Walking around a nature reserve and talking about loneliness, society, work, etc.
Added 2024-10-20 17:00:07 +0000 UTCthis was originally recorded on Thursday, 10th October. it's very candid and i probably say a lot of silly things in it. i'm not really sure why i recorded it at all, nor why i decided to record it outside at a nature reserve. i also sound a little short of breath a lot of the time. i think that was probably a symptom of anxiety.
a couple of corrections:
At 30:48, I describe myself as "neurotypical" when I meant to say "neurodivergent".
At 40:15, I talk about agoraphobia while clearly misremembering what the condition actually entails, because what I say about it makes no sense.
if the stereo nature of this recording is distracting or uncomfortable to you, with my voice not being perfectly centered, there is a mono mix here.
Comments
I'm new to you and I love when creators express themselves as I love to get to know them! That being said with the YouTube issue, one ASMR boyfriend channel experienced the same as you. What he did is take off monetization because ptreon was enough for him and just used YouTube as a way for people to find him. One he did this he didn't have to worry about strikes as much anymore. If patreon is your main source and doing well then ridding YouTube partner program shouldn't matter too much. Just a thought.
kibozuu
2025-04-14 17:35:58 +0000 UTCMan, I could talk about all of these topics for hours on end... I do feel the need to stress just how much of what you've been experiencing is kinda rampant right now, even for neurotypicals. It isn't just you. The internet has basically become a substitute for third spaces and we all went though a pandemic that conditioned us to associate outside with danger—and then we never talked about it again. Add to that living in the late-stage capitalist hellscape. Basically, to anyone who's not feeling perfectly well adjusted at the moment; it doesn't make you weird, it makes you human. The world has only gotten increasingly mental in the past six months. Just doing the best you can is enough right now.
freff
2025-04-03 18:15:05 +0000 UTCit was a very beautiful tree
Phasmid ASMR
2024-11-21 10:17:41 +0000 UTC“What’s a positive thing I can say… this tree’s very beautiful.” I spit out my coffee, the whiplash I got from the change of existential crisis to the tree. I hope you’re doing better, I’m glad that Patreon is doing good, YouTube is absolute shit when it comes to their appeals process. You’re doing great hun, I liked the different and candid view on your struggles, if you need a break please take it. Your fans will be here when you get back.
TheLiteralProblem
2024-11-21 05:23:52 +0000 UTCI’m glad you ended up deciding to go through with posting this. I liked hearing it, and I learned some really interesting stuff about how YouTube works (or rather, doesn’t work.) And at least for me, it’s illuminating to hear a content creator talk about what its like to have these pseudo-relationships online with fans, and the ways it can be good/bad/weird/addicting/anxiety-inducing. I think you’re right that our brains weren’t quite wired to socialize this way, and it’s had some weird side effects on society (and our brains). I can get a bit anxious about interacting with creators online as a fan. You never want to overreach or make someone uncomfortable, because you’re right, you’re not friends, you don’t really know each other. But then you’re interacting with this person’s work that had all this effort and love put into it, and you want that person to know that their work means something to you. And your natural human empathetic brain kicks in and goes “oh yup, that’s an emotion! I recognize that! These pixels are friend-shaped”. So I just try to take my cues from what kind of engagement an individual creator seems to be inviting, and it’s helpful when there are explicit cues available to find. (So I’m also glad you told us you wanted thoughts in the comments.) I guess if this ramble has a point, it’s “interacting with humans is rewarding and hard and weird, and we’re probably all just guessing??” and there’s something weirdly comforting to me about that.
Nicky Lee
2024-11-11 20:57:36 +0000 UTCthis helped me get out of bed this morning, thank you, phas 🫂💖🏳️⚧️
Leviathan
2024-11-08 11:57:19 +0000 UTCI found you on YouTube and something instantly clicked. You know when you find a content creator that just ticks all the boxes from the start, very rare but I’m glad I found your channel. I knew I had to subscribe to Patreon and support your work. I actually went for a walk whilst listening to this and it was like walking with a friend!! Loneliness is another pandemic. I too have these problems,but sadly no partner. Thank you for your uploads, they keep me warm on lonely nights x
Raven
2024-11-05 11:16:55 +0000 UTCSo valid. I definitely went through the same thing when I modded a 8k group. It's nuts what it does to your mental health
Burii
2024-11-04 14:10:54 +0000 UTCHow did the game event go? We were all rooting for you 😊
KassiaOfCuriosities
2024-10-29 21:44:02 +0000 UTCI understand why stepping back from Discord makes sense. It sounds like you’re looking to set healthy boundaries, and I think it’s a good call. I appreciate all the content you create and hope this helps you feel more comfortable moving forward. I had so much more to say but I fear it falls in line with unsolicited advice or fan overreach. I just want to say, I think your work attracts neurodivergent people who understand your plight. Also, I know you mentioned social anxiety, and maybe therapy could be something to consider. It can be a great way to dig into those feelings and approach them more logically—something I know you seem to value. Good luck Phas. We're rooting for you.
K
2024-10-29 16:24:43 +0000 UTCYES! That was when I properly fell for Jasper. That immediate response, 'If I slip and call you stupid/idiot again punch me in the balls, hard as you can, I'll deserve it.' The man absolutely understood where they'd come from and was like, well not anymore, not on MY watch. Phas and Audrey have done such a good job to make these characters feel so human and so very genuine in their love and care for each other.
MuddyHippy
2024-10-27 09:05:28 +0000 UTCI can understand the thing with being obsessed with something to the point where it's unhealthy, and learning to make yourself walk away from it is a choice you have to make every day (or every hour, depending) in order to keep your sanity. Took me a while to learn how to do that, but unlearning how to be a perfectionist/completionist will still take me a little while. Also, I avoid the hell out of TikTok for the same reasons you said. And I don't really socialize outside of work much more these days, either. Friends are getting harder for me to make and keep these days. I'm terrible at keeping contact with anyone outside of my family.
Birdybell
2024-10-27 05:05:27 +0000 UTCI totally get the loneliness thing. I battled my social phobia for years (I pretty much never left the house without my partner in my early twenties). I'm in a pretty good place now, but I am still bad at finding/having irl friends. It's all very confusing and hard. But thank you for mentioning the board game evening, I googled and there are actually places online where you can find groups or other ppl for meeting up and playing in my area. Maybe that can help the both of us. 🤞
Alex
2024-10-26 21:22:03 +0000 UTCIt takes a lot to be honest with a bunch of strangers online like this- putting yourself out there, being transparent. It also takes a heck of a lot to be honest with yourself and it sounds like you’re doing just that. I too am a neuro-spicy hermit and sometimes it’s hard to feel like I could ever fit in anywhere even if I wanted to but I think there are always people and communities in the world who will accept you with open arms if you let them! Easier said than done, though. I know. I don’t wanna get all weird and parasocial or anything but you seem like you’d be a lot of fun to be around. I hope you find what it is you’re looking for! :)
Layna Lawson
2024-10-25 03:56:50 +0000 UTCI can 100% relate to that Discord thing, I feel much better now that I've removed the work charge I had on my shoulders regarding modding. I had climbed up within a gaming server and at first I was super happy about it because it meant that all the ideas I had to improve the server would finally go through and they did. At first it went fine, but then I was confronted with the fact that some people are just around some server to be assholes. Every week there was an issue brought up by the same trouble makers and the actual owner of the server would not let us come down on them to make it stop. Eventually we pushed through and got more strict but it only escalated everything for months. I'm still in that server but I am nowhere near as involved since everything as calmed down and the negative people have finally decided to live their lives offline. Having so many people depend on you and having to check in every hour is definitely something I had done back then and man was it exhausting. The sheer anxiety of dealing with so many people at once. In your position, I would feel overwhelmed, so your decision to walk away from it is absolutely understandable. Your happiness and well-being should come first and without sacrifice !
Josianne
2024-10-24 03:01:16 +0000 UTCThank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I had my own meandering thughts as I enjoyed your ramble. The audio itself turned out quite well and I enjoyed it. Preferring the ephemeral nature of in-person interactions is completely understandable. But I've a fondness of the writen word and feel it's a valuable supplement to social interaction. In taking the time to fully compose and edit my thoughts in text format I feel that I am more accurately able to say what I intend to say. A community Discord server is not exactly the same thing as nailing theses to a church door, but that's the first thing that came to mind when I thought of the value of sharing thoughts and music and art and memes. But I want you to know that I empathise with your loneliness. I understand your embarrassment. I wish I could provide you a measure of comfort in return for all your art has given me. But all I have are words. I admire your talent. I'm grateful for your bravery, and your openness. I marvel at your drive to ceaselessly reach for positivity. I am glad you have a plan and are making the changes that you want for yourself. Best wishes, Phasmid Asmr, sincerely.
BarefootNimh
2024-10-24 00:59:21 +0000 UTCI always want to jump through a screen when the people I look up to are hurting. It’s not off putting, it’s relatable and painfully real. The total of my friends are online and I stay in my house when I’m not working. It’s difficult to create genuine friendships in person.. 😭
Crow
2024-10-23 19:23:06 +0000 UTCAlso I'm glad you uploaded this. I also saw a cool tree yesterday.
Mercurious VA
2024-10-23 05:17:52 +0000 UTCTotally agree. I loved how Jasper stopped calling Rabbit an idiot (even if it had become an endearment) because the bully called them that. It's the small touches that humanise the characters.
Bexxy RMW
2024-10-23 00:36:55 +0000 UTCI just wanted to pick up on a point you made about the content you make and I think it's worth saying that you absolutely sell the characters, I've never been interested in the spicy side of audios but the way you perform these characters, the way they feel so real, I became a Patreon because I had to know more about Jasper and Rabbit. I adore that your spicy scenes are so very full of life, they are real people who care about each other and that's a rare thing to find. There is adoration in those scenes that is so special. That you are so aware and are so respectful as a creator, that your spice scenes are often so tender and loving or fond and funny, there's real emotion there and it creates the full package, you've created characters to listen to who I am invested in their lives and what happens to them. I want to hear you tell so many more stories! I really hope you enjoy the games night, you've brought so much joy to so many of us, I hope you can find some more for yourself. I've made friends with people through this community and it's sparked my own sense of creativity. You've given us such a gift and I really want you to know how much your time, effort and talent is so very appreciated. 😊
MuddyHippy
2024-10-22 20:53:07 +0000 UTCI wanted to start off by saying thank you for being so open to sharing this, I know it's always weird making oneself vulnerable online. For what it's worth, I totally understand desire to get out and meet new people and feeling like online interactions can feel like a crutch. I would definitely recommend going to events like board game meetups, and maybe even consider other events if they pique your interest. I got into an LGBTQ+ sports league to meet new people (I'm not remotely good at sports, but it's more a social thing than anything). Taking the plunge and going to something where you know no one or next to no one can be nerve wracking. My best advice, and I know this is easier said than done, is just exposure therapy. Go to an event and stay for as long as you feel like you can, and then next time, try to push the boundary for how long you think you can stay. If this makes it sound like exercising, it's because it kind of is. It's about forming the habit and getting used to putting yourself out there. Like with exercising, there may be times where you stumble and not go out as much as you did last time. That's okay. The important thing is to keep trying. Again, thank you sharing this, and I hope what you take away from this is that you are very much worth it, you are worthy of being friends with, you are worthy of having people care about you, and you are very talented. Keep being you, and know that you do have an online community that at the very least wishes you well. 🧡
MarcMage
2024-10-22 19:48:07 +0000 UTCThis has me rethinking things a little bit. Thank you for that.
Mercurious VA
2024-10-22 14:27:20 +0000 UTCOh phas, i'm listening to this whilst drawing this morning. This got me right in the feels such a Rollercoaster . This resonates with me, if i could id reach through this screen to give you a massive hug i would! . I can't speak for others but. I could listen to you talk about, well.. pretty much anything. 😅 but definitely from a mental health point of view it sounds like you did whats best for you. At the end of the day your mental health is worth tenfold more than anything that gives you that much anxiety and stress. I can't say ive ever joined a fan/community discord. 😅 i really dont get it ither, it feels odd to me as i only use discord for gaming with friends. From a personal standpoint, and again i cant speak for others, but you've helped me emensely over this past year and and a half. I've struggled with mental health & loneliness for a while, being a single parent who's child and herself is nerodivergent. you're work is a HUGE sorce of comfort for myself, and has got my through tough times. I cannot thank you enough, i know its not a substitute for actually meeting someone. (Dating scene =scary anxiety) now i'm rambling 🤣 anyways a big thanks for everything that you do! 🥰
LadyLucidity ASMR
2024-10-22 07:14:57 +0000 UTCI love the rambles! I know you said you didn't give a rats ass if the channel expanded or not, and that you're comfortable with where it stands, you did mention you're uploading stuff to twitter, have you also tried Reddit? The other ASMR channels I follow post their a lot. Idk if you tried or it would be something you're interested in, just a thought though.
Cait Mae
2024-10-21 23:49:25 +0000 UTCI came to your patreon from the Gale roleplay I was just hooked and had to hear the last part. Honestly I was only going to do the month, but I’ve worked through a lot of your other stuff and something about it just had me hooked, and not just the spicy stuff so I’ll be staying which is kinda odd for me as I’ve never supported anyone on patreon before and honestly never felt inclined to before now. It’s great news you’re doing other acting works as well – variety is the spice of life after all. Personally I struggle communicating online I’m really not comfortable with it and I feel like I can’t get *me* across very well so I just don’t, I’m much better at face to face communication, but your comments sections are filled with great people to the point I feel relatively safe I can comment without too much fear that someone will think I’m a complete idiot. I don’t have any friends at all any more (but that’s down to issues I’ve had in the past) but I have to say one of my “online” friends from about 18 years ago was just amazing, I couldn’t have gone through what I was going through without him (with my circumstance at the time and him being in another country I wasn’t going to be able to meet him but he was more of a friend than my supposed “real” friends ever were), I’m not even sure I’d be here without him, but the older I’ve got the more I’ve realised he was an exception. Now, I have my boyfriend and he’s great but sometimes I do miss having a couple of friends I can just hang out with, or go have a coffee with, but I can’t trust or rely on people and it makes it really difficult. I’m ok with it though. I do think you should be really proud of yourself for going outside your comfort zone to change things you aren’t happy with in your life. That takes a lot of internal strength and fortitude so absolutely congratulate yourself on that and it’s lovely that your girlfriend is being supportive in your endeavours, it makes such a difference when you’re with someone that wants to help you grow on your terms. Thanks for sharing this, best of luck with everything. *wall of text crits for 10k damage - apologies*
Lafre
2024-10-21 19:44:25 +0000 UTCNot going to lie, I got a little bit choked up when you talked about relying on discord and similar stuff for all your human connections and said you didn't want this to be you anymore. It's scary how much I can relate to what you're describing and how hard it is to make friends as an adult. But props to you for recognising something was harmful and taking steps to improve! Really appreciate the candor in this, I'm sure it was not easy to talk about all of this.
robirb
2024-10-21 17:41:17 +0000 UTCIt's really nice to feel that you can share this with everyone, massive points for being able to be open about the big feelings on top of everything else. I must confess my own ND tendencies mean I don't watch much streaming (I need a time for things to end or it snags my "task pending" autism and nothing else happens) but I love audios like this, and I love the variety of audios we get from you! Smut is excellent and all but who else has eaten every type of ravioli from British supermarkets? It’s great fun. On the more serious stuff, so much solidarity on the anxiety side of it. I think creatives having to present a public front all the time is so much more mentally exhausting than people really consider, especially for anyone who grew up watching Britney get driven into a mental breakdown etc vs younger folk. It’s been very normalised to constantly be available and human beings need down time. There’s very little healthy distance given in online spaces and making your own is perfectly reasonable. You have to protect your peace in a way that works for you. I have a pen name so that my writing is separate to “day me” because “day me” has a job that requires a hell of a lot of masking and spoon-burn and keeping a distance there is 100% necessary for me to have a chance to keep enough energy to be creative as well. Also agoraphobia when doing new things solo is really common! My partner gets it bad when his depression flares up, I think part of it is the one-two-punch of social overstim and social anxiety, at least in my experience, your own ND tendencies will direct it there. I don’t know if it’s helpful that it’s a common issue for ND folk, but solidarity that you’re not alone at least.
Chazzaroo
2024-10-21 16:08:48 +0000 UTCI keep coming back just to read all the heartfelt, insightful, and comforting replies…what a beautiful place you’ve created for everyone. Looks like I’m not the only one who feels less lonely now. Much love and thanks to all who have contributed here.
Bec
2024-10-21 14:24:51 +0000 UTCSecond comment on this audio. I listened it in two takes... I was going to suggest that you join a boardgame goup or event so, I was happy to hear that your life partner will take you there. Good move! Don't run away from it, it can help you find people with simimlar struggles like you. I am one of those and rolepalying and boardgames saved my sanity. I was able to connect with people through them. You will find more persons like you, with the same problems, there. There is a second thing I want to comment. I guess you are in England... I lived there for eight years. I struggled like hell to make connections with other persons even if I tried really hard. When I came back to Spain, to a total new place, two days later all the neighbourgs came to introduce themselves, welcome me, ask me about me, my life, invited me if I wanted to join them in the local gatherings and events... England is a very hard place to make connections. I bet there is a little of personal struggle and some of cultural hard ground to navigate. Well, my point: GO TO PLAY BOARDGAMES.
Maya Fey
2024-10-21 11:16:09 +0000 UTCThank you for sharing this with us . Your discussion about anxiety and loneliness is painfully relatable.
Pink Lotus
2024-10-21 10:46:14 +0000 UTC🖤
ashley christine
2024-10-21 09:18:54 +0000 UTCProps to you for recognizing that something is harmful to you and taking action to change it. It takes so much courage to go through with something like that - as someone who hates change (even if its for the better) and would rather keep being in comfortable misery, I see this as something you can be incredibly proud of. There are so many thoughts on my mind, but I don't want to make this too long. I agree with many of the points you mentioned (I also don't get TikTok and refuse to download it lol), especially when it comes to the overwhelming social aspect of online communication and loneliness. I hope things will get better soon for you and I hope you had/will have fun at the board game thing!
keplers cat
2024-10-21 08:18:39 +0000 UTCFrom one socially anxious person to another: BOY DO I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, this making-new-friends stuff is *hard*. But you're setting good boundaries for yourself and making plans, and that takes serious guts and resolve. (Your girlfriend is also really wonderful for acting as a social buffer!) It's easy to go to gatherings and think "oh god, everybody here is so much better at this than I am" but there are folks there who absolutely feel what you're feeling. You don't gotta show up being perfect--all you gotta do is be you. And you're pretty rad! Another kinda nice thing is that no social event is time wasted--with each one you attend, you learn something! So even if a type of social gathering doesn't end up very fun, at least you know "okay I don't want *that*". And everybody's different, there's no wrong way to want to socialize. (Well, except for maybe *murder parties* and things like that, but I'll assume you're not playing Real Life Among Us for board game night.) As for the "friend" VS "internet friend" brainworm, oh have I ever been *there*, and it *sucks*. Loneliness and long distance friendships/relationships are difficult enough without your brain beating you up about it too. I've found it's easy to want to trivialize myself when I'm feeling helpless about some completely different aspect of it, like, "great, I can't go comfort my friend in person because they live a billion miles away, what good am I even for, they probably think I'm useless, I'm text in a box". Buuut that's simply not true, because *I* never think of *them* like that. And so I put a stop to that train of thought by thinking, "They wouldn't want me thinking this about myself--or about *them*". Convincing myself that my brainworm is wrong feels next to impossible, but defending my friends from it? Much easier. Anywho, oh my god it's 3:00AM and I have blathered on, I'm gonna go write airplane sex now. X) Have a good morning~
Audrey (rainbowbarnacle)
2024-10-21 08:09:51 +0000 UTCAlso, making some in-person friends is scary, but possible. For example, today I went to a book club for the first time. Terrifying, but it went okay. I wanted to throw up the whole time but people were fine with my weirdness. Best of luck!
Sunnie Day
2024-10-21 06:30:06 +0000 UTCPhas, it sounds like you did a great thing for yourself by getting off that server. And I wish you the best of luck with your social anxiety journey and connecting with people. Remember to be nice to yourself, don’t judge yourself to harshly, no one’s a perfect speaker. You do your best and take it one step at a time and it will be worth it. ❤️
CaveRät
2024-10-21 06:22:43 +0000 UTCThe Internet is a super weird place. Connections are super easy to make, but are often flimsy and unevenly weighted. I get super overwhelmed any time I start to cultivate a minor following and have backed off multiple times, even though it's just been for art and I've never had my voice or face attached. It's very overwhelming so I can't imagine what it must be like for people who have more of themselves in their work. You gotta find that line for you, and it's different for everybody. Your content should be first of all, for you. If people get weird, step back, no questions asked. You gotta put on your oxygen mask first. Also, you probably googled it already, but those of us in Bald Eagle Freedom Town call them liquor stores.
Sunnie Day
2024-10-21 06:07:42 +0000 UTCI've never been one to simply have "Internet friends", those I've met and made online, have always spilled into my real life, so much so that we have traveled thousands of miles to be in each others weddings (literally standing as part of the party), made one another god parent to kids, and even flown overnight to attend funerals of each others family, because that's what we've become, a family. You voice has been quire the friend to me over the past year, as I've traversed my own hardships, and hope you know how much it means to hear you share this, and how much I wish I could give you a hug right now 💜
Shelby
2024-10-21 06:07:16 +0000 UTCHonestly Phas, I came for the smut but stayed for everything else and tbh I would unsubscribe from everyone else first before i would ever unsubscribe from you. Theres way more to you than just sexy voice and porn scenarios. I enjoy these insights into your thoughts and feelings. Much like yourself, I honestly have no irl friends, at least not anymore, and I just go work and go home. On my days off its usually errands either alone or with a family member. I know that this is not something that will ever happen because I'm a fan and your a creator but I would like to be your friend someday, I feel like this outing your going to have/had(?) Is a good thing and I you didnt/dont(?) Cancel last minute. As for the discord thing I really am one of those people who would be like "oh that's a shame" but will move on because at the end of the day it is your server and you would choose whether or not it should exist or not. You talk about you rambling, I also ramble sorry, have a good night/day/evening
Mai Youkai
2024-10-21 05:48:57 +0000 UTCThank you for voicing how scary it is to talk to people. I have not yet successfully made a new friend that has lasted more than a year since high school (other than my husband). I honestly think I am just too much for people in most ways and my awkward energy scares them off. I am lucky in the friendships I have been able to maintain because if it was up to me to make new ones I don’t think it would happen. I have been an actress and writer since high school and on some level I love the attention because it feels SAFE when I know what to do and say if I am performing. Everywhere else, I feel like an alien and I am constantly worried of saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood or being too loud or laughing at the wrong thing or being too abrasive…the list goes on and on. On stage or in front of an audience I know what to fucking DO and that feeling is amazing so I seek it out when I can. So thank you so much for saying all of this—it weirdly gives me hope because if someone as insanely talented as you can still feel these same things then maybe I can do what I love despite of them too. Do not ever apologize for admitting loneliness or opening up in an honest way. If My husband and I lived in the UK, (as we wished we did) we would awkwardly hunt you down (with your permission lol) and make you and your lovely partner go out and eat good food, explore spooky places, teach us DnD, sing karaoke, watch movies and generally have a silly goofy time. Since that is not the case, I can only send you the fiercest wishes of success and joy in your future interactions with other humans. Because if you can do it, maybe the rest of us have a shot too. All the love a creative and fellow awkward human can send your way—you are entirely worthy of future friends getting past that moat of anxiety and getting to know you better—as I am sure your girlfriend will agree. Don’t give up. You are a warrior!
KassiaOfCuriosities
2024-10-21 04:40:52 +0000 UTCI think it's important to remember that beyond the content that we pay for--which is always top notch--that you don't owe us anything. If Discord continues to cause you anxiety, please put yourself first and delete it, if that is what you need to do. Connections formed there can be moved to other areas of the internet and, without sounding callous, they can get over it. On a side note, you sound as if you'd be a good person to take a nature walk with. I loved all the bird commentary 😊
PotionsandPothos
2024-10-21 03:08:58 +0000 UTCOh Phas - I really feel for you and what you’re working through. When you said how lonely you feel, I felt that deep in my soul. I just want to give you a huge non-parasocial hug. In a world that enables so much more connection all across the world, we as a society are more disconnected than ever before, and loneliness has become so prevalent. I feel lonely when I’m in and around groups of people and that includes friends and family - and I think that comes from feeling that they don’t really understand me. I tend to keep my circle small. Having a dog is great because it forces you to get out and talk to people. He passed away in June and I’ve hidden myself away again but am pushing myself out there a little bit. I won’t lie, I originally I came on board to Patreon for the spicy stuff (because it’s safer than dating and putting yourself out there) but have since stayed for everything. I have even branched out to X and other socials, and your Twitch streams (something I thought I’d never do). I try to keep up with the chat on my phone and sometimes overthink a response because I worry I’ll sound stupid, but your chat is lovely and I think that part of that comes down to you and who you attract to your space. It’s great that you recorded this and got it all out of your head while walking outside in nature, around trees and animals. It’s even more impressive that you decided to go ahead and post this - I can only imagine how much you would have been doubting and talking yourself out of it. Overthinking is the absolute pits - nature walks are a great way to help that too. It’s the little things every day, and toning down the inner critic if you don’t do everything on your checklist. Good on you for recognising what you needed and prioritising it by taking yourself away from Discord. Sending you big non-weird hugs. Keep taking care of you 💜🫂
Peace Angel Mystic🕊️👼🏻🔮
2024-10-21 01:52:54 +0000 UTCPhas, your thoughts on communication in the digital age being unnatural and strange are the EXACT thoughts I have had and often have had trouble expressing to friends. It has had and sometimes continues to have a negative effect on my focus (I also have recently been diagnosed with adhd) and general mental health. It seems to effect us a little more intensly I think. So please don't feel ableist. Much like medication, it can effect everyone differently, and you are not alone in those feelings. So get validated my dude!
MoonDrop
2024-10-21 00:36:52 +0000 UTCPhas. Your description of loneliness is a very similar description to what I feel (and a lot of others too). I used to live in chat rooms and forums and knew I used it as an excuse not to attempt to socialize. Don't feel bad for setting boundaries for yourself. Enjoy the events you go to for the activities and don't put pressure on yourself to make friends. People enjoying themselves is what attracts others. It's all about small steps. Boardgame night sounds perfect. What drew me to your audios was the good storylines AND some of your loneliness story lines. The person who only had one friend turn up to their birthday, the grumpy liquor store guy, your original werewolf. I can see myself in your characters and feel hope as they grow. Thank you for sharing some of your own vulnerability and helping all of us feel less isolated in ours. PS. When I visited the UK it was the first time I really understood the term birdsong. Your birds make the most beautiful sounds and it sounds like a song. As an Aussie it was so different from the chirps and squarks of our birds.
Bexxy RMW
2024-10-21 00:00:25 +0000 UTCMaking friends as an adult just sucks ass no matter what job or field you’re in. I have several long-time friends who I can’t see very often because of work schedules and life crap. One of my closest friends lives a few blocks away and I’m too slammed with work and stuff to see him more than once a month. We still manage D&D online fairly often, though. And I think that’s where the online aspect comes in, because it can serve well as a complement to or reinforcer for a relationship that’s at least partially face to face. Much of evolutionary psych is crap, but I do buy into the view that attachment has an evolutionary/physiological basis that is hard to override. Like, physically experiencing a person (body language, posture, tone of voice, etc.) is generally a stronger reinforcer of attachment because often we can look at the person and more accurately interpret how they feel about us. The less evidence we have of someone’s connection to us, the more insecure it is, and online communication is not interpretation-friendly. Attachment style is also a factor here (and in fact attachment style can determine someone’s predisposition to develop mood disorders and trauma disorders). I’m not assuming anything about your experience, so I’ll speak for myself and in general to say that if someone has experienced significant rejection in the past, the brain can more often interpret uncertainty as rejection. And online communication has uncertainty baked into it, so that’s fucked. Online connections have a lot of value in overcoming limitations like distance, but they’re also quite limited in the way I mentioned, among others. I think capitalism also incentivizes platforms to lean into becoming more addictive and contentious (which is something you kinda touched on). You talked for over an hour, so I refuse to let myself feel bad about leaving a long comment. Rest in piss, comment box word limit.
selyxis
2024-10-20 23:57:16 +0000 UTCOh, Phas! 🤗 I know VERY well what you are saying about loneliness and finding opportunities to socialize. I'm much older than you and worked those AOL chat rooms and yahoo chat. It's soul crushing to be reduced to a 2 dimensional "thing." Years and years have gone by, I still long for that relationship that makes me feel loved, safe and valuable. I think that's what is so attractive about ASMR/roleplays. You help people feel that way through your craft. I for one am very grateful. Board game night sounds lovely if you are happy to just play a game as the goal. The rest will come. ❤️
Shellbelle
2024-10-20 23:11:58 +0000 UTCI have to say, as someone who is relatively new to your Patreon, I really enjoyed listening to you talk about this and being quite transparent. I think there's quite a bit of truth to what you are concerned with when it comes to communication via social media. I think whilst it can be very very crucial, it can also have a detrimental effect on how we connect with ourselves and/or other people. Like most things, it in moderation is best. I have Discord myself but I think I have an easier time disconnecting unless its a conversation around a topic I am very into (like psychology). I am one of those who is here for "ZE SPICE!" but I am very glad you posted this! Was very relatable and did give me pause for thought as well. Its refreshing and very nice to see people articulating their inner thoughts so well!
DarkStar 57
2024-10-20 22:49:25 +0000 UTCThank you for sharing your inner thoughts no matter how scattered. It made perfect sense to me whose thoughts are also quite scattered. I had a discord server that was initially a mental health support/community, but it turned super toxic. I tried to stick around with a sort of "false hope" that it would return to normal, but it drove up my anxiety tremendously. I had several fears over deleting it because I knew it would dramatically impact the few users who still benefited from the server and the friendships that they had developed. But I had to. Haven't been on since 2017. It still haunts me to be honest. I have so much to say regarding loneliness but the anxiety of writing it out prevents me from even responding to that whole bit. I just turned 30 (which freaks the shit outta me) and the utter loneliness I feel from not having genuine friends, not acquaintances, truly scares me. But anyway. If I could, I would write you a long letter (with a feather pen) and send it to you via carrier pigeon. You would be able to burn the letter so that it would remain with you and only you. Unlike the internet which things are never truly deleted. @48:08 genuinely made me cry because I feel it. Also, I subbed without the knowledge of that p*rn bit and it genuinely shocked me hahahaha. I listen for your soothing voice and stories. Much like how I admired Bob Ross growing up. Geez. My response makes zero sense so just disregard this whole thing. ❤️ Sharing what I'm currently listening to: First Light by Racing Glaciers
Juliet L
2024-10-20 21:54:43 +0000 UTCThank you for being so very open about yourself. I empathize with you and appreciate how difficult human interaction has become. You are not alone in this, although I know it must feel that way. Be brave- it will get easier with every attempt you make. And congratulations on your new role. You are very talented.
Metria
2024-10-20 21:52:51 +0000 UTCI had a whole thing typed out, but patreon decided that it shouldn’t be saved if I rotated my screen, so I won’t bother typing it all over again. Loneliness is our biggest enemy as human beangs. It sucks bawls. something something patreon dot phasmid forward slash twitch dot asmer at gmail dot gov. But, it is extremely important to fight against. Taking walks, going to public local events/parties, trying new shops, going shopping just to browse, randomly complimenting strangers you see, using Phoebe as a means of talking to someone who also has a dog so that doggy play dates can happen, learning literally anything about your neighbors. Do what you can. I hope you’re doing well enough out there in the big wide world.
littleraydoesstuff
2024-10-20 21:34:42 +0000 UTCI just joined here recently and idk if I'm the norm or the exception, but I joined for the rants and the well crafted characters and scenarios. I struggle with anxiety and loneliness and your audios honestly help me calm down when I'm not doing so well. Tbh I still havent heard a single of your spicy audios 😅 I can understand how it'd be even harder for you to maintain a healthy distance from the internet as a content creator. It's good you're figuring your boundaries though! And I hope you can make irl friends too, it's super hard as an adult. I've been joining every workshop, event, basically anything open, and it's still pretty tough. Good luck to us both! 🍀
Lilly
2024-10-20 20:32:58 +0000 UTCI am glad you decided to upload this. I found a lot of what you said to be relatable. As someone trying to overcome anxiety and loneliness I'm wishing you nothing best the best. I love what you do Phas, your characters and stories you want to share are always a delight and I'm always looking forward to your next audio. Good luck to you and take care ❤️
Melissa
2024-10-20 20:01:08 +0000 UTCThis was lovely to hear your thoughts and feelings on some very relevant subjects. Loneliness is one of the hardest things to go through, more so when neurodivergence is involved (also nuero spicy, plus I get the same way about being near lots of people and even one to one interactions). Best of luck to you with the social event, maybe you can do a ramble about how it went if you do or do not go and know that growth takes time. Plants are an amazing example of how growth takes time, we don't plant seeds one night and then boom flowers. It takes time and care to grow them, and you are no different. I'm proud of you for the changes you are making, even if they feel like some of the hardest decisions you are making at the moment. And I will say came for the spice, stayed for the rambles and the wonderful person you are. You really care about what you do and it shows 💜
Night Acolyte
2024-10-20 19:37:00 +0000 UTCI think it's very easy when you are isolated but have a dedicated group around you to thrive on the attention. I do it too and I don't even have a community centred on me. It absolutely can be a temporary solution that numbs the loneliness. It can be absolutely soul destroying to rip those crutches away from yourself when you've not already got something else lined up to take it's place. You're definitely not the only creator in the ASMR space that has a Discord server that's run by other people because they've taken a step away. The server I'm most active in is in the exact same state rn. I think streaming is different though, because we don't see you and you don't see us. We can have a conversation that is completely impersonal. And that's pretty weird, in the grand scheme of things; unnatural for how we've developed socially, like you said. I'm glad that you're branching out, socially and professionally, though
punkfence
2024-10-20 19:30:02 +0000 UTCThanks for talking to us, you do what’s healthy and happy for you.
Cali Smith
2024-10-20 19:29:19 +0000 UTCWhen a flower doesn't bloom, we don't blame the flower. We just change the environment around it to help it bloom. It sounds like you've really thought about what that means to you, even if it meant doing scary/uncomfortable things. It sounds really positive! Well done Phas :) (and I really liked the duck sounds)
Evie
2024-10-20 19:12:42 +0000 UTCI empathise very much & absolutely support you doing what you need to for you. Won't say more here, I've said the important bit & I think (hope) you understand
JenderQueer
2024-10-20 18:50:14 +0000 UTCHola. It's normal you want to get out of Discord. It makes you feel lonely but surrounded by people, and unsafe even if none of them (I am sure) has ever threated you. You look for conection, but in Discord, they don't know you, you don't know them. But the "drug" the looking for connection is still there. It makes you feel unease, so, follow your guts and move away... Well done. I came here first because I wanted to hear the spice ending of one of your stories on youtube... That was my first contact with this auditive erotism world... yeah, I was that innocent then. And... even if there are things interesting in those hiperspiced stories, they make me feel unease (it's like I am stepping into someone else's private scena) I decided to stay because I want to keep listening English and l ike your work, I like your voice, and you are humble. There are no diva's vibes arround you. You let us know that you are a normal guy struggling through life like any of us. By the way... I had lots of problems with anxhiety and insomnia years back, I came to the middle of the north mountains in Spain to live. It helped me A LOT. Walking in nature sounds like a very healthy habit. Take care.
Maya Fey
2024-10-20 18:33:18 +0000 UTCThis was lovely. I went for a walk as well while listening, and it was so nice. I am also neurodivergent, and being rambled to and listening to info-dumping is the best. Would love more rambles or just your thoughts about anything. Much love. ❤
LordAslan
2024-10-20 17:50:28 +0000 UTCI won't lie, I was here for the spice but when I tell you I am listening so intently and am so giddy listening to this, its nuts and the ducky noises were adorable!
HaZ2404
2024-10-20 17:24:54 +0000 UTCI love the once in a while rambles 😁 I wish we got them more often 🙂↕️
T
2024-10-20 17:20:13 +0000 UTC
