[Mad Tiger] Chapter 12

"That's definitely him!" Kiba shouted, flailing his arms excitedly and pointing rather rudely at my photo. "That cat was in our house! Tell them, Akamaru!"

The puppy barked in agreement. I barely stifled a snort. From my perch up in the tree, I had a perfect view of the five "hunters." Two of the boys had black hair: one had it cut short and spiky, sticking up like my tail whenever I saw Daishiki, while the other had his tied up in a bun. And, hilariously, everyone called him "Shika"—which means Deer, yet another Buck in my contact list.

There was also a chubby, round-faced kid that everyone, without much creativity, called "Butterfly"—or "Cho." I can't help but chuckle at them. This "butterfly" looked like he was ready to cocoon himself any day now, considering how he munched on chips like a caterpillar, crunching away happily. My mouth watered at the sound. No way would Sano or Shijimi ever give me such tasty "junk." I hadn't had fries since my past life and had nearly forgotten what they tasted like.

But the one who caught my attention most was the fifth kid, with a shock of yellow hair like a chick—a real "Tweety Bird" straight out of some old Looney Toons cartoon: tan, smallest of the group, full of energy, and waving his hands twice as much as Kiba. When Kiba finished his over-the-top tale (which was dramatic for him, but comedy gold for me), the friends started plotting ways to catch the sly, treacherous me.

And there I was, eavesdropping wickedly and mentally rubbing my paws like a fly about to feast on jam.

"Kiba probably chased that cat away. We just need to wait in the shade, and it'll come back when it's hungry," the Buck Jr. suggested lazily, yawning. This was the most diabolical plan, which, to my great relief, was vehemently rejected by the others. Imagine that! Just lying around doing nothing.

"We need to lure it with something tasty," the chubby Butterfly continued. "Cats like... fish and meat. And milk too."

"Do you have any of that with you?" Kiba asked the round one. "I think Akamaru should try to pick up the trail. And we need to search the area where I last saw it."

The chick suggested setting a trap and digging a pit for me to fall into or placing snares. That made me a bit tense. Little ninja fans, geez!

The short-haired brunette, who finally got called by name, turned out to be Sasuke. Yes, that Sasuke—the one who was Naruto-Tweety’s friend in the anime, always trying to "bring him back" and all that. But I figured that without the Uchiha massacre, Sasuke wouldn’t dare run off, or his parents would tear his ears off. The little Uchiha suggested splitting up and making it a contest to see who could catch me first. I suspected he had figured out my hideout and wanted to claim the prize. We know these red-eyed types, almost like I'm one of them myself.

The boys took to the idea eagerly, even the Buck Jr. sighed and nodded. They high-fived and scattered in different directions. I waited to see if Sasuke would try to sneak up on me, but nope. I overestimated the wannabe "avenger." But then again, they all looked about ten or eleven years old, and to them, I was just a cat, turning their mission into a bit of competitive fun.

Nyahaha! My little naive darlings! This was a gift from the heavens! Heh-heh-heh!

I decided that the chubby Butterfly would be the first victim of my cat pranks. I tracked him just two hundred meters from the maple tree where the kids planned to meet again in an hour if they failed to catch the cat (me) solo. Without sparing the chips, he laid out a "bait trail" and hid in the bushes.

And boy, did it smell good! Sure, I’d had a snack half an hour ago and probably even gotten a boost from it, but crispy, crunchy fries? With bacon, no less. Mmm! Delicious! Oddly enough, either from training with Kuromaru or because Cho didn’t bother hiding his chakra (or had loads of it), I could sense him easily. Even through the thick bushes. Despite his size, he was impressively stealthy. He barely breathed. This intrigued me, so I tried to feel my own chakra and speed it up a bit. And I almost fell over backward! It worked!

Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Fantastic! I’m amazing! Absolutely amazing! I did a little victory dance, forgetting myself for a moment, only to notice the chakra signal coming fast as I goofed around.

The Butterfly lunged, trying to pounce on me. What an idiot! You could squash a poor animal with that belly! I dodged just as his sausage-fingers reached out, and he ended up skidding a few meters on his nose. Physics: the joy of gravity. A pile of chip bags and snacks spilled from his backpack. And right on top, as if planned—a new, unopened bag of bacon chips. Oh, you temptress! What could I do but swipe them, grab the corner with my teeth, and dash off towards where I’d heard Akamaru barking?

"Psst, little one! Psst! Over here!" I called to the puppy from the bushes. "Want some chips? Come on over, or I’ll eat them all myself."

Akamaru sniffed the air, puzzled, his head swiveling. Some tracker he turned out to be!

"Don’t bark, I’m right here! Get in the bushes!"

The white puppy pushed his way into the bushes.

"Tora-san, I’m supposed to be hunting you!" he whispered indignantly. "Why aren’t you hiding?"

"Some hunter," I snorted. "War is war, but lunch is sacred, haven’t you heard?"

"No, I haven’t," the puppy said, shaking his head.

"You want a treat? Bet you’ve never had anything like this. Help me open it," I instructed. "Hold this end, I’ll hold this one, and we’ll pull."

"And then what?" asked this little white pup with black ears.

"Then happiness will be yours," I promised.

While Kiba was busy finding his stuffed and napping puppy in the bushes, I set my sights on the Buck-ling.

What a lazy kid! Instead of sweating it out looking for me, he was lying down, chewing on a blade of grass and gazing at the clouds!

I decided to test just how lazy he was. Climbing into a tree not far from where the Deer was lazing, I summoned all my acting skills and pleaded in the most pitiful voice.

"Oh, kind but lazy boy, help me! I climbed a tree and I’m afraid to come down! Help me down!"

The boy sat up and turned toward my voice. I widened my eyes, making them big and pitiful. Almost shed a tear, I swear!

"Tora-chan?" He recognized me.

"Help me down!" I squeaked in a thin voice. "I’m the saddest cat in the whole world! Nobody loves me, nobody pets me!"

"Jump to me, don’t be scared!" Ah, these Deers, all the same.

I shook my head and climbed to a higher branch, wailing even more dramatically:

"Oh, poor me! I’m so tired of life! How will I go on? I’ll just cut myself a… sausage and throw myself under a… blanket!"

The Buck Jr. took my melodramatic threats seriously and started climbing up. As he reached for one branch, I climbed higher; he went higher, I went even higher. I noticed him start glancing nervously down.

By the way, the hardest part about climbing trees isn’t going up; it’s coming down. When we were almost at the top, I theatrically dangled down, gripped the bark, and skillfully slid down, breaking with my hind paws, leaving the Deer to perch there, enjoying the bird’s-eye view.

Bwahaha!

Next up, I decided to mess with Naruto. Finding him was easy—his chakra had a unique feel. The diligent kid had already set up his last trap and was excitedly crouched in a tree. In just forty minutes, he’d dug a pitfall trap (hopefully without stakes—otherwise, that’s on him), set up nets, and hung baited snares. Quite the craftsman!

I circled around all his traps, sat right in the middle, and started grooming myself. No actual licking, just a casual swipe of my paw over my face and ears. The boy was impatient. Let’s see how long he lasts.

Turns out, Naruto lasted about two minutes. He abandoned his strategic perch on the branch.

“Here, kitty, kitty! Tora-chan!” he called from the edge of the clearing. “Tora-chan!”

I perked up my ears, pretending to be surprised, and then sprawled out as if I were about to nap. Stretched luxuriously, like I hadn’t a care in the world.

Come on, step closer. I’m just a tired, sleepy cat over here.

Naruto, as if following my unspoken command, took a step. Then another. I stayed still, ignoring him. Why look when you can feel chakra? But still, this was getting good.

When his hand was about ten centimeters from my back, I turned and locked eyes with his bright blue ones. He froze.

“Tora-chan?” he asked uncertainly.

And then I did the most diabolical thing in the world! Mwahaha! I felt like the Emperor of Evil himself. I purred! Oh yes, I had mastered this devious move a month ago, thanks to Fuwa’s help.

Faced with an adorably purring kitty, who could resist? You don’t grab something that cute. You pet it and go all gooey inside!

“Good kitty!” Naruto smiled, squatting down to scratch behind my ear.

“Grab him!!!” his friends shouted from three directions.

Kiba, Chubby Butterfly, and Lazy Deer, with Sasuke in tow, barreled toward us.

“Watch out!” warned Naruto, suddenly remembering the traps he’d set around us.

But it was too late, way too late! Mwahaha!

I feigned panic, bolted, and left behind a chorus of kid-sized curses and an apologetic Naruto explaining himself to the others.