Cafe D'Arc - Maid Jaune, Chapter 5

Next Maid Jaune chapter focus on Ruby. No smut for this one. Just Jaune hanging out with his super bestie better than the restie with no weirdness at all.

[line break]

Weeks blurred together in a flurry of bookings, outfits, and increasingly unhinged client requests. Jaune had established himself as Vale's premier crossdressing maid-escort (cause that sounded way more dignified than maid-hooker), and business was, quite frankly, booming.

Yang had eventually paid up (after he'd sent her a formal notice of legal action on Beacon letterhead he'd 'borrowed' from Goodwitch's office). She'd stomped up to him in the cafeteria, slammed down a stack of lien cards, and muttered something about him being "no fun anymore" before skulking away. The ban remained in effect, not that it mattered. His schedule was so full-up that he wouldn't have been able to pencil her in even if he wanted to.

Pyrrha continued her stress relief sessions with him, though Jaune steadfastly refused to classify these encounters as the same thing he did with paying clients. That was different. He was helping his partner! When she clutched his shoulders and begged him to "punish her for being a bad girl", that was just... teamwork. Totally normal partner stuff. Being a champion tournament fighter and celebrity must've been really stressful.

Weiss, meanwhile, had taken to glaring at him from across classrooms, her icy stare following him as he checked his rapidly filling schedule on his brand-new custom scroll. Sometimes, when he was feeling particularly petty, he'd flash the device at her just to watch her eye twitch. Mean? Maybe. But she made him put on fake cat ears (Blake would've had a field day with that), a collar, and kiss her feet while throwing slurs at him. Like, old Atlesian slurs. He wasn't even a Faunus and he felt offended.

It was, all things considered, a remarkably profitable time to be Jaune Arc.

What continued to baffle him, however, was the sheer demand. He'd assumed the novelty would wear off, that his clientele would gradually dwindle as people got their weird maid fetishes out of their systems. But instead, his inbox was constantly flooded with requests. Somehow - and he genuinely couldn't wrap his head around it - the knowledge that a male Beacon student was offering "premium maid services" had spread like wildfire through Vale's upper social circles. His website traffic had tripled. He'd had to upgrade his scroll plan just to handle the booking notifications.

His rates climbed higher with each passing week in an attempt to stem the side, and still they came (in more ways than one). People were willing to pay out of the ass to get fucked by a guy in a maid outfit., "It's creepy," he muttered to himself one evening as he sorted through a new batch of inquiries, "Why are so many women into this?"

The most disturbing part was how many of them had family-related fantasies. After Weiss and Yang, he'd updated his website with a new policy: NO FAMILY ROLEPLAY. It resulted in a flood of messages asking for "exceptions" and offering to pay double. He'd deleted them all immediately and doubled down on the policy. MAYBE he'd make exceptions at some point, but that was something he'd consider down the line. Right now, his sanity was more important.

His standards were evolving. His rates were too.

By the time Halloween rolled around - which also happened to be Ruby's 18th birthday - Jaune had enough lien to buy a small house in Vale outright, if he'd wanted to. Instead, he'd invested most of it, upgraded his gear (premium Atlesian steel for Crocea Mors and custom lightweight armor), and was considering taking a vacation to Vacuo during winter break. Somewhere warm, far away, and where nobody knew what a "Juliette" was. Pyrrha had invited him to her hometown of Argus.

She was a good friend.

Yang, as expected, had gone all out for her sister's birthday. After the school's official Halloween celebration wound down, she reserved one of the study rooms for a private party. Just Teams RWBY and JNPR, some punch (which Nora had almost certainly spiked), a mountain of cookies, and a cake shaped like Crescent Rose.

Jaune arrived dressed as a pirate - complete with an eyepatch, a fake parrot on his shoulder, and a surprisingly realistic cutlass that no one looked twice at considering it was the most normal looking weapon on campus, "No, Nora," he'd said firmly when she'd greeted him at the door with a too-innocent smile and a garment bag in her arms, "I am not wearing the maid outfit to Ruby's birthday."

"Oh, come on!" Nora had whined, shaking the bag temptingly, "It's a costume party!"

"It's a Halloween party that happens to be on Ruby's birthday," Jaune said, "And I'm already in costume. See?" He gestured to his pirate getup, "Yarr."

Nora had pouted but relented, though not before giving him a knowing look, "You're no fun anymore, rich boy."

The room buzzed with the comfortable chatter of his friends. Blake had come dressed as a ninja (though it was suspiciously similar to her everyday outfit), Weiss was some kind of elegant ice queen (again, debatably just her normal self with a tiara), Pyrrha was an old Mistralian goddess (a bit on the nose, but she pulled it off), and Yang was... well, Yang was dressed as a firefighter in a costume that definitely violated several of Beacon's dress code regulations.

Now, several hours into the party, Jaune was nursing a cup of punch by the window, watching with mild amusement as Nora (dressed as a viking) tried to convince Ren that his "monk" costume wasn't a costume at all but just his regular clothes with a different colored headband. She was probably just mad that he didn't go shirtless like the monks she expected.

He was debating whether to call it a night when a blur of red and black bounced up to him, silver eyes shining beneath a set of plastic vampire fangs, "Jaune!" Ruby lisped around her fake teeth, her cape swishing dramatically as she spun to face him, "Howsh the party? Having fun?" Jaune grinned despite himself. Ruby's costume was, like most things about her, adorably earnest - a frilly gothic dress with a high collar, a red-lined black cape, and those ridiculous lien-store fangs that were clearly too big for her mouth. She'd even painted a trail of fake blood from the corner of her lips down her chin.

"It's great, Ruby," he said, raising his cup in salute, "Happy birthday. Sorry I didn't bring a gift. I've been, uh...busy." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Between juggling clients, keeping up with schoolwork, training, and trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy, he'd completely forgotten to shop for her.

Ruby waved a hand dismissively, "S'okay! Yang got me enough stuff for, like, three birthdays." She gestured toward a pile of presents on a nearby table, most wrapped in yellow paper with little fireball designs. Say what you will about Yang Xiao Long - cheapskate, weirdo with mommy issues - but she was doting to her sister, "Besides, you can totally make it up to me!"

Jaune couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm, "Sure thing. Name it, and it's yours. I can afford pretty much anything these days." He couldn't resist a small boast. He'd worked hard for that lien, even if the specifics of how he'd earned it were...unconventional. The money (and stuff) spoke for itself.

Ruby's silver eyes widened, and she practically vibrated with excitement, "Anything?"

"Within reason," Jaune clarified quickly, memories of previous "anything" requests flashing through his mind, "I'm not buying you a new dust-infused scythe blade. I've seen how much those cost." Mostly because most sane people didn't use scythes, so you had to get it custom ordered.

"No, no, it's not that," Ruby assured him, fidgeting with the edge of her cape. She glanced around the room, then leaned closer, lowering her voice conspiratorially, "I want to hire you."

Jaune blinked, his cup frozen halfway to his lips, "I'm sorry, what?"

Ruby bounced on her heels, her fangs bobbing precariously, "I want to hire you! You know, for your...services." She waggled her eyebrows in what he assumed was meant to be a suggestive manner but looked more like she was having a mild seizure. Ruby Rose was a lot of things. Loyal, friendly, sweet, and one of the best fighters in their year. But one thing she wasn't was smooth. It was one reason they were friends. Even now, months after his side-job, he wouldn't exactly call himself a charmer. The maid outfit did a LOT of the heavy lifting.

Jaune stared at her, his brain momentarily blue-screening. Ruby Rose, beacon of innocence and weapons enthusiast, wanted to hire him. For that. The same Ruby who once spent an entire afternoon explaining why cookies were a perfectly acceptable breakfast food. The same Ruby who still collected limited edition Gun Tales figurines.

"Ruby," he started carefully, "Do you...understand what I do?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically, "Duh! Everyone knows! Even the profs." She flipped her cape dramatically, "I want you to meet me in Vale this weekend." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "And wear the maid outfit."

Jaune shuffled his feet, suddenly finding the punch in his cup utterly fascinating, "I don't think that's a good idea, Ruby."

Ruby's face fell, her silver eyes widening in the puppy-dog look that had probably gotten her out of trouble her entire life, "But you said anything!" she protested, her lower lip pushing out in a pout, "You wouldn't lie to your bestie, would you?" Jaune felt himself weakening under her pleading gaze. His rational mind was screaming about professional boundaries, about how this was crossing a line he'd promised himself he wouldn't cross. Ruby was his friend. A good friend. The first real friend he'd made at Beacon.

But those damn silver eyes...

"Fine," he sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat, "This weekend. But we're talking about this first, okay? Making sure we're on the same page about expectations and...stuff."

Ruby's face lit up, and she bounced with such enthusiasm that one of her plastic fangs popped out and clattered to the floor, "Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She threw her arms around him in a quick hug before darting away, probably to get the fallen tooth. Jaune watched her go with a growing sense of dread pooling in his stomach. What had he just agreed to? And more importantly, why was his life spiraling into increasingly absurd scenarios involving his friends and a maid outfit?

"I need better boundaries," he muttered into his punch, "And possibly a career counselor."

Across the room, he caught Yang giving him a suspicious look. Jaune raised his cup in mock salute, then quickly turned away. The last thing he needed was Yang thinking he was corrupting her sister - the same sister who had just hired him for what was undoubtedly going to be the most awkward session of his increasingly bizarre career. Nevermind that Yang had asked him to dress up like her not-Mom. Older siblings could be hypocrites like that.

He drained his punch, grimacing at the burn of whatever Nora had slipped into it.

The weekend was going to be interesting.

[line break]

Saturday arrived with the cruel inevitability of a Goodwitch combat assessment. He stood in front of his mirror, adjusting the frilly headband that had become his signature accessory, and wondered how exactly his life had led to this moment, "Professional," he reminded his reflection, which looked back at him with equal parts resignation and despair, "You're a professional." It wasn't like he was AGAINST screwing women for money - most days it was actually enjoyable - but his friends made it...weird. It was one thing to fuck strangers who only knew him as Juliette. It was another to do it to someone he'd have to sit across the cafateria the next day.

The maid outfit was immaculate, as always. He'd invested in higher quality material since his early days: premium Atlesian silk for the apron, breathable fabric for the dress itself, and stockings that didn't pinch his thighs after an hour of wear (his old boss was a cheapskate). If he was going to be a professional maid-for-hire, he might as well be comfortable. He'd even gotten custom heels made that supported his arches properly. He wasn't just a maid; he was a high class one.

The things he spent money on these days...

Almost an hour later, Jaune stood outside Vale Comics, the city's premier comic book store, silently questioning every life choice that had led him to this moment. He tugged self-consciously at the hem of his maid outfit, the crisp black fabric and white frills drawing more attention than he'd anticipated. The heels made him tower over the average passerby, transforming him from "tall guy" to "conspicuously tall maid" in an instant. Every click against the pavement felt like it announced his presence to the entire street.

I'm a professional, he reminded himself, straightening his posture and adjusting the frilly headband perched on his blonde locks. This is just another job.

Except it wasn't. This was Ruby. Ruby Rose. The girl who got excited about weapon modifications and snorted milk through her nose when Yang told bad puns. The same girl who had somehow decided that hiring Vale's most sought-after crossdressing maid-escort was an appropriate birthday gift to herself.

A whistle cut through his thoughts, followed by a distinctly feminine voice, "Looking good, sweetie! Those legs go all the way up, don't they?" Jaune stiffened, his cheeks burning as he pointedly stared at the store window, refusing to acknowledge the woman who'd called out to him. The catcalls had started as soon as he stopped by the store. And the strangest part? Most of them were coming from women.

"Hey honey, need help dusting any high shelves? I've got something that could use a good polish!" Jaune's eye twitched. That one came from a middle-aged woman in a business suit, who was now giggling with her friends like they were teenagers instead of professional adults. He kept his gaze firmly fixed on a display of X-Ray and Vav comics, silently wishing he could disappear into the pages. He made a mental note to spoil himself for today.

"Work it, girl! Whoever hired you has excellent taste!"

"Can I get your number? My apartment's a disaster!"

"Are those real stockings? I'm digging the commitment!"

The comments kept coming, each one more mortifying than the last. Jaune couldn't decide what was worse. The fact that he was being openly objectified on a public street, or the fact that most of these women seemed to have no idea he was a guy. Had he really gotten that good at this? Was his crossdressing so convincing that an entire demographic of Vale citizens couldn't tell the difference? The thought was simultaneously depressing and oddly validating. At least he was good at something, even if that something was looking distressingly convincing in thigh-high stockings and a frilly apron.

A passing group of college-aged women slowed down as they approached, their eyes traveling up and down his form with unabashed interest, "Excuse me," one of them called out, a tall brunette with glasses, "Are you with one of those maid services? Because my roommate's birthday is coming up and-"

"I'm waiting for someone," Jaune cut her off, his voice pitched higher in his 'Juliette' persona. He'd learned early on that using his normal voice while in costume just confused people. Or turned them on even more. Usually both.

The woman looked momentarily disappointed before her expression brightened, "Well, if that doesn't work out..." She pulled out a business card and tucked it into his apron pocket with a wink, "Call me. We'd love to book you."

Her friends giggled as they continued down the street, leaving Jaune to stare after them in bewilderment. Was there some kind of cultural shift he'd missed? When had maids become Vale's hottest commodity? And why were so many women suddenly interested in hiring them?

A loud wolf whistle from across the street made him turn, only to see an elderly woman with a skull cane and bright blue prosthetic glasses giving him an enthusiastic thumbs-up, "Work it, honey! These young'uns don't appreciate the classics!"

Jaune groaned, checking his scroll for the fifteenth time. Ruby was late. Fifteen minutes late, to be precise. He was starting to wonder if this was some elaborate prank. Maybe Yang had put her up to this as revenge for the ban (in which case, lifetime ban, Xiao Long!). Maybe the whole thing was a setup to humiliate him, to get back at him for his newfound success.

A group of women leaving a nearby cafe spotted him, and one of them elbowed her friends, pointing in his direction, "Oh my gods, that's him! That's Juliette!" Jaune froze as the women approached, recognition gleaming in their eyes. This was new. And concerning, "It really is you!" the same woman squealed, pulling out her scroll to snap a photo, "I've been trying to book an appointment for weeks, but you're always full up!"

"My sister hired you for her bachelorette party," another one chimed in, "She said it was the best three hours of her life."

Jaune blinked rapidly, "Uh, thank you?" He didn't recall any bachelorette parties, but he supposed his client list had grown extensive enough that some details might blur together. Sex still felt great, of course, but the sheer amount of clients he had meant that he kinda went through the motions a lot of the time.

"Do you have any openings next month?" another woman asked, already scrolling through her calendar, "My birthday's coming up, and I want to treat myself."

Just as he was contemplating making a tactical retreat, a familiar voice called out, "Jaune! Sorry I'm late!" Ruby was jogging toward him, dressed in her normal combat skirt and corset, her red cape billowing behind her. She looked completely ordinary. No special outfit, no indication that she was meeting someone for... services. She looked like she was there for a casual hangout between friends.

Before Jaune could process, before he could even begin to formulate the many, many questions churning in his mind, Ruby reached him. With the cheerful obliviousness that was so characteristically her, she wrapped her arms around his left one and began tugging him toward the store entrance, "Come on! They just got the new limited edition Grimm Slayer variants, and I want to grab one before they sell out!" She completely ignored the women around him.

Jaune stumbled after her, his heels clicking awkwardly as he was pulled into the comic book store. He was vaguely aware of the jealous stares following them; women on the street shooting daggers at Ruby for commandeering the tall, attractive maid they'd been openly admiring.

As the door swung shut behind them, cutting off the sounds of the street, Jaune couldn't shake the sinking feeling in his gut. What exactly had he gotten himself into?

The comic book store was surprisingly busy for a Saturday afternoon. Jaune followed Ruby inside, bracing himself for the inevitable stares and whispers. Sure enough, several customers did double-takes, a few scrolls were raised to snap discreet photos, and the clerk behind the counter nearly dropped the stack of comics he was sorting.

But Ruby, bless her heart, didn't seem to notice any of it. She bounced straight to the new releases section, pulling Jaune along by the arm, "Okay, so I've been waiting for the new Red Huntress special edition to come out for months," she said excitedly, flipping through the colorful displays, "They're doing this crossover with Captain Atlas where they fight the Vacuo Viper, and I heard they might introduce a new female character who could potentially be RH's long-lost sister!"

Jaune blinked, waiting for the other shoe to drop, "That's... why you hired me? To discuss comic books?"

Ruby looked up at him with genuine confusion, "Well, yeah! Yang never wants to talk about comics with me. She just pretends to listen while playing games on her scroll." She pointed to a particularly vibrant cover featuring a heroine in weirdly familiar armor, "What do you think of the new art style? They switched artists after issue #47, and I'm not sure how I feel about X-Ray's new helmet design."

Jaune adjusted his frilly headband, glancing around at the other customers who were trying (and failing) to pretend they weren't staring at the unusual pair – a caped Huntress-in-training and a blonde in a full Vale maid outfit discussing superhero fashion choices with absolute seriousness.

But as the minutes ticked by and Ruby continued chatting enthusiastically about plot developments and character arcs, Jaune found himself oddly... relaxing? There was something almost refreshing about the normalcy of their conversation, despite the absurdity of his attire.

"Wait, so you think the Achieve Men are going to make a cameo?" he asked, genuinely interested now as he flipped through the latest issue, "That would be pretty cool. They could do a musical number during the big fight scene."

"Right?!" Ruby exclaimed, practically vibrating with excitement, "And their superpowers could be sound-based! Imagine Mogar using his battle cry to shatter windows!"

An hour flew by as they debated storylines, critiqued costume designs, and stacked up purchases. Ruby insisted on buying him the first volume of a series called "The Dusty Maidens" – a manga about combat maids who fought crime while keeping Vale's mansions spotless, "For research," she'd said with a wink that was probably supposed to be sly but looked more like she had something in her eye.

Not once did she make any suggestive comments. No lingering touches. No uncomfortable propositions. Just... comic books.

"This is actually kind of nice," Jaune said to himself as they exited the store, bags of comics in hand. He'd been so tense about what Ruby might expect from him that he hadn't considered the possibility that she just wanted company.

His relief was short-lived.

"Next stop!" Ruby announced, pointing dramatically down the street, "Clothes shopping!"

Jaune followed her gaze to "Charlotte's Boutique," a distinctly feminine clothing store with mannequins in flowing dresses and glittering accessories displayed in the windows, "Uh, Ruby? That's a women's clothing store."

Ruby nodded enthusiastically, "Yep! Now come on, we're burning daylight!" She grabbed his arm again, tugging him toward the shop.

"Wait, wait, wait," Jaune protested, heels skidding slightly against the pavement, "I'm already in a maid outfit. What more clothing do you want me to try on?"

"All sorts of things! I've got ideas!" Ruby declared, unperturbed by his resistance, "Don't worry about the cost. I've been saving up my mission stipends for months! I can afford it!"

"The cost isn't really the issue here-" Jaune said, but Ruby had already pulled him through the boutique's entrance, triggering a delicate chime that announced their arrival to the shop attendants.

A sharply dressed saleswoman approached them, her professional smile only faltering for a brief moment at the sight of Jaune in his maid attire, "Welcome to Charlotte's Boutique," she greeted smoothly, "How can I assist you today?"

Before Jaune could formulate a response, Ruby jumped in, "We need outfits for my friend Julie here! Lots of them. Different styles. Maybe start with something casual and work our way up to formal wear?" Did she just call him Julie?

"Certainly," the saleswoman replied, eyeing Jaune with an appraising look of someone calculating measurements, "Did you have any particular styles in mind?"

"I was thinking we could start with a nice summer dress? Something with flowers, maybe?" Ruby said , browsing through a nearby rack, "Oh! And definitely some combat skirts like mine. Julie is super active. She's a Huntress-in-training, you know!"

"I'm not really a-"

"And maybe some professional attire?" Ruby continued, undeterred, "Like, business casual? For meetings and stuff?"

The saleswoman nodded, already pulling items from various displays, "We just received our fall collection. There's a lovely blouse and pencil skirt combination that would complement your friend's coloring."

Jaune stood there, bemused, as the two women began assembling an impromptu wardrobe for "Julie." This was... not what he had expected. At all. He was used to his clients having specific outfits in mind. Usually just the one, and typically involving either less fabric or more fetish elements than his standard maid uniform. And that's if they weren't telling him to just hike up his skirt and fuck them like naughty masters (their words, not his)

But Ruby was acting like this was a normal shopping trip with a girlfriend. She held up a pale blue sundress, beaming, "This would look so cute on you! The color really brings out your eyes!"

"Ruby," Jaune whispered urgently, leaning down to her level as the saleswoman wandered off to find more options, "What exactly is happening right now? Why are you doing this?"

Ruby blinked at him, her silver eyes wide with what appeared to be genuine confusion, "What do you mean? We're shopping! It's fun!"

"But why did you hire me for this? I'm not usually paid to... try on sundresses and discuss comic books."

Ruby shifted slightly, a faint blush coloring her cheeks, "Well, I mean, everyone says you charge a lot for your time, and I wanted to hang out with you, and Yang said if I wanted guaranteed time with you I should hire you because you're super busy these days, and-" She took a breath, "Is that not okay? Am I doing it wrong?"

Jaune stared at her, utterly perplexed. The itching feeling at the back of his head intensified. Something was definitely off here, but he couldn't quite pinpoint what. She wasn't being entirely truthful about how she just wanted to hang out with him after weeks of being busy.

"Here we are!" The saleswoman returned, arms laden with garments in various colors and styles, "Let's start with these, shall we? The changing rooms are right this way."

Ruby bounced excitedly, all hesitation gone, "This is going to be so great! Like having a life-sized dress-up doll!" As Jaune was shepherded toward the changing rooms, an armful of feminine clothing clutched against his chest, he couldn't shake the sinking feeling in his gut. This wasn't normal client behavior – not even close – but it also wasn't... bad? Just deeply, profoundly weird, "Remember to show me each outfit!" Ruby called after him, "I want to see everything!"

Jaune sighed as he closed the changing room door behind him. Somehow, this was simultaneously better and stranger than what he'd been expecting. At least she wasn't asking him to roleplay as her mom, sister, dad, or uncle.

...Yet.

[line break]

The shopping trip ended with Jaune carrying several bags of women's clothing he had absolutely no intention of ever wearing again. Despite his protests, Ruby had insisted on paying for everything. Aa small fortune in sundresses, blouses, and at least three combat skirts in varying colors. She'd brushed off his warnings that he wouldn't wear them. It reminded him of Saphron.

"I'm starving!" Ruby said as they exited the boutique, their arms laden with shopping bags, "Let's get lunch!"

Jaune, still trying to process what was happening, simply nodded and followed her to a nearby cafe with outdoor seating. He was grateful to finally sit down, his heels having done a number on his arches despite their custom design, "Two strawberry milkshakes, please! And two of the deluxe burger combo!," Ruby said cheerfully when the waiter approached. The poor man kept glancing between the caped girl and the blonde in the maid outfit, clearly struggling to decide which of them was weirder.

"Ruby, I can order for myself," Jaune said once the waiter left.

"Nonsense! I hired you, remember?" Ruby's smile was just a bit too bright, her silver eyes twinkling with something Jaune couldn't quite identify, "Besides, everyone likes strawberry milkshakes!"

When their food arrived, Jaune reached for his burger, only to have Ruby swat his hand away.

"Let me," she said, picking up his burger and holding it out toward him, "Open wide!"

Jaune stared at her incredulously, "You want to... feed me?"

"That's what you do with- I mean, yesyepOpen up!" Ruby wiggled the burger enticingly in front of his face. Reluctantly, feeling like he'd stumbled into some bizarre alternate reality, Jaune opened his mouth. Ruby immediately shoved the burger forward with more enthusiasm than precision, causing ketchup to smear across his cheek, "Sorry!" she chirped, not sounding sorry at all as she dabbed at his face with a napkin, "Just like feeding a- I mean, there we go! All better!"

"Ruby," Jaune said slowly, wiping his face with his own napkin, "What exactly is happening right now?"

Before she could answer, a young man from a nearby table approached, eyeing Jaune with unmistakable interest. He was handsome in a generic sort of way with a face and hairstyle that reminded Jaune of someone who was cast as an extra for the popular clique.

"Hey there," the newcomer said, leaning against their table with practiced casualness, "That's a really cute outfit. I like a woman who's confident enough to express herself."

Before Jaune could respond (with what, he wasn't entirely sure), Ruby's hand shot to her side where Crescent Rose would normally be. Finding it absent (restuarants didn't exactly like customers coming in with deadly weapons), she grabbed a butter knife instead, brandishing it with alarming enthusiasm, "Back off, buddy!" she said, her voice dropping to a growl that sounded like a child trying to impersonate Yang, "Can't you see we're having quality time here?"

The man backed away, hands raised defensively, "Whoa, sorry! Didn't realize you two were... a thing."

"We're not-" Jaune started.

"That's right, scram!" Ruby called after him, still waving the butter knife menacingly. Once he was safely out of earshot, she turned back to Jaune with an abrupt shift in demeanor, "You have to be careful who you talk to," she said, her voice suddenly dropping to what she clearly thought was a mature, worldly tone, "There are many predators out there looking to take advantage of innocent young ma- people like yourself."

Jaune's eyebrows shot up, "I think I can handle myself, Ruby."

"Oh, of course you can, sweetie," Ruby said, patting his hand condescendingly. Did she just call him sweetie? That sounded so... wrong coming from her, "But the world is full of dangers that someone as..." she paused, searching for the word, "...pure as you might not recognize."

"Pure?" Jaune repeated, choking slightly on his milkshake, "Ruby, I literally sleep with people for money."

Ruby's cheeks flushed red, but she plowed ahead with the same determination she used when killing Grimm, "Well, yes, but that doesn't mean you understand the complex emotional dynamics of adult relationships," she said, sounding like she was reciting something memorized, "It's my responsibility to protect you from those who might exploit your... naivete."

Jaune nearly spit out his drink, "My what? Ruby, I'm two years older than you!"

"Age is just a number," Ruby replied with the all-knowing nod of someone quoting a fortune cookie, "Maturity is what matters. Now, eat your burger before it gets cold. You need your strength."

The rest of lunch continued on that same bizarre track with Ruby alternating between feeding him like a toddler and dispensing worldly "wisdom" in a voice at least an octave lower than her natural tone. Every time Jaune tried to speak, she would cut him off with another patronizing comment or an offer of more food. Jaune was torn between feeling confused and offended. Not something he wanted to feel when thinking about Ruby, of all people.

By the time they left the cafe, Jaune was thoroughly bewildered. This wasn't just strange; it was Ruby acting like she'd learned about adult behavior exclusively from bad sitcoms.

Their final stop was the park where Ruby insisted they sit on a bench overlooking the duck pond. The afternoon sun was pleasant, at least, and Jaune was grateful for the chance to rest his feet again.

"So," Ruby said, turning to face him with an expectant smile, "Did you enjoy your day?"

Jaune considered the question. Despite the utter strangeness of it all, he hadn't actually had a terrible time. Weird? Absolutely. But there was something almost endearing about Ruby's enthusiasm, even if he still had no idea what was really going on. And she wasn't making him do any weird family roleplay crap, so that was a plus.

"Yeah, actually," he said, "It was... different."

Ruby nodded, her smile softening, "I'm so glad. I've been worried about you, you know."

"Worried about me? Why?"

"This big, bad world," Ruby said, gesturing vaguely around them, "All these people trying to get a piece of you. Men, women; they all just want to use you for your body!" Jaune blinked at the shift in her tone. Where exactly was this going? Ruby cleared her throat, her expression turning serious, "Julie, I think it's time we had... a talk."

"A talk...?"

"Yes. About..." She lowered her voice to a dramatic whisper, "The birds and the bees." Jaune stared at her blankly, waiting for the punchline. None came, "You see," Ruby continued, her face flushed but determined, "When two people care about each other very much, one of them might want to... load their ammo into the other's chamber."

"Ruby-"

"It's like with Crescent Rose," she pressed on, apparently committed to this insanity, "First, you have to make sure the barrel is clean and properly oiled. Then, you insert the magazine firmly but gently. You don't want to jam it or force it, or you might damage the mechanism."

"Ruby, seriously-"

"And sometimes," she continued, her voice rising slightly in pitch despite her attempt to sound mature, "You might want to fire multiple rounds in quick succession, but you have to be careful not to overheat the-"

"I KNOW WHAT SEX IS!" Jaune shouted, loud enough to startle a nearby flock of pigeons into flight, "Ruby, I literally get paid for it! It's my literal job! I don't need the... the gun analogy version of 'the talk' from you!"

Several park-goers turned to stare at them. Jaune felt his face burning with embarrassment, "Why are you acting so weird today?!" he said, lowering his voice to a hiss, "The feeding, the shopping, the... whatever this is? What's going on?!"

Ruby played with the hem of her cape, suddenly looking much younger than her eighteen years, "I don't know what you mean," she mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

"Yes, you do. This whole day has been bizarre. You hired me, which made me think you wanted..." He gestured vaguely, "But then you're treating me like I'm five years old while simultaneously trying to act like you're forty? What gives?"

Ruby's shuffled her feet for a few more seconds before she sighed, "Okay, fine!" she said , throwing her hands up, "I just wanted to feel like the big sister for once, okay?! I'm eighteen now, but everyone still treats me like a baby just because I'm a couple years younger! Yang's always looking out for me, Weiss is always correcting me, Blake's always explaining things to me..." She took a deep breath, "I thought maybe if I hired you, I could show what a totally mature adult I am by taking care of someone else for a change!"

Jaune stared at her flatly, "People usually have sex to prove they're adults in movies, you know. I would've honestly preferred if we just did that." It wasn't exactly an offer, but it was close enough that Yang or Weiss would've taken it as one.

Ruby laughed, waving her hand dismissively, "Hah, no way! Sleeping with you would be weird! You're like my first ever guy bestie!"

"And making your guy friend dress up in a maid outfit so you can play big sister isn't weird?"

She considered this for a moment, head tilted thoughtfully, "Not really," she decided, "I mean, you already dress up anyway, right? This way, we both get what we want!" Jaune blinked slowly, processing her logic. Sex with a guy friend? Weird. Having that guy friend dress up as a maid so you could play big sis? Perfectly normal.

Without a word, he stood up from the bench, smoothed down his apron, and began walking away.

"Hey, wait!" Ruby called after him, scrambling to her feet, "The day isn't over yet! I was going to give you your first gun!"

Jaune just kept walking, his heels clicking rhythmically against the pavement as he steadfastly ignored her continued calls. Some things, he decided, were simply beyond explanation. And Ruby Rose's idea of "adult behavior" was definitely one of them. Behind him, Ruby was still shouting something about proper trigger discipline, but Jaune had already mentally checked out. He'd have to update his website again.

NO FAMILY ROLEPLAY. NO SISTER-FOR-A-DAY SCENARIOS.

And maybe, just maybe, it was time to start charging his friends double. A friend and family spitecount.

[line break]

The walk back to Beacon was a blur. Jaune had ditched the heels halfway through, carrying them in one hand while padding along in his stockinged feet. The stone path was cool beneath his soles, a small mercy after the day he'd endured.

Somewhere between the park and the airship station, he realized he'd left all those shopping bags - hundreds of lien worth of clothing he'd never wear - sitting abandoned on the park bench. The thought flickered through his mind for approximately two seconds before dissolving into complete apathy. Let Ruby keep her "big sister" souvenirs. He was done. If someone wanted to steal a bunch of women's clothing sized for a 6'1 guy with broad shoulders, they were welcome to it.

The evening air was cool against his face as he trudged up the path toward the dormitories. A few students gave him double-takes as he passed, but Jaune was far beyond caring at this point. The Beacon rumor mill had long since established that Jaune Arc moonlighted as "Juliette", and anyone who hadn't heard was clearly living under a rock.

He didn't even bother changing before returning to his dorm. What was the point? Team CRDL had already seen him in the outfit more times than he cared to count, Professor Port had once given him a wink and a thumbs-up in the hallway, and even Professor Goodwitch had taken to ignoring his maid-clad presence with a practiced air of professional detachment (though he didn't miss the way she gave him the occasional once-over).

By the time he reached his room, Jaune felt like he'd aged several decades in a single day. He pushed open the door with a weary sigh, prepared to collapse face-first onto his bed and possibly remain there until graduation.

He stepped inside, already reaching for his headband to remove it. Pyrrha was sitting alone on her bed, a textbook open beside her but clearly forgotten. She looked up as he entered, her emerald eyes widening slightly at his appearance before her cheeks flushed pink. She shifted on the mattress, looking uncharacteristically nervous, "Oh! Jaune," she said, her voice a bit higher than usual, "You're back. How was your... appointment?"

He closed the door behind him with a weary sigh, "Don't ask. Ruby decided she wanted to play 'big sister' for a day. There were gun analogies for sex talks. It was weird." He brought a hand across his hair and shook his head, the hair extensions swinging. Usually, he changed into and out of his maid uniform outside of the dorm to make things less weird for his teammates. But right now, he was just way too drained to worry about that.

Pyrrha blinked, "I... see."

Jaune studied her more closely. She was fidgeting with the edge of her skirt, a slight sheen of sweat visible on her forehead. Her leg was bouncing slightly, a nervous habit she usually kept under control. Something was definitely up, "Are you okay?" he asked, frowning in concern, "You seem tense."

Pyrrha let out a small, awkward laugh, "Me? I'm fine! Perfect, actually. Just... studying. Very intensely."

Jaune's brows furrowed. After a day of dealing with Ruby's bizarre behavior, he was getting pretty good at spotting when something was off. He glanced at Pyrrha's textbook. It was upside down, "Bad day?" He smiled sympathetically, setting his scroll down on his desk, "You look stressed."

Pyrrha bit her lip, her eyes darting away from his, "I suppose I am a bit... on edge." Jaune nodded. After everything they'd been through together, he could read Pyrrha pretty well. This was familiar territory, at least. Not like whatever fever dream his day with Ruby had been.

"Do you want some stress relief?" he asked, already reaching for the bow on his apron. This, at least, made sense to him.

Pyrrha looked like she wanted to say something. Her mouth opened slightly, her brow furrowed as if wrestling with some internal debate. For a moment, Jaune thought she might actually decline because once a day (sometimes twice) for the past week was too much.

Then she exhaled softly, her shoulders relaxing as she nodded, "Yes, please."

Jaune felt a weight lift from his shoulders. This, he understood. This was simple. Uncomplicated. Just helping his partner unwind after a stressful day, no weird family roleplay or forced attempts at adulthood required.

"Finally," he muttered to himself as he untied his apron, "Something normal." He began undoing the buttons on his maid uniform, grateful for the familiarity of the routine. After a day of being dressed up, fed like a child, lectured about "adult relationships" by someone who clearly learned about them from weapon manuals, and nearly given a firearm as a coming-of-age present, the simple act of helping Pyrrha de-stress felt like an oasis of sanity.

Pyrrha eyed him the entire time. Probably that tournament fighter in her. She told him once that she was hardwired to look at people's muscles to see their shifts in movement. That was why she couldn't stop staring at him whenever he changed.

"Gods," He sighed as he shimmied out of the skirt, leaving the thigh-high stockings in place (Pyrrha mentioned once that she liked how they looked), "Why can't everyone else just be normal about this stuff? It doesn't have to be weird." Pyrrha made a small noise that might have been agreement, her eyes never leaving his body, "I mean," Jaune continued, tossing the dress aside, "We're just partners helping each other out. No pretending I'm someone's mother or sister or whatever. Just... straightforward stress relief between friends."

"Right," Pyrrha murmured, her voice soft, "Just... friends."

Jaune climbed onto the bed over Pyrrha, his mind already settling into the comfortable routine of what had become, ironically, the most normal part of his increasingly bizarre life. Just two partners, helping each other out. Nothing weird about that at all.

[line break]

Poor Jaune. And Pyrrha. And Ruby who spent a lot of money on those clothes Jaune just ditched.

Likely back to smut next chapter, I just don't know who yet. Cinder? Goodwitch? Blake? Someone else?