The Cat Goddess' Stream - Comedic Knightshade

Still doing the Patreon exclusive Yang x Jaune, but diverted a bit to do this at the request of someone from my discord. Hope you guys enjoy more Worst Girl Blake.

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Blake looked over her usual streamer setup. The camera, the (expensive) gaming paraphanelia, the comfy chair...it wasn't anything special by streamer standards, but it was all she needed. The startup funds were a hit to her bank account, but she knew it'd pay back dividends once she got rolling. Huntress streamers were always popular, and her being a Faunus meant that she could appeal to a niche but growing demographic. Being a Cat Faunus helped. She was considered one of the "good" ones.

She sat down and did the preparations on autopilot. She'd done this enough times over the years that everything was basically second nature to her. She made sure to adjust her top too. Her clothes weren't anything scandalous - just a black and purple tanktop and a pair of shorts (not that anyone on stream could see the latter) - but it was enough to draw attention. Plus her cat ears, which she'd decorated with a couple of gold earrings last week to match her mom. The bright yellow stuck out against the dark fur.

She put on the headphones and picked up the controller. Gaming streams were insanely popular nowadays, especially from Huntresses. Seeing the superhuman (a term she personally found reductive to Faunus) defenders of mankind playing games made people think they were Just Like Them™. Personally, Blake wasn't really interested in games (like some people she knew), but Huntress reflexes meant she was still good at them. Hard to beat someone used to fighting Grimm for a living.

Her usual haunts were multiplayer shooters. Mindless crap that let her just shoot screaming teenagers because she couldn't do that in real life without getting a murder charge, "Hey, everyone," she said as the stream started. As always, the stream immediately started filling up with the usual suspects. The gamers, the simps, the the hardcore stat obsessed weirdos. She'd gotten popular over the year she spent streaming. She made almost as much money as she did with her actual Huntress missions. Plus her being a Huntress gave her an exuse to have an irregular schedule. Not streaming for a couple of weeks? Well, she was off fighting Grimm, they couldn't blame her for that.

"Cat Goddess is back."

"Time to wreck some twelve year olds lmao"

"APEX APEX APEX"

And so on and so forth. Blake allowed herself as a small smile as she cued up for a match. The game was background noise, honestly. Just something to keep the screen filled while she did her thing, "Which character..." She made a show of deciding which one she'd play with. The chat, of course, started spamming their picks. Then she chose the least popular one just to be a contrarian. It got people more engaged for some reason.

"LMAO, Cat Goddess at it again."

"ASH IS BEST! SHOULD'VE PICKED HER!"

"Of course she picks the Cat Faunus character."

Blake rolled her eyes, "I like all Faunus, thank you very much. Rin's playstyle just appeals to me." She cued up on the lobby and waited for the countdown. She could already hear some high pitched teens whining and pursed her lips. It was a necessary evil. The stream hearing the whining rage fits was part of her brand. And it allowed her to transition to her main bread and butter. She just had to find the right button to push.

It didn't take her long to find one. Some snot nosed teenager screaming homophobic and racist garbage cause he was safe from behind a screen. Blake quickly took note of his tag and character and started aiming exclusively for him, "YO, WHAT THE FUCK?! STOP SHOOTING ME BITCH!" The brat shouted. Blake's lips curled in a predatory smile and she kept shooting him. Huntress-level reflexes meant some scrub could barely fire back.

And then the dam broke.

"UGH, YOU FUCKING ANIMAL! GO BACK IN YOUR FUCKING CAGE, CUNT!"

There we go. The perfect chance to transition topics, "Here we go again..." Blake sighed theatrically, killing the asshole with another headshot. More curses followed, "You know, you'd think people would be less racist after Menagerie's help with the Salem War, but you've still got assholes like this." She sniped him again and heard a controller being smashed. Glorious, "Really, the kingdoms should've given us way better reparations than what we got."

The chat was getting heated now. This was her bread and butter. Shooting people in the face in some online game was boring. No, her main draw was rage baiting. Talking shit and trolling online was easy. She was a class above that. She was a premier baiter. A master baiter.

"The Faunus helped so much in the Salem War. Our naval fleet was the only reason Vale didn't get overrun with sea Grimm, and what did we get? Finally getting acknowledged as a kingdom. Yeah, great. We should've gotten that decades ago." Another snipe, another curse, "Congratulations for giving us the bare minimum, kingdoms. You want a medal for not being pieces of shit?" She rolled her eyes, "Not treating us like second class citizens totally makes up for all the years of racism and slavery."

"Kingdoms are fucking assholes."

"Kingdoms: slavery is okay as long as they have animal ears. Also kingdoms: please save us from the Grimm with your fleet!"

"We should enslave them! Give them a taste of what we went through!"

Blake saw that last bit and latched on, "Yeah. I like that idea." She cued up for another match, "Those bastards in Mistral and Atlas enslaved us for years while Vale and Vacuo just watched. Then they take the chains off and we're suddenly supposed to pretend it's all good?" She scoffed. The sound was as dry as a bone, "You wanna bet how eager the humies would be if everything was reversed? Hey, sorry for all that horrible stuff we did. Friends, right?"

Blake was working herself up now. She'd made a name for herself in the Faunus circles with her...spirited talks about Faunus and Human relations. Make no mistake, she still looked at her years with the White Fang with regret, but that didn't mean she was some wallflower. She'd been protesting since she was old enough to walk and fought off police dogs when she was just seven. She knew how to get attention and fight for her race.

And now she was using it to rage bait.

"Atlas should've fallen during the Salem war."

"Vacuo's the only half-decent place besides Menagerie."

"Should've fed the politicians to the Grimm!"

"The humies all suck," she said, getting into her stride, "They treat us like shit for almost a century and needed us to bail them out during the Salem War. Now they're acting like we should give them medals for giving us the bare minimum. Wow, great job pretending like you weren't assholes for a hundred years. So glad to know that it takes the litral end of the world for us to get basic decency. Maybe if Salem comes out of her seal, we'll get a backhanded apology!"

"Cat Goddess is brutal as always."

"We should've demanded more before helping."

"Some Humies still give me looks when I cross the street. Bastards."

"Well, Weiss Schnee's kinda decent. Reformed the SDC and everything."

Blake saw the last post and bit it like a fish chomping on bait, "Weiss? Oh please." Blake scoffed, "Yeah, she fixed her daddy's company after she spent almost 20 years living off of Faunus blood money. Notice you're still living in a mansion, princess."

Her scroll buzzed. She took her eyes off the screen and found a message from Weiss, "Hey, Blake. I got some tickets to a private spa. Team RWBY spa day?"

"Sounds good! It's been a bit since the whole team got together. See you soon!"

...

What? It wasn't personal! Weiss was one of her best friends, but clicks were clicks. Talking shit about the SDC reformer got her views and interaction. And it wasn't like Weiss would ever see this anyway. Weiss considered streaming "beneath her" and learned to never look herself up online from a young age - a rule she religiously kept to even after becoming one of the heroes of Remnant. Old habits died hard. Oh well, Weiss' stubborness was her gain.

Time to up the ante.

"You know what I really hate? Those Faunus who act super submissive to humies. Where's your pride in your culture? But no, you act all meek and think that'll stop the humies from treating you like crap." Her thoughts turned to Velvet. Sweet girl, really, but the girl had a martyr complex a mile long. Thankfully, the rest of her team set her straight and now she didn't think asking for seconds when jerks like Cardin (who was still an asshole, albeit less so) tugged at her ears.

"Yeah, they give all Faunus a bad name."

"Pisses me off seeing them act so pathetic."

"They're the reason humies think we're all weak."

"Fuck it, we should all live separately from the humans. They get their place, we get ours."

"Live separately? No way! Why should we? We fought a war to not be deported to Menagerie. Why should we have move because the humans are bigots?" She was still playing the game, but she was on autopilot now. It didn't matter. She wasn't some basement dweller who obsessed about K/D ratios, "The humies should be the ones to make way for us. We can all still live in the same city, but we get Faunus only stores and fancy quarters. Give them a taste of what we've been through."

"hell yeah!"

"agreed!"

"One store owner still gives me shit when I buy groceries there!"

"I've got a list of people who deserve a collar around their neck." Blake laughed under her breath, "A few councilors, some executives, a bunch of cops. I mean, don't get me wrong, slavery is terrible, but let's just say a few people could do with some humbling. Make them work in the mines. The humans yearn for it." Her character died on-screen and another slur was thrown out, "That guy too. Throw him in the deepest, darkest pit."

"Cat Goddess advocating for slavery."

"Based Cat Goddess."

"I'm not advocating for slavery, I'm arguing for consequeces. There's a difference." She sniffed, "Some humies deserve to get knocked down a peg."

"New to the chat. You're super hostile to humans, huh?"

"I'm not hostile to them. I'm just honest. I dealt with racist garbage for almost twenty years." Blake rolled her eyes, " Look, I'm not saying every human is trash - just most of them. They think just because they don't actively call us slurs that they're better than everyone else. New flash: if you see a racist and you just ignore it, you're part of the problem. Passively disapproving doesn't make you some kind of ally or a hero. It just makes you lazy."

Blake had gotten into her stride now. She wasn't exactly lying, but she was definitely playing it up. No one cared for moderation online, especially not from female Faunus streamers. The only way to get attention was to be loud and proud.

Her eyes flicked back to the chat. People were asking if she'd ever consider dating a humie. She smirked. Jackpot.

"Dating a humie? Are you kidding me?" She sniped some jerk's head's off and teabagged his corpse, "What, do you think I'm a Pet? Not a chance. I'm a proud Faunus, not some house trained cat! I'd never-"

"Blake, honey?"

Blake's eyes widened and she turned around, meeting face-to-chest with Jaune. Jaune, her husband. Her very shirtless husband who was only wearing a pair of loose pants, meaning his abs and pecs were free for all to see, "J-Jaune?!" She squeaked, stand up in a panic. From behind her, she heard her superchats going crazy, "What are you doing here?! I told you not to interrupt me when I'm working!" She meant to sound stern. Instead, she sounded like a kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar.

"WAIT WHAT THE FUCK"

"IS THAT A HUMAN?!"

"Cat Goddess has been LYING TO US!"

"LMAOOOOO she's literally married to a humie!"

"'I'd never date a human' - meanwhile living with one"

"This is the biggest plot twist of 2487"

"HE CALLED HER HONEY AHAHAHAHA"

"I was calling you from downstairs, but you weren't answering. Dinner's ready. Kairi's hungry."

"who tf is kairi?!"

"How much has this woman lied?!"

"Jaune, I-I'm busy! And put a shirt on!"

"Why? It's half my house. I can go shirtless if I want." Jaune huffed. Normally, she would've found it (and the free show) endearing, but right now, all she could think about was her online career impoding in real time, "Wait, are you streaming right now? Oh, hey! You're playing Apex!"

"RIP Cat Goddess' credibility"

"Cat Goddess? More like Cat HYPOCRITE"

"The secondhand embarrassment is killing me..."

"Jaune! Get out!" She tried to shove him out of the room, but her damn lovable husband was too much of a tank to be moved.

"Come on, what's the big deal? It's just a game. Oh! How about the two of us play together?"

"Yeah Cat Goddess play with your husband LMAO."

"This is so wholesome lol"

"Damn this dude's shredded."

"is he even her husband? neither of them are wearing rings"

Unfortunately for her, Jaune saw that last message, "Oh! Yeah, me and Blake don't wear rings. It's actually an old tradition back in Domremy. Rings are seen as vain and-"

"Jaune! Stop giving information to internet randoms!" She finally managed to get some leeway in forcing him to budge, "I-I'll go down in a bit, okay? Just gimme five minutes to-"

"Mommy!"

Blake's stomach sank as a yellow blur slipped past Jaune and jumped into her arms with enough force to almost stagger her back. A tiny blonde girl with a full head of long hair, twitching cat ears, and shining amber eyes looked up at her excitedly. Kairi, the apple of their eyes, her only daughter (despite Jaune's stupidly virile genes)...and the second person of her family who was getting exposed to the world wide net. She almost cried.

"HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE A KID!"

"She looks so cute!"

"She wasn't single?! FUCK THIS!"

"HAHAHAHA! She actually is a Pet!"

"so much for the Cat Goddess"

"Kairi, what-"

"I'm hungry! Let's eat already!" The five year old girl squirmed in her arms, looking up at Blake with the most adorable pout in all of Remnant, "Come on, come on, come on!"

Before Blake could respond, Jaune plucked the squirming girl from her arms with a laugh, "Alright, sweetie, we should go before we embarass mommy more. Blake, get down so we can eat before it gets cold. Love you!" He leaned forward and kissed her in the cheek before taking Kairi back out. For a whole minute, the only sound in the room was the constant barrage of superchats that she couldn't even bear to look at. If she did, she would've melted into a puddle of embarassment and shame.

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to turn around and sit back down.

"I'm unsubscribing."

"liar liar liar"

"Proud Faunus My Ass."

"I bet he gives her scritches and feeds her milk."

"his own personal milk."

Blake cut the stream and unplugged the computer. She just stared at the black screen for a few seconds before she smashed her head against the table and cried. One year. One year of building herself up, establishing her reputation and building a subscriber base...and it was all gone. She could already see the slop creators on remtube blowing this up to being some kind of major controversy. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Ugh...damn her family! She loved them so much, but damn them!

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Two weeks passed. Blake kept herself busy with Huntress work, but her streaming career was always at the back of her mind. She wasn't hurting for money. With both her and Jaune being Huntsmen, it wasn't like they ever had trouble putting food on the table. Plus their expenses were pretty cheap considering the house was a gift for, you know, saving the world. But still, her livestreams were something she took some pride in.

Which was why she knew she'd have to do something. Something that would taint her forever.

A remtube apology video.

She always told herself that she'd never have to do it. That she'd avoid controversy and never fall into that pit. But now here she was, sitting in front of her couch with Zwei on her lap. She still despised dogs, but for some reason, people seemed to think having a pet in front of the camera made you look sincere.

Plan B was singing with a ukelele.

Blake took a deep breath and set up the stream. It was called a remtube apology, but technically, she was doing it live. Another thing that would make her look sincere. She clicked her account and winced when she saw half of her subscribers were gone. She expected that. She never explicitly said she was single, but people assumed and she never corrected them. Her preference for tanktops or midriff baring shirts only brought more desperate simps to the chats. The same simps who saw that she was very happily married with a kid.

She turned on the stream and held Zwei tightly, trying to look sincere even as the corgi licked at her neck, "Hey everyone." She smiled sadly, "It's...been a bit since my last stream. I figured we needed to clear the air after the...incident."

"Cat Goddess is back"

"surprised she's doing this."

"oh shit apology time!'

"First things first: yes, I'm married. And yes, I have a daughter." The two of them were visiting Jaune's family in Domremy, so no more sudden interruptions, "I want to be completely transparent with you all because you deserve that honesty." She paused, petting Zwei as she tried to look as genuine as possible. This was so humiliating, "I know a lot of you feel betrayed right now, and I understand that. I really do." Blake swallowed hard, "When I started streaming, I never intended to mislead anyone about my personal life. I kept my family private because... well, because I wanted to protect them from the internet."

"damage control lmao"

"too little too late"

"at least she's being honest now"

"where's the hot husband tho"

Blake's eye twitched at that last comment but she continuedon, "I realize now that by not being upfront about my relationship status, I created a false impression. And for that, I'm truly sorry." She was getting more subscribers...but not because of the apology.

"BRING BACK JAUNE"

"we want the blonde himbo"

"put your husband on stream!"

"Blake who cares about this bring back the hot guy"

She gritted her teeth but maintained her fake smile, "I understand that some of my... more inflammatory statements about human-faunus relations might seem hypocritical now. And you're right to call that out."

"might seem hypocritical? MIGHT?!"

"girl you literally said you'd never date a human"

"then your husband walks in shirtless calling you honey"

"the cognitive dissonance is real"

"Speaking of your husband..."

"is he single? asking for a friend"

Blake's composure cracked slightly as the subscriber count rose. That...That was a lot of people, "Look, my political views are separate from my personal life-"

"JAUNE JAUNE JAUNE"

"we demand the blonde MAN content"

"put him back on camera!"

"does he have an AuraFans?"

"I bet he gives good cuddles"

"those abs tho"

Blake's eye was full-on twitching now. Even Zwei stopped lolling around and whined, trying to squirm away from her grasp. She refused to let him him leave"As I was saying, I want to take responsibility for my loaded comments and assure everyone that-"

"Blake we don't care about your apolog!"

"bring back daddy Jaune"

"your husband beats your political takes"

"when's the husband reveal stream?"

"collab with Jaune when?"

"forget the apology, we want more himbo content"

Blake took a deep breath, her grip on Zwei getting noticeably tighter. The poor corgi whined again, "I think there's been a misunderstanding about what this stream is about. I'm here to take responsibility for what I did and-"

"Blake x Jaune content when?"

"ship name should be Blaune"

"or Jaunke. blake on jaune's junk"

"your husband could step on me and I'd thank him"

"mommy AND daddy? we've been blessed"

"forget Cat Goddess, you're now Jaune's Wife"

Blake's smile was becoming increasingly strained, "This is supposed to be about addressing my past statements and taking accountability-"

"accountability for what? bagging that absolute unit?"

"girl won the lottery with that man"

"how did YOU land HIM?"

"teach us your ways Cat Goddess"

"is your husband free Thursday? asking for science"

"I'd let Jaune Arc ruin my life"

Blake's face was as red as as Ruby's cloak now. These little shits. Zwei finally managed to wriggle out of her grip and bolted for the exit. She took a deep breath, trying one last time to kepe in control, "Can we please focus on the actual topic here-"

"the topic IS your hot husband"

"Blake: exists / Chat: but what about Jaune tho"

"petition for Jaune to start his own stream"

"shirtless workout streams when?"

"does he do cooking streams? I bet he looks good in an apron"

"nothing but an apron side eyes"

Blake slammed her hand on the coffee table, causing the mahogany to splinter "OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

"ooh she's getting spicy"

"the real Blake is coming out"

"anger makes her hotter ngl"

"still not as hot as Jaune tho"

"can Jaune get angry too? for research purposes"

Blake stood up, You know what? This isn't an apology anymore! You horny degenerates need to STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND!"

"possessive wife energy"

"she's signaling her territory"

"marking her man"

"protective Blake hits different"

"but like... can we still look?"

"LOOKING IS FREE BLAKE"

"you can't gatekeep that himbo"

Blake's cat ears were flat against her head and she was practically boiling, "I MEAN IT! Stop thirsting over MY man in the chat! He's MINE! He's not gonna touch any of you desperate bastards in a million years! So fuck off!"

"territorial cat vibes"

"she's about to hiss"

"blake . exe has crashed"

"this is better than the original controversy"

"unhinged Blake beats political Blake"

"jealous wife arc activated"

"but Blake... sharing is caring "

"can we at least get his workout routine?"

Blake pointed at the camera, "NO! NO WORKOUT ROUTINES! NO SHIRTLESS STREAMS! NO NOTHING! MY HUSBAND IS OFF LIMITS!"

"she's literally vibrating with rage"

"this is the content we came for"

"feral Blake supremacy"

"ok but what's his favorite color tho?"

"does he like cats? obviously he does but like HOW MUCH?!"

Blake was practically snarling now, teeth bared and ready to start doxxing people, "I'M ENDING THIS STREAM! ALL OF YOU NEED TO TOUCH GRASS AND LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE! FUCK ALL OF YOU!"

"WAIT NO"

"we were just getting to the good part!"

"Blake please we'll behave!"

"define 'behave' though"

"what if we thirst quietly?"

"Blake wait what's Jaune's favorite food"

"BLAKE COME BACK"

Blake moved toward the camera, "Stream's over! Go find your own himbo husbands and leave MINE alone!"

"this was the best apology video ever"

"10/10 would watch Blake have a breakdown again"

"still want to see Jaune though"

The screen went black. Blake collapsed back on the couch and groaned. Her scroll rang with an update, telling her that she'd reached a new subscriber milestone. Blake tossed her scroll out the window and screamed into the pillow.

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Blake deserved every bit of that. She should really take the hint and become a family blogger.