New Halloween Story - "In The Red Light Backrooms"

I'm still trying to find the right balance for working on stories as well. This story ended up taking longer than "I'll give it 2 days to see if I can hammer it out". :D I like how it turned out though.

Many-Eyed Hydra

Most enjoyable! I have missed your stories (hence query a while back). Though, I suspect I am not really your typical fanbase

vetlet

I enjoyed it MEH! Although, it makes me wish that we get a big tiddy goth succubus harlot in the House. Hopefully we'll get one before the ending of the year because the sex scene was fucking hot!

Najee

It was one of those ideas where the dial was turned more to horror (if I toned down the sex scene, it would probably just be horror rather than erotic horror). It's also fairly difficult horror to write and get the atmosphere right, so I'm not 100% I got it right. I did enjoy stretching myself a little to try. A more overt sex trap version might be fun. Maybe a bit of H-space. Maybe a game idea. I need to finish the "Sandwiched by Smoke" novella I started ages ago. That featured an antagonist that liked dropping people in sex-based "Saw" traps and might have further potential.

Many-Eyed Hydra

Either ending works, I think. I wanted the feeling of being trapped for this one. I've done the 'addict' style ending before (way way back with the Masterton Covenant). I might use it for another 'weird' red light zone (I have one in mind) and take that approach.

Many-Eyed Hydra

I'm a little bit.. puzzled.. I enjoyed the introduction to the backrooms, it felt natural and I liked the insights of how DnD enthusiasts would try to force a sense into this odd situation, probably adapting better than the normal person. But at the same time this also felt like a big missed opportunity.. as you said, the introduction is rather long and plain.. to me there was room to implement a more erotic undertone to the setting, to make that kind of backroom a more lively version of it. We only get glimpses of the teases those 2 were exposed to.. so to me it just felt rushed which leads to me believing I'd probably enjoy a replacement for the usual backroom chaser with something more.. fitting.. something that is obviously deadly.. yet alluring.. like a wall of boobs slowly approaching.. or a wall of butts etc. etc. this would then turn the glass panels with the succubi into a deadly trap.. because if you stare for too long.. if you - I'd have loved this in the story - start to pump your cock in front of the girls and reach a climax with them for example, you'd be ended.. I did really enjoy the part with the girls being unable to actively force the prey into the rooms.. it holds the same vibes as the summer house succ and how to off a good man pt2, which are my favorites :D knowingly walking into a trap is so great, yet the fact that the prey in this story is forced into the rooms due to fear rather than horny / seduction was for me personally also rather meh. I think it's a solid story with a logical approach to how a lewd version of the backrooms might look like.

Noeru

I enjoyed the longer, world-building set up. It allowed for some tension to exist at the end - would the protagonist actually survive with the ‘bite’ taken out of his soul - would he leave only to keep coming back, haunted by the thought of endless corridors of pleasure he could no longer find in his world - an addict doomed to find his end in the back rooms. With the way Damien’s hope was dashed at the end, though, creates a just-as-satisfying feeling of inevitable demise. A doom of his own creation as he picks the succubi who drain him bit by bit.

That's what I was hoping for, although it's a tricky mix with erotic horror. :D

Many-Eyed Hydra

There was some sort of lonely creepiness at some parts of the movie, that your story evoked. Haha I guess it's a good thing

Shunzzie

It's worse than that. I used the word 'phlegmy' for the unseen thing and Chris's breathing at the end as a hint the cleaner(s) were once human.

Many-Eyed Hydra

I remember that film being odd. I think I saw it before reading the Hellblazer comics. It's fine as long as you treat it as a separate thing. :D Inspiration for this story was fairly straightforward - What if Backrooms but corridors of Amsterdam window brothels.

Many-Eyed Hydra

I really liked the story. The beginning felt a little bit different from your usual writing style which was very nice. The plot was also interesting. For some time, I thought why the Backrooms are not littered with bodies, even if most of the people would probably choose to go out by the hands of one of the succubi (like our two un/lucky protagonists). But at the end I realized that if the succubi never kill and only take a part of the soul they eventually end up like Chris. Unable to even walk... And that is where the 'cleaner' comes in. That thing that follows them. Would have been nice to see that thing in action, tho.

Wakozi

Nice! Would have preferred more action, but I guess the buildup is necessary for this particular theme. For some reason, Keanu Reeves' Constantine movie kept coming to mind as I read this story (though was listening to it for the first 40 mins while driving)

Shunzzie

Loved the story!

Arerad

Loved the story! :D Tfw no succubus gf

Zavijava