Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 69

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 69

…

Commissioned by shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

…

Lua’Kona was a smaller province of Roseanne’s Kindred.

Compared to Ylstu, and lewd Shangri-la that was the Kurama valley, it was a backwater province that wasn’t part of its neighbors mainly because Roseanne would stop them. It had little in terms of industry, primarily traded in salted fish, and they were only required to send out a handful of trained trackers and hunters to support the rest of the Kindred when called to war.

Ylstu could roll over both of Lua’Kona’s in a fortnight, so it goes without saying that the tropical territory was a place that I could easily tear apart… maybe even with just my on-hand retinue.

Since I wanted to be considerate, and not give Roseanne any reason to be pissed off at me, I planned on being cordial, paying my respects, and doing whatever I wanted after doing so.

A quick in-and-out.

I paid the “bill,” so I could do what I wanted, and then I’ll never hear from the province again. The messengers I sent ahead would give them only a day or two to prepare for my arrival, so they couldn’t suddenly form an alliance with their neighbors and question me with their combined authority, and I could be on my way before they figured out what was going on, and started demanding things from me.

Given the fact that I was going to be operating on their lands, they’d be well in their rights to ask me why I was there. If I told them what I was after, then I was absolutely sure that they’d make demands of me.

Recovering ancestral treasures which could be the key towards making powerful Undead tended to have high price tags. The expedition’s labor, material, and supply costs were pretty high already, so I wasn’t interested in having to bribe my fellow nobles to get permission to recover a superweapon. Even if I had Henri, who could claim personal ownership of the treasure we were looking after, I didn’t want to even risk the confrontation.

My peers could easily tell everyone else about the artifact, and make my life more complicated in various ways.

So, I planned on meeting with my singular peer noble within the territory and go on my way for the sake of having less possible complications.

Naturally, my plan went topsy turvy the moment my transports landed.

…

I greatly underestimated how much all my gifts were worth, since I decided on giving the same thing to all my peers. Caskets of Dwarven spirits, Drider silk clothes, Dwarven tools, and a few crafted trinkets here and there were all things that Kindred Nobility liked. Even those who’d normally hate being given the same gifts as everyone else couldn’t turn their nose up at what I offered.

According to Kurama, it was giftset that no one would send back, so I went ahead and brought it for the backwards, isolated tropical province for their leader too.

And, as I said before, I greatly underestimated how much the gift meant to the people of Lua’Kona.

“To new, mighty friends of our people! Cheers to a newfound friendship between that of Ylstu and Lua’Kona!” The Kindred who occupied Lua’Kona were a sea-turtle type of Beast Kindred. Their arms and legs were reptile-scaled, they had short tails, and… had shells that they could apparently take off, sit on, or stand upon to give speeches. A part of me lamented that evolution was being given the finger, but at the very least they were friendly. “They have not only come to face the pirates on our shores as followers of the Demon Lord, but they have also given us great gifts which will see our people flourish!”

The turtles gave a cheer the echoed through their village, and the celebration intensified as drinks were shared freely, food was handed out without thought, and more than a few Kindred decided to drag in men with them into their shells… somehow…

I took a moment to take a look at my miscalculation.

Most of their houses were just straw huts with packed dirt floors. Everyone wore clothes made out of “bark” cloth, or just fronds tied together into skirts. Their accessories were carved from wood, and they used something close to tiki torches to light up their village for festivities. The few weapons I saw were made out of sharpened bone, or sometimes obsidian, on cured wood.

I brought sets of Dwarven tools and weapons. These people were going to put the axes and hammers I brought along to work, and their finest warriors were going to get immense upgrades in the form of steel knives and spearheads. They were also going to be enjoying reams of Drider silk, which they could cut and fashion as they wished into clothes… or strong, near-unbreakable nets for their canoes.

The booze was something that they never had before, and since they were enjoying it so much, I was sure that once they got some kind of economy going, they were going to start buying it up.

I was knocked out of my thoughts by Ur, as she nudged me in the side, and gestured over to Henri who sat next to her.

Henri spent most of the day since our landing seeking out information on the pirates that might have her artifact. She has a few guards with her, who kept me updated on what she was doing when they changed shifts, but I hadn’t seen the exhibitionist Lich since we landed.

“My lord, the tribe has provided me with wonderful maps of the surrounding seas, as well as several coves which they suspect pirates operate.” Initially, I’d wanted to just send out my Wyverns and Harpies in teams to start scouting, but with the very warm reception, I allowed her to ask around and gather information from the locals. It was apparently the right decision, though I was still going to send out a small recon force to double-check, just in case. “It is within our ability to check them all in a timely manner, but I believe that there are three individuals who are the most likely to have my family’s heirloom.”

“The Chimera, the Gryphon, and the Dragon, of course.” The chieftain of the Beast Kindred tribe took a seat and gave a grin as Ur, Henri, and I both turned to look at her. She was fondling her husband with her left hand, while we sat to her left, but I ignored that in favor of acquiring information. “Those three have plagued our lands since my great-grandmother’s time. They horde whatever treasure they find, using their power and crews to wage war upon my people, against one another, and foolish merchants. Those three are the ones most likely to have your family’s heirloom, Lady Lich.”

“Henri.”

“Henri, then.” The chieftain grinned a little, while her husband groaned.

Please stop being lewd.

You’d be cool, if you weren’t lewd.

“What can you tell us of them, chieftain of Lua’Kona?” Ur spoke up with interest. Since she, her Amazons, and Ashe were the main attack force, she was naturally interested in knowing more about her opponents. Where was Ashe in all this? She was at the end of my side of the table stuffing her face and happily just passing the time before I gave her orders. It must be nice to have such a simple life. “Perhaps, your people know a few of their weaknesses?”

The chieftain gave a nod, and Ur pulled out a journal from the inside pocket of her suit.

From not knowing how to read and write, to carrying around a journal.

Ur’s transformation since we first met has really been something.

She might put down her intelligence, and say that plenty of other Amazons are smarter than her, she put in more than enough effort to get things done as well as anyone else… or even better than anyone else.

The Chieftain licked something off her hand, which I imagined was food and nothing else, before speaking to us again.

“The Gryphon is the most territorial of the three, but she keeps her territory small, and keeps to the farthest cove on our map. She despises trespassers, and steals a man every decade or so, but besides that she seldom leaves her home save to assault ships that crest upon her waters.” The chieftain spoke thoughtfully, and I gave up on looking after as she went for seconds after licking her hand clean. I had my limits. “If you know the route of the ship which carried your heirloom, then you will most likely know if she has it if that ship passed her territory. She acts alone, but she is ferocious, and has primal magics at her beck and call.”

“That won’t be trouble. My sisters and I can overcome most magics, and Ashe’s flames can overwhelm most supernatural powers.” Ur spoke confidently, much to the chieftain’s approval, and turned to Henri. “Do you know the route taken by the ship that carried your heirloom?”

Henri shook her head.

“Then, we ought to keep her for last, as it is uncertain that she has it.” Ur declared, looked at me, and when I nodded at her analysis gave a nod of her own. The Amazon in a bespoke suit once again addressed the chieftain. “What of the Dragon and the Chimera?”

“Those two are locked in constant battle. They rival one another and they each call upon a handful of small caravels crewed by brigands.” I decided to take a bite of the food offered. It was mostly stews made from salted fish served with some sort of roasted, starchy thing. The soup was sour and spicy… making all sorts of questions pop up in my head about what spices these people can offer me in exchange for all the things they liked from Ylstu. Now that I thought about it… there were a lot of Kindred here wearing pearl necklaces. Real pearl necklaces.  “The Dragon has raided our southern neighbors, stealing siege weapons from time to time, while the Chimera claims the loyalty of the undersea tribes.”

Ur continued to write, while the chieftain took a moment to do… things… and sighed contently as she sent her husband out into the fray for the rest of her tribe.

“Both plague my people, stealing from us, and making it impossible for us to cultivate our lands. We hide our wealth and husbands by moving quickly and often. It has been a long time since we enjoyed the offerings of cities.” The chieftain sighed once again, before shaking her head. “We would like both the Chimera and the Dragon killed. They are cruel tyrants who have plagued our lands, and brought misery to our people. We would have brought them to justice long ago, if it were within our grasp.”

I expected Ur to speak, but this time the Amazon looked to me.

Oh, right.

I actually matter.

I forgot.

“I’d rather beat both and make them work for me, but I can give you their crews and their ships after I deal with them.” I couldn’t pass up on getting a Chimera and a Dragon. They were both powerful Kindred that I could use to my advantage. Still, that was only if I could bring them in alive. “But who knows, maybe I can’t bring them in alive, and they’ll just die because they’re too stupid to give up.”

A silence lingered after my words, which made me look up from my meal towards my “peer.”

Yep.

She was now both very pale and very scared.

I did just casually say that I was going to deal with problems that plagued her people for generations.

For a second, I considered backtracking and making my words sound nicer… but I liked the thought of scaring Kindred. It was a lot better than them looking at me like a piece of meat. Therefore, the only right course of action was to double-down.

“Do you find anything wrong with my proposal, chieftain?” Very, very politely, I inquired if my peer had any issues with my plans. Naturally, she started rapidly shaking her head. Though I enjoyed the sight of it for a moment, I decided against making her squirm, despite her casual acquisition of “milk” to supplement her meal while I sat next to her. I am a very generous and forgiving person. “Good. Then there won’t be any issues. We’ll help you, get what we want, be on our way, and send you a messenger or two every season, if you want trade.”

Ur nudged me in the side after my little power play, but I ignored her. The Amazons found life with these Kindred familiar, and that was perfectly fine, but I wasn’t going to miss an opportunity for petty revenge. I wouldn’t be me, if I decided to just let some slut be a slut in my presence without doing anything.

“Y-yes. I find nothing wrong with that. In fact, we’ll support you. Though our relations have been strained for a time, we will speak with the undersea tribes, and tell them to not come to the Chimera’s aid when she calls for them.” The chieftain recovered quickly, and a blush started to form on her face, until I glared at her. Her hands raced toward her shell for a second until she caught herself. Ah, the wonders of having a terrifying reputation. “Actually… might I suggest a stratagem for your forces to use, Lord Hikigaya?”

I deliberated on making the lewd creature sweat a little more, before turning to Ur and focusing back on my food.

“Yes. We will be more than happy to accept your assistance, chieftain of the Lua’Kona.”

There was brief shuffling from the chieftain, as she reached into her own shell, and then proceeded to take something out of it.

It was a massive, blue sphere which radiated power and drew the attention f the entire party.

“This is the Azure Orb. A gift granted to us long ago as our people sailed the ocean blue and spread across the world. It is the reason why the three powerful tyrants live upon our land and trap us here, as we remain protected by the Demon Lord.”

I could see where this was going, and I was liking it a lot.

“Use this treasure of my people to lure them into pitched battle. Have them weaken one another, and then strike them down thereafter.” The chieftain offered the blue sphere to me with both hands. When it touched my skin I felt power, plain and simple power, course through me and suddenly I knew how the currents flowed, the wind blew, and where north was on instinct alone. Yeah, this was something every pirate would want to get their hands on. “Should you bring all three low… we would like to grant you this gift, as you can be a better custodian for it than us, and it is a goodly price for our freedom.

This chieftain might be an unrepentant slut, but she had good ideas.