Self Love & Codependency

Hey you!

Today I wanted to talk about something that has been in the back of my mind the more I grow: how Self Love and Codependency have a direct impact on each other. 

I grew up codependent. As soon as I cared about someone, I would immediately act like a sloth and hold on to them like if my life depended on it. I would forget my own identity and try my best to fit into what could make them love me more. Their priorities would becoming mine, and I would not even pay attention to my own boundaries anymore. Which always ended up being the exact reason why they wouldn't want me after a while. 

This behavior shattered my heart, over and over. Not choosing ME was my biggest mistake, and I made it quite a few times. 

I came back to France after a break up that finished to destroy all my self confidence. I am not ready to talk about it, but my confidence was extremely low when I arrived, and the idea of trusting someone else again was so scary that I intentionally destroyed all my chances to become intimate with anyone for the longest time.

I was convinced that I couldn't change my way to approach intimacy so I cut ties with intimacy, if that makes sense.

But then, after so much inner work and self healing, I realized that I could love myself AND others in a healthy way. I could still be myself around people I cared about.

I don't need anymore. I can choose to give them a special place in my heart, but I can also choose to take away this privilege anytime I wanted. Because the only person I really need is myself. And if someone, no matter how much I love them, is not making me feel good, they get an eviction note from my soft heart.

Learning to love myself unconditionally made me realize my worth. I am now aware of what I bring into people's lives and if they aren't willing to receive, celebrate and embrace it, I don't have any interest in them anymore. I deserve to be treated with care and respect.

And you deserve to be treated with care and respect as well. You deserve to be looked at with love and consideration. You deserve to be loved. By yourself and others. Don't settle for less. You are precious. And if you're not convinced of this, it just means you still have some self love work to do, and that is good news :) You can do this. It is worth it. YOU are worth it.

You are wonderful. Never forget. 

Talk to you soon,

Flavie.