In Memory of my sweet cat Carlene (aka Queenie)

Hello dear Dancers,

As my cats have often been a part of my videos on here (and my social media in general) I feel inclined to share with you.

I am entirely heartbroken to share with you that in the middle of June, I lost my 1 in a million cat, my Carlene, aka Queenie. Its taken me time to share it because its just been so painful for me to talk about it and acknowledge it. I feel like I have lost my familiar and I am just shattered.

She was the the spirit of adventure and play in our household. She crafted so much  personality into her tiny frame and delighted us everyday with it. She offered Felix her endless kindness, tolerance, friendship, and love. She seldom missed a bedtime, often jumping in his crib to sooth him, cuddle and play before he went to bed,  and often even napped with him, and then came and slept by my feet at night. 

Carlene was bold, smart,  and adventurous, but also incredibly loving. She was wonderfully weird, independent, and inquisitive, a quintessentially curious cat. She would steal your yogurt  if you left it unattended for so much as a second. She took her job of laying on any fabric I layed out very seriously 🤣😅

When she would freely come for walks with Felix and I, people would exclaim how cool that was and asked how I trained her. The truth is I never trained Queenie to do anything, whatever she did she did because she wanted to. I just gave her to room to be who she was, and she happened to be a fantastic soul.

I remember when Felix was younger, he was having a rough time and I was trying to sooth him in his crib and out of nowhere Queenie came trotting into the room and jumped into his crib and started purring and rubbing up against him. His tears stopped and he smiled. It was the first time she had done that and it went on to became a habit for her. I don't know how I got so lucky to have a cat like her in my life.

And this bond brings a new layer to grief I hadnt experienced until now, to see my son calling for her and looking for her, and she doesn't come. To see him shake her treat bag and realizing that she isn't there with Butters and Bunny Muffins. To see him point to the door at bedtime wondering where she is. He is too young to understand what has happened, he just wants her to come. All I can say is how much I miss her and wish she was here too.

Butters and Bunny Muffins have felt this loss too. The whole household just isn't the same without her.

I find myself longing to see the poof of her tail cresting the edge of the bed as she saunters by. I miss her jumping onto my desk while I was trying to sew. I miss her demanding treats before bed. Gosh, how I miss dancing with her. She was so woven into our daily lives its hard not to feel entirely unraveled by her absence.

She was a one of a kind cat and I am so grateful to have had the chance to know her and love her for 6 years. I remember when I found her, I remember bottle feeding her,  and I remember realizing when fostering her that I was going to keep her. She was meant to be my cat, I was meant to be her human, I had just hoped it would have been for longer. But I realize no amount of time would have ever been long enough. There is nothing that could make this hurt less, and nothing to truly prepare us for it.

Queenie, this family is not the same without you, we love you and we miss you everyday ❤



I was in my early teens when I become very acutely aware that the joy & magic of really truly loving something, and the visceral pain of one day losing it were forever intertwined. Light has a shadow. The cost of that love is the pain of its eventual loss. We beings are on a finite timelines, its not a matter of if but simply a matter of when and most of the time its one of those things we can't choose or control. When it happens it happens and nothing ever actually fully prepares you for it. Whenever I am in this pain I get tempted to say I am never doing it again. It hurts too much. But then those happy memories that keep you afloat through your grief, they also remind you that thats what makes it all worth it. I would do it all again for those years with Carlene,  even knowing the pain of the end. What would be the point of living otherwise if not to share and experience love. Our lives might be finite but our love doesn't have to be.

Thanks for all the incredible memories Carlene. I cherish them all. I hope I somehow get to dance with you again.

All my love my sweet girl 💓

Carlene "Queenie" Bean
March 2017- June 2023

Thank you for reading 💜