Written in the Cards part 15

Elena glanced up from her alchemy book when Derrick walked over to the counter. "What can I get you?"

"Can you mix sleeping potions and alcohol?" Derrick asked, figuring that would be the easiest way to deal with the drunk that wouldn't leave.

Elena grinned as she realized that they might have a use for Ted's failed batch of healing potions. "That depends, do you care if they get a nasty yet harmless hangover?"

"Not particularly, why?" Derrick asked, not worried about it as long as it wasn't harmful.

"One of Ted's 'failed' batches of Regeneration potions ended up with three 'negative' qualities which makes it just about perfect if you don't care about them getting a hangover when the potion wears off."

"Considering I'm not planning on drinking it, I don't care if the drunk ends up with a hangover from Hell," Derrick admitted, already tired of dealing with the frustrating drunk. "What are the other negative qualities?"

Elena teleported one of the potions to her hand and set it on the counter. "The potions are about as alcoholic as whiskey and they'll put most people to sleep for four hours."

"That's it?" Derrick asked, having been expecting something a bit more serious.

Elena shook her head. "Not every negative effect is life threatening."

"How much can they regenerate?" Derrick asked as he studied the shot glass sized potion that was filled with a dark red syrupy liquid.

"Given the reduction in quality, you're looking at regenerating fingers and toes rather than entire limbs but if you had the time and you could put up with the headaches, you'd get there eventually. Which drunk are you planning on using it on?"

"One of the local drunks is refusing to leave the area, I figured bribing him with alcohol and putting him to sleep then dropping him by a homeless shelter to sober up is probably the best way to deal with him," Derrick explained, fairly sure calling the cops wouldn't help.

Elena teleported one of the cheap Cure Disease potions off the shelf and set it next to the Regeneration potion. "Give him the second potion when he wakes up."

"Hangover cure?" Derrick asked as he picked the bottles up.

Elena shook her head. "No, it's a cheap Cure Disease potion that should cure most mundane diseases."

"How cheap are we talking?" Derrick asked, wondering how much profit they could make selling the potions on Earth.

"Less than a silver," Elena replied. "All of the ingredients are easy to grow and it's not particularly complicated to make."

"We can probably make an insane amount of money off these, what do they taste like?" Derrick asked, figuring there had to be a downside.

"Like a weak lemon tea," Elena replied, well aware of the taste since her mother generally handed them out like candy whenever anyone in the family got the sniffles. "They don't work particularly well against magical diseases but without cards or spells to cause disease, that should be less of an issue."

"I don't remember the world having a lot of trouble with magical plagues so it's probably not a huge problem," Derrick assured her.

"I have the other type in case we need it," Elena assured him. "They're just more expensive."

"Sounds good, I'll let you know how it works," Derrick told her as he headed toward the exit of the shop.

"Thanks," Elena replied as she went back to reading her alchemy journal.

0o0o0

"If I ever get that drunk, just shoot me," Mist suggested as he worked on improving the unconscious wino's cards.

"Sure," Vivian agreed, having had a number of bad experiences with drunks over the years.

"Not a fan of drunks?" Derrick asked as he studied the drunk that they'd carried into the hallway so that he wasn't lying on the concrete in the sun.

"No," Mist replied, thinking about the drunks he used to have to deal with when he was managing apartments. "Everyone just sort of blows things off because they're drunk rather than holding them accountable or taking a cattle prod and torturing them until they decide to never touch another drop of alcohol which would be the sane and reasonable thing to do," he suggested, managing to keep a straight face for about three seconds before he laughed at the look of horror on Derrick's face.

Derrick shook head when he realized that Mist was screwing with him. "That's fucked up."

"I'm aware, I have a warped sense of humor," Mist replied as he spent the mana to improve the wino's Seaman card. "I know it's not a reasonable response, it's just frustrating dealing with them."

"What's a cattle prod?" Vivian asked, not familiar with the term.

"It's basically a pole that shocks anything you touch with the end of it. It's used to move cattle, thus the name," Mist explained as he selected the potential card that came with proficiency with all sorts of boat related skills and spent the mana to boost the card again.

"Makes sense," Vivian replied absently as she focused on her card that let her give people cursed cards and selected her Remarkable Alchemy quality and the immunity to aging and magic quality from her Divine Bastard card. "Damn, I was hoping to get a cursed version of his Brewmeister card."

"What did he get?" Derrick asked, wondering if it was worth using.

Vivian sighed when she saw the description of the curse. "Immunity to aging, a boost to alchemy and magic from the qualities I gave him and an excellent talent for crafting boat related objects and sailing skills from the base card."

"That's pretty good, what's the curse?" Derrick asked, knowing the 'cursed' cards always came with a curse or at least always started with a curse.

Vivian shook her head. "You'd lose the ability to grow hair and all of the hair you have would fall out which makes the card useless to the girls unless they want to be treated like diseased animals back home."

"Lovely," Mist muttered as he selected the potential card that improved the base card's already impressive Agility and skill with knots since the rest of the potential cards weren't particularly impressive or came with a power boost while drunk, something he was never giving out. "Let me guess, long hair is part of the culture?" he asked as he spent the mana to boost the drunk's cursed card, curious if he could turn the curse into something useful.

"The actual length doesn't really matter, it's just that anything that makes you look diseased generally gets a negative reaction from people, especially around the brothels," Vivian explained, trying not to think about some of the women that had been fired over the years because of various issues that weren't their fault.

"Makes sense," Mist agreed as he read through the descriptions of the potential cards.

"Let me know if you get anything interesting, I'm going to check on the goblins," Derrick said as he turned and headed down the hallway.

"Sure," Mist replied absently as he continued reading the descriptions of the potential cards.

Vivian frowned at the way the drunk's head was lying on his arm in a way that would probably leave him with a kink in his neck when he woke up. "I'm going to find a pillow."

Mist took a couple of seconds to weigh the pros and cons of leaving the drunk on the floor before his conscience got the best of him since the drunk hadn't gotten violent when Derrick had opened the door to confront him. "Let's just take him to one of the rooms, we're going to have to clean everything anyway."

"That works," Vivian replied with a smile as she grabbed one of his arms and supported his head.

'At least he's out cold and this is the last time he'll be able to get drunk anymore with the Brewmeister card,' Mist thought as they carried the drunk to the closest room, using the manager's keys to unlock the door.

0o0o0

"Is he dead?" Beth asked hopefully when Victoria walked out of the mirror that led back to her world carrying a mirror.

"No, his bodyguard had some type of teleportation item that saved them," Victoria complained as Mia and her goblin champions followed her out of the mirror. Her frown turned into a slight smile when she turned and noticed that Sarah, Zora and Tangles were naked. 'I could get used to this, now I just need to talk Molly and Tiffany into walking around naked.'

"Curses!" Beth complained, knowing everyone would have been a lot safer if he'd died to a 'random' monster attack. "Killing him would have made everything easier."

Mia shook her head. "As much as I want him dead, this is probably better."

"How is it better?" Beth asked.

"I know the nobles are probably distracted with the king's death but his family would probably still have sent a group of knights if he'd actually died. This way, they'll probably just send a couple of hunters to follow the trails to the river and blow things off when they can't find anything useful," Mia argued, fairly sure his family would have taken it out on the village if he'd ended up dead. "If we're lucky, he'll be too scared to come back."

Zora looked up from the pile of loot that she was sorting. "Did you manage to rescue anyone?"

Snot smiled at Zora, showing off her teeth. "Three girls and a teenage boy from the dungeon and four members of his staff."

"You kidnapped part of the staff?" Azara asked, surprised that they'd bothered.

Snot nodded excitedly. "The butler was new and one of the stable hands was a child so he wasn't responsible for any of the Mayor's shit."

"I still think he's too cute and innocent," Spanks said, fairly sure there was something weird about the kid.

Victoria shook her head. "He's just a kid. What about the other two?"

"Two of the maids had giant knockers," Knockers added cheerfully.

"We rescued people. I'm calling that a win," Mia argued, figuring the raid could have gone a lot worse.

"We also looted the library!" Nutcracker added enthusiastically, knowing it would cheer everyone up.

"How many magic books did you find?" Sarah asked, looking forward to reading everything they had.

"We didn't check, we just looted everything," Nutcracker admitted.

"You did fine," Mia assured her minions as she ruffled Nutcracker's hair, causing her goblin champion to lean against her.

"Do you want me to start looking through the books when I'm done sorting the loot?" Zora asked. "I picked up an enchanting skill that should let me check for curses and magical traps."

"Probably for the best," Snot agreed. "Some of the books tried to zap us."

"Were you able to heal the girls in the dungeon?" Azara asked warily.

Victoria scowled as she thought about the condition the prisoners had been left in. "I fixed what I could and no one is going to bleed out, but we're going to need a Regeneration potion for one of the girls and the boy is missing some toes, he didn't want to sign a magical contract to give up his cards when he had them awakened."

"I'll talk to Elena about the Regeneration potions," Beth said as she headed for the mirror that led to Elena's shop, wishing the bastard hadn't escaped.

"Thanks," Victoria replied and turned her attention to Sarah, Tangles and Zora. "Did you find anything useful?"

Sarah gave her a thumbs up. "We found a couple of outfits that boost magic in different ways which is nice since they stack, a set of daggers that are exceptionally sharp and a pair of sandals that double your running speed are pretty neat since they're also enchanted to change size and size to fit the user's feet."

"That's useful," Victoria agreed.

Zora gestured toward the box of collars. "Most of the collars are enchanted with a 'someone else's problem' quality which means you can walk around naked if you're wearing one of them and no one will care or at least no one will do anything about it. Some of the collars temporarily give you animal ears and silence you which might be useful for stealth or for dealing with magic using prisoners."

"Or because you want to walk around with a naked girl on a leash," Victoria mused as Molly and Derrick walked out of the mirror to the other world.

'Sounds fun,' Sarah mused, wondering if she could talk Victoria into having some fun with a leash.

"Naked girls on leashes?" Molly asked as she glanced between Victoria and the naked teenagers.

"Some of the enchanted collars give you temporary animal traits," Victoria replied with a grin.

"I volunteer, as long as you promise to spank me," Spanks offered.

"I need a camera," Derrick muttered, figuring there was probably a market for goblin porn.

"Later," Molly told Derrick and Spanks. "I found a lead on a guy selling magic crystals out of a shop in town, I want to check it out before he sells out."

"Do you want backup?" Victoria asked.

"I'd love it, the shop is a bit sketchy," Molly admitted, wishing the message board had contained more information about the shop or the guy selling the crystals but wasn't surprised since they were probably sneaking the crystals past customs.

"I'll make sure the rescued victims get healed," Mia assured them.

"Victims?" Molly asked.

"They rescued some people from the Mayor's dungeon," Victoria explained.

"Right, fucking world," Molly muttered. "Let's go, we'll let Mist know on the way out, he's seeing how far he can push the drunk's cards."

"Nice to know the locals have cards waiting to be unlocked," Victoria said as she followed Molly and Derrick through the mirror to the other world.

"How are we splitting the loot?" Sarah asked Mia. "The goblins cleared the dungeon, Mist created it and Zora identified the loot."

"That depends, do you think you can duplicate some of the enchantments?" Mia asked.

"Absolutely, it's just mana," Zora assured her.

"In that case, I don't really…" Mia trailed off as she saw a shimmering crimson silk shirt with black dragons on the sleeves. "Ooh shiny! We should probably make a pile of everything we want and then compare notes."

"Sounds good," Sarah agreed, not seeing a problem with Mia getting the nearly sheer long sleeve shirt with the dragons on it since it would give her a nice view of her breasts.

Snot snickered as she pictured her master wearing the shirt. "You should see some of the clothes we looted from the mansion."

"At least we won't be bored," Zora mused, happy to have a break from driving the wagon.

0o0o0

Molly frowned slightly as she looked at the 'new age' shop that was probably older than the three of them put together. "What do you think?"

"It's probably connected to the mafia or something," Derrick mused.

"What makes you think that?" Victoria asked as they walked toward the shop, happy that it was only about four blocks from the hotel.

Derrick shook his head. "It's a new age shop in the middle of Miami, it managed to last fifty or sixty years without going bankrupt, I call shenanigans."

"He's got a point," Molly mused.

"Maybe it's just paid off or a tax writeoff," Victoria replied as she opened the door.

"Welcome to Mikey's Crystal Emporium, how can I help you?" a shifty looking man in his early twenties asked when the group walked into his shop.

Victoria smiled as she walked over to the counter. "I was hoping you had some magic crystals for sale, we're in the market," she said as she pulled a pair of gold coins out of her pocket and set them on the table.

"It's always nice to have customers that don't fuck around," Mikey replied with a smile as he gestured toward the magic crystals in the display case under the counter. "I can't legally sell you the acid crystal without a military ID or the proper documentation from a university or research lab but I can sell you fire or water crystals and I have a lightning crystal if you're interested and have a couple more gold coins."

"Do you have any enchanting crystals?" Derrick asked as he looked at the crystals in the display case that looked like they'd been cut or grown into geometric shapes, not expecting him to have any enchanting crystals because that sort of crystal only dropped from the bosses in the dungeon and going into the dungeon was a death trap without good gear and a decent amount of magic, something most people wouldn't have for a couple of years.

Mikey laughed. "Sorry, as far as I know, Enchanting is a pipe dream or a military secret and I don't need to be dropped into a vault and forgotten about so yeah, officially it doesn't exist. Unofficially, I don't have the sort of cash you'd be looking for if you were selling."

"Figured we'd ask," Derrick replied with a shrug.

"No harm in asking," Mikey replied as his hand crackled with lightning. "Just you know, don't ask about things that will get us locked in a vault or shot. I like being alive, thank you very much. What are you buying?" he asked as he let the lightning fade away.

"How many fire crystals will the gold get?" Victoria asked.

"One, the crystals are about ten thousand each, that sort of coin is probably worth about five thousand," Mikey replied.

"Let's start with the fire crystals," Victoria replied as she pulled a stack of gold coins out of her pocket and set them on the counter.

"Not a problem," Mikey replied with a grin as he opened the back of the case, looking forward to doing some business.

0o0o0

'Immunity to the negative side effects of alcohol? I'd rather just make him completely immune but the immunity doesn't come with the ability to create alcoholic potions,' Mist mused as he compared the upgrade options for the drunk's Brewmeister card. 'I could probably force this into something more useful if I pushed it but I'm sort of curious about the potions and it would give him a decent income. Screw it, being immune to the negative side effects should be enough to keep him from ending up back on the street,' he decided as he selected the fifth card.

Mist spent the mana to upgrade the card and sighed when all of the potential 'upgrades' lost the ability to make alcoholic potions without giving him anything equivalent. "And we're done," he grumbled as he spent the mana to boost the man's curse card one last time rather than picking one of the cards, eating most of his available mana. He glanced over the first three lackluster options and smiled when he saw the last two options.

'Flying Dutchman? I don't need the ability to call a ghost ship if it means you can only set foot on land once every seven years. That's a damned nice ship though,' he mused as he checked the last card. 'It doesn't have the ability to call a ghost ship but you can turn a ship invisible and it comes with fantastic crafting boosts. It also fixes the curse in a way Sarah can probably live with.'

Mist glanced at the cards floating over the Brewmeister card then glanced between the man's Swamp Dweller card and the extra Seaman card that Vivian had given him. 'I might as well see how far I can boost the rest of them, it's not like I don't have the mana.'

0o0o0