Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: Roseanne Alternative: Part 5: Interlude: Hachiman

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: Roseanne Alternative: Part 5: Interlude: Hachiman

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Commissioned by Lastmanstanding

Wordcount: 2500

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I won’t lie.

I didn’t expect my Isekai to involve magical Gundam, but I wasn’t going to complain about it.

Nor was I going to complain about the fact that I was now effectively the Consort of the Demon Lord.

But I was going to complain about the training that I was going through.

Unfortunately, that complaint was going straight to me.

My chest heaved and sweat poured down my forehead after I finished running around the track, but I kept going until I hit the button on the magical stopwatch I had made at.

I collapsed, but looked at the time.

“Holy fuck.” I ran a five kilometers in 10 minutes, which would’ve killed me just a year ago. “Magic isn’t a joke, even if I don’t have any, huh?”

I wasn’t talking to myself, of course.

I was talking to the Demon Lord who decided to take a look at the facility I had asked for. She’d raised an eyebrow at my request for a private, indoor gym with a closed roof, until I pointed out several facts. Her personal guards and soldiers can use it and maximize their gains with the knowledge I could provide, and I could use it without getting stared at.

Roseanne crumbled the moment I mentioned the latter.

She was possessive, but in the cute way.

“You have very little to speak up, but you are working hard to refine it, and you live amongst Kindred. Your body is changing… and it is interesting how differently you are changing compared to all the other males.” Roseanne was fresh from work, therefore she was in a large flowing dress that she used to lord over all the other Kindred. I could feel her eyes tracing across my body and taking in every minute detail. I was apprehensive out of instinct and she stopped after noticing that… unlike most of the other Kindred I met. “The first deployment of your creations have been a success. It shattered the Kingdom’s lines and retook the entire region where you were to be stationed.”

“Well, that’s not a surprise. The only counter for a Mobile Suit is another Mobile Suit… or a lot of tanks and jets, which no one in this world had.” If memory served me correctly, in the first version of Gundam, they only managed to hold the line too. They were good supplemental units to Mobile Suits, but that didn’t matter here. The Empire didn’t have tanks or jets to hold the line. “They’ll probably use strategic weapons to fight it off, so don’t go too far… or unless you’re willing to take a lot of casualties.”

“Strategic weapons?”

“Weapons meant to wipe out entire battlefields. Uhhh… massive destructions spells that you’d need a city’s defenses to withstand.” I studied how the Kindred and Empire fought. There were a lot of analogues to modern technology because of magic, which led to a lot of restrictions and traditions in warfare. Armies didn’t march without sufficient magical support. It was useless to do certain things because a mage can just look at you funny. Stuff like that which shot most of warfare and its advancement in the foot. No one in this world was going to make a tank, because it’d just get melted or picked up and thrown. “It would cost them a lot, but if they’re backed into a corner, they’ll use one.”

“Ah. I understand. I’ll give the order to keep it on the fringes of our borders instead pressuring their holdings.” Roseanne nodded and spoke to me, while I toweled off the sweat. Her eyes lingered just a little, but I didn’t fault her for it. Sometimes, I stared a little at myself in the mirror too nowadays. “How many do you think we need before we launch a dedicated assault?”

“Four or maybe five dozen. The first set will be sent out and used to lure attacks, before the rest are sent in en-masse. Supported by infantry and cavalry to hold ground, defend the rear, or just support them.” I was stealing a lot from history. It was mainly WW2 history, since it was connected to a certain manga where schoolgirls fought one another in tanks. “It’d be best if we can keep them flying for a long time and find a way to get them to attack from the air, so that we can soften our targets more.”

“Hachiman, your creations are already ripping through entire divisions of the Empire and their fortresses without support.”

“If you’re fighting a fair fight, you’re doing something wrong. Making the fight as unfair as possible is the goal.” I didn’t have any mercy for the Empire. They were kidnappers and enslavers who went out of their way to throw people into slaughterhouses while their own armies mopped up what remained. The brief stint I had with them convinced me that I didn’t want them to continue. They needed to be brought down. “Going through them like a knife through butter’s good, but it’s better if they absolutely don’t stand a chance.”

I spoke my mind and Roseanne shook her head.

“Fine. I’ll allocate some funds towards your latest, crazed invention.” I pumped my fist at those words. We were already doing well in designing a flying platform for the Mobile Suits, but with extra funds we could put bombs or explosives on it, so that they could soften up the enemy before deploying giant armored walkers on them. “Now… care to share your thoughts on why you’re different from the rest of the males under Kindred control?”

I hesitated before answering, but I gave Roseanne my honest thoughts on the matter.

“Because I’m interested in being a person, instead of just being an animal made for fucking.” I saw my fellow guys amongst the Kindred. They were an even mix of people from this world and other worlds. Some were ripped, while others were fate. In terms of age, most of them weren’t touched until they were young adults, but the kids saw what they were in for and that messed with their heads. Just about every single man in the Capital was nothing more than a stud designed to fuck without a thought between their ears. “I’d hate being like them, so I’m doing my best to improve myself. You said Empire Knights can resist Kindred through mental and physical training, right? I’m just doing the same to stay me.”

I was honestly worried that Roseanne wouldn’t like what I said, since I was sending barbs her way about how men were being treated by the Kindred under her rule.

Instead, I was once again reminded that, even though I didn’t get an overpowered power in my Isekai adventure, I ended up being absurdly lucky getting picked up by Roseanne.

“Write down what you discover for others to follow. Once this continent is conquered, I will see that issue addressed.” Roseanne crossed her arms and spoke to me without breaking my gaze. She might as well have been swearing an oath as she spoke, because I knew she wouldn’t go back on her word. “The men of the Kindred have long been treated unfairly and turned into animals through various methods. I wouldn’t wish such a fate upon you… therefore I cannot abide it befalling all other men.”

There were a lot of things I could’ve said at that moment to show my appreciation, but I decided to act and show my appreciation instead.

“Want to shower together and have sex until dinner?”

“Yes.”

Man, I don’t think being the one holding the keys to sexual gratification will ever get old, especially when Roseanne’s so ridiculously attractive and so easily brought to pleasure.

Jeez, that was a slutty thought.

If I were a Ryona heroine, I’d be completely corrupted already.

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Roseanne stared at me and I stared back.

“You… made this for me?”

I took a deep breath and did my best to ignore the rapidly growing need and lust on her face.

“Yes. I made you breakfast. It’s normal in a relationship like ours.” I took a seat across from her. The meal I’d made was just pancakes and whipped cream. My leavening agent was some whipped egg whites and I added the yolks to the dry ingredients as to not waste them. I didn’t bother with ring molds or steaming them, so they flattened quickly and cooked quickly too. They were slightly fluffier, regular pancakes. “Please enjoy it as well as you can without sex getting involved.”

“…I’ll try?” Roseanne’s brow furrowed and I saw that she was actually doing her best to hold herself back. It was an admirable sight that would’ve made Buddha proud, since she was halfway to clambering up the table and already had her pants off. Her eyes narrowed and she took a deep breath… and managed to pull up her pants and sit down properly. The Demon Lord sure was OP. “Okay. I’m fine.”

“Good.” I shook my head and took control of the situation by gesturing towards the table and what I made. I’d made the whipped cream since I’d already made whipped egg whites, but everything else was from my latest project. The jams, preserved fruits, and the new fruits tended to in the new royal greenhouses were new products that couldn’t just be made with magic, since their recipes involved magic. Tiny amounts, but just enough to make it so magic couldn’t make copies of them and make them worthless as products. “Go ahead and give everything a try. The pancakes are meant to be eaten with toppings.”

Besides coming up with weapons of war, I was doing my best to get Roseanne some economic power too, which was difficult because most of the nobility had mages do all their work for them. Magic was a universal problem solver, so the peasantry could barely do anything besides craft goods by hand and live off the land. The Kindred’s economy barely functioned and I had to improve it from the ground up by giving the peasantry crops that they could actually sell and grow with what little they could spare.

“Ah, these are the fruits you had studied and selectively grown with magic. They’re unrecognizable.” Roseanne took in the sights and was pleased by what she saw. Most of the fruits in Kindred lands resembled Western paintings of their kind in the middle ages. Melons were mostly pulp, rind, and seeds with just the required amounts of meat to make them worth breaking apart and eating. Introducing the gardeners to basic genetics, the Punnett Square, and a records system sped up the process significantly with magic included. “Oh, and they’re far more delicious!”

“In Japan, fruits are gifts. Expensive gifts. Every farmer that grows fruits goes out of their way to control everything and learn everything they can to produce the best.” I wasn’t praising my country. I was just stating facts. In my personal opinion, three thousand yen for ten strawberries was a rip off. And a melon for fifteen thousand yen was absolutely ludicrous, no matter how tasty they were. Thankfully, here, delicious fruits could be grown rapidly while retaining their flavor. “Congratulations, with magic, you’ve skipped a few centuries of careful tending and record keeping. It all tastes ludicrously good.”

Roseanne ate the fruits with gusto, but her eyes shone when she ate it with the slightly-fluffy pancakes and sweetened, whipped cream. They had cakes here, but they were on the heavy side, since there was no need for the Kindred to worry about losing their figures. The thought of making something lighter and fluffier might’ve not occurred to them yet, despite the fact there was a market for it.

Example: Roseanne scarfing down the three pancakes I gave her with cream, fruits, and jam in seconds.

When she looked sad after finishing her plate, I made a decision and apologized to my hips.

I gave her my untouched plate and moved to cook some more.

I barely managed to glare at her as she stood straight up and nearly ripped the zipper off the front of her tracksuit.

“Those taste good now. Sex will be the same later.” It was a risky move to play against a species brought to live out of doujins, but it was a risk I was willing to take. If one Kindred could be swayed with delicious food out of sex, then there was hope for the rest of the species. Roseanne’s plans to elevate males into something more than sex toys would be far easier if I could lead the Kindred around with their stomachs, instead of the organ just a bit lower below and in front of it. “Eat, Roseanne. I want you to enjoy the food I’m making.”

I was laying it on thick and I could feel phantom pain reverbating through my hips, but I stayed calm and stared Roseanne down… as she slowly, but surely managed to sit her ass down onto the chair. The sound was sticky and wet to the ears and her chest was in full-view, but the Kindred’s Demon Lord took several heavy breaths… and managed to shakily turn her attention back to the plate of food that I made for her.

Good to know that there was hope for these horny beasts.

I could only hope that everyone else amongst the Kindred could reach the same level of self-control as Roseanne, because that was the absolute, best discovery that I could hope to make. More so than discovering new weapons, if I could find a way to make the Kindred less horrifying, then things will turn out for the better overall. Peace would be possible between humans and the Kindred, not just tolerance.

I managed to reach the kitchenette I had made before Roseanne spoke breathily after swallowing a bite of her new, favorite food.

I could feel her glare through my clothes, through my body, and onto a very specific part of my body as she spoke.

“You’re not getting away, Hachiman.”

I was tempted to say “kyaa” or inform her that I had no intention of running away from a beautiful woman like her.

Since I knew both routes would test her too much, I simply decided to nod in acknowledgement of her words.

And, of course, hide my arousal.

Jeez.

What a world to find myself in.