Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 97

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 97

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

…

I went through the whole headache of attending a formal party and dinner, but I didn’t meet with the Pharaoh in person until Kurama rose and bid me to follow her.

Since the Pharaoh was seated on the Throne when I left the table, I thought that I’d have to wait for him, but instead I found the tanned, white-haired Shota wearing more gold than cotton waiting for me.

“Hikigaya Hachiman. The man from another world. The Hand of the Demon Lord. The Betrayer of the Empire.” Despite barely being taller than my waist, the Pharaoh spoke with a voice similar to a certain time-stopping, blond Vampire. In fact, I was ready to ask him if he was keeping a slutty nun with serious issues around as he continued to speak to me. “I hope that you are enjoying my welcoming party.”

I debated on being diplomatic and polite, but Kurama wouldn’t have let me in here if that was necessary, so I decided against it.

“I’m not one for massive festivals. I prefer being alone to rest and recuperate, work, or entertain myself. In fact, I just prefer being alone.” My words elicited a chuckle from the Pharaoh as a few of his servants came from the shadows of the small, dark room to bring in benches and a table. He sat first and gestured for me to take a seat, which I did as his servants laid out a small platter of food between us. Flatbread covered in honey and nuts. I passed on it. “The rest of my retinue’s enjoying it, so it’s not a waste, of course.”

“Is that so? Even though I aimed to impress you specifically?”

“Well, I care about my subordinates. Treating them well is treating me well.” I shrugged and shifted in my seat. They really didn’t like having backrests. It was either lay down on your side or back or sit straight in Pharaoh’s lands. It was getting annoying. “So, I am impressed, because you’re treating my subordinates well. It tells me that you actually care for people beneath you, y’know?”

“Interesting. Very interesting. I haven’t heard such words in centuries. A powerful leader with immense successes… but one who still cares for his people. It’s almost refreshing… if it wasn’t so cliché.” A sigh left the Pharaoh’s lips as he looked upon me. Golden eyes bore into my own and I felt a strong pressure exert itself on my body. I held strong and didn’t flinch, because I’d faced far, far worse with an explosive collar on my neck. The Pharaoh practically did nothing. “Why don’t you tell me more interesting things about yourself, instead of things that I’ve heard before, Hikigaya Hachiman? Hearing of normal things and occurrences is boring. Capture my interest and everything you dream of can be achieved.”

I debated on giving my true answer for a second, before deciding on giving it anyway, since I couldn’t be bothered to think of another answer.

“Can you kill the entire Empire? Rip out the country’s entire foundation, destroy its culture, and make sure only the youngest children survive?” I shot my shot, because that was the real reason why I was here. Roseanne might’ve sent me here to secure trade and allies, but the real reason why I was going along with her plans was to pursue my ultimate goal of murdering an entire nation-state. “I want them wiped from the face of the planet. Everything they had taken and destroyed. Their existence forgotten forever.”

My mouth felt a little dry after my little, heartfelt speech, so I took a sip of water from the flask that I had on my side. Was it wrong to drink from one’s own flask in front of a host? Yes, but I didn’t see any water around. I had been fine drinking from the cups given to us at the table.

“Oh? You were made a slave for a handful of years and you seek to obliterate an entire nation from history?” The Pharaoh supped on the sweetened bread thoughtfully. “How crude. I was a slave for decades… and my former master yet lives.”

“Well, I’m not you. I’m me and I think the people and society that owned me doesn’t deserve to exist, especially since they’re still kidnapping and enslaving others.” I shrugged. I wasn’t going to mince words with the Pharaoh. “Good on you for being a better person. Well done. However, again, I’m not you. I want my former enslavers dead, burnt to ash, and forgotten by history.”

“And, if I were to oppose the Pharaohs reconnecting with the Demon Lord, because of your views as her Hand?”

“I’ll go find other allies; I suppose. It can’t be helped if you don’t like me. A lot of people don’t even among the Kindred.” I’d gotten a rundown on how my status was amongst Kindred. The regular folk and the peasantry under Roseanne loved me, thus the aristocracy hated me and wanted to put me in my place. That place being either in their bedroom or their eldest daughter’s bedroom. Roseanne was adamant that I don't let my guard down around my colleagues… as if I trusted them one bit. I perfectly understood that we were all jostling for power and they wanted what I had since the start. “I’ll make inroads elsewhere. Find another Pharoah to convince. Probably a lot of other Pharaohs actually, just to make sure that I get what I want.”

“And, what would you offer the Pharaohs to convince them to do as you wish, instead of listening to one of their own? Especially when we have everything that is to want within our halls?” Gah. I got flashed by the Shota as he crossed his legs. The loincloth hid nothing during the movement. My retinas were burned by the image of his “divine tool.” I did my best to close my eyes and rid myself of the image, even looking up and praying to Kami for the first time in forever, but it refused to leave. It was burned into my brain now. Dammit. “Hikigaya Hachiman, what could your world possibly have that outdoes the glory of the Pharaohs?”

The Pharaoh’s words were surprising enough that I managed to return to consciousness from being shellshocked by something analogous to a can of Red Bull.

“My world? Nothing. All of that’s for the Kindred. I’m the Hand of the Demon Lord and a noble under the Demon Lord. Everything I have from my world is for the Kindred.”

I was honestly surprised that they thought that they were getting anything from me. While I certainly had gripes about my employer, who was over-utilizing me, my goals fell in line with Roseanne’s. She wanted the Empire dead and gone, agreed to my terms, and was marshalling her entire people to wage war against the Empire to secure her grip on the continent and her people’s future.

Was I worried about her potentially backstabbing me regarding the rituals used to get humans from other worlds? Yes, but that was a bridge that’ll be crossed later… with me using foreign connections and sharing the things that I wouldn’t share while under her employ.

But back to the matter at hand.

“I’m here to represent the Demon Lord and what she has to offer. I’ll do what I can with my retinue, but I’m not offering you anything from my world.” I was Roseanne’s retainer until there was definitive proof that she had not intention of respecting our deal. If that came to pass, I needed to leverage everything that I had and escape to another power with my knowledge, so that I could fight for another day. Spreading that knowledge around wouldn’t just betray Roseanne for no good reason, but it’d also take potential leverage away from me when I needed it. Thus, it was a spectacularly bad idea that I had no intention of considering. “The Demon Lord offers goods from the Kindred. Drider Silk, manufactured goods, and other things. You can have your people talk to Kurama if you want to know what exactly.”

The Pharaoh was quiet for a moment, before speaking once more with his deep voice a deathly calm.

“And, what if I wish for that knowledge and would take it from you, if you did not wish to give it? Would your Demon Lord fight against me for you?”

To that question, I had another answer ready.

“She doesn’t need to. I can fight for myself.” I didn’t do anything to signal her, but A’Bel arose from the darkness behind me. I didn’t need to look at her to know that she had a massive, excited smile on her face at the prospect of fighting a Pharaoh in his place of power. The scent of sulfur, blood, and flame drifted across the room while masked guards stepped out of the shadows to guard their Pharaoh… only for all of them to grow still as knives appeared at their necks courtesy of Kunoichi. For the first time, the Pharaoh looked surprised. “What? Did you seriously think I’d be sent over here if I couldn’t get back? With all that I know and all that I can give? That’s just plain stupid.”

From my prior experience with tyrants, I expected the Pharaoh to sputter, grow red, and start of a chain of events that would have us running out of the pyramid with a powerful enemy.

Instead the Pharaoh chuckled.

“Fufu…”

Then, laughed.

“Haha…”

And, finally, began practically howling like a madman.

“Kuhahaahahahaha! INDEED! Indeed, Hikigaya Hachiman, it would’ve been idiotic to send you out with anything less than a Primal Demon of Destruction at your beck and call! Fwahahahah!” The Pharaoh struck the table between us and sent the simple dish flying off and then stood upon the squat table with his golden-braceleted feet. I looked up at him and found his golden eyes manic and a many-toothed smile splitting his face, while he spread his arms with rapidly opening and closing palms and fingers. Yeah, it figured that an immortal man in an unchanging society would be stir-fucking-crazy. “Of course, of course, you’d have a Demon feared by divinity at your side… disguised as a mere Demon of the current age! Bwaahahaha!”

I turned my gaze over my shoulder at A’Bel, but all I received from my Demon was irritation aimed at the Pharaoh’s response… and her sticking out her tongue wile knocking herself on the noggin. The “tee-hee, pero” was pretty cute and comedic, but we’re going to have words about your true capabilities later, A’Bel.

Anyway, with that handled, I turned my attention back to the crazy Shota who was making stupid decisions on a whim.

“I declare you my friend, Hikigaya Hachiman! I would call you my brother, but I wouldn’t wish that fate upon anyone! Ahaha!” The Pharaoh kept chuckling and crossed his arms on the table, while I looked up at him and listened to his declaration. The room relaxed significantly at his declaration. I knew that everything was fine once A’Bel’s annoyance bled away into disappointment and she disappeared from the room. The Pharaoh’s mad, wide grin turned into an impish smile when he truly looked upon me again. “Consider me a firm ally, Hikigaya Hachiman! I, Mekh, declare myself for your cause in these lands… as I wish to see it upturned by you and remade! Ask me of anything within my power… and it shall be yours!”

I already had something in mind and didn’t hesitate to ask it.

“Then, for fuck’s sake, sit the fuck down and get your dick out of my face!”

If you’re going to go mad with revelations and surprises, have the damn courtesy of wearing more than pelvic curtain!

…

Kurama clung to my arm the entire way home, while wearing little more than jewelry, a veil that covered her mouth, and a bikini two sizes too small.

“Oi. Get off.” I grunted the request her way for the fifth time, but she only clung onto me with a bigger grin as we made our way to the rooms bequeathed to us in the Pharaoh’s pyramid. Her tails swung about as she walked with me. Her rear and front shook with every step in a hypnotic sway. “I’m getting tired of asking, Kurama.”

“But, my dear husband, how can I not cling to you and praise you after your accomplishment? A Pharaoh… declared himself your ally and friend!” Kurama spoke breathily and lust was apparent in her eyes. My arm was being engulfed by her chest and straining her top. Kurama’s Kuramas were surprisingly large at second glance and that was made more apparent by the fact my arm was gone without even reaching the bottom of the valley. “My dear husband… I wish to truly be a mere woman at your mercy for I can never be your better!”

“Stop it. You’re my chief diplomat. Don’t give up and just follow your instincts. I’ll cry.” When logic failed, I went for emotional manipulation without a shred of hesitation. No one wanted to see me cry. It was too ugly, therefore I could manipulate anyone into doing anything to avoid it. “…At least wait until we’re at our suite.”

Kurama’s response was to bring my arm away from her for a second… before driving plunging it into her cleavage.

Even that tiny, valiant string was too much for her to stand!?

With that thought blaring in my mind, I found my head suddenly firmly, but softly pressured while two arms encircled my shoulders and pressed me against a very toned midriff confined in barely-there fantasy latex.

“My dear master… when will you allow me to fight?” A’Bel complained girlishly, and despite all that I found out about her and her titanic physique, it worked. I unnaturally felt bad for another person. This was Demonic magic at work. “I waaanttt to fiiighhtttt~.”

Before I could even respond to the provider of boob-hats in my retinue, my left hand was suddenly, gently, and lewdly taken ahold of.

I looked to my left at the perpetrator… to find a tipsy, drunk Lamia.

“Hehe, I’m h-hic-holding your hand, Hikigaya-sama.” Tanis was flushed all the way to her neckline. The albino Lamia was practically shining red… and she was bringing my hand up to her lips. “You looksh tasty~.”

Assaulted from all directions, I looked to Ur who was leading my bodyguard detail.

I pleaded for help… and my heart soared as she fell back… only for my bodyguard to betray me as she fell into my paces perfectly while pressing her back against me and resting her head under my chin.

And her rear… in a very thin skirt… against somewhere…

“Well done, my chieftain. Enjoy your reward for securing us a valiant ally..”

Reward?

What reward?

This was goddamn torture.