[Mad Tiger] Chapter 21

In my head, the iconic spaghetti western music started playing. You know, the one where two cowboys face off on a dusty street at high noon. All I was missing was boots, the belt with a buckle, a Chuck Norris cowboy hat, and a Colt revolver clenched between my teeth. Or maybe a sword? Nah, the Colt’s cooler.

My opponent’s beady little pig eyes narrowed as he squared up.

“Well, well, we meet at last, Elusive Joe,” I said dramatically. The role of a sheriff protecting the town from a bandit definitely suits me.

“I’m Ton-Ton!” squealed the pig, completely ruining my vibe. Pigs, man—they have no appreciation for the finer nuances of method acting. Can’t a ninja cat have a little fun when he’s this stressed?

Luckily, Kushina-san had the maternal superpower of sensing disaster, because she showed up right after I somehow managed to get Naruto a drink. That whole ordeal? An epic saga. His room was upstairs, and let me tell you, that staircase and I are officially enemies. Eighteen steps of pure torment. Somewhere around the last two steps, it hit me—why not balance the bowl on my head instead of struggling with my paws? Brilliant, right? The stairs even helped me stabilize it. I felt like a mix between an Indian water carrier and a circus acrobat. Naruto, half-asleep, probably thought he was hallucinating, but hey, he drank the water. Didn’t even flinch that it was from my bowl and even asked for seconds.

I had just finished replaying my heroic journey in my head and was contemplating retiring from ninja life to become a regular cat when his mom showed up. I thanked every deity I could think of and screamed at the top of my lungs for her to check on Naruto immediately—and not the kitchen. I wasn’t ready to face judgment for the hurricane I accidentally unleashed down there. It wasn’t even my fault! Mostly. That darn mug shouldn’t have been in the cupboard!

Look, once, I’ll admit, a weird cat instinct took over, and I deliberately knocked a glass off the edge of a table just to see what would happen. Spoiler: it shattered. Kushina-san was not amused and hasn’t left an empty dish lying around since. Party pooper.

Anyway, then I found out Kushina-san has a summon. Perfect for weather like this! A red-and-green frog hopped in, listened to her instructions, and then jumped out the window, paddling off like we lived in the Venice of Konoha. Kushina had sent for Tsunade. She showed up in ten minutes flat. Efficiency! Not long after, Shizune came too—carrying medicine, I think. And with Shizune? Ton-Ton, my favorite piggy distraction. When you’ve been cooped up for a week with no one to talk to, even a pig becomes great company.

Ton-Ton squinted at me suspiciously, scrunching his little snout. My imagination took over. I could almost feel the wind whistling between us, see a tumbleweed rolling by, and hear that western showdown music again. If the pig had stomped a hoof, I might’ve imagined myself as a matador instead of a gunslinger.

“I’m Ton-Ton! Stop calling me names,” the pig repeated, snorting indignantly.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I was just playing along,” I replied, trying to salvage the mood. “You just look like Elusive Joe to me.”

“Who’s Elusive Joe?” the pig asked, curiosity suddenly piqued.

“You don’t know? He’s this cowboy nobody can catch.”

“Why can’t they catch him?” Ton-Ton tilted his head. Clearly, expecting logic from a pig was asking too much.

“Because nobody’s trying to catch him, duh. That’s why he’s ‘Elusive.’” I snickered. “Hey, Ton, you’re always with Tsunade-san, right? Got any juicy gossip about Sarutobi or the bad guys?”

Before I could interrogate him further, Kushina’s voice boomed from the kitchen like the wrath of an angry god.

“I’ll make tea…” she began calmly, followed by a beat of silence. Then came the scream. “DATTEBANE!!!”

“RUN!” I barked and bolted upstairs. No way I was sticking around for that aftermath.

Ton-Ton reacted with impressive speed for a pig. We both dove under Naruto’s bed, huddling among old scrolls and my water bowl, which I had sneakily stashed there earlier to hide the evidence. Thankfully, there weren’t any dirty socks—shinobi rarely wear them anyway. Just tabi and sandals. Probably why none of them freak out about the rain; they just walk on water like it’s no big deal. Naruto said Sasuke could do it! Meanwhile, kids have to slog through puddles in knee-high rain boots. Adults? Oh no, they’re out there, rooftop-hopping or Jesus-walking.

“Hey…” Ton-Ton started to say, but I pressed a paw to his snout.

“Shhh…”

From under the bed, we had a perfect view of Kushina’s feet as she marched into the room.

“What’s going on? Why’d you yell?” asked Tsunade, who was still tending to Naruto.

“The kitchen looks like a herd of bulls had a party,” Kushina fumed. “Broken dishes everywhere. Water on the floor. A whole cabinet fell off the wall! I have no idea what happened.”

Please, let’s not play ‘Agatha Christie’ and investigate this. I beg you.

“Maybe Naruto wanted something and knocked it over?” Shizune suggested helpfully.

Girl, who asked you?! Naruto is sick—don’t drag him into this!

“Did you do it?” Ton-Ton whispered to me.

I nodded. “It was an accident! I was getting water for Naruto, and the mess just… happened when I tried to grab a mug from the shelf.”

“Tough luck,” Ton-Ton said philosophically. “Anyway, what were you asking me earlier?”

“About the old monkey—Sarutobi. What’s he up to?”

“Oh, it’s karatsuyu* now,” the pig answered like that explained everything.

“…And?” I prodded when no clarification came.

“It’s like… a period of truce. People who normally hate each other work together for a bit.”

Ah, so like the jungle law in The Jungle Book, when Hathi called a truce during the drought. Except here, it’s raining nonstop, and I’m bored out of my skull.

“Tell me something interesting, Ton-Ton. I’m dying here,” I begged. “Locked in, nothing to do… You’ve been with Tsunade-san since forever, right? Spill the tea. Where’ve you been? What’ve you seen? Entertain me before I die of sickness.”

“You’re sick? Can cats even catch human illnesses?” the pig asked, tilting his head.

“No, I’m bored sick. They’ve got me stuck in here with no escape. C’mon, just talk to me.”

“Aha,” Ton-Ton snorted, which I think was his version of a laugh. Unfortunately, his snort-laugh gave us away. The blanket lifted, and Shizune’s face peeked under the bed.

“Oh, there you are, Ton-Ton-chan! And Tora-chan’s with you, too?” she said cheerily, utterly blowing our cover. “Aw, are you both worried about Naruto?”

“Looks like they hid under the bed to stay out of the way while keeping an eye on things. Smart little ones,” Tsunade observed. “Naruto’s going to be fine.”

Ton-Ton and I emerged from our hiding spot, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. I leapt onto Kushina-san’s lap, where she sat on a chair in the corner. Consider it my way of providing emotional support. I rubbed against her, purring softly, and she absentmindedly stroked my fur, clearly lost in thought.

“Don’t beat yourself up, Kushina-chan,” Tsunade said gently, noticing her mood.

“When I became Hokage, I thought I was continuing Minato’s work,” Kushina said quietly, her fingers scratching just the right spot behind my ear. “But I nearly lost my son. I’ve been so caught up in my duties. And today… I only came home for a minute to grab something from the library. And then Tora-san—” she ruffled my fur, the way I liked it. “—Tora-san let out this terrifying scream. I thought… I thought something awful had happened. And then… I could have lost Naruto. Yesterday, he just had a runny nose. I thought it was nothing, just a little sniffle.”

“He’s going to be fine now. Don’t blame yourself, Kushina-chan,” Tsunade reassured her.

Kushina turned me onto my back and started scratching my belly. Oh man. That was the good stuff. Total bliss. Then she cupped my face in her hands, looking at me with such heartfelt seriousness that I almost felt embarrassed.

“Thank you for saving Naruto, Tora-chan. You’re such a good cat and a true friend,” she said.

“Keep petting me,” I replied in my most eloquent meow.

Hopefully, this heroic act would cancel out the minor kitchen catastrophe. Fair trade, right?

“Must be nice being the pampered hero,” Ton-Ton grumbled from the floor.

You bet it is, buddy. Life’s good, Naruto’s safe, and I’m living the dream.

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TN: “Karatsuyu” - means “empty season of rains” in Japanese. I am not sure why exactly this word was used in this context but it seems to be a mistake from the author.

I tried to find a name for the so-called “period of truce during a rainy season” in Japanese to replace “Karatsuyu” but it seems there is no dedicated phrase for this concept. The only equivalent I could find is “Tsuyu no kyūsen”, which translates literally to “truce of the rainy season”. 

“Tsuyu” - rainy season 

“no” - of 

“kyūsen” - truce