The Office Sitting

“I take it everyone is prepared for today’s meeting?” my boss said. His name was Mr. Urlacher, and today was my first big meeting with the new firm. To say I was nervous was an understatement, and the sideways glances from the other men and women in the room certainly weren’t helping.

We all nodded in response. There were about fifteen of us in the room, and today was the weekly status report. We had been prepping this all week, waiting to deliver the news based on data we had collected. My results were from the Sherman Account, a relatively small account, but one that needed to be represented. I was still very new, so they were giving me one of the lesser projects to get my feet wet.

My team had worked tirelessly to get me these numbers. I sat with the reporting group and made sure all of the numbers made sense. It had been pressed on me hard that Mr. Urlacher was obsessed about perfection. He needed not only the numbers to be perfect, but the presentation of said numbers. Everything needed to be clear, concise, and accurate. He had people tearing apart presentations, making sure everything was done perfectly. He did not like misinformation. I even found a typo where they said INCIMING instead of INCOMING. I made sure to let them know before they handed me the report.

“Good luck,” the guy to my right said. “Eric.”

He extended his hand, and I shook it.

“Peter,” I said.

“Don’t be nervous. Just read the numbers off the page. Be quick, be loud. Don’t hesitate. You’ll be fine.”

“He’s right,” came a woman’s voice from my left.

I looked at her. She was a slender woman, maybe in her thirties. She had a kind look about her.

“Just be confident and it’ll all be fine,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said. “Both of you. Being new is really nerve-wracking. Glad you guys got my back.”

“Judy, come on in,” Mr. Urlacher said.

I noticed everyone getting very stiff, sitting up straight and not wanting to draw attention to themselves. I followed suit, all of us sitting up and looking serious. It was as if we were all frozen in time, stuck staring forward like a bunch of robots. I could swear I could feel the earth shaking, I knew that was impossible. But it was like I could sense a large object approaching us.

And then Judy entered the room. A massive ball of flesh and ass, Judy was the largest woman, scratch that, human I had ever seen. She was wearing a blue dress, which I figured on a regular woman would have been office appropriate. Judy, however, was bulging out of it, from every end. Her massive breasts looked like they were being squeezed in place, two pumpkins yearning to explode from her chest. Her massive butt was wider than the door, I was sure of it. She could only have made it through by witchcraft, there was no other way. She had long, curly brown hair and glasses. Her face was as round as her body, with rose colored cheeks and goofy smile.

Nobody looked at her. How could that be? She was impossible to miss. She must have weighed 500 pounds. Did nobody else see this? I looked at Sharon, then at Eric. They both were looking straight forward. As Judy stomped forward, I was concerned she would step too hard and fall through the floor and crash into the floor below. Why stop there? Maybe she’d hit China.

And yet nobody even looked at her.

“Damian, report,” the boss said.

A man across the table stood up. His eyes focused on the paper in front of him, unwavering. His back was straight and he had great confidence. He must have been well trained; he was obeying and mastering every bit of advice given to me earlier. I guess the goal was to one day be like him.

“Yes sir, AHT at 258, down 3 percent from last week. Volume was 2305, down 4% from last week.”

“What do you attribute this to?”

“Change Order 239, intention to reduce call volume went live last week. Still determining full impact, but the correct categories saw the greatest reduction.”

“Fantastic, Damian,” the boss said.

He nodded, then sat down. He didn’t have to say anything, I could sense that a wave of relief had rushed over him. It was like a massive weight had lifted from his shoulders, and he was able to relax for the meeting. He still maintained his composure, but his face just looked less strained than everyone else's’.

“Carter,” the boss said.

“Yes sir, incoming was 3599, worked 3257, the remaining 341 require further adjudication before processing-”

“341?” the boss asked.

“Um… 342! 342! Sorry!” he exclaimed. He started sweating. I could tell he was worried. I felt bad for him, and I didn’t know why.

“It’s okay, Carter, you’re fine,” he said. “I like a little math quiz every now and then. We should all be so lucky!”

Everyone laughed, even Carter, who sounded very nervous. I glanced around as much as I could, but everyone was still mostly looking straight forward. Carter was bright red, but he was forcing a smile.

“Sharon.”

“Yes sir,” she said, darting up. Her hand was shaking. “8908 incoming, 8908 resolved.”

“Wow, that’s really impressive,” the boss said. He nodded at her and she nodded back, sitting down.

“Peter.”

I stood up, trying to maintain my composure. I looked at the report in front of me, cleared my throat, and gave it my all.

“Inciming was 6800, 6502 resolved, 298 still-”

“INCIMING?” asked the boss.

I looked at him with a ghastly expression. I looked back down at the paper. They never fixed the typo. And I read it right off the page. I could feel my tongue trying to crawl down my throat. I couldn’t believe I messed this up.

“Oh… incoming, sorry there was a typo… on here and-”

“There’s a typo on the report?” he asked.

“Well, yeah, I mean, I tried to-”

“Peter… your first meeting with us?”

“I’m sorry, but I…”

I looked around. Nobody wanted to even look at me. I couldn’t tell what was going on.

“Peter,” the boss said. “Could you please lay down on your back, on the table please?”

“Sir?”

“Just do it,” Sharon whispered to me.

It all seemed so strange to me, but I did as I was told. I wasn’t about to make any waves on my first meeting. I could sense those around me dispersing. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach I wasn’t going to like what was about to happen.

“Judy, go ahead.”

Before I could tell what was happening, I saw Judy climb on the table and give me one big smile, her fat face almost swallowing her own eyes. But then she turned around, and now all I could see was her huge ass. She was hiking up her dress so more ass flesh stuck out. I was too stunned to move.

“Judy! No! Wait!”

It was too late. She crashed down on top of me, enveloping me in darkness. My hands tried to push against her giant ass, but there was nothing I could do. Her flabby skin rubbed all over my face. I could faintly hear people gasping, but I could tell even they were trying not to make a big deal about it.

“Judy, you got one in you?” came the boss’s voice.

“I think so, sir,” she said.

“Well, let him have it,” he said.

Let me have what? I struggled more, but it was becoming harder and harder to breathe under her fat ass. I was sure my face was red from embarrassment, but nobody was going to see me like this. I could now faintly hear the meeting continuing. I even heard Eric give his presentation, though it was very muffled from my position.

And then light hit me.

She eased off of me, her gigantic fat ass still taking up 90 percent of my vision.

“What’s wrong, Judy?”

“It’s not coming out-”

She started saying that, but a huge fart ripped through the office and smashed directly into my face. The smell was unbearable. I could feel myself gagging. If my face was red before, now it was a Halloween green. And now I could see everyone staring at me, even Sharon, who looked at me with the most pathetic expression I had ever seen.

“I think we got him,” she said dumbly.

The boss shook his head.

“Come on Judy, you know the rules,” he said.

“Yes sir,” she chirped. She slammed her ass back down, covering me again. This time, I could tell she was putting pressure on my face. The air was now sticky and smelly, and I wanted her to suffocate me. I wanted it all to be over. No matter how hard I fought, I couldn’t get her off of me. Just end it.

It felt like a while before I heard another fart cut through the muffled struggle. This one nearly knocked me out, it went directly into my nostrils and shocked my nervous system. She peeled herself off of me, straightened up her outfit, and walked away, not even turning to look at me, help me, or anything. I felt like a tool.

I sat up. The office was empty. It looked like the meeting had ended and everyone already cleared out. What a first meeting.