I have something to tell everyone

Hello, dear and supportive patrons. I’m writing this for those of you who might not check Discord. It’s been nearly a month since I started treatment for my back pain at the hospital. During this time, I’ve changed my chair and even bought a motion desk to try working while standing. However, the treatments I’ve received at the hospital I’ve been going to haven’t been very effective for me.

I’ve stopped getting the spinal injections that no longer help, but I’ve been consistently attending my appointments and diligently doing my rehabilitation exercises. To be honest, I can feel that other muscles in my back are getting stronger because I’ve been so dedicated to physical therapy and rehab. But the discomfort and pain in my tailbone haven’t improved at all.

I didn’t want to believe that none of these treatments were helping with the main source of my unhappiness—my tailbone. I’ve been clinging to hope, convincing myself that if I just kept going, I would eventually get better. That’s why I kept saying the treatment was going well. But deep down, I’ve been so heartbroken that I’ve even thought I might not be able to keep going.

The idea of going to yet another hospital makes me incredibly sad. It feels like if I do, I’ll no longer be an artist who makes art, but just a patient endlessly reporting hospital visits. It terrifies me. But staying at the same hospital and receiving treatments that aren’t working makes me feel like I’ll never be able to do anything again.

I want to go to a different hospital as soon as possible, get a CT scan of my tailbone, and find some clarity about my condition. Tomorrow morning, I’m planning to visit a larger, newer hospital to get a more thorough and accurate diagnosis.

I truly hope that none of you ever have to go through something like this, where pain leaves you feeling so frustrated and lost. I want to receive proper treatment and be able to spend Christmas happily with all of you. I love you all. As much as I’m grateful to you, I’m also so sorry.

Thank you for taking the time to read such a long message. I’m sorry and grateful at the same time. Thank you and love you