[Mad Tiger] Chapter 22

“Hey, Ton-Ton, why are you such a munchkin?” I asked my new buddy.

Naruto had been out of it for two days straight, and Tsunade and Shizune kept showing up like clockwork—five or six times a day—with medicine, thermometers, and even an IV drip for the little Uzumaki. Eventually, they just left Ton-Ton here with me. I guess so I wouldn’t get bored. Or to save themselves the hassle of hauling the pig back and forth.

“What do you mean by ‘munchkin?’” Ton-Ton squinted at me suspiciously.

“I mean, like, tiny. Squirt. Fun-sized. Kind of like a flea but, y’know, cuter,” I explained.

“Who are you calling a flea, you walking rag?!” he squealed indignantly, finally catching on.

Oops. Looks like I struck a nerve.

“Hey, rag or not, I’m still bigger than you,” I retorted. Then, trying to smooth things over, I added, “But you know, that’s actually a good thing.”

“Oh yeah? How’s that?” He tilted his head, utterly confused—and kind of adorable, if I’m honest.

Yep. Full-on piggy tsundere. It’s way too easy to mess with him.

“Because people love bacon,” I said matter-of-factly, flicking my whiskers as I poked his side with a paw. “If you were a big, fat hog instead of a tiny, sorta-cute one, you’d have been on someone’s dinner plate ages ago. Heck, I might’ve even gotten a taste. But don’t worry; I prefer chicken. And tomatoes—big, juicy ones.”

Ton-Ton’s eyes went wide, and I swear he turned a little green.

“Relax, will you? You’re not exactly pork chop material anymore. How old are you, anyway?” I nudged the now-hiccoughing pig, who had flopped onto his butt.

“Hic! F-four hic! Four years!”

“C’mon, let’s get you some water. And why are you such a scaredy cat? I said you’re decorative, not dinner. No one’s gonna eat you… unless you get stranded on a deserted island with a bunch of shinobi, maybe.” I gave him a once-over. “Seriously, stop turning green. You’re fine. Tsunade loves you too much to let anything happen. You’re her, uh, emergency supply. Y’know, for the end of the world or something.”

Ton-Ton hiccupped again, louder this time, then froze like he was deep in thought.

“Feeling better?” I asked after a solid minute of silence.

“Yeah. Geez, you’re a jerk, Tora!” He glared up at me, nose in the air.

“Your fault!” I shot back with a huff. “I just asked if you were naturally fun-sized or if someone experimented on you. And what do you do?”

“What?” He blinked, completely lost.

I facepawed. Or at least tried to. Ton-Ton probably thought I was washing my face or something.

“Let’s just go with decorative,” I concluded, not wanting to argue anymore.

“Well… actually…” He shuffled his hooves awkwardly. “It might’ve been the second thing.”

“What second thing?” For some reason, my brain immediately went to pork chops.

“Expe… Expe… riments,” he stammered. “The, uh, unethical kind.”

“Whoa!” I circled him a few times, looking for scars or stitches. What if he was some Franken-pig stitched together from spare parts, and I’d never noticed?

“Who experimented on you? Don’t tell me it was the great snake sage himself, Orochimaru?”

I had a bit of an obsession with Orochimaru. I mean, who wouldn’t want to meet the resident mad scientist of the shinobi world? The guy’s a walking science fair of nightmares.

But with this stupid rain keeping us stuck inside, I’d had way too much time to think. So many questions, so few answers. I even ran through the entire anime plot in my head out of boredom, imagining all the people I wanted to meet or poke. If only I could writeit all down—stupid lack of thumbs.

Anyway, back to Ton-Ton, who was staring at me like I’d sprouted a second tail.

“Uh… who’s Orochimaru?” he asked, completely derailing my train of thought.

“Ugh! Are you serious? You live with Tsunade and don’t know about her squad? The Legendary Three? Jiraiya, the Pervy Sage? Tsunade, the Slug Princess? Orochimaru, the Snake Guy? Ringing any bells?”

Ton-Ton’s eyes went even wider—if that was even possible.

“Uh… no?”

“Okay, what about this? A guy with long white hair, always ogling Tsunade. Summons frogs. Or a creepy dude with long black hair and snake eyes. Summons, well, snakes.”

“Oh, them!” he said brightly. “You mean Ji-ji and Oro-chan. You’re so dramatic with your names.”

“What are they like?” I asked, practically bouncing with curiosity.

Ton-Ton, the little troll, took his sweet time scratching his belly with his back leg, snorting contentedly.

“Eh, people are people,” he said at last. “One smells like fire and grease. The other like dirt and damp basements. They don’t visit often. When they do, Tsunade comes back tipsy, cuddles me, and breathes booze breath all over the place. Shizune yells at her. She sees Ji-ji more. Oro-chan, I’ve only seen twice. They didn’t fight; just talked and left.”

“Right. So, about those experiments?” I prodded, steering him back to the important stuff.

“Oh, uh, Tsunade did them. I ran up to her on the farm. She said I was cute. She might’ve been drunk. Then there was a green light—the healing kind—and Shizune did something, too. She was yelling. After that, they took me with them.”

“And you’ve been this size ever since?”

He nodded.

So Tsunade stunted his growth. Got herself a pocket-sized pig.

“Let’s check on Naruto,” I said, sharpening my claws on the nearest step before heading toward the stairs.

The bark of my beloved "almost birch" tree was still unmatched, but hey, you make do. A week and a half cooped up indoors, and I was already clicking my claws on the wooden floor like a restless lion.

“Wow, you’re a real tiger!” Ton-Ton said, following my movements.

“Nya-ha-ha!” I bared my teeth dramatically. “Little piggy, beware! The big, scary tiger is coming to eat you! Rawr!”

“Whee! You won’t catch me! I’m the Elusive Joe!” Ton-Ton squealed, diving headfirst into the game and running off, his delighted oinks trailing behind him.

I froze for a second, blinking in surprise. Elusive Joe? Then, snapping out of it, I launched into hot pursuit of the wild boar.

We tore around the house, circling a few times, knocking over the umbrellas in the corner, almost toppling a table, and then bolting up to the second floor.

Naruto, awake and looking much perkier than usual, was watching us with wide-eyed fascination. He even started wriggling on the bed like he wanted to join in. Poor kid must’ve been feeling stir-crazy from being sick.

I leapt onto the bed and crouched low, waiting to ambush Ton-Ton. Thanks to his stubby neck, there was no way he could look up far enough to spot me.

The “Elusive Joe” sniffed the air suspiciously, grunting as he began peering under the bed, clearly convinced I was hiding there. Big mistake. I pounced, landing square on his back.

The resulting squeal was so loud my ears nearly folded themselves into origami cranes. Ton-Ton bucked like a rodeo bull and somehow managed what I can only describe as a triple backflip.

Long story short, he went flying one way, and I went flying the other.

Naruto? Oh, he was dying—laughing so hard he started coughing.

“I almost peed myself!” Ton-Ton wheezed from under the bed, his snorts of laughter echoing through the room. Naruto, hearing that, only laughed harder.

“Tora-chan! You really are a tiger!” the little brat said, beaming at me. Then he turned to the pig. “Ton-Ton, where are you? Come out, buddy. Did the big, mean kitty scare you? C’mon, I’ll give you a belly rub!”

This little traitor. Ton-Ton, who supposedly “doesn’t understand people,” somehow instantly understood that. He slithered out from his hiding spot, shot me a smug, victorious look, and flopped over on his back next to Naruto, exposing his belly like a diva.

Then the pig started wiggling his little legs and squinting his eyes in bliss as Naruto scratched his tummy.

Scratch, scratch, scratch.

And scratch.

And scratch.

Okay, this was getting ridiculous.

“All right, freeloaders! Time’s up! My turn!” I climbed on top of Naruto, shoving my poor, squeal-damaged ears under his magical scratching fingers.

“Jealous much?” Ton-Ton smirked, making himself even more comfortable on the bed. Instead of leaving, he wriggled around to find the perfect spot, closed his eyes, and practically announced he was staying there for a nap.

Outside, the rain drummed softly against the windows. It was cozy, warm, and, honestly, hard not to relax. I sprawled out on Naruto like he was a human heating pad, my purring kicking in automatically.

As soon as this blasted rain stops, I’ll catch up on everything. Definitely. Probably. Maybe.