That's Not Gaslighting
Added 2024-08-09 11:00:08 +0000 UTCDr Kirk Honda critiques how laypeople use the term gaslighting.
00:00 What is gaslighting?
14:45 The brief history of gaslighting
24:43 Why does this matter?
30:08 Purposeful gaslighting
31:38 Unintentional gaslighting
49:07 Systemic gaslighting
53:13 What gets confused with gaslighting?
1:21:22 Free time & PIS reruns
Become a member: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOUZWV1DRtHtpP2H48S7iiw/join
Become a patron: https://www.patreon.com/PsychologyInSeattle
Email: https://www.psychologyinseattle.com/contact
Website: https://www.psychologyinseattle.com
Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/psychology-in-seattle
Cameo: https://www.cameo.com/kirkhonda
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychologyinseattle/
Facebook Official Page: https://www.facebook.com/PsychologyInSeattle/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kirk.honda
August 9, 2024
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
Disclaimer: The content provided is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing here constitutes personal or professional consultation, therapy, diagnosis, or creates a counselor-client relationship. Topics discussed may generate differing points of view. If you participate (by being a guest, submitting a question, or commenting) you must do so with the knowledge that we cannot control reactions or responses from others, which may not agree with you or feel unfair. Your participation on this site is at your own risk, accepting full responsibility for any liability or harm that may result. Anything you write here may be used for discussion or endorsement of the podcast. Opinions and views expressed by the host and guest hosts are personal views. Although, we take precautions and fact check, they should not be considered facts and the opinions may change. Opinions posted by participants (such as comments) are not those of the hosts. Readers should not rely on any information found here and should perform due diligence before taking any action. For a more extensive description of factors for you to consider, please see www.psychologyinseattle.com
Comments
I love a good Dr. Kirk rant!
Emily
2024-08-15 16:49:08 +0000 UTCThe misusage of gaslighting doesn’t seem an issue of intentional/unintentional to me, rather, an issue of singular/systematic, per your examples. While I agree the issue of intentionality is helpful to clarify, especially when it comes to personality disorder abuse, the Reddit examples provided at the start of the episode seem to be too singular to qualify for gaslighting and maybe addressing it that way may be more clear. In short, I think we’re talking about two different problems: Reddit examples of singular abuse, and how we come to define personality disorder abuse as gaslighting even when it’s not intentional.
Jocelyn G
2024-08-13 23:43:02 +0000 UTCSo happy to hear you’re out of that situation. Wishing you all the best.
Rachel
2024-08-13 21:00:58 +0000 UTCLOL
Jocelyn G
2024-08-13 12:19:03 +0000 UTCDKH, I can't believe you're a clinician but you don't know the actual term is "gaslamping." Always has been
Teo
2024-08-11 03:47:35 +0000 UTCNew outro is awesome!
Anastassia Sorokina
2024-08-10 20:47:50 +0000 UTCThanks for sharing that part about unintentional gaslighting. When I was leaving my ex husband after seven years of this, I cried for hours and hours just saying over and over 'I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy.' He would do things like hold my cat over our 2nd floor railing and laugh, then call me sensitive for being upset. I was always the problem. I'm not direct enough. I'm too sensitive. I'm lazy. So many things. But when I was around my friends after I left and they told me I am none of those things... In fact, the opposite in many ways. He also explicitly told me for years that my memory was awful (admittedly it was, especially early on. I have ADHD and CPTSD) but then I started journaling and seeing how many times I was actually remembering things correctly and making correct judgements about things. One day, I was so desperate to be believed and to show that I *could* remember things and that he *did* remember things wrong sometimes, when we were at his Mom's he said the store we had just been at didn't have a certain kind of cable we wanted. I knew they did, they had *just* said that they did. So, I called them on speaker phone and confirmed and I was correct. His family watched the ordeal like I was insane. Like 'Sure, you're right but was it worth all that drama to prove it?' He was quite distressed but since I had done it with witnesses he had no choice but to accept the truth although he punished me by being terse the rest of the day. But it didn't matter because for the first time in five years at that time, I *knew* I was remembering something right and he was wrong and I had proven it with witnesses. It felt *so good* because it wasn't about him or even them. It was proof for me that I was not as crazy as he made me believe. I could believe myself and my experience and I could own it. I've been out of that relationship for ten months now and I feel so free. I can trust myself and I can surround myself with people who trust my experience ❤️
ADancingWriter13
2024-08-10 20:40:32 +0000 UTCAbsolutely love the inclusion of unintentional and systemic gaslighting!!
Ash
2024-08-09 23:51:08 +0000 UTCDr Kirk I feel like you're gaslighting me into thinking that I'm not being gaslit 🤔 haha jk!
Sylvia Soule
2024-08-09 20:38:06 +0000 UTC"Literally literally means not literally" 😅
Emma Regan
2024-08-09 14:03:53 +0000 UTC
