sacks of flour to embrace him, her arms tight around his shoulders as she bathed in the relief that washed over her. She was trembling slightly as his good arm gently looped around her back in return. Whether it was from her rain soaked clothes or the fact she thought she’d lost him, she wasn’t sure, but she was glad to be able to push that fear away. She pulled back when she heard him hiss slightly.
“I’m sorry,” She said quickly then, releasing him as her hands hovered carefully, as if he might break. She couldn’t see the bandages wrapped around his torso and shoulder, covered by his tunic and cloak, but she could see the way his body remained tense in discomfort. “Are you alright?” Her eyes studied his face worriedly, her hand moving to rest against his cheek.
“Oh I’m having the time of my life.” he croaked, attempting a smile. He felt too warm to the touch still.
“Here, lie down.” She encouraged him and took his arm, helping him back to the bedroll. He’d positioned it over a bed of straw with a sack of grain at the head for a pillow. Fiadh took his cloak as he laid down again, and draped it over him as she knelt beside him. He’d remained dry at least, his clothes weren’t soaked from the rain, and the roof of the tower was water tight, which made sense given it was a flour mill. Still, she would have preferred he had stayed in a warmer bed in the inn. Worry clouded her face as she observed the paleness of his skin, and guilt swarmed her. He could have had the medicine to help reduce his fever at least, had she not lost that as well.
“I’m sorry we lost the room in the inn.” She said in a quiet voice, her brows drawn in regret. “I didn’t know they were going to force you out, I thought we still had time. I tried to reason with them but the room was already taken again.” Her fingers shook slightly as she opened his tunic, pulling back the collar to check the bandages wrapped around his right shoulder. They were snug still at least, and blood had finally stopped soaking through them.
“It’s not your fault, Fi. You have nothing to apologize for.” he said, looking up at her.
She couldn’t bring herself to lift her eyes from his bandages as she idly checked them. He was consistently quick to forgive her for her incompetencies, it always left her with a feeling that was almost worse than if he’d just scolded her. Her family had never been readily forgiving and she didn’t know how to swallow his abundant patience half the time.
“...I lost the medicine too.” She confessed after a short hesitation, her voice breaking slightly as tears stung at her eyes. “I had it, I spent our last coins on it…but they pushed me out the door and I fell, the bottle broke-” Her throat closed up, tears building heavier before spilling over. She didn’t meet his eyes, and waited for any indication of anger or annoyance. Instead, his hand found her shoulder, squeezing slightly.
“Did they hurt you?” He asked, and she could detect the snarl in his voice, though it wasn't aimed at her.
Fiadh looked at him then with quiet disbelief. She shook her head slightly. She’d wasted their money, lost his medicine and they were currently taking shelter in a flour mill because she hadn’t been back in time to negotiate with the innkeeper. Njotr’s shoulder had been torn open and he was still fighting a fever, and yet he was still concerned about her? Tears rolled freely down Fiadh’s face and her breath hitched with emotion. She reached up for his hand and took it from her shoulder, holding it in hers, almost too riddled with guilt to allow him to comfort her at all.
“I’m fine, it’s you I’m worried about.” She replied, her voice tight in her throat as she swallowed back a sob. “I’m so sorry.”
His calloused hand closed around hers, squeezing gently.
“I’ll be fine, Fi. It’s not the first arrow I’ve taken.” he paused, sighing softly.
“What are you apologizing for?”
Fiadh felt her shoulders shake as she stubbornly fought back her tears, hating that after everything he’d had to go through, she was sitting here crying. She wrote it off as being tired, stress and worry catching up to her from the last several days, and was now coming out whether she liked it or not.
“I just wanted to make sure you were taken care of.” She admitted honestly, her voice trembling. “You are always looking out for me, and now that you need me I just…I made everything worse.” She sobbed, and distractedly busied herself with adjusting the collar of his tunic again, and then pulled his cloak further up over him. But Njotr’s hand grasped her wrist gently, and she stopped, finally looking at him.
“You’re here, aren’t you?” he asked softly. “So you’ve already made it better.”
Fiadh shook her head, letting out a slightly frustrated sigh. She didn’t know where he got his infinite patience, but even injured, he was an ever steady pillar of strength for her, even when she shouldn’t have been the one needing it in this moment. His hand squeezed her wrist a little to get her attention, and her eyes returned to his.
“What happened wasn’t your fault.” He reiterated, keeping her gaze for a moment. “Besides, I’d probably still have an arrow in me if you hadn’t been here.” He offered a weak smile at her.
Fiadh exhaled shakily, still not convinced, but tried to regain control of her emotions again. “Well…I’d like it very much if you didn’t make getting impaled a habit of yours.” She sniffled and didn’t miss the slight upward twitch at the corner of his mouth. She looked him over again, making sure he was kept warm enough. She could at least do that. “I’ll go back in the morning and see if the healer might be able to give me some more medicine, at least for your fever.” She didn’t know how she’d pay for it, but she had to try. She tilted her head at him, the wet strands of her hair falling in messy clumps of curls. She brushed his hair back gently, concern evident on her face at the heat that met her palm. “Are you in any pain still?”
“I think I’m getting used to it at this point.” He said with a wince. “I just hope the infection isn’t getting worse.”
“Hm..” Fiadh considered his response for a moment, and leaned in to gently check the edges of his bandages again. “The bleeding seems to have stopped. I don’t want to disturb the scabbing tonight, but I’ll look at it tomorrow.” She said softly, and soothed her hand back over his hair again, relieved to see some of the tension dissipate from his jaw. “It didn’t look too bad earlier at least.” She tried to sound encouraging, though she could see how tired he was. She didn’t blame him, and just hoped he could get some rest, even if they weren’t in an ideal location. They’d managed through worse sleeping spaces before.
“Do you want to try and sleep?” She asked softly. Njotr merely hummed in response, his eyes already closed as Fiadh continued to gently brush her hand over his hair. Fiadh watched him for a moment, studying his slow breathing, silently wishing there was something else she could do.
Eventually, Fiadh changed out of her wet clothes and laid them out to dry, staying in her long under-tunic. She repositioned to settle on Njotr’s uninjured side and laid down, nestled between him and the sacks of grain. It wasn’t entirely comfortable, but they would keep each other warm this way at least. His cloak was large enough to cover them both, though she mostly kept it over him since she was worried about his fever. Fiadh hummed quietly as she continued to brush her hand over his hair, and listened to the rain on the roof. When Njotr’s breathing deepened and she was sure he was asleep, she allowed herself to close her eyes as well.
The memory had led her steps to the very same spot, though the upper level of the mill looked different in the daylight. It seemed smaller than she remembered, though maybe the number and changing of grain and flour sacks attributed to that. Fiadh stared at the space where they had slept, and realized she couldn’t even place how long it had been since that night. Much to her dismay, there wasn’t a trace of them that remained as she scanned the wooden boards of the floor, hoping to find something that confirmed her memory to be real.
She blinked through tears as she turned in the small space, feeling like she’d followed another hopeful trail only to find a dead end once more. She didn’t know why she subconsciously expected or hoped he’d somehow still be there, as if still waiting for her after all this time. It was like chasing a ghost, hearing his voice and seeing him in her mind’s eye so clearly, only to find an empty floor space, and undisturbed sacks of grain.
She had no leads now and couldn’t remember what had followed immediately after. They must have moved on again, or stayed there until he had been well enough to travel, but to where, she hadn’t the faintest idea. She stepped into the light spilling through the open window, and peered out at the slowly spinning turbine of the mill. It creaked and groaned with the gentle breeze, and she listened to it for a moment, as if it might be able to spark some other memory and tell her where he’d gone.
She turned to leave after another moment, when a flash of red caught her eye. Her head turned, her eyes widening as the wind pushed past the open window, and a red sash flapped where it remained tied to the iron anchor. Fiadh felt her breath still in her throat, and she stared at it, half expecting it to be a trick of the light. She knelt down and reached for it, untying it with trembling fingers. It was dirty and worn, the sash fraying at the edges, but it was real in her hands, and she let out a watery gasp of disbelief. It was the first thing she’d found of his, something tangible that proved her memories were real. She didn’t even know if he was even alive still, but at least she had found something of his. She brushed her fingers over the fabric, and something about its texture felt familiar, caked and dirty as it was.
“Njotr.” She whispered, tears threatening to fall as she wrapped it around her hand and held it close to her chest. “Where are you, mo ghradh?”
A young Njotr, around 18. He's such a baby in comparison to present Njotr, it was a lot of fun to see how different he would be!
2024-09-08 04:32:18 +0000 UTC View PostDid you know seals can sleep under water? Comes in handy when you get into a ship wreck.
2024-09-02 16:37:05 +0000 UTC View Post
We love angst in this house, even if Fiadh and Njotr don't.
2024-08-29 12:36:21 +0000 UTC View Post
Here are some slides from a new animatic coming soon!
2024-08-21 19:47:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Gotta draw this man smiling more I swear, but he's always got resting bitch face.
2024-08-20 15:59:32 +0000 UTC View Post
Happy Fluff(angst) Friday! This written work is a collaborative effort by myself and SantaTheGrey (check him out on YouTube!)
This work is not Beta'd, we die like men.
~~~
They’d been traveling on foot for the last few days. The sunrises and sunsets had blurred together, Fiadh wasn’t actually sure how many days had passed as she followed Njotr across the countryside. They’d kept mostly to the main roads, though sometimes it was safer and faster to cut across the meadows and woodlands. Despite being used to traveling over long distances, Fiadh’s feet ached and her body felt stiff from all the walking. They’d finally stopped when the evening crept in slowly, late in the day. It was summer and the days were long and hot, and Fiadh was sure half of her exhaustion was from the heat alone. She was relieved when dark clouds had gathered overhead, with the hope that a rainshower would cool things off a bit, even if it made setting up camp more difficult. Even the evenings remained warm as the sun sunk below the horizon, humidity hanging heavily in the air.
They’d strayed off the dirt road they’d been following the last couple of hours, to find a place to settle for the night. The aching Fiadh felt in her step must have been obvious to Njotr, because he advised her to sit and rest while he scouted the surrounding area for a good place to set up camp. Fiadh didn’t protest, and sat down in the long summer grass by a large tree as Njotr slipped away somewhere nearby. Fiadh was glad to take a moment to catch her breath and sag against the roots of the tree. With Njotr gone, she felt at ease to actually give in a bit to the exhaustion she felt, since she never wanted to seem like a burden when they were traveling. They’d only been traveling on their own for about 5 months, and even after that amount of time, Fiadh didn’t want to give him any reason to think she was better off back home. She wiped at the dust and dirt she could feel caked over her skin, and silently hoped there was a river or body of water nearby that they could wash in.
She didn’t really keep track of the time that passed, but eventually it started to rain. It felt blissfully nice at first, but as it became heavier, she knew getting her clothes soaked to the bone wouldn’t be in her best interest. Reluctantly, she pushed herself up with a groan and scoured the small area around her, heading in the direction Njotr had set off in. By some luck, she noticed an abandoned wagon that had been wheeled off the main road a ways. It was turned on its side, with weeds and grass nestled around it, the result of a wreck a long time back, perhaps. It seemed like the perfect place to take cover from the rain until Njotr returned.
Thunder had started to rumble overhead, growing closer and increasingly louder as the dark storm clouds shadowed what little evening light was left. The sound of the rain was nice, and Fiadh had always liked stormy weather. It reminded her of the sea, of her childhood home, long before anything bad had happened. Still, the loud thunder startled her slightly as it passed over directly above her, and she listened to the rain pelt against the wooden panels of the wagon’s side. She’d tucked herself within, sheltered and hidden and safe, her knees drawn up to her chest and her head ducked slightly in order to fit in the small space.
She must’ve gotten lost in the sound of the rain as time passed, because she hadn’t even noticed Njotr until he was standing right in front of her, just a few feet from the wagon. He’d been so quiet, she hadn’t heard him approach, or had even seen him step into view somehow. She looked up at him, and something about his expression was off. He was just…staring at her, and his body seemed tense, like an animal with its hackles raised. He briefly looked around the area, the rain clinging heavily to his clothes and his hair, despite his hood being up. He looked around as if he expected danger, looking for something to fight off, some threat he had to eliminate. But there was nothing but the rain, and when his eyes returned to her, his brows were furrowed with uncertainty.
“...Fi?” There was careful tension in his voice, and he took a slow step closer to her as if he were approaching a wild animal. His hand raised in a placating gesture, and it confused Fiadh and reminded her of the first time he’d truly seen her shift into animal skin. The rain had calmed somewhat, the sound softer now, but there was another sound filling her ears. Loud breathing, quick and shallow and panicked.
Fiadh blinked, suddenly noticing how her chest ached, her heart pounding rapidly against her ribs. All sense of feeling came back to her in a rush, as if she’d been totally detached from her body before. Her fingers were digging into the skin of her legs, and her chest felt heavy, as if someone were standing on it. The frantic breathing was her, she was clawing for it like her lungs had stopped working, and she couldn’t get enough air. Oh gods, she was dying.
Njotr carefully approached and knelt down, bracing one hand on the sideboards above Fiadh’s head. She watched his eyes scan over her, looking for the cause of her distress, looking for an injury. His eyes returned to hers again when he found nothing obvious, and he observed her with apparent concern.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen while I was gone?” he said, voice calm and measured.
Fiadh’s mouth was open, but she struggled to form words, occupied solely by the quick gasps of breath that she couldn’t seem to control. She felt lightheaded from it and she didn’t know what was wrong. Nothing had happened that she’d noticed at least, she had just been listening to the rain, hadn’t she? Her eyes darted over the space she was curled up in, the dark wooden boards feeling closer with each breath she took, and that heavy weight on her chest felt tighter. She struggled to comprehend why she felt this way, but it was something to do with the wagon? The rain? It didn’t make sense, but she couldn’t breathe, and it was making everything worse.
Fiadh’s hand lifted to her chest then, fingers curling and nails digging into the base of her throat, and she could practically feel her rapid pulse and heart through her skin, as if she were physically choking on it.
Njotr’s eyes followed hers, his brow furrowed in concern.
“You’re panicking.” he lowered himself to his knees, closely in front of her.
“Fi.” he said, catching her attention. “You’re safe, I’m here.” he reached for her clenched hand, pulling it away from her chest, instead placing it against his own. Fiadh couldn’t feel his heartbeat through his leather armor, but she felt how it rose and fell with his breathing.
“Can you try to breathe with me?” his other hand steadied her shoulder, eyes still locked onto hers.
It was difficult to focus on anything but the aching in her chest, the panicked sensation that made her think she was dying, but Njotr’s grip on her shoulder helped ground her. It seemed to keep the wooden boards of the wagon at bay, as if his presence were forcing them back again. Fiadh’s eyes darted to the boards, her hand he held at his chest, and eventually his eyes. Something about them kept her gaze fixed on him, even as she could hear her frantic breaths still in her ears.
“It’s alright. Just in. And out.” he said, each sentence connected to a slow breath.
“Keep your eyes. On me.”
Fiadh could feel tears well in her eyes. She didn’t think she could do it, her heart was in her throat, but Njotr’s eyes never left hers. His hand pressed hers tighter to his chest, and Fiadh felt how slow and steady it rose and fell. She struggled to focus on the rhythm of it, to match her own breathing to it, but feeling it helped. Fiadh tried to force herself to take deeper breaths. It was hard, they still were too fast to match his, but eventually, she was gasping heavier than before, drawing in more air. The dizziness in her head eased a little, and it slowly became easier to endure the pressure in her chest.
Eventually, her inhales were strong enough that she could hear and feel herself let out sobs with each exhale, more in relief than anything else. Her shoulders relaxed slightly, her heart feeling as if it had settled back where it was supposed to be in her chest.
“That’s right, you’re good, it’s fine.” he hummed the meaningless words, one hand still pressing hers against his chest, the other lifting from her shoulder to gently cradle her cheek.
His thumb brushed away a tear, calloused skin warm against hers.
Fiadh listened as her breathing slowly became quieter and calmer, until it was almost matching Njotr’s. She felt exhausted when the feeling, whatever it had been, finally passed and she was able to breathe again, though tired sobs were still slipping from her. She slowly turned her head, her eyes observing the wagon she sat in, the small space completely appearing perfectly harmless once more. It almost mocked her with its stillness, as if the wooden panels hadn’t just been closing in on her like her cage at home. It dawned on her then, and felt her body tense once more.
“It’s a cage.” Her voice shuddered as she spoke, and she wasn’t sure she was speaking in a way that made sense to him. But his eyes followed her gaze, shoulders slumping at her words.
“I see.” He took a deep breath, chewing his lip as he looked at her, then he moved to sit beside her instead, giving her a better view of the open forest behind him.
He draped an arm over her shoulder, pulling her close without holding on too tightly.
“There’s no cage that could hold you now. You’ve broken free.” he hummed, looking out into the trees, which were swaying in the storm’s heavy winds.
Fiadh leaned into Njotr, so grateful for the support of his body beside hers that she felt fresh tears slip down her face. His clothes were wet from the rain, but she could feel his body heat still, and despite the warm evening, it comforted her. She looked out over the wet woodlands before them, the bark of the trees dark from the rain, the leaves heavy in the wind. But despite the weather, several fireflies blinked across the long grass, drawn out by the warm evening.
“I’m sorry.” Fiadh whispered the words out a few minutes later, her throat tight with emotion. She felt foolish for how she’d reacted, for seemingly no reason. She hadn’t been physically trapped in the wagon, she could have left at any time. She hadn’t even felt it coming on, that type of panic. “I don’t know why I….I didn’t mean to.” She blinked through her tears, turning into him a little more.
He leaned into her, resting his cheek against the top of her head, his thumb brushing over her shoulder softly.
“Nothing to apologize for.” he said quietly. Fiadh exhaled shakily, feeling relief settle over her as she relaxed more against his side. She was sure there would be some point where he wouldn’t be as patient with her, as everyone eventually grew. But for now he pulled her a little closer against him, and his hand brushed over her shoulder soothingly. She could feel his calm breath against her hair as they watched the fireflies dance over the grass.
“Did you find a place to camp?” She asked after a few minutes. He hummed affirmatively against her hair.
“We’ll go when you’re ready, not like it’s going anywhere.” He answered, and the calm sureness of his voice comforted her even more than his warm embrace. “Besides, it’s still raining.”
Variations of a symbol idea I had to represent Fiadh and Njotr. Happy Monday!
2024-08-12 16:10:26 +0000 UTC View PostPhew trying my hand at a colored animatic, felt right for the emotions in it. Happy early angst sunday!
2024-08-09 18:41:39 +0000 UTC View Post
This audio was a joint effort with SantaTheGrey (Check him out on YouTube!)
It is based on the short written drabble I posted here a little while back, and I intend to make an animatic for it soon! It's a mix of original audio and other, the song Moon River (which is on Njotr and Fiadh's playlist) you can find here:
If you guys would like to read the drabble this is based on, I've already posted it here on July 23rd! It's a text post titled "Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way".
2024-08-07 13:06:18 +0000 UTC View Post
A version of how Njotr and Fiadh meet based on Sleeping Beauty <3 Not quite accurate, but cute none-the-less.
2024-08-05 02:05:25 +0000 UTC View Post
Happy angst Sunday! Here are a few frames from an upcoming animatic. Don't we all love an impromptu beach day?
2024-08-04 17:53:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Just boating things :D
This warmup sketch turned full blown angst works with the "Only Love Can Hurt Like This" animatic, in which Fiadh is trapped in the cargo hull of the ship.
The last time they'd been seen together, it hadn't ended well. But not being seen is what Njotr specializes in.
(Music recommendation)
Fiadh had been so distracted by Njotr and their easy conversation, she hadn’t noticed they’d reached her caravan wagon until they’d stepped into the warm candle light from the lantern that hung by its door. Her smile faded and she looked around nervously at the surrounding camp, suddenly worried someone from her family would see them again. Njotr didn’t seem to match her anxiety as he held onto her hand and helped her up the steps leading to the wagon’s door, though he did notice her change in demeanor.
“What is it?” He asked, looking around for a brief moment as well, then back up at her when Fiadh withdrew her hand from his. Her expression was apologetic as she looked down at him, almost tucking herself further back against the door, into shadow.
“N-nothing…I’m sorry, I’m just worried someone will see. With what happened last time…”
Understanding crossed over Njotr’s face. “I see.” His shoulders fell slightly, but he wore an easy smile. It did little to ease the guilt Fiadh felt in her chest, and she sighed quietly, realizing they would need to part for the evening. The last few weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions, and she hadn’t dared entertain the nicer ones she’d felt. But whatever this feeling was that came up whenever Njotr was near, she didn’t want it to end. But what could she do? They’d been forced to be careful about how often they were seen together, she couldn’t very well toss away all that effort now just because she didn’t want him to leave.
Njotr watched her for a moment, one side of him illuminated by cool moonlight, the other by that of the warm candlelight. She wondered if he was dealing with the same dilemma, because he didn’t turn to leave, but seemed to be considering something.
Fiadh felt her breath still in her throat. “You should go, before someone comes.” She said after another brief pause, the words bitter in her mouth. The corner of Njotr’s mouth turned up slightly in a way that made her stomach flutter.
“I can avoid being seen if the occasion calls for it.” He spoke quietly, looking to the side briefly. Somewhere across the camp, someone was lazily plucking the strings of a lute.
“It’s dark out, maybe they won’t see.” He smirked a little. He wasn’t wrong, it was late, and most of the camp had settled for the evening. The only activity was the quiet popping of a nearby campfire and the chirping of nightly summer insects. Still, Fiadh glanced around nervously once more, but her attention was drawn back to Njotr as he stepped closer, his hand moving to rest on the railing of the steps.
Fiadh swallowed, her hands tucking behind her skirt shyly. “See what?” She whispered. Njotr’s smile widened a little. He climbed up onto the first step, almost equalling their height. Fiadh felt her heart rise to her throat, catching the way his eyes lowered just briefly to her mouth.
“That I’m about to kiss you.” He whispered. His hand reached up then, without taking his gaze off her. He opened the lantern, and his gloved hand pinched the flame of the candle. All at once, they were bathed in moonlight, and Fiadh felt weak in the knees. The fluttering nervousness or excitement in her stomach hadn’t ever felt this strong before. She didn’t know how to handle it, and instinctively tore her gaze away from him, her eyes lowering to the side as her breath stilled in her throat. She mentally cursed her shyness, the nervousness she could never seem to escape, even when it was something she very much wanted.
But then his hand was gently guiding her chin up, and her eyes lifted to his. There was something about his gaze that melted her all at once, and suddenly that anxiety dissipated like the flame had. She closed her eyes as his lips met hers, and any worry Fiadh harbored faded away for just a brief moment. There was only the sounds of the summer night, the crickets, the distant crackling of firewood. There was only Njotr, his hand cradling her face with a gentleness that made her relax into him.
When he withdrew, it felt all too soon, and when Fiadh opened her eyes to look into his, he lingered close to her, as if he considered doing it again. Fiadh almost leaned in again as well, not caring how warm her face felt, or if anyone saw. His thumb brushed along her chin to her cheek, and he smiled softly.
“Sweet dreams.” He spoke quietly. Everything in Fiadh mourned his departure, but left her with a newfound excitement for the next time they met.
Fiadh smiled in return, her hand coming up to gently rest over his. “Goodnight.”
~~~
This written work was a collaborative effort by myself and SantaTheGrey (check him out on YouTube!) This work is not beta'd, we die like men. There is an original audio for this scene that I will be sharing soon, as well as an animatic in the works! Stay tuned!
2024-07-23 14:15:21 +0000 UTC View Post
These are some of the first sketches on Njotr and Fiadh together, if not the first, if I remember right. (Hence why they look a little rough lol). Was getting a feel for their dynamic!
2024-07-19 22:09:25 +0000 UTC View Post
Listen to a conversation between Njotr and Fiadh. Crediting the voice talent of SantaTheGrey, you can check out more of his voice work here! https://www.youtube.com/@SANTAtheGREY
This audio is from a written work yet to be released. An animatic for this scene is in the works and coming soon!
Fiadh (Pronounced Fee-ah) is a Druid who's family originally hails from the North Eastern coastal regions of Scotland. The name Fiadh is of Gaelic origin and means “deer” and/or “wildness”. One of her best skills is being able to skin-shape into a few select animals including Wolf, Seal, Deer and Owl skin.
Fiadh is shy, soft spoken, loyal and is a lover of animals and nature. She is Njotr's eyes and ears and often acts as a scout while in animal skin. While not prone to violence, she does what she can to help including using her healing skills and distracting enemies, when she isn't distracted herself by shiny trinkets and treasures, that is.
