Bitter Karella

Midnight Pals: Getting Dark

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: I have excellent newsssss
Rowling: Florida is going to kidnap transss kids
Rowling: and alsssso any kid whom a h...

Midnight Pals: Jane Williams

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Shelley: check it out, this is my girlfriend Jane Williams
Williams: sup
Stephen King: whoa whoa wait a second mary
King: I thought you were dating percy
Sh...

Midnight Pals: Oates the GOAT

JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: ah
Rowling: I have excellent newsssss
Rowling: my terf death eaterssss have acquired a very exciting new celebrity get
Rowling: time to celebrate! Letsss...

Midnight Pals: Possession

Andrzej Żuławski: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the possession
William Peter Blatty: alright sounds like my kinda story!
Blatty: [rubbing hands...

Midnight Pals: The Big Knish

John Baltisberger: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this
Baltisberger: the tale of Schlomo Spade, Kosher Dick
Lovecraft: [sweats] oh no
Lovecraft: [sweats] o h n ...

Midnight Pals: Fatality!

Ross Douthat: [wearing hat with PRESS tag] why are kids today so depressed?
Douthat: I, Ross Douthat, serious thinker, take a hard look at the question in today's new york times
Douthat: beca...

Midnight Pals: Penguins on Parade

Edgar Allan Poe: i feel like there's been way too much drama here lately
Poe: too many cranks just venting obsessions and paranoias!
Poe: can't we just hear a nice, simple, old-fashioned horr...

Midmight Pals: More of this shit

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: it sssseemsss that my podcassst
Rowling: where i explained how i'm the real victim
Rowling: didn't go over assss...

Midnight Pals: The Real Victims

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: I have good newsss
Rowling: I have ssuccesssssfully ssssued my criticssss into sssilence
Rowling: my british cri...

Midnight Pals: Legally Binding

JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh
Poe: joanne
Rowling: I want to invite you all to hear my ssspecial podcassst appearance
Poe: oh god
Barker: what’s it called
Rowling: it’s c...

Midnight Pals: A Field So English

Benjamin Wheatley: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of a field in England
Wheatley: starring Reece Shearsmith
Stephen King: oh good! The league of gent...

Midnight Pals: The Protocols of Hogwarts

[Scottish castle]
Agent: hey joanne
JK Rowling: Lydia
Rowling: what newssss do you bring of the outsssside muggle world
Agent:
Agent: uh well
Agent: there’s been A LOT of buzz a...

Midnight Pals: Fuckenstein

Guillermo del Toro: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of Frankenstein
del Toro: but what if Frankenstein was hot
Stephen King: do you mean the doctor or...

Midnight Pals: Facts & Logic

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Mary Shelley: my little man percy here’s got a story
Mary Shelley: and you’re all gonna sit and listen to it okay?
Mary Shelley: alright tell your story percy...

Midnight Pals: Hogwarts Legacy

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: big newssss
Rowling: your favorite game issss finally available
Rowling: hogwartssss legacccy
Rowling: i ...

Midnight Pals: A Bad Look

Tom Monteleone: hey everyone did you hear me on that podcast?
Poe: oh which podcast?
Monteleone: I think it was called “Groyper Final-Solution and Loli Wendy’s Mascot Present the 14 Word ...

Midnight Pals: Glinner Returns

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: ah my terf deatheaterssss
Rowling: I have excellent newsss
Graham Linehan: [blundering into circle] hello everyone, I’m back!!
Rowling...

Midnight Pals: The Metamorphosis

Franz Kafka: hey everyone
Kafka: I guess I’ll tell a
Kafka:
Kafka: [world weary sigh]
Kafka: I’m sorry I’ve just been
Kafka: so depressed

Kafka: what’s the point of any...

Midnight Pals: Poetry

TS Eliot: Let's go now
Eliot: to the kitchens and the sculleries
Eliot: where bus boys put plates in sinks
Eliot: people wear more hats these days
Eliot: have you ever noticed there...

Midnight Pals: The Conservative

Lovecraft: h-hey guys do you want to see my newsletter
Barker: you uh
Barker: you wrote a newsletter?
Barker: whats it called?
Lovecraft: t-the conservative
Barker:
Barker: ...

Midnight Pals: Day Job

Brandon Sanderson: well I’m off to my day job
Sanderson: teaching creative writing at brigham young university
Barker: oh yeah? Is that the case?
Barker: I thought Mormons were against D...

Midnight Pals: The Rules of Magic

[unicorn fuck club]
Brandon Sanderson: so I’ve got a story
Sanderson: I call it the tale of cosmere universe
Sanderson: it’s kind of long, so you should all probably go to the bathroom...

Midnight Pals: Skinamarink

Kyle Edward Ball: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, i call this the tale of the skinamarink
Koontz: oh! like the
Ball: yes yes go ahead and say it
Ball: just like shar...

Midnight Pals: Barbarian

Brian Keene: hey guys we’re going to do a collection of barbarian horror
Robert E Howard: hang on thar a dang second pardna
Howard: how y’all gonna do that?
Keene: well I think
Keen...

Midnight Pals: what's the deal in the UK

Rowling: hello children
Rowling: I have good newssss
Rowling: sscotland thought it could get away with being lessss transssphobic
Rowling: well!
Rowling: not on my watch!

Rowling:...

Midnight Pals: Being Droll

Oscar Wilde: ah midnight society
King: OMG! Oscar wilde
King: guys it’s Oscar wilde!
Poe: yes steve
King: they say he’s the wittiest man in the world
Wilde: hmm and what is the w...

Midnight Pals: Poverty Porn

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: did you hear?
Rowling: people are ssssaying that I wassss the firssst author to write about poverty
King:
Poe:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker: oh...

Midnight Pals: A New Dad

Lucy Clifford: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the new mother
Clifford: if kids are naughty, then your mom will abandon you
Clifford: and a new BAD...

Midnight Pals: A New Mom

Lucy Clifford: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the new mother
Clifford: now then
Clifford: you must all remember that if you’re bad
Clifford: ...

Midnight Pals: :U

Since Twitter is in the slow process of imploding, I've been trying to cross post Midnight Pals to other platforms, including Mastodon, Tumblr, and Substack. Seems weird that I DON'T post it here, ...