INTERVIEW WITH LEO-SAPIEN ID#621

INTERVIEWER: What is your full name? Do you have a nickname (if so, who calls you this)?

My name? Oh! Wetin dem call me? Well my parents dem na exactly… I guess you could say I no really get name in da pride. Laughs Unless you consider unintelligible growl a name. What your name?

INTERVIEWER: Uh.. Sam?

Hi Sam! Dat a fine name. You na de second human I talk to, you know dat? De fuss was de nice man in de white coat weh give me dis collar. When I go see him again? I really wan tank him for it again!

INTERVIEWER: I tink he’s still recovering from your first “thanks” at da moment.

She folds her ears in slight embarrassment Laughs I guess I get a li'l excited. Na dat why you wear dem tings on your hides? Humans na lot softer than I tot dey would be. But I guess dat's why you gat to mek all your special tools for survive. she gasps I see your tools!

INTERVIEWER: Lets uh, get through de interview fuss, hows dat sound?

She nods her head eagerly Ok!

INTERVIEWER: So you don’t have a name? Why don’t you give yourself one?

You can do dat? How you give yourself a name?

INTERVIEWER: Just tink about who you are and who you want to be. Usually a human name means something dat characterizes who dey are or wetin dem like.

Ch-ar-acter- Oh! You mean… What mek me… special? She pauses for a moment as doh in tot. Her eyes light up Silky Mane!

INTERVIEWER: Silky Mane?

Yea! De nice man in de white coat tell me my mane was silky. I was de only lioness in de pride weh had one and I tot dat's why dey no talk to me. I even try get rid of it for a long time but de only ting dat work was fire and dat… no work out too well.

INTERVIEWER: You… burnt your mane off?

Only once. I wan look fine when I meet one of de villages for de fuss time and I see wetin fire could do, so I wait for some humans to leave de fire and I grab a piece of it and run before dey come back. I no know fire could bite doh! I try put it out in de dirt but it no go out! De closest watering hole was really far so I run back into de village for find some water…

INTERVIEWER: Ah, well, dat explains dat report.

She scrapes at de ground with a nervous smile Sorry?

INTERVIEWER: Lets just move on. Where and when were you born?

She perks up, prior memories of burning down a village momentarily forgotten Here! Well… no here but de… savannah! I leave a long time ago doh, so I no fit tell you exactly where. As she speaks her eyes drift to some equipment on a separate table, she reaches out to prod at it

INTERVIEWER: Who are/were your parents? Do you have any siblings?

Parents? She pauses as de radio translation collar explains de concepts Oh! My father was de head of de pride. All de cubs in de pride were his. My mother was de only lioness dat birth to just one cub doh. She also na only lioness touch by humans. I tink dat's why I'm like you!

INTERVIEWER: Touched by humans?

She had something on her ear dat de other lions no had. It no be like anything I ever see in de savannah, but when I find de humans, I realize it must come from you!

INTERVIEWER: Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe de place (home and location) and de person/people you live with.

I… well I hope I can live here... There no be a place for me in de savannah and de other humans still fraid of me. But I'd like meet dem again! I sure now dat dey can understand me dey no go fraid anymore.

INTERVIEWER: What is your occupation?

I… hunt? I really good at hunting, I even try bring de humans some food but dey chase me off. But when I come back de next day I see dem cooking it! So I would start leaving food outside de village hoping dey'd let me join dem. Some of de human cubs would let me get close, but de older ones would always chase me off. I'm glad human cubs have such good protectors doh! I'd feel very safe with a human family like dat.

INTERVIEWER: Are you Right or Left Handed

I… no get hands? But I'd like to! Humans na de only creatures besides monkeys I see with hands but you all use dem so much better! I feel yours?

INTERVIEWER: Sssssssuurrreeee…?

She approaches de interviewer and presses her head into his hands Hmmm… You get behind my ear? De interviewer trails his hand behind her ear and gives her a scratch. Her eyes lid heavily Haaa~ I no know how I ever live without dis… Do humans mate year round? I could really go for a mating right now,

INTERVIEWER: L-lets continue with de questions for now.

She grunts and swishes her tail but returns to her seat You humans great but your mating practices na any fun. When I see de man in de white coat again?

INTERVIEWER: His pelvis was fractured Ms. Mane…

She flinches somewhat, scraping at de ground Dat no bad, right? I just so excited to talk to someone I might have gotten a li'l… carried away.

INTERVIEWER: He’ll be out of work for a month or two but he wanted you to know he's fine and not to worry. But de sooner we get through dis interview de sooner you can visit him.

She perks up at his mentioning of her, her eyes glittering Really? Ok! What's de next question?

INTERVIEWER: What does your voice sound like?

My… voice? She pauses as she tries to connect de differing concepts in her head to words Its, rough? Growly? I no know how dis collar works but it helps me to know what sounds to make to make your words, but I still spent my whole life not speaking so it probably sounds like… dat?

INTERVIEWER: On what occasions do you lie?

I uh… I no tink I know dat one.

INTERVIEWER: Lying is when you say one thing but do another, usually to trick someone

Oh! Well, I've tricked pray before? But I no tink dat counts as lying. Why would a human lie?

INTERVIEWER: Well like you said humans soft and vulnerable so we've had to adapt to survive. In many ways we’ve managed to make up for our physical shortcomings in the animal kingdom, but when competing with humans we have to be a lot more clever. Lying and language part of dat.

Her eyes shine with de new information Dat sounds amazing! I lie? Wait wait let me try She clears her throat I do NOT like humans. Eeeeee did I do it right? Wait let me try again. Humans have very small penises. Ha! See its a lie cause humans have MASSIVE penises. Well, for deir size, obviously an elephant's penis way bigger, but have you seen a lion's?? Dey tiny and covered in knives! Fortunately I left de pride before I was of mating age cause I was NOT looking forward to dat. Human penises wayyyyyyyyyy better. Dey so soft and smooth but still strong, like de rest of you! I'd love to see another one. I see yours?

INTERVIEWER: Lets not. Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?

Motto? Whats a motto?

INTERVIEWER: A short phrase dat encapsulates how you tink.

Hmm, how I tink… She rubs her chin with a paw as she thinks When I was living by myself in de savannah I felt like I was de only person like me in de world. I no know why I was here or what I was supposed to do or why I felt how I felt. I felt like I needed to do something but had no idea what it was. After meeting de humans though I just knew I was supposed to be with dem! So I guess my motto would be “A purpose is something you give yourself!”

INTERVIEWER: Do you have any annoying habits, quirks, strange mannerisms, or other defining characteristics?

I no tink so? I'd try to talk to my pride mates but they never seem interested in what I was saying, so I talk to everything! There's dis one tree stump dat I would spend all day talking to and sometimes it felt like he understood me! I even carved him a little face like mine so he could talk back but he never did. I wonder how he doing.

INTERVIEWER: Alright, well stop dere for now and pick back up sometime later.

Ok! What now? I see de man in de white coat? Wait, he has a name doesn't he? What's his name?

INTERVIEWER: I'm sure he’d be happy to tell you.