Ever wondered what all those charges against Chris were about?

Due to a terrible security blunder it seems one of them has to come to light....

Submission from Lt. C. Chadwick to the board of inquiry on the Intrepid following her vessels failure to meet it's planned rendezvous for docking after shore leave on Earth....

Sirs,

There follows my submission in respect of the charges brought before me in advance of the board of inquiry scheduled for my return to the Intrepid. Having read the charges made, I am pleased to be able to state that submission contains a number of accusations which are a complete fabrication, and I welcome the opportunity to put the truth of the matter on file prior to the board meeting.

The only grain of truth in the whole submission is that the crew of the Vanguard did indeed stay at the hotel in question. Everything else is a gross distortion of the facts as I will now explain.

On discovering that we had recently returned from Phoebe, the hotel's management did indeed offer to "buy a round of drinks". It is also true that the crew decided to warmly embrace this gesture and so bought additional quantities of refreshments. In order to not disturb any other guests we decided to hold a small meeting in my hotel suite where we could continue our discussions in respect to training needs in a professional manner. An enjoyable evening ensued as we held our discussions but we subsequently found that insufficient supplies had been obtained for us to continue. C/Eng Huang volunteered to obtain further purchases at the bar.

With a full flight crew for the Vanguard present, C/Eng Huang realised that she wouldn't be able to bring back sufficient quantities on her own and, so using her initiative, obtained the help of four of the dancing girls who were on their break. It would of course have been rude of us to not demonstrate our appreciation of their assistance, and so we did indeed offer them a drink. They, in turn, then offered to show us some local culture, and, in order not to offend, we allowed them to dance some exotic dances. You will note the good manners displayed by the crew throughout.

Less well mannered were the occupants of the room next door and the unwarranted banging on the walls of my room had, by now become invasive. Not only was it preventing our professional discussions, it was also disturbing the dancers. SAC Jones displayed his initiative to try and diffuse the situation and, as an aside, I have to say from what I heard his impersonation of a police officer really was excellent. I personally heard nothing of his alleged threats of "life in prison for disturbing guests" as claimed by the sister of the Minister of Police whose room was, unluckily, next door.

I have no doubt that it was this woman who called both security and hotel management and I absolutely refute that the shout "Zulus! Thousands of them!" was made as they arrived. The simple coincidence of security arriving just as we stood the double bed on its side across the door to make the dance floor bigger is obvious. The major damage to the room occurred when a group of gate crashers, whom we could not know were hotel security, forced their way in just as most of us happened to be leaning against the bed watching the dancing. The fist fight that ensued was due to a misunderstanding as we attempted to defend ourselves and our guests from what we thought were opportunistic robbers who liked to dress alike.

The subsequent events in the foyer of the hotel are an equally vicious distortion of the facts. I was explaining the importance of the need for my crew to be able to discuss training to the General Manager of the hotel and noting that other guests were fabricating stories of noise, drinking and singing which was disturbing us, when Ensign Smith and several other keep-fit enthusiasts, in keeping with their almost monastic pursuit of health, organised the race up the drapes which hang along the foyer wall. It says nothing for the quality of the hotel that the fittings were torn from the wall before most of the crew were even halfway up.

For some reason the General Manager became upset with us - as though we were responsible for the shoddy workmanship he had contracted for. Thankfully C/Eng Huang rescued the situation with her depth of knowledge of local culture. Her rendition of the Fertility Dancing Maiden in the foyer's ornamental pool was nothing short of breathtaking. Normally this dance is performed wearing just a sarong skirt so C/Eng Huang's extra step to nature was a bold step forward. Unfortunately, during one intricate step, she slipped and fell beneath the fountain, so we were lucky that SAC Williams, who had the great presence of mind to strip to avoid getting his uniform wet, leapt in to help.

That the tiles of the pool were slippery is beyond dispute, as it took nearly ten minutes of threshing about before SAC Williams could actually complete his rescue. Such concern was there for these two exemplary crew member's safety, that the rest of the crew were forced to assist, and I deny that this massed altruistic rescue attempt could be construed as a 'naked water polo' game! This slanderous accusation was first put to me by the Chief of the Riot Squad, whose storm troopers had apparently been called by some over zealous dullards at a cocktail party also being held in the hotel. How he was unable to see that the crews nakedness was purely to avoid damaging fleet property in these financially straightened times I fail to understand.

Order had nearly been restored when the fire started. I prefer C/Eng Huang's version of events that the drapes had caught fire from being against a light fitting, and that she dropped her cigarette lighter whilst trying to escape the flames. Had host management fulfilled their responsibilities and used fire retardant material instead of velvet, the fire would not have spread to the rest of the hotel. The responsible attitude shown by my crew in assisting the bar staff to carry out drinks from the cocktail party is to be commended, not condemned, and the attempt by male members of the crew to extinguish pockets of fire using natural means has been totally misrepresented in some quarters. I cannot overstate how strongly I resent the assertions made in the Chief Fire Officer's report.

I made an official protest about these matters when the local liaison officer visited us at the Police Station the next morning. However, not only did Major Asquith not attempt to refute the preposterous allegations made against me and my crew, but also by failing to secure our release immediately, caused the subsequent flight delay of the Vanguard. 

I trust that now I have outlined the correct version of events and that we can now put all this behind us. As far as I am concerned, the crew carried on the finest traditions of the service.

I remain, Sir, your obedient servant.

Lt C. Chadwick 

O/C Vanguard