Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 161

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 161

…

Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

…

While Roseanne was finalizing the details with the soon-to-be child emperor, I went ahead and established a base camp after my supplies came in from Ylstu.

I’ll be honest.

The Americans made having hundreds of bases around the world look easy.

Or, maybe, they just had enough money and industry and desire that they could just mass produce pre-fab military installations on foreign soil.

Man, Roseanne thought my basic-bitch understanding of economics and militarization was enough to go crazy over, she’d probably die talking to anyone with a clear understanding of a real, modern military industrial complex.

But I’m digressing.

“Keep the lavatories and the showers away from the drinking water supply. It’s unhygienic, even if it is easier. Also, I’m taking my baths on the ship, so there’s no chance you’re all ever getting to drink my bathwater.”

“BOOO!”

“Oh, shut up!”

I had a hard hat on while I directed Undead contractors to do the work. Since this was the first time that we were doing things, and I was unlikely to do it again, we were recording and sketching things out for posterity.

This war’s ending?

Best to start preparing for the next one.

Anyway, I also had the first production megaphone in this world. It was an ingenious design, which I didn’t understand in the slightest. Apparently, it worked off the voice recorded I thought up with Henri a long, long time ago that just instantly increases the volume of the voice and spits it out too. Henri said something about it being a possible route for weaponization, some sort of sound bomb loud enough to shake rocks apart, but we shelved that in favor of summoning an astral beast.

Given the problems that my current plan was giving us, I should’ve gone with the sonic bomb thing, but hindsight’s a bitch.

“Keep everything volatile in the secure containers and start partially burying them! The mound structure is in the diagrams. You can all at least dump dirt properly, right?” Anyway, I was mostly yelling at the Undead workforce we’d gotten to construct the forward operating base. Henri said that it would stimulate them and have them evolve more quickly, and she was right. The many Zombies and Skeletons went from doing exactly what I said to messing up small things so that I’d yell at them. Stupid, horny Kindred get off of everything. This’ll be my last stint as a foreman ever. “Remember, I killed you all once already. I can do it again. Do your jobs right, dammit!”

The forward operating base’s resident area was the largest and, made up of transports with their wings detached. I got the idea from our time in Lua’Kona and our raid into the Empire a long time ago. The transports were pulled in filled with supplies, inside universal containers. The containers could be taken apart and turned into shelves, stools, and tables. Beds were difficult to mass produce with the different requirements of each Kindred, so I defaulted to futons and allocated them as needed. Larger Kindred with territorial tendencies received tents to call their own, but most were happy bunking in the transports with cubby/cot hybrids stacking atop each other, and besides that there was plenty of space in the hulls of my ships.

Concealment was the base’s main defense, but in an emergency our lift capability was high enough to pick up the unwinged transports and speed them away. It’d tire out the lift crews, and take away a lot of troops we could use, but if I made that call it’d be more about saving lives and making a quick retreat than fighting.

After the habitable area, it was just weapons, ammo storage, medical tents, food service, waste, and hygiene. They all came in modified transports whose hulls opened and who wings served as extra roofs on stilts. Most of the put-together structures were open air, because of the various sizes of Kindred and I wanted everyone to be able to do whatever job I wanted them too. Kindred were also more hardy and needed less shelter than humans, so it worked out in the end.

Overall, even though the Undead crews were rapidly developing masochistic tendencies, things were looking good.

The only thing that could ruin this moment was Roseanne telling me through Cellphone-chan that everything I’ve done now is not necessary.

Oh, look.

Here’s Cellphone-chan right now.

Right on time.

…

“I told you not to intimidate them any further.”

“I wasn’t. I was just being cautious.”

“Establishing a whole military base within two days isn’t being cautious. It’s being intimidating!”

“That depends on context. We’re literally miles away from the enemy lines. It’s cautious!”

“Rah!” Roseanne threw her arms up in the air, before falling into her chair and cradling her head against her hand. I wasn’t offered a chair, so I just stood in front of her petulantly. How did I manage such a thing? Practice. It’s all about the slouch. Bent forward spine, a glaze in the eyes, and slack shoulders. Gotta suck in the stomach a bit to emphasize it. Some would say being in uniform ruins it, but I’d say it’s the cherry on top. They know you can look professional, but you actively decide not to. “You’re impossible, Hikigaya!”

“Thanks.”

That earned me another glare, which I gave another shrug to, and finally Roseanne took several deep breaths and got to telling me what I needed to know.

“Negotiations have progressed smoothly. You have no need to interact with the remaining Empire any longer, in fact after this coming assignment I want you back in Ylstu and away from the war.” Roseanne laid things out as simply as possible, while I listened. Some nobles of the Kindred would hate being sent back. I was looking forward to it. “We will take out the mad heirs of the Empire, install the one who came to us as our puppet, and break everything up into a multitude of regions.”

Most of that was already set in stone, but the last part wasn’t.

“That’ll make it difficult to govern in the future.”

“Exactly. I have my hands full with the Kindred development in existing lands, and most of my trusted associates will be handling the conquered Frontier. I’ll be sequestering the Empire’s lands amongst my followers to fight and quarrel over, while their own lands improve and stabilize.”

“The Warring States period, huh? Good choice.”

“…You haven’t told me a thing about the Warring States period, Hikigaya.”

“Ancient series of wars between several countries in a massive region of Earth. All broken up from a giant empire. Lasted a few hundred years, I think, until unification through a great leader.” I wonder if K*ingdom was finished yet. What’s that? You think I pulled all of that information from my history class? Nope, sorry. It’s from the manga. Well, I guess I could’ve talked about Japan’s own Sengoku period… but China’s fit better. “It made everything in that region focus on itself. Barely innovation, barely anything happening outward, just people fucking, breeding, and killing each other under different flags, while directed by generals and kings. Good plan for the Empire, honestly.”

It was Empire killing the Empire, essentially.

The best solution that I could imagine.

“I see. Then, there is precedence for the plan. Though, I imagine that those warring states did not have a force to unify against that would’ve caused their earlier unification.”

“Just make them big and wealthy enough to eye each other up first” I explained a bit further and wished that I had access to a computer to just bring the stuff up. Explaining all of this is tough. The first thing I’m doing after this is figuring out how to use magic and our basic industry to start producing computers. Given the fact that Automata were going to be involved somehow, I’m sure that computers are going to not only have lewd content, but lewd hardware too. Not looking forward to it. “They’ll gang up on each other, then betray each other, fight some more, and eventually stabilize before repeating everything again. It’s all about making sure each one has enough, but little enough that they want more.”

“I’ll keep that in mind when partitioning the Empire then… and choosing who to assign where.”

“Just have the people you don’t like tear each other apart.”

Roseanne ignored me and moved on with the conversation.

“Your final objective on this front is to defeat or banish away the creature you have summoned. We have information on the creature from our future Emperor.” Roseanne gestured over to the left of her royal tent and I noticed a map laid out on her large dining table. Rich, deep dark wood that was perfectly carved and varnished sat in the middle of a giant tent kilometers from enemy territory. And, she called me intimidating for raising up a whole military installation. Roseanne literally brought in an antique just too eat off of! “This is the final map made by the Imperial Cartographer. It was used to track the creature. He did so at the cost of his life, because scrying it and tracking it manually causes madness.”

“Cool free stuff.”

“It was a good choice not to involve you in the negotiations.”

Once more, I shrugged and looked at the map to figure out where my objective was.

Oh, that bitch.

“That’s the capital, right?”

Roseanne blinked, came over, and looked.

“What the? She’s been erratic all this time, going to and fro without a care… but now she’s staying?” Roseanne looked at the map, before looking at me with narrowed eyes. “Are you controlling her—

“Do you think I want to go back to the place where I was kidnapped from my family, friends, and perfectly comfy world?”

“Hm, point taken.”

Well, it looks like I’m going to be visiting the Empire’s capital once again before it collapses into squabbling states again.

At least, A’Bel and everyone else is going to have a fun fight, instead of living through a dumb, boring, and painful siege.

…

“Oh, it seems that the astral beast you summoned formed a connection with you, my dear summoner. I’ll get rid of that right now.”

“I’m really tempted to take you out of the fight. I grumbled and glared at A’Bel, but she just did the forbidden move. She stuck her tongue out, winked, and gave herself a light bonk on the head. The dreaded ‘Te-he Pero’ was still as effective as always. My glare went from withering to anemic. “Whatever. Fine. It probably made things easier in the end and guided her into the Empire. Now, who do we need to kill her… and no, you don’t get to go alone, because you’re being punished.”

A'Bel pouted, but spoke to me while we made our way back to my ship.

I gave the FOB over to Roseanne and her troops, since I didn’t need it anymore, while most of my troops were going back home. No point in paying them for deployment and endangering them after all. We were going to go in lean with just enough firepower to lay waste to targets of opportunity.

Like a castle.

Or two.

At once.

Anyway, A’Bel was wearing only a large t-shirt this time around. By large, I mean stupidly huge. It was necessary because of her chest, otherwise she’d be flashing everyone with her crotch at all times. If I wore it, I’d probably disappear inside it… oh, that’s the fetish she’s going for.

Oi, I’m not a sex toy you just put on and enjoy while walking around.

“Reiser would be a grand pick. She’s trained extensively and has the mental fortitude for the fight.” At least reject my accusations, please. Changing the subject means you’re still planning on doing it. I’m not into exhibitionism, dammit! “Ashe will be a must, too. Her mind is keen and her instincts are strong. Even in madness, she’ll attack your foes ferociously. We shall, of course, have need of Henri and a few of the Vampire Amazons you have now, if we are to threaten the creature into compliance.”

“I’m not interested in compliance. She’s too dangerous, so I want to banish her back.”

“That would be quite terrible for her, given she has changed herself for this world. May I suggest that you simply seal away her powers and perhaps… keep her beside the Emperor?”

On one hand, I didn’t want an Eldritch deity on the same planet as me, just like any sane man.

On the other hand, I still had a pretty big grudge that would be nicely filled up knowing I put a giant bomb next to the next ruler of the ‘Empire.’

I considered the matter for a moment, before deciding not to decide.

Since I’m rich and powerful, I can do things like that.

“Tell Henri to bring the gear for both.” I grunted and A’Bel smiled at my depraved action of being a tyrant. The Demon was doing that more nowadays. I suppose that I was being a bit sloppier and more indulgent now, and A’Bel enjoyed that quite a bit. Most of the time, she was trying to spoil me or do something else that would keep me in bed all day. Like serve my meals in bed and hand-feeding me, while fully dressed. Totally depraved, I know. “Anyone else?”

“We do happen to have a former Pharaoh at our disposal.”

“Denied. I don’t trust her enough to work with us, or somehow escape your binding via some bullshit. Think of another.” I reached my ship and as soon as we were in eyesight of everyone else, A'Bel changed into something more regal. The clanking of her armor quieted a lot of people, but most gazes were on me. I tucked my hat forward to hide my blush at being looked over so hungrily. “Think up the best team you can, requisition the munitions we could use, and send it to my office. I’ll get everything we need to finish this fight.”

I expected A’Bel to mutter something suitably demonic, like she usually did, but she pitched a sidewinder from out of nowhere.

“Don’t worry, you’ll make all these sluts looking at you mewl and beg without even dropping your pants. The moment you do, they’ll lose instantly.”

If I had a drink, I would’ve spat it out.

A’Bel chuckled lowly as we made my way up the ship, while my pride lay in tatters.

Somehow, I was both terrified and enticed by the peace in Ylstu that I was going to walk into after this.