Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 154

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 154

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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I poured over the documents regarding Ylstu, while having breakfast. It was a simple breakfast of bread, cured meat, and cheese, along with some water and fresh fruit. I’d eaten plenty the previous night and had no intentions of being a slob like most men in Kindred lands. If I wanted to have an amazing meal three times a day, I easily could with my money and influence. Hell, I probably could without either, because Kindred spoiled men like crazy.

But that particular issue will have to be tackled later.

Right now, I was multitasking by talking to some leaders in the captured areas, while reading reports on Ylstu’s current projects.

The first builders and workers from the Great Desert arrived and they were working very well on my new fortification. The problem was that they were working too hard. My own architects were struggling to steal—I mean, learn from their construction techniques. I was going to have to send a message back home to get them to be more lazy.

Which was probably going to be difficult, because they were ordered to do it by their god.

Mekh made my life difficult even when he was an ocean away.

The bastard.

“My Lord, the first village head is here.” Outwardly, Reiser in her Elven disguise was my only guard. In truth, I had multiple Kunoichi hiding in the room. Most of them were hiding. One was just making doe eyes at me while wearing nothing but shadows beneath the table. “With your permission, I will allow him in.”

“Go ahead.” I looked up for a second from the report I was reading. The meeting was taking place on my ship and in my office on the ship. I flew over each place with my warship, told them to come to a rendezvous point, and left. I told them that, if they didn’t arrive within a day, then I’d come back and be less gentle with my arrival. “Want some water?”

“Thank you, my lord.” Reiser took the water in the glass, while the first village head entered. He was a bit old, but with wiry muscle and an unkempt beard. His head was bare of hair, but his eyes were still sharp. In my previous life, I’d probably be afraid of an old man like him that was in charge of a whole village. In my current life, the man flinched when I met his gaze for a second and he started sweating and gulping. “His name is—

“I don’t need to know. We’re not here to be friends. This is a courtesy call. If I need to know his name, that’s when things will get problematic… for him.” I decided to be nice and not have this guy spend too much of his day here. Not only that, I was going to make it clear what was happening and lay down the law quickly and with as little obscurity as possible. “I’m going to ask you questions. You answer them truthfully. I tell you what’s happening and you listen without objection. Understood?”

Reiser was quiet for a moment, but looked at the town head’s way.

A moment later, the man found his tongue.

“Yes, my lord.”

I sighed in relief.

Someone with a brain.

Surprising within the Empire, but welcome.

“My name is Hikigaya Hachiman. You’ve heard of me. Yes, most of the rumors are true, and that’s with Roseanne stopping me from doing what I want. The Demon Lord wants to conquer and keep your people around, while I want you all dead.” This was the usual good-cop, bad-cop routine. Roseanne would be impossible to make out as the good-cop in most cases, but the Empire was terrified of me and called me the Archtraitor or something. No one’s surrendered to my troops, while surrendering to Roseanne’s. Therefore, I could make my boss look good with ease. “Do everything that you’re told. Follow the Demon Lord’s rules and plans. Ready your village for peace and coexistence with the Kindred, then you and your people will never see me ever again.”

“I… I understand, my lord.”

On one hand, I didn’t trust these people one bit. In fact, you could go as far as to say I was paranoid about them. I expected them to do something stupid or malicious, like I believed that air is necessary to live. Letting these people live was just asking for trouble… but this wasn’t my land, and I’d rather have nothing to do with them.

Hating these people might as well be declaring that I’ll be using my entire life, time, and effort to making them miserable. That included going against orders set by Roseanne to let them be, which would endanger my life and Ylstu’s dominant position in the continent.

These people weren’t worth that.

Hell, I felt like this whole affair was a waste of my time already.

I’d rather just come in and beat the shit out of them after they already fucked up, like I thought they would.

“Alright, then. I have no questions. In fact, I’d rather be home doing what I need to or want, so just get out and send the next person in.” I waved the older man out and he left the room quickly, almost falling flat on his face out of the door. I looked at the door for a second, at the sight of the Empire’s vestiges after Roseanne’s machinations. I couldn’t help but snort, before going over the next report for Ylstu. “Send the next one in. I think I’ll keep going until one of them starts crying.”

This was a pretty good way to pass the time while working, though.

…

I was in a good mood before speaking to Roseanne again.

I became ecstatic when I heard what she had to say.

“Are you serious? They’re really that close to killing each other?” I was back in Roseanne’s makeshift office in Arundel. A lot of the furniture had been moved since I was last present to make it into a pseudo War Room. A few unfamiliar Kindred were present who were glaring at me, but I just ignored them and kept talking to their Demon Lord like normal. Being diplomatic is Kurama’s job. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s set the whole place on fire, contain it, and watch them burn themselves down.”

After the last few seasons of constant attack, the Empire was almost completely expended. They lost too many loyal generals, armies, and equipment to the point that their control was waning over their own territory. The loss of the head of the Church, an integral part of their culture, sped up the troubles considerably. There was no one with the charisma and the influence that could go out to sway the masses from the wills of their lords and ladies in favor of the whole.

The ship was sinking, and the rats were all eyeing each other up, so that they could survive.

The Empire wasn’t sending a crusade Roseanne’s way because they were both expended and one step away from shattering.

Naturally, I was all for encircling them and watching them tear each other apart.

“Allowing them to kill one another would end hostilities, but a census has been performed on the Frontier. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough humans here assuage both the issues of the Kindred and create a stable population.” Roseanne shot that idea because she was planning for the Kindred’s collective future. I appreciated her fighting to win, so I kept my mouth shut to let her talk. “Thankfully, my ancestors planned for this, even though they only hoped that we would have a fraction of the advantage that we now have. The plan is simple: we find a noble of the Empire and prop them up.”

A few murmurs went along the table.

I couldn’t think of any political party that would oppose the idea, although Roseanne’s recent victories and popularity was surging to the point where neither party could oppose her at this point. Between the rapid conquest of the Frontier, and my propaganda campaign, Roseanne was untouchable. She was giving the nobility courtesy and offering them the chance to play for the winning team, without asking them to bow down and shame themselves in public. Most played along, but no one was going to argue with having a chunk of the Empire under the Kindred’s control to ensure humanity wasn’t wiped out.

Still, I didn’t hesitate to point out the flaw in her plan.

“Oi, the people out here in the Frontier were outcasts, trying to make new lives, and generally too beaten down to fight back. The same can’t be said for the rest of the Empire. They have just enough soldiers to be stupid and get themselves killed.” I pointed at the map, which was filled out by Roseanne’s network of Doppelgangers. I wondered why I couldn’t get my hands on one. It turns out that Roseanne had a few tricks up her sleeve. “Encircling them and propping someone up sounds like a good way to get them to band together and kill who you choose.”

“That is a possibility… but we have an asset on the field thanks to you, Hachiman.” Roseanne reached out to her left and one of her Doppelgangers in maid outfits put a piece in her hand. A moment later it was on the map, at the center of the Empire’s land that dominated the whole eastern coast of the continent. “The horrible, eldritch monstrosity that you’ve summoned into our realm is wreaking havoc. Alliances and coalitions are forming instead of singular territories and counties. The factions that will rise up will be able to last, until we reinforce them.”

“Huh, then consider that complaint withdrawn… so we’ll move forward when the thing I’ve summoned is dead, right?”

I received a few stares for my casual acceptance of the creature that I summoned dying.

I just shrugged at the incredulity.

“I’ve got enough women after me, and I’ve never met her, so it’s fine.” It’ll be different if I shared a meal with her, or said hi to her. Right now, though, the Eldritch monstrosity I called to wreck house in the Empire was still just a warhead I launched at the enemy. A beast I unleashed after ripping it out of the stars and who I suggested go a certain direction. I wasn’t forcing it to do anything but follow its instincts while invading the Empire. “So… when do you think that’ll happen?”

Roseanne stared at me for a while, before sighing.

“I was hoping that you had the foresight to have a contract binding that creature to you, as you did with the Demon. In hindsight, you would’ve never been foolish to tie your mind with such a creature.” Yeah, sure. That’s why I didn’t do it. Because it was a creature that I couldn’t hope to share mind-space with unless I wanted to risk going insane.  Not because I couldn’t. “Then, we will have to leave that matter to fate, and simply cordon off the Empire, until circumstances arise in which we could secure the most human beings as possible.”

If my life could be simple, that would be the end of it.

The Kindred would surround the Empire, wait for it to beat itself up, swoop in, and start getting things in order.

I can consider killing the Popess and nearly five armies of the Empire with minimal support my contribution, then return to Ylstu while everyone else finished up the late game. They were worthless in the early game and the midgame, but now they were all farmed up, levelled up, and ready to get things done on their own, while I just had to sit back, watch, and let my revenge roll over the Empire as I lived my best life.

The perfect revenge is living a good life?

The perfect revenge is living a good life AND getting someone else to do your work for you.

Naturally, life decided to sign me up for the bonus round, as the door suddenly burst open to admit Lisette into the room.

“Lady Roseanne! An Empire host has been seen leaving through the gap! They’re carrying a flag of truce… and the Emperor’s standard!” The Royal Guard Captain moved through the room and reached one of Roseanne’s magical mirrors. In a moment, the tall mirror looked through the necklace of one of the Dragons. It was a great innovation on part of the Kindred, but because it was a Kindred innovation the sides of the “screen” was framed by boobs. Of course, their magical recreation of a long-range surveillance camera was going to be through a boob window. “They are being pursued by another Empire force! No… two other divisions of the Empire and they’re killing his rear guard now!”

Roseanne hesitated, because even with the strength of her Royal Guard, sending them out there was on a suicide mission. Her dragons were strong, incredibly trained, and well-equipped, they couldn’t get there in time without exhausting themselves. If there was only one division of knights bearing down on the force with the Emperor’s banner, then they could probably win with casualties.

Against two?

It was nearly impossible.

There was only one force that could get there in time and win in a way that would could cow an Emperor into submission.

Roseanne looked at me… and I actually appreciated the apprehension in her eyes at the thought of ordering me to rescue the Empire’s probable head of state.

So, I rolled my eyes and made it easier for my boss.

“Diving into contested territory and killing a lot of Empire soldiers and scaring the shit out of the rest?” I held my hand out and my coat appeared in hand courtesy of Reiser. A moment later I had my hat on and my sword at my waist. “What are you waiting for, Roseanne? Give me the order.”

For the first time, Roseanne looked at me with relief… before steeling her gaze.

“Hikigaya Hachiman, go forth and retrieve the Emperor and bring him to me. To all who oppose you in your directive, you may do as you please.”

Heh.

Full license to kill everyone else, despite how much her armies were hungry for men?

Roseanne was being pretty nice today.