What Love Allows (Preview)

Author's Note: Here's the intro to my new story. This will be a first for me, let me know how it goes!

The clink of silverware against plates echoed softly through the quiet kitchen. The evening light filtered through the curtains, bathing the walls with warm hues. 

Tim sat across the table from his wife, his plate largely untouched as he idly poked at his food. He was seated with his shoulders slightly hunched, elbows on the table, his fingers rhythmically tapping on the table. He wore his old, soft t-shirt from college, sleeves tight around his arms, but his shoulders slumped the way they always did when he was mentally chewing on something that made his stomach churn. His dark hair was a little messy from running his hand through it all dinner, and he kept glancing up at his wife like he wanted to say something but didn’t want to ruin the peace.

Natalie, across from him, was curled cross-legged on her chair, her bare knee peeking out from under the hem of one of his old shirts she’d claimed for herself. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, but a few strands fell and curled around the round frames of her glasses. She nudged the glasses up her nose with her thumb every so often, out of habit more than anything. Her freckles stood out under the warm light and, even in the middle of the awkward silence between them, she still looked stupidly pretty.

They’d been dancing around it for weeks, maybe longer. But tonight the quiet felt different—more honest than tense.

Tim cleared his throat, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. “Nat,” he said, voice low and careful but not heavy. “Can we… just say it out loud?”

She lifted her gaze from her plate, her lashes catching the light behind her glasses. “Say what?” she asked like she didn’t know. But they both did.

He gave her a tired, crooked smile, like he was embarrassed even now. “That I can’t…” He gestured helplessly with one hand, fingers spread. “I just can’t. No matter what we try.”

Natalie’s shoulders dropped, but her mouth twitched like she wanted to tease him, lighten the edge. “Tim, we’ve tried everything,” she said, counting off her fingers. “Role play, lingerie, that weekend at the cabin, those dumb quizzes from that podcast,” she laughed under her breath, her cheeks warm. “It’s not like you didn’t want to.”

“I did, and I still do,” Tim said quickly, his eyes locked on hers, the words tumbling out like he’d been waiting for them to break free. “God, Nat, it’s not you. It’s never been you. You’re…” He looked at her—the soft spill of her hair, her round glasses sliding down her nose, the curve of her thighs tucked under his shirt—and his chest ached with it. “You’re stunning. And I want you. Just not… not the way you need.”

Natalie’s laugh eased the tension, warm but tinged with that crack of bittersweet honesty. She let her fork fall onto her plate, leaning her elbow on the table as she rested her chin on her palm, her glasses sliding just a touch down her nose. Her soft blue eyes sparkled behind the round frames—soft and understanding, but always ready to poke at him, just enough to make him roll his eyes.

“You’re not broken, Tim…” she said, her voice gentle at first, then paused, her lips twitching into that mischievous smirk he knew so well. “But—” she dragged out the word, tilting her head, “you sure you don’t have erectile dysfunction? Might want to get that checked out, old man.”

Tim shot her an exasperated look, but the corners of his mouth betrayed him, curling up into that reluctant grin. He let out a short laugh, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Har har. Real funny. I pour my heart out, and you call me old and limp in the same breath?”

She giggled, shifting her weight so her knee bumped his under the table. “I’m just saying! There might also be a chance that you’re not even into women. You just don’t know it yet. Are you gay?” She lifted her brows in exaggerated innocence, biting back another laugh when he narrowed his eyes at her. 

“God, Nat! You’re impossible!” he responded bemusedly, almost annoyed, shaking his head, but the smile that pulled at his lips softened everything in his voice. He reached across the table, catching her hand in his, thumb brushing over the smooth metal of her wedding band. “Seriously, though… Thank you for not making me feel like a total screw-up.”

Natalie squeezed his hand, her thumb tracing the back of his knuckles, her glasses slipping again as she peered at him. “You’re not a screw-up, Tim. You’re the sweetest man I’ve ever met. That’s why I married you two years ago. You just have… a sleepy dick.”

He shot her another sharp leer, startled, but barked a laugh that bounced through the kitchen. “Jesus, Nat! Give me a break.”

She only grinned wider, a teasing little glint in her fetching eyes as she leaned closer. “Hey, you said we were gonna talk about it. Gotta keep it honest, right?”

Tim chuckled, tugging her hand up so he could kiss her knuckles. “Yeah,” he murmured softly. “Honest.”

He squeezed her hand tighter as the laughter faded, leaving the warm hush of the kitchen settling around them again. He let out a quiet sigh, shoulders slumping a little more as he looked down at their joined hands. 

“Nat… you know,” he stared, his voice careful but honest, “our sex life has been… rough. For a while.” He let out a short, dry laugh, shaking his head. “Or I guess… it’s just been quiet. I know that’s not fair to you.”

Natalie huffed a soft breath through her nose, lips twitching at the edges. “Well…” She nudged his foot under the table, her glasses slipping down her nose again. “To be fair… we did do it about a month and a half ago. After that one Christmas party. So, it hasn’t been completely dry.”

Tim let out another long, amused exhale, rolling his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. “Wow. Once for the record books.”

She giggled softly, but her smile turned a touch sad as she moved her glasses back into place with her fingertip, studying him. “I know it’s not really funny. I just… I don’t know how to fix it either. I just kinda… learned how to live with it, I guess.”

He nodded, the line between his brows deepening. “Yeah. I’ve been… thinking about it. For a while now. Longer than I want to admit.”

Natalie tilted her head, curiosity sparkling behind her round lenses as she leaned forward. “Thinking about what exactly?”

Tim hesitated, then took a breath, his thumb stopped tracing gentle circles on her skin. “I don’t know… maybe…” He laughed under his breath as if the words tasted strange in his mouth. “Maybe you should have someone. A partner. Just… for that.”

Natalie blinked. For a second, her mouth fell open, then snapped shut again. She arched her brow high, looking bemused at him like he’d just grown a second head. “A partner?” she repeated, half incredulous, half teasing. “Like… what, you want me to get a boyfriend?! Are you crazy, Tim??”

Tim winced at her sharp tone, and a faint blush crept up his neck as he ducked his head. “No, no! Not a boyfriend… not like… love. Just… someone you trust. A person who can give you what I can’t.” He thought that maybe if he explained it better, it would make the situation less charged. 

He met her eyes again, as he tried to soften the raw edge of it with a tiny, lopsided smile. “Someone who makes you feel… wanted. Full. Even if it’s not me.”

Natalie let out a low breath, the sound somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. She leaned back in her chair and stared at him like she wasn’t sure whether to shake or kiss him. Her fingers fidgeted, taken aback by his outlandish proposal.

“God, Tim… you can’t be serious? You’re just joking with me, right?” she responded urgently as she read his face. But the longer she stared, the more she began to realize he was serious. “God, you do really mean this! You want me to just… what? Go find some nice guy who wants to fuck a married woman? I think you’ve officially lost it, babe.”

Tim winced again at the bluntness, his shoulders tensing. “Augh, Nat, not like that. You’re making it sound worse than it really is,” he said quickly, trying to keep his voice calm and reasonable, like he hadn’t played this scenario over in his head a hundred times already. 

Natalie narrowed her eyes at him over the rim of her glasses, the faintest hint of a smirk pulling at her lips even as her brow furrowed. “Really? Because I don’t know how else it’s supposed to sound, Tim,” she shot back, her tone sharp but not mean, more bewildered than anything. “You’re sitting there telling me to go get railed by some random guy. Do you hear yourself?”

Tim dragged a hand through his hair, the tips of his ears turning pink. “Augh, Nat, stop being so vulgar about it. I know what I’m saying.” He huffed out a breath, trying to find the words so that it would make sense out loud the way it did in his head at three o’clock in the morning. “It’s not about just… fucking. It’s not just sex. It’s about you feeling wanted. Needed. God, satisfied for once. Like you’re not just stuck with this half-version of what you deserve.”

Natalie’s lips parted, and she looked at him like she couldn’t decide if she should laugh or reach across the table and shake him. “Tim…” She crossed her arms over her chest, the hem of her shirt riding up her bare thighs. “You’re basically telling me to cheat on you. On purpose. How is that supposed to make sense?” 

Tim blew out a shaky breath, meeting her eyes head-on. “It’s not cheating if I know about it. If I want it for you. Nat, I want you to feel good. I want you to feel that… spark. I know I can’t give it to you, not the way you need it. But someone else could. Someone who respects you. Respects us. It wouldn’t be love, you have that here.” He tapped the table between them, his fingers trembling a little. “It’d just be… the rest of it. What I can’t give to you.”

She searched his face, her teeth digging into her lower lip, her glasses slipping down again. She let out a soft, disbelieving laugh. “A side piece. Like I’m gonna have a… what, a ‘friend with benefits?’ While you’re at home doing laundry?”

Tim cracked a tired smile. “Pretty much. Yeah.” He shrugged helplessly, his voice turning gentle, almost shy. “God, Nat… you deserve that. You do. And I’d rather know about it. I’d rather be part of that choice than pretend it’s not what you’re missing.”

Natalie just stared at him, while a thousand half-formed questions tangled behind her round lenses.  But under it all, there was a flicker of warmth, too, and a spark that made her feel bright, terrified, and so damn alive.