TORRES

incantation

I MARRIED FOR LOVE
I FOUGHT AND I WON

I MUST STAY PATIENT HAPPY LOVING AND FUN

demoland <3

did i say the wrong thing

just like me to overheat

if i don't eat then i don't sing

there's too much me in my body

never too early for a drink

everyone quiet so i can think

i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more

don't misunderstand me please

whatever you think you believe

you will not erase me

i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more 

what stops you from living? what stops you from living?

what stops you from living? what stops you from living?

i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more i want more

pink triangle (demo(n))

greener stretch

Been playing this one live recently--both in august last year with the band and solo last month on a house show tour. I've always been fond of it and i'm hoping to bring some new life to it on upcoming shows--  ps Kate Bush was my main inspo for this song --suspended in gaffa feeling was was i was after!   love, mackenzie

🎸

Our first full band practice of the year! Xoxo

restless spring, y'all

Too Big For the Glory Hole—rehearsal

Unlisted link for y’all. I haven’t ever played this song live and I’m going to this week! I hope everyone is having a healing and beautiful May.

Love,

Mackenzie

adoption day

TORRES LIVE IN ZÜRICH

Recorded September 3, 2022 at Rote Fabrik, one of my favorite venues in the world! Erin Manning on synth bass/keys/vocals, J.R. Bohannon on pedal steel and guitar, and Rosie Slater on drums. Hopefully I'll get to turn this one into a physical release in the not-so-far-off distance. Love to all of you,

Mackenzie 

Jerk into joy (demo)

I didn’t sing today because I didn’t have a song in my heart

It’s our third spring in the house

Our first without you

If I could get out of my way maybe I’d find a place to start

When I can’t pull the words from my mouth

I’ve got to choose to

Jerk into joy (when the light goes out)

Jerk into joy (when plans go south)

Left her in the driveway in the car you thought you’d left in park

When it started to roll she jumped out and in a flash it was through

I don’t have a clue how somebody moves through that

But if I can help to carry you we can try to

Jerk into joy (when the light goes out)

Jerk into joy (when plans go south)

Jerk into joy (can look a lot like rage)

Jerk into joy (no time to leave the stage)

What an enormous room

What an enormous room

Look at all the dancing I can do

Look at all the dancing I can do

What an enormous room

What an enormous room

Look at all the dancing I can do

Look at all the dancing I can do

What an enormous room

What an enormous room

Look at all the dancing I can do

Look at all the dancing I can do

What an enormous room

What an enormous room

Look at all the dancing I can do

Look at all the dancing I can do

Jerk into joy (when the light goes out)

Jerk into joy (when plans go south)

Jerk into joy (can feel a lot like dying)

Jerk into joy (not time to say goodbye)

Forever home! (demo)

born to the swamps and the cypress trees

Florida baby just like me

few screws runnin loose in the family

Baby girl McConnell

Was all they wrote on the certificate of birth

Half a name

No shoes no shirt

The void is not your only friend

Baby Girl will bring you in

Give you a name

A name of your own a forever home!

A name of your own a forever home!

A name of your own a forever home!

A name of your own a forever home!

Drinkin black coffee by age three

cause there wasn’t much to eat

she claims she’s only short

because of caffeine

Baby girl McConnell

Was all they wrote

On the certificate of birth

Half a name

No shoes no shirt

The void has always listened

But Baby Girl will bring you in

Give you a name

A name of your own a forever home!

A name of your own a forever home!

A name of your own a forever home!

A name of your own a forever home!

collect (demo)

I know what you expect

You expect to be first

You claim what you didn’t earn

Is that what you deserve?

Is that what you deserve?

Don’t sleep yet

My hunger’s whet

I’ve laid the ground

Now I’m makin rounds

Want to know what’s next?

Colossal success

Justice is coming

Know it and relax

Did I hit a nerve?

Did I hit a nerve?

Did I hit a nerve?

Did I hit a nerve?

I am nothing you’ve seen before

I am the way forward

I am the Water of Life

I am the angel of death

I’m here to collect

I’m here to collect

I’m here to collect

I’m here to collect

I'm here to collect

I'm here to collect

I'm here to collect

I'm here to collect

I'm here to collect

I'm here to collect

I'm here to collect

I'm here to collect

What then?

If you live every day ready for the world to end

Then you’re gonna make it happen

What if there’s no hot pink showdown coming?

What if the earth keeps on turning?

What then? What then?

The most dangerous lie’s the one you most want to believe

You wind up saying, “Well that’s close enough to the truth for me”

What if there’s no hot pink showdown coming?

What if the earth keeps on turning?

What then? What then?

It feels like you would be angry and confused

But why oh why should the world lose herself for you?

What if there’s no hot pink showdown coming?

What if the earth keeps on turning?

What then? What then?

What then? What then?

Who doesn't?

Girl I love you

You’re so beautiful

It hollows me out

Girl I want you

For longer than

I’ll have a body

You say I need reassuring

Who doesn’t?

You say I crave reassurance

Who doesn’t?

Someday it’s all going to end

Girl I love you

You’re so beautiful

It hollows me out

Girl I want you

For longer than

I’ll have a body

You say I need reassuring

Who doesn’t?

You say I crave reassurance

Who doesn’t?

Someday it’s all going to end

Skim solo

I just found this drawing of the guitar solo from my song “Skim”. I think I was making these drawings as far back as 2015, when I first started writing that song. It’s not easy to explain it but I saw it as architecture and the notes I was playing were bricks for a house. This is what it looked like to me. Anyway, feeling weird these days. What about y’all? Lots of love and warmth ♥️

M

happy man's shoes (demo)

Old dirt road

Brand new moves

The me of yesterday hadn’t a clue

Today I’d be baby blue

Struttin to the fountain in a happy man’s shoes

When you lost me

We all lost

All I needed was your joy

Now I’m lookin at the sky

Same as lookin inside

No I do not accept your shame

I’ve got a way of not seeing the dead

Go ahead and call it unsuccess

It’s not like it’s your demise

Babe, my star’s just on the rise

I’ve got a way of not seeing the dead

Go ahead and call it unsuccess

It’s not like it’s your demise, babe

My star’s just on the rise, babe

Won’t spend the rest of my days

Crawling into the frame

But I love you

Now I am baby blue

Struttin to the fountain in a happy man’s shoes

Now I am baby blue

Struttin to the fountain in a happy man’s shoes

I love you

I love you

wake to flowers

Months of Sundays

Coffee stains

I see them comin miles away

Loneliness

Deaths of pets and parents

You know they’re lurking in the wings

But the morning sun that lights your cheek

The way you smile with your teeth

The way you hold me way too tight when we sleep

Is this my life?

I’m surprised, I’m surprised

Didn’t know I’d wake to flowers

After goin to sleep to rain

Some tour sights

that didn’t make it onto the grid. 3 shows left. Love y’all 💋

EU tour starts next week in Leeds!

https://torresmusicofficial.com/tour

Can't wait to see you <3

Mackenzie 

I got the fear

Chains (aka an unedited short story I wrote in 2011)

“Nice guy, this one,” she mutters dryly under her breath, shooting a knowing glance in my direction. The balding Jeff from “Hawt Sprangs, Arkansaw” has been gradually losing his mind for the past hour-and-a-half in his attempt to charm my new friend Gwyneth into going home with him for the night. She isn’t having it. My eyes linger on her sardonic grimace, and I smile stupidly at what I believe to be a shared secret between the two of us. We have only just met, but I am already enjoying this too much. I actually feel for the poor fool as his wagging tongue circles the top of his Pabst Blue Ribbon tall boy in search of any misplaced drops. He shakes a finger in our direction and tells us that he is going to get another beer, but to “stayrawghtwhereyouare, ‘cawse I’ll be back.” Gwyneth draws in a stifled breath as he walks away and lets it explode into a husky howl as soon as he’s out of sight. “Let’s go play pool,” she says to me.

The scene is surreal. I’ve never been to this part of town before, and I hardly recognize any of the faces that float in the shadows around me, watching, waiting. I can almost taste the lust in the second-hand smoke that seeps into my nostrils and makes its way into my virgin lungs. I can smell it in her sweet perfume. I can see it in all of the greedy eyes around the room that sicken me and remind me of my own. We are all tainted now.

I don’t know much about Gwyneth apart from what I can see in this low-lit bar. She wields a half-empty bottle of Evan Williams in her right hand and a cancer stick in her left. I’ve never even smoked a cigarette and never wanted to until now. She makes black lungs look desirable. She waves me over to where she is standing and I move in close to hear whatever it is she wants to tell me. I can’t get close enough.

“You wanna go outside and have another cigarette with me?” she asks. Chain-smoker, is the initial thought to pass through my brain. She speaks with the allure of a savior and the unassuming violence of a rip current. She has both arms raised at eye-level and her hands cupped softly around my ear. Even in the dim lighting I can see the host of scars that line the insides of her forearms. The raised, discolored strips of skin dance around a tattoo of R2-D2. I reach for the arm and run my fingers slowly over the brand.

“I, ah…don’t really smoke,” is all I can gather the sense to reply, “but I’ll go out and sit with you while you do.” I don’t even know what I’m doing here, but I can’t leave.

I grab what’s left of my Jack and Coke from the edge of the bar and it reminds me that my head is spinning. I follow Gwyneth outside toward a bench that appears to be a slight trek down the street. She notices that I’m struggling to keep my blue patent heels moving in the right direction, so she takes my hand and holds it captive for the remainder of the walk.

We eventually arrive at our destination and take our respective places at each end of the icy black metal. I sit silent, scanning my muddy brain for small talk that won’t give me away. Don’t say anything strange, I beg myself. Think about what you say before you say it. I watch Gwyneth pull a tightly rolled cylinder from a wallet-sized silver case. She fumbles through her leather bag for a few seconds before turning to me with an apologetic look in her deep-set, foreign eyes.

“Well, fuck. Got a light?” she asks. “I must’ve left mine back at the bar.” It just so happens that I keep a lighter in my coat pocket. I’m not sure why.

“Yeah, of course.” My stomach flutters at the ridiculous notion that I might have somehow saved the night. “Here, let me help.” I pull the cheap plastic device from my pocket and lift it to the thin, coiled paper hanging loosely from one corner of her lips. I give it a couple of flicks with my thumb before the tiny flame appears and illuminates the outline of her face against the black canvas behind her. I trace her sharp jaw line with my eyes as she drags deeply. Her gaunt features highlight the Adam’s apple protruding from the center of her elongated neck and her once-quivering hand begins to steady as she pulls the fumes deeper and deeper inside. The troubled lines disappear from her forehead, which softens into a pillow of relief.

“Thanks.” She smiles. “It’s a spliff.”

“A what?” I’ve heard this word before. I think they say it in Europe.

“A spliff!” Now she’s laughing. Oh God. I feel like a contestant on any given game show, the one for whom the audience suffers a special concoction of pity and second-hand embarrassment.  I missed the first question.

“That’s why we had to come outside. See, it’s half marijuana, half tobacco,” she explains, pulling the novelty from her mouth and holding it to my face. “Here, try some.” I’m torn. Ultimately, my fear of authority makes my decision for me. The straight-and-narrows that plague her arms haven’t got anything on my moral straightjacket.

“I shouldn’t,” I say, embarrassed. I have an urgent desire to change the subject so that she doesn’t have time to ask me about why I’m not taking her up on her offer, but I don’t, and she doesn’t. Instead, we sit in comfortable stillness for a while, like a couple of old friends who don’t need words to enjoy the company they share. For the first time since I can remember, I don’t feel the pressing need to lie. I don’t need to conjure up a false laugh if a joke falls flat. There’s no obligation to simulate normal conversation by tossing in fillers about the weather and the calorie count in the pumpkin spice latte I had this morning. I’d forgotten how this feels.

“I don’t know what to do with myself,” I say aloud, not really so much to Gwyneth as to myself. I feel her glance sideways at me in the darkness.

“Where ya going?” she asks in a voice that is simultaneously motherly and child-like, causing a flood of warmth to melt over me, like the first day of springtime sun succeeding a savage winter.

“I’m not sure. I’m just wandering.” This is the truth, and I decide not to say anything more.

As if by some divine cue, I hear Elvis’ “Heartbreak Hotel” begin to blare from the speakers all the way inside the bar. I can’t help but to grin, and I throw a peripheral peek in Gwyneth’s direction to note whether she is doing the same. I am taken aback to find that her full lips are pursed into a coyly amused smirk. Her soft shoulders begin to sway...left, right, left, right. She is hypnotic. Instantly, as if an idea has grabbed her by the forearms and yanked forcefully, she lurches from the bench and proceeds to thrust her hips from side to side, and then back to front, in classic Elvis Pelvis form.

“Welllll, since my baby left me…” She is clutching a pretend microphone now, twirling without direction in euphoric self-abandon.

“Dance with me, dahhhlin’!” she exclaims in the Gwyneth version of what is probably intended to resemble the dialect of The King himself.

“Oh, I don’t really know if—“ But it is too late. She has me by the hand for the second time tonight and is giving me no other option but to move to the rhythm of the music. I find myself cackling for the silliness of the moment. Soon, we are both roaring wildly, each of us taking turns sending the other into a slingshot of a pirouette straight into the forsaken one-way street.

“I’ve been so lonely baby, well, I’m so lonely…” We are both singing now, causing more of a ruckus out here between the two of us than probably everyone combined there inside the bar. But I don’t care.

“Where you will be…

You’ll be so lonely baby,

Where you’ll be lonely,

You’ll be so lonely you could die.”

xo

ugly mystery (demo)

Monette, Monette

I felt you suck the life from me

I won’t forget your apathy was such an ugly mystery

I watched myself vanish under vanity lighting

Hope is so violent and I knew you wouldn’t jump ship

Unless you saw another one coming

You said you needed plausible deniability

You said distinct was my perfume when it got into the sheets

So the bedroom was off limits by June

And I know it was mean leaving my toothbrush by the sink

But Monette, sometimes on paper

We’re someone we don’t want to be

Hope is so violent and I knew you wouldn’t jump ship

Unless you saw another one coming

Hello from west Texas 👋

Found from 2012

It’s supposed to bring

It’s supposed to be spring

But god does not care what it is supposed to be

The Monster (Take Back the Night)

I made a song for my friend's movie! The film is called Take Back the Night and it's directed by my dear Gia Elliot. 

Out today in select theaters and VOD!

Follow @takebackthenightmovie @darkskyfilms on Instagram for details 

Meditations That Might Not Help

Pt I

For the gift of consciousness, the price is immeasurable pain--you'll know it whether or not you can pay. 

pre supper joint

pre supper joint

I wear my winter blues reluctantly but with dignity

You lock the door behind me so as not to let the January into the house

When the wind shivers my way I feel for the key in my pocket

Fingering the ridges of the one cut just for me

The comfort of home and the hum of dinner and wine and love there awaiting my reentry

The snow is actually sparkling like in a painting and I smile because I’m actually happy

I want to be held and told I won’t always be afraid I’m going to lose it

There’s something starved inside me

But I cannot touch it

January again...

Hand in the Air (original demo)