Laser Mission (1989)

I have this on VHS, I should watch it

Trash Rat

The first seven seconds of TC 2000 deliver all the hot laser action that this movie merely suggested. Thanks ActionBoyz!

Lyle Jorgenson

I'm your dad now, Jake

Max Power

Can you do Laserblast? Thanks

Pacer Lee

There’s a foot for every boot

John McClane

Jake, you’re gettin too big!

Steakmoss

I got a tiny dick it's pathetic!

bloodflart

I was at the Denver Botanic Gardens the other day and I saw a sparrow perch at a tree maybe a foot in front of me. I watched it intently, trying to grab for my phone to snap a picture, when it's cloaca opened wide at eye level and I saw the Planet Earth version of a bird taking a shit. It immediately flew off, and I've had no context or venue in which to relay this to any of my loved ones, so when Rodgers talked about hawks fucking I figured I could share this here.

Sarah Tippishly

With it's stilted dialogue and chaotic plotting, this felt like an action movie equivalent of The Room. And Gabrus was right to ask which country this was set in. It seemed to be filmed in South Africa judging by the accents of some of the supporting players. But it's good craic if you watch it while been half cut with booze.

Wesley Dolan

Let’s be real the non-men have crushes on all of them

Frosty peaches

I’ve had Mercenary Man popping into my head for days now. Kind of disappointed it never found its way into a late night commercial selling “hits of the late 80s”.

Brian Stimson

I want to reiterate that the outro had been a great addition. I take a bow weekly.

Ron Don Volante

Getting confirmation on The Last Action Heroes guy being a one-time subscriber is a nice way to end that multi-episode arc (assuming he doesn't shout out Laser Mission when reviewing The Crow)

Ash C

Presumed Innocent 1990 Harrison Ford . Thrill Boyz this guy Kit Lazer on TikTok reminded me of it

John McClane

Didn’t listen yet but I’m the 100th❤️

John McClane

Some ABZ gems in the TCM auction: Masters of the Universe, Krull, Planet of the Apes, Robocop, Raiders https://www.juliensauctions.com/en/auctions/hollywood-legends-danger-disaster-disco-480

JamieQT

I’m in the double digits on Mercenary Man

Secunda Nocta

Legacy of Rage is now on Tubi! Y’all willed it into existence! The English dub is awful like y’all said.

VHSMIA

Came here to make sure someone mentioned that. Huge laugh for me. Why are Rodgers and Gabrus being so mean to Stanger?

Donatello’s Big Dong

Probably meant Mutombo

away

what tier do we get a Rogers caricature?

Hammerthrust Von Sexron

One thing that didn't come up is this movie had the most egregious "hero ignoring a gunshot wound" I've seen. Because Michael Gold definitely took a bullet right to his liver or kidney. By the end of the movie that it isn't on their list of concerns.

Mitch Kapa

My guess is the movie was filmed Mozambique since there were signs jn Portuguese and it’s a former colony. They mentioned a border with Namibia so it would work geographically

Antonio

Hakeem played for the rockets

Sh'boom Sh'boom

I definitely thought they were in Cuba, sneezed and when I looked back the movie was ending with a verbig diamond. Great job action wolves! I loved it.

Oldmancoyoteface

This movie was a fever dream.

Disco Turd

I rented this goddamn movie in Spanish

ZacB_AZ

I just came across this Soanish soccer player and he looks just like Rodgers. Google Marcos Alonso.

Grogan99

This may be the most action boyz movie they've ever covered? Perfect blend of nonsense, guns, and one-liners that don't work

Eli Jacobowitz

Where else can you get a podcast host reading the lyrics to “Mercenary Man” in the same episode where he gives a pretty good high level summary of African history?

Kevin Potter

Apparently it was called Soldier of Fortune when it was released, but they changed it to Laser Mission at some point.

Nathan Rodriguez

In the early 90’s, MC Hammer lived in the town where I grew up - Fremont, CA. You’d see him and his whole crew shopping at Newpark Mall at the Spencer’s or whatever and people at my high school would always talk about how they saw him at lunchtime. His huge compound in the Fremont hills had a gate that was adorned with “Hammer Time.” He was really the only celebrity we had in this part of the Bay Area.

Nathan Rodriguez

Not one laser in the whole damn thing. Was the title a placeholder no remembered to change?

Voltron Dicksuck

I'll admit to having a similar thought.

David Bauer

Hell yeah

Will See

Johnny Wadd is the character the real John Holmes played in the 70s. The new kid in Boogie Nights is Johnny Doe.

Dark Angel Of The Year

As an illustrator and a former server at Macaroni Grill, I was stoked on the talk about drawing on paper tablecloths.

okaykretz

I fell asleep watching this the first time before Lee & Borgnine even finish their conversation on the bench. Glad I gave it another shot with some coffee this morning.

Dark Angel Of The Year

ACKSHUALLY it's because I'm the Stanger of my friend group.

Dark Angel Of The Year

According to Wikipedia: “Together with his older brother Mark Knopfler, John Illsley, and Pick Withers, he founded the rock band Dire Straits in 1977, serving as rhythm guitarist on their first two albums.” MIND. FUCKING. BLOWN.

Jim

Took a Coaching Football course for an elective. Class met once a week for two hours and was taught by the head coach of the D3 football team. My buddy worked for the athletic department and told me coach was a huge Bears fan. First day of class the coach says, “Whoever answers this question doesn’t have to come to class for the rest of the semester. What is the greatest defense of all time?” 85 Bears. Wish he would’ve pulled me aside and whispered it like Stanger’s former instructor tho

Bob Brown

Fun movie. Loved the Cannon Films level of disdain for the safety of extras/bystanders during the car chase scenes. Tried to figure out the locales while watching and took a screen shot of the weird war memorial the leads pass when they ride the horse into town, and ran it through Google Images. Tracks with Ben’s comments on Europe and Africa: It’s in Swakopmund, Namibia, and was built in 1908 by a German Marine Regiment to commemorate German Marines who died in a 1904-1905 “war” that was actually a genocide of two local tribes. Protesters periodically throw red paint on it to mark the bloodshed inflicted by the Germans. Extra useless fact: Debi Monahan (Alissa) is now apparently a personal trainer/Pilates instructor in L.A., so the table is set for collision of the Action Boyz and Dumbbells universes.

Courthouse Steppes

Gonna watch the Spanish version off YouTube because I think it might be more enjoyable

JoBrock Brobama

cant believe I am watching a VHS tape through streaming in 2024

Eddie Arafat

Teapot Dome. Ahahahaha!

Roscoe 112

Love the sound effect based cold opens, every episode please

Flappy McGillicuddy-Jones III

He’s so dreamy, I’m positive he’s my chronotype.

Dan

Sorry, I zoned out for a minute. Are we supposed to say how old our jizz is when we leave a voicemail?

David D.

I'm so glad this was so loved. That final freeze frame, music drop is legit 5 stars.

Steve S.

Its impossible to make a Cyclops (or Jubilee, or several others) story that’s anything but cringe. Glad they didn’t try to change the characters.

Adam Ross

There is nothing I love more than throwing on Action Boyz while I gamble on WNBA games! Keep up the good work!

Kevin

“The Garmin watch let me down as far as nav goes” got an IRL cackle out of me, thank you Stanger

Liz Arcury

I think it’s even more sinister than a marketing ploy. I agree with what Gabrus said about it being a strategy to further divide people politically. The constant self identifying of generations is a recent phenomenon, but it’s also the same regionally. I grew up in ‘middle America’ but no one ever referred to it as ‘middle America’ or ‘flyover states’ until recently. The term ‘coastal elites’ also didn’t exist. People in middle America seemed patriotic about New York (especially after 9/11) and we were proud of Hollywood too. Now New York and Hollywood are dirty words in middle America and people on the coasts think of everyone else as flyover state trash. What even is this country?

Big Stepper

Concerning lack of Bo Jackson talk this week, everything ok Stang?

Devon Gravert

Brandon Lee with an uncanny resemblance to Andrew Cunanan here

Jim Bo

Don’t worry Stanger I got the Robert Blake joke

Sluderesque

The speed at which that much destructive power is unleashed is horrific and mind-boggling. Awful but yet awesome at the same time

Jacob Lucero

The generation obsession is so insane. Glad you guys brought that up. I think I’m a millennial (born 1991) but I never think about it. It’s so odd to me. It feels like some marketing ploy that we all fell for. Like how there are unofficial holidays now made by corporations (national donut day, national ice cream day etc) none of it is real! But what is real is Laser mission.

IssaHotdogaSandwich

he's my dad

connie voltaire

Careful, might cut yourself on all that edge

Cole Trickle

Oi?

Scott Tammel

as one of the few non-straight non-men who listens to this podcast, the reason why the listeners defend Stanger is because they have crushes on him, whether they know it or not. and like, duh, who wouldn't

Eliana

Sounds like something a child molester would say

Alex Elani

I’m a Richard Linkhater so it’s a no go for me

Movie Donkey

If you were supposed to have an assignment or something due on a Monday morning, and instead you watched a video with the lights off, yeah, we’re hung over.

K. D. Campbell

My folks are from Cleavelage, but I'm posting from Columbutts.

FiddlersGreenDay

I thought it was Liddy too 😂

K. D. Campbell

After watching this, I’m convinced whoever was the propmaster for The Crow deserves a special Oscar for “Services to Film”

K. D. Campbell

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m pretty sure those were Majestyk Brand Executioners Choice Guillotine Practice Melons. Could someone with a higher def transfer confirm that ?

AFistfulofGwildors

Rodgers: I got so many hawks flying around my place, and they’re all named Hudson.

Paul

I thought the CIA guy looked like Tony Levin or G. Gordon Liddy. The Iron Sheik is another good one.

David Bauer

I know Gabrus meant Dikembe Mutombo. What even is this podcast?

RutgerHauerPowerHour

Pass the crevasse-ier

Dustin

Gonna need a little bit of an explanation for this “joke”?

Ryan Stanger

I also read it. Twas harrowing. Lotta un fun facts

Kevin Fennell

Don Knott Steiner

I also mix up Hakeem Olajuwon and Dominique Wilkins from time to time for some reason

Jared Niles

Young humour, I know

Loose Goose

Fingers crossed this episode is funny.

The Coin Guy

I got about 5 mins into the Spanish version before restarting it on YouTube. Not a bad transfer of this totally stupid but super fun movie. Had a blast. Side note: just finished the Annie Jacobsen book, Nuclear War: A Scenario……what a quick and amazing read that left me terrified. Great suggestions all the way around.

Jacob Lucero

Hey guys if you haven't already told them all, I think there should be a teacher story segment in the zombie squad episodes. Even if they aren't new, we're all idiots and won't remember anyway. Boozy teachers rule.

Megan

Sometimes I feel like I’m being punished for something when I watch these movies…

Jim

Thanks!

Bobby Nitro

Also one thing I really like about xmen97 is the characters can and do swear now, except for Wolverine who still says “What the HECK”

Joe B

Just in case anyone needs to hear it for the 100th time https://youtu.be/lsr8TR1o6DA?si=9-Xyz-3eM2xqkRXP

Sean Hutchinson

The average price of McDonald's menu items is up around 40% since 2019

bloodflart

it definitely has that pace too, always crazy shit popping off one after the next

bloodflart

I was going to demand Stanger not get paid for slacking off again, but then along comes Milius Prime, and I’ve calmed down.

Dan

Could be South Africa

Chabnormal

It’s Daniel Clowes

Sam Riebesehl (Reeb-Uh-Shell)

Just watched it last night. Started off fun. Interesting premise. But they really didn’t know how to end it

Sam Riebesehl (Reeb-Uh-Shell)

Looking back now it’s so clear to me that xmen was my childhood soap opera. “Oh no I knocked up my wife’s clone”

Joe B

Boy did I think it was the funniest thing ever when I saw a bootleg dvd of a movie called “Laser Mission” in a convenience store in high school. And the seasons turn, turn, turn

late2stuff

I like the cringe of X-Men 97 cause that's what the shit was like back then, it's cool they didn't fix some of the "flaws" that they easily coulda

bloodflart

Anyone see Hit Man? I fuckin hated it

bloodflart

Was the name of the comic artist Rodgers mentioned Dan Klaus? I couldn't find anything under that name

Bobby Nitro

When they went on that run of impersonating the listener comments I was laughing so hard my face hurt. I was in public with earbuds and trying desperately to hold it in. I say it all the time, this podcast is worth every penny and then some.

Brix

best disguises since The Saint. On the other hand, there’s no fuckin laser at all..

Joe B

MERCENARY MAAAAN

Sean Hutchinson

Before I ended up putting on subtitles because of the shitty copy of a copy of a copy transfer Tubi has. I really thought the singer was saying “necessary man” in the beginning. Thankfully like all “A” movies they reuse the intro song like 5 times so I figured out the true deep lyrics to Mercenary Man

Sam Riebesehl (Reeb-Uh-Shell)

This movie had it all. Everything from brown face to poorly hidden stunt car ramps

Daniel_

“Paying for both, not using either.” Sums up my financial situation perfectly.

Hammerthrust Von Sexron

Hell yeah, new ABZ, let’s go!

ShangDangus

Man I love their discussion about teachers not trying or giving a fuck. Gabrus: “And it may not be that they’re an alcoholic, it could just be they’re having a tough home life with a shitty husband or their kid is going through something rough. Rodgers: “yeah or they’re a child molester”

Alex Elani

Did Fisher Stevens do any consulting on this film?

Gilligan(The marooned Ranchero)

Any Space Mutiny heads will recognize Graham Clark (Col. Kalishnakov) famous for playing Scott Devers (Sting) in Space Mutiny.

Big Junior

That final freeze frame.

Luke Jacobs

Love the SFX intros 🙏🫡

PizzaCrustPunk

Cannot stress enough how thankful I am to this podcast for introducing me to Laser Mission. What a flick

Julian Neuweiler