This Is the Most Glorious Message

As much as I love Twitter, (truly, I think it's great), at times I need a break and because I'm an addict--the only kind of break that really works for me is to completely deactivate my account and disappear for a while. (It's also the only way to shut down the never-ending stream of direct messages.) 

The last time I deactivated my Twitter account was April 4th, 2018, so I'm about due and upon re-reading why I did--I have to say most of the reasons are exactly the same and add to that a creeping depression that social media only aggravates.

I know it's good for my brain, the last time I was back after two weeks to promote my Mel piece about accidentally visiting a sex cult and I returned reluctantly because I felt so good and productive. It's probably not great for growing an audience, but honestly, I'm having a hard time caring about anything at the moment and I know that shit gets really dark for me when the primary question I'm asking myself is, "WHAT'S IT ALL FOR??"

Please don't comment with suggestions or email me solutions, I know what I need to do and I'm just sharing this with you so you know where I'm at: I'm grieving the loss of multiple friends, trying to stay sober in world that increasingly seems to be going off the rails and maintain my job (which depends on me pushing myself all the time) and at the moment--I feel like I barely have the will to get out of bed and help the four girls I'm sponsoring let alone keep all these other plates spinning. 

I'll be okay, don't worry about me, more than anything, I think I just need some solitude and to get through Jack's funeral tomorrow. For those of you who don't know, Jack is an 89-year-old in recovery who I've been going to see in his nursing home for the last 4 years. He died yesterday. He was suffering, so I'm glad he's passed, but we still had a bond and I'll miss him dearly. RIP, Jack.