[Mad Tiger] Chapter 20

This is a catastrophe!

An absolute disaster! A nightmare wrapped in a horror show!

I can’t take it anymore! I’m going to lose it! Meoooooowww!!! They’re torturing me! How much longer can this go on?! I can’t remember such chaos!

This never happened before! Never! NEVER!

Am I supposed to just pace back and forth now? Seriously, who do I even ask about this? Might as well move back to the palace! But how?!

It’s been raining for a week. Not just rain—oh no. I could deal with regular rain. I’m not made of sugar; won’t dissolve. Sure, it’s annoying, but I could just hide under some tree leaves. But this?! This is beyond words! “Rains like from a bucket”? More like a never-ending bucket that keeps tipping over and over again.*

The streets are literal rivers now. Not streams, not puddles—raging, churning rivers. And the worst part? I’m the only one freaking out about it! Everyone else is so annoyingly chill, like, “Oh, it’s just weather, no big deal.” Naruto heads to class with his umbrella, rubber boots, and this ridiculous bright-orange raincoat that looks like a mini circus tent waddling around on skinny legs. It’s like someone crossed a kid with a camping tarp.

Meanwhile, I’m stuck indoors because Kushina-san is convinced I’ll drown in this “seasonal monsoon.” She even slapped some fancy sealing jutsu on the house—a barrier tuned specifically to me so I can’t slip out a window or sneak past the door.

It’s so unfair! Why does the universe hate fluffy little me?!

Naruto explained it to me the other day, saying this rainy season “marks the end of spring” and lasts until, like, mid-summer. A whole month or more! I’m barely surviving a week, and now you’re telling me this torture could go on for another month?!

It’s just endless thunderstorms and torrential rain. Worst. Birthday. Ever. That’s right, my first kitty birthday came and went right when this apocalyptic downpour started. Shijimi came to visit too, brought all sorts of goodies, carried me in her arms almost all day, I sat on her lap and purred until I was hoarse. I missed her a little. Oh, if I had known that this rain would only get worse, I would have run around instead. And I was also glad that my birthday and the arrival of my owner coincided with the rain - I didn't feel like getting wet, so I stayed home to wait for Shijimi.

Last year, I must’ve missed this mess entirely. I must’ve “moved in” after it ended. Sure, there were a few light showers back then, but it was mostly dry and warm. Then came the longest fall I’ve ever seen—trees turning red and gold for what felt like months. Back in my old life in the city, “autumn” lasts, like, a week if we’re lucky. One moment the trees go yellow, the next it’s just bare branches, mud, and slush. Here? Autumn was a dream! Snow barely even showed up—just a bit of frost, really. Winter? Pfft. Green grass, blooming camellias, and a sprinkle of icy sparkle. I thought I’d hit the kitty jackpot—a never-ending tropical paradise! And now? Turns out paradise comes with the entire year’s rainfall in one month. Surprise! Here’s a deluge straight down your neck!

At this rate, I’m going to lose all the physique I’ve built up through my hard, tireless work, thanks to idleness and boredom. Today alone, out of nerves and having nothing better to do, I devoured everything left in the bowls and even raided the fridge to nibble on sausages. That’ll show them. Being stuck indoors brings out my inner gremlin.

What do indoor-only pets even do with their lives? This ‘luxurious life’ is not for me. I’m going stir-crazy. The rain’s so heavy it blots out the view from the window. Just the endless roar of water and a wall of gray.

I was planning to sneak over to the Uchiha compound today, too. Wonder if they’ve got ninja cats like me over there. Not that I’d call myself a true ninja yet—I’m more like a ninja apprentice. At best, I’m a rookie who still has miles to go before even dreaming of a proper title.

With nothing else to do, I tried meditating. I think I fell asleep because I woke up to the sound of wet footsteps in the hallway.

Naruto had come home, dripping water everywhere. He was standing in the entryway, puddles forming around him as he peeled off his soaked rain gear, leaving him in nothing but some green boxers with giant daisies on them. Even those were drenched. Apparently, he’d lost his umbrella.

“I gave my umbrella to Sakura. Hers broke,” he grumbled, as if he could hear the question in my head. I snorted. What a gentleman. Sakura lives three blocks from the Academy! He could’ve walked her home and kept the umbrella! But no, I bet he handed it over and ran off before his buddies could start teasing him.

Kids these days… This rain is making me feel old. I’ll be sprouting moss soon.

Naruto, leaving wet footprints in his wake, tramped into the bathroom. I followed him but didn’t join him in the bath. Usually, when he’s soaking, he tells me about school—complaining about Iruka or laughing about his classmates. Today, though, he was ranting about how the boys tried running across the giant puddle behind the Academy. Shikamaru refused outright, but Sasuke just walked across like it was nothing. Naturally, Naruto had to try to one-up him. Spoiler: it didn’t work. The puddle turned out to be some leftover trap the older students had set. He sank in up to his shoulders. And then, of course, had to dive back in to retrieve his boots.

I pictured it so vividly I almost rolled on the floor laughing.

But my laughter didn’t last. By evening, Naruto was sneezing, coughing, and looking miserable. His cheeks were flushed, his breathing was raspy, and he couldn’t stop shivering despite wrapping himself in a blanket. He was clearly burning up, and his teeth chattered as if he were in a freezer. I nudged him with my nose—his skin was scorching.

He’d been sniffling yesterday, and today he topped it off with a full-body soak and a marathon trek through the rain. Figures he’d get sick.

I was starting to panic. Kushina-san wouldn’t be home until late, if not the middle of the night. Thanks to this monsoon, the ninja have turned into emergency rescue teams, fixing dams and fishing grannies out of street currents.

Naruto kept getting worse, wheezing like a broken toy. His tiny face was scrunched in pain, his cheeks tomato-red, and sweat was pouring off him. He was clearly feverish and delirious, tossing and turning while muttering nonsense.

And me? I’m stuck here, unable to call for help. I’ve got zero medical skills—milk with honey or hot tea is the extent of my expertise. What do I do?!

The only solution I could come up with was to plop myself on top of Naruto like my old cat Vasya used to do. Surprisingly, it seemed to help; his breathing evened out, and he stopped thrashing so much. Still, I started worrying—what if I was too heavy? A whole 6.5 kilos of premium cat muscle and fur pressing down on a skinny little chest! I’ve put on some weight recently, mostly thanks to ninja dog food. Shijimi noticed and commented last week. She even weighed me on some fancy scales, sticking me in a basket like groceries.

“Water…” Naruto rasped weakly, barely audible. His lips looked dry and cracked.

Right! Water! I bolted to the kitchen. These humans drink straight from the faucet, but here’s the catch—everything in this house runs on those chakra seals. I’d seen Kushina-san do it a million times, so I concentrated, focused chakra into my paw, and pressed the secret button. Voila! The water flowed!

Next problem: how do I carry it? Kushina-san had put all the cups on the highest shelf yesterday. Great timing, huh? What now? Am I supposed to carry water in my paws? Think, think… Ugh. My food bowl? That feels wrong. Sure, Naruto’s sick, but he’s not that desperate. Plus, the bowl’s heavy, and I’d spill half of it just dragging it over.

Wait! Idea! I channeled chakra to my hind legs for a jump boost. I’d used this move outside to leap three feet high, but indoors? Tight quarters. I braced myself, took a deep breath, and—

BOOM!

YIKES.

WHAT THE ACTUAL—

Who’s the genius who attached these shelves with duct tape and hope?! I barely escaped with my life! Plates and bowls crashed to the ground in a glorious symphony of destruction. If this was some priceless heirloom dinnerware, I’m officially screwed.

Oh, hey, one cup survived! A little chipped but still functional. I carefully grabbed the handle with my teeth, feeling triumphant for about three seconds before—SNAP.

Nope. Just the handle. The cup itself hit the floor and shattered like a bad metaphor.

I sighed deeply. Guess it’s back to the food bowl. It’s metal, at least. Indestructible, like my will to survive this day.

The kitchen was already a disaster, so the puddle of water from the bowl I knocked over wasn’t going to make much of a difference.

Now, all that was left was to fill it with clean water. My dad is an engineer. He always said the key to solving any problem is defining the task correctly. His favorite joke was about the guy who asked a genie to “make his thingy reach the ground.” The genie cut his legs off.

“And why is that?” Dad would say, raising a finger for emphasis. “Because the technical requirements were poorly formulated!”

Anyway, instead of hauling the bowl up to the sink and then somehow bringing it back down, full of water and still intact, I figured out how to bring the water to the bowl. Logical, right?

I threw the shards of broken dishes into the sink, waited for it to fill, and boom—the bowl filled quickly! Hm. Now the real question: how do I get the “magic pot” to stop boiling? Ah, this should work. Turns out, when you’re desperate, you figure things out.

From my perch on the (somewhat dry) table, I surveyed the kitchen chaos. Yikes.  Once I give Naruto his drink, I’d better find a good hiding spot. Maybe in another country.

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*I wanted to write a joke about “It rains like cats and dogs” but I’ve got no ideas. If you have any please share them. Feels like such a missed opportunity.