Man or Bear
Added 2024-06-26 11:00:08 +0000 UTCDr Kirk interviews Kate Stewart, LMHC regarding the “Man or Bear” controversy. Kate Stewart is founder and CEO of Modern Therapy Seattle (https://www.moderntherapyseattle.com/kate-stewart) and offers classes on flirting at https://www.flirtingclasses.com.
00:00 Introducing Kate Stewart
01:05 Man or bear?
05:55 A growing divide
18:39 The masculinity crisis
24:20 Depictions of wildlife and context
30:57 Flirting classes
38:05 Washington sexual misconduct laws
56:54 Modern Therapy Seattle
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June 26, 2024
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Comments
Where can I find the 2011 episode about flirting? 👀
Alex G
2024-06-30 06:45:50 +0000 UTCOn the one hand, having a short and powerful message that carries a lot of information within it is effective and sparks a lot of discussion. On the other hand, it's reductive and rage-bait. We need to really be thinking about what Twitter (and now TikTok) is doing to our society when it comes to discussing really sensitive, nuanced and difficult topics. Maybe reducing to a few characters or second-long videos is more harmful than helpful. Everyone sees the seconds-long man-bear video, they react emotionally. Very few people (relatively speaking) listen to your hour-long podcast discussing it, or read the hundreds of op-eds or watch the hundreds of video-essays trying to explain the issue. And as a society I think we just end up more polarized angry and isolated.
Teo
2024-06-28 17:51:38 +0000 UTCyou hit on a ton of valid points. I particularly relate to what you said about intimacy being multifaceted over transactional despite sex being treated as transactional. As a cis female (but gender non-conforming), I've experienced sexual coersion with every. single. man I've ever been with. At 47, I now have to smoke weed just to be able to have sex with my partner, because of the anxiety I have around being intimate with men. Initially he was very coersive too but he was able to learn to be better. I mostly avoid men in general nowadays because I get a visceral feeling of fear around them, particularly white men (my current partner is indigenous). If I ever end up single again, I'll remain single. Or maybe I'll try dating trans people. My son is trans male and is the most reasonable, compassionate and gentle human imaginable, mostly because he has had to grow in ways that cis-gender, gender conforming people don't have to. Thanks for your thoughts.
Fiona
2024-06-28 16:45:57 +0000 UTCI think the whole man/bear thing is horribly reductive of an extremely sensitive issue that’s gonna make just about anyone who reads it angry for some reason, men because it paints a broad brush over men, women because it brings up trauma and reminds us of how dangerous the world is. I think the question itself is intended to be bait. Being trans I’ve had a brutal dating experience with both women and men. And I’ve dated a lot of people. Every single relationship I had with a cis person was sexually abusive in some way. It got so bad I just started only dating trans people and that fixed the issue. I’m not trying to say that women it’s not an issue. I think the rape issue is much larger than people believe. And much much MUCH worse than anyone is really willing to talk about. I think part of the issue is how people think if intimacy, and its multifaceted, part of it a product of the commodification of sex resulting in sex becoming transactional rather than recreational. I think another issue is cultures that believe people, usually men but not always are entitled to having children. It’s so multifaceted you could probably write hundreds of books on it because the issue is imbedded in cultural historical roots and modern capitalism. I think generally an issue of perceived social superiority making people feel like they’re entitled to another persons body. I found that Most cis people who dated didn’t respect me and treated me like I should be thankful to even be around them or had some kind of savior complex. I think when people feel entitled to someone else for whatever reason they feel like they are entitled to sex regardless of consent.
StraightSlayer making the world gayer
2024-06-27 20:11:56 +0000 UTCI don’t think a population decline is bad at all. Tho this isn’t the way to have it happen lol. All the jobs and talent niches are so over saturated it’s hard to do anything and be anyone. It makes everyone less special.
StraightSlayer making the world gayer
2024-06-27 19:40:30 +0000 UTChttps://bikepacking.com/plog/man-or-bear-debate/
Ione
2024-06-26 21:04:39 +0000 UTCThere a a very horrific case of a 12 year old girl who left the house in the middle of the night (she sneaked out), while her mom was asleep. Her intention was to grab a soda from a convenient store not far from her house. Two men followed her on her way back and grabbed her and pulled her under a bridge and strangled her. It has not been confirmed yet, but they suspect sexual assault. (For 2 hours they assaulted her). The two men are in custody and may (rightfully so) face the death penalty if the sexual assault is confirmed. This has made me feel even more unsafe, and feel that my female relatives are unsafe too. I grew up never leaving the home and going anywhere alone (for cultural reasons- perhaps), and now I feel my family was right to be this protective.
Tatyana
2024-06-26 19:54:08 +0000 UTCOn a very serious note... Trigger warning for those sensitive to sexual assault. Don't click if you are because I am going to mention a recent case.
Tatyana
2024-06-26 19:53:55 +0000 UTCThere are some Russian and Turks who can defeat a bear in fight. HAHA (Just Kidding.)
Tatyana
2024-06-26 19:36:01 +0000 UTCCool Episode. I also love the music on the last Episodes👍
Anke Diersche
2024-06-26 16:01:38 +0000 UTCI'm glad you guys touched on how forced gender roles hurt men, too. I often feel sad when I think about how many men are shamed for having a normal range of emotions and how I would even face life at all had this been my experience.
Caitlin House
2024-06-26 14:04:39 +0000 UTCI think the question is about association. If the question was whether you would encounter a shark or a man in the sea, I think I would go for the man. To me, a person in the woods sounds eery, and, in the sea, a creature lurking below does. So my mind opts for the familiar.
GO!《cɛn
2024-06-26 12:55:13 +0000 UTC
