KNOCK ON WOOD - Snowdin Trail (Ch.14)

It was the most grueling battle many of them had ever seen. Many fell, and few were those who could still fight after the initial volley.

The battlefield lay strewn with the fallen, survivors unable to rise for fear of getting caught in the crossfire. Not even Papyrus was spared, though he took many blows before finally going down. The shot that finally got him hit him directly in the eye sockets, blinding him, and after that he stood no chance.

The snowballs hit him again and again, and within seconds he was buried.

Frisk saluted his sacrifice and avenged him with return fire, sending Snowdrake sprawling.

“Hey, chill out!” the snow-faced monster shouted.

“Stay away from the cliff, children,” the Snowman called out, smiling softly.. A pair of snowballs impacted him in the chest, and stuck there. “Oh, my… how vulgar,” he said in the same tone of voice.

The responsible party cackled, and then started scooping a bunch of snow together. She snarled when another ball hit her in the back of the head, before smirking and returning to her work.

Location discovered: The Snowman’s Perch

Most of Snowdin Trail had melted away, leaving behind scattered bits of slush, icy paths, and puddles over damp dirt. But just like Papyrus had said, there were still places where snow still sat. The Snowman had surrounded himself with the stuff; there was a radius around him where the temperature suddenly dropped, and an entire 6 inches of snow covered the ground.

It might have looked pretty pristine at some point, but the teens hanging around the place seemed to find joy in disturbing the fresh snowfall.

Frisk was happy to avoid them, until a purple dinosaur girl had snuck up behind them and pelted them with snowballs. They’d retaliated, but despite the age and numbers advantage she held her own, and then the tide turned in her favor when a pair of other children, a deer and a cat, had arrived to back her up.

From there, everything had spiraled. More teens and children showed up, snow had flown, and Frisk wasn’t entirely sure when, exactly, they and Papyrus had joined in but they were glad they did. It was a lot of fun!

Papyrus sat up, yet more snow sticking out of his eye sockets. “AUGH! I‘VE GONE BLIND!”

Frisk hummed, then stuck a pair of pebbles into the snow, giving him pupils.

Papyrus blinked his new eyes and grinned. “AH, THERE YOU ARE, FRIEND! ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?” he asked. He continued before they could answer. “I SURE AM! I CANNOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD A SNOWBALL FIGHT! MY BROTHER IS FAR TOO LAZY, AND BUSY, AND HE NAPS ALL THE TIME!”

“H-How can he be lazy and b-busy?” Frisk asked, rolling another ball.

Papyrus leaned forward, and the snowballs fell out of his eye sockets. “HE HAS MANY JOBS, AND DOESN’T DO ANY OF THEM!”

Papyrus stood, brushing snow off his legs. He looked at his (bare) wrist and gasped. “GASP! LOOK AT THE TIME! ALRIGHT EVERYONE, BACK TO TOWN! IT IS NEARLY TIME FOR DINNER!”

There was a chorus of disappointment.

“NOW NOW, LET’S NOT FROWN! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL PERSONALLY CRAFT EACH OF YOU A MUG OF HOT CHOCOLATE!”

Bizarrely, this only seemed to make them more reluctant, which perplexed Papyrus.

Chilldrake sighed, then let out a shrill whistle. “Alright, twerps, everyone back home! Fun’s over!”

Grumbling, the kids started shuffling away, but one was still lagging behind, hunched over.

Frisk walked over. “Um… S-Susie, right? Everyone’s g-going, so--”

The purple girl spun and grinned toothily at them, holding a massive snowball twice her size overhead. “Can it, nerd! Bombs away!”

She hurled the snow boulder with all her might, and the monsters scattered. Snow Cap, who had barely been paying attention and had spent most of the battle desperately trying to protect their hat, looked up confusedly. “My hat! No!!”

He ducked his head, and stumbled as a massive weight nearly toppled him. When nothing else happened, he cautiously looked up--and gasped in awe. “Oh. My. God! Chilldrake, look!” The snowball had speared itself on his icicle cap and stuck there. It made him look like a crude, upside-down snowman. “My hat! It’s enormous!”

“Congrats, dude,” the drake said blandly, not looking.

“The other Ice Caps are going to be sooooo jealous, I gotta, I gotta--uh oh.” In attempting to run ahead, the diminutive monster tripped. His very very small body pitched forward and left the ground, and his new ‘hat’ rolled. In short order he looked like a rightside-up snowman.

“Oh dang,” Chilldrake muttered. “Uh. You good, bro? Maybe I can get you offa that thing--”

“Don’t you dare remove me from my hat!”

“Just let me just--”

“NOOOOOO!” The Ice Cap jerked, moving just enough that the snowball shifted, and then he was rolling downhill.

“Oh dang! Get back here!” Chilldrake took off, followed by Snowy and several other rowdy kids, all trying to catch the wayward snowball. This included Papyrus, whose long stride let him catch up quickly, only for his light weight to let the snowball sweep him off his feet.

Frisk watched, blank-faced, then slowly turned to the snickering dinosaur.

“Not what I was expecting, but hey, I’ll take it.” She turned and saw Frisk’s face, and laughed. “What, don’t you got a sense of humor? That was hilarious!”

Frisk held up a hand and held it level, then wobbled it back and forth.

“Pfft, what do you know?” she dismissed. Holding her hands behind her head, she walked off towards the path. “But hey, you had a pretty good throwing arm. Lemme know when you’re done being a wet blanket, new kid.”

With a final sneer, she swaggered out of sight, and Frisk was alone in the snow. Well, almost. They turned to the Snowman.

“Did you have fun, child?” he asked. Frisk nodded. “Wonderful. I am glad to provide this service.” With an almost imperceptible shudder, the snowballs fell off his chest, and a breeze began to blow. “You should run along now, as I need to clean up this mess, and it will be much easier with no one here.”

Already the snow was getting blown around, flakes lifting off the ground, and so Frisk left quickly before the wind could turn into a gale.

Napstablook had gone back home. They’d shown up at some point on the trail with Papyrus, but the snowball fight had been too much for them and they’d bowed out. Frisk got it; Napsta didn’t like Refuge Row either.

Still, with Papyrus embroiled in… all that, Frisk was left alone in this still-unfamiliar place. Avoiding the icy patches, they made their way onward, deciding to fill as much of the map as they could before they had to turn back towards the Ruins.

The Underground was much bigger than they’d thought. Looking up was like seeing the sky on a cloudy night. If it weren’t so bright, they could almost convince themselves they were hiking up the Ebott trails…

There was some kind of golf course set up in this ‘room.’ Unfortunately, it seemed to be built around the idea of using ice to slide things around, and the Snowman’s wintry radius split the course right down the middle, so they couldn’t play. They tried anyway, but the puck just plopped off the snow into the mud and stuck there. When they tried to dig it back out, a harsh buzz sounded from somewhere and a black flag stuck out of the hole.

It said, “To cheat at BALL GAME is to cheat at life. Do better.”

Frisk felt a stab of inexplicable, undeserved shame, and left the ‘room’ quickly.

Someone left some litter in the road, so Frisk picked it up and stuffed it in their pocket.

And then… there was a microwave in the middle of the road, on a table with a plate of spaghetti. And a letter. Frisk looked from the letter to the plate.

It’s the pasta trap. It’s frozen to the table. The microwave isn’t plugged in.

Location discovered: The Lone Spaghetti

Frisk shook their head, baffled. A mouse poked its head out of a hole in the wall and squeaked in commiseration.

“AH HA! THERE YOU ARE, MY FRIEND!” Papyrus called out. Frisk turned in time to come face-to-face with his kneecaps. “I SEE YOU HAVE FOUND MY MASTERFULLY CRAFTED TRAP!”

“Mm.” Frisk picked up the fork, which made a cracking sound as it left the table. It pulled a bit of the wood finish off with it. They tapped it against the pasta, and it made a metallic clink. “H-How is it still frozen when the snow’s all melted?”

“WELL SPOTTED!” Papyrus praised. “YOU SEE, IF IT WEREN’T FROZEN, THE HUMANS WOULDN’T HAVE TO USE THE MICROWAVE.”

Frisk nodded, and set the fork aside. The frozen pasta glinted yellow.

The physics-defying properties of pasta fill you with determination.

Their Pip-boy dinged, and Frisk frowned. They turned to Papyrus and pulled on his arm to make sure they had his attention.

“YES, SMALL FRIEND?”

“The trap is for humans?”

Papyrus brightened. “INDEED! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM ON PATROL FOR HUMANS, RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT! SUCH IS MY DUTY AS A SENTRY! AND! ONCE I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY CAPTURED ONE…” He struck a pose, flipping his cape over his shoulder. It was already on his back, so this didn’t accomplish much. “...THEN I WILL FINALLY BECOME A MEMBER OF THE ROYAL GUARD! I WILL BE RENOWNED! I WILL BE POPULAR! I WILL BE… uh…”

He paused, struggling to think of a third thing, allowing Frisk to speak again. “Are th-there lots of humans down here?”

“NOT ONE.” Papyrus sighed dramatically. “IT IS SO FRUSTRATING. UNDYEN TRUSTS ME TO DO THIS JOB, BUT HUMANS STUBBORNLY REFUSE TO EXIST! I AM SURE A LIVE ONE WILL TURN UP EVENTUALLY HOWEVER.”

Frisk opened their mouth, and then closed it. “...What do humans look like?” they asked carefully.

“AN EXCELLENT QUESTION! ON AVERAGE, THEY ARE TALL, THIN, HAVE EXTREMELY COLORFUL HAIR AND LARGE EYES, AND EITHER WEAR OUTRAGEOUS CLOTHING OR ALMOST NONE AT ALL!”

The skeleton looked Frisk over, humming. They were a short child with dull brown hair, tanned skin, and a sensible sweater over what looked like regular blue pants.

“THEY LOOK PRETTY MUCH THE OPPOSITE OF HOW YOU DO, IN FACT!”

Frisk stared blankly. “...Good to know.”

“YOU’RE WELCOME! NOW.” He slapped a hand down on their shoulder and grinned. “I BELIEVE I PROMISED YOU A PUZZLE BEFORE THAT SNOWBALL FIGHT!”

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There were a number of puzzles along the trail that Papyrus showed them. The XOXO puzzle, as he called it, was easy enough to understand, but the colored tiles made their head spin. They didn’t even attempt that one, not that Papyrus would let them. He said it was too dangerous. And if just seeing it in action made them dizzy, the sentry’s in-depth technical explanation of how everything was set up almost knocked them over.

Nonsensical magical jargon went in one ear and out the other. Diagrams made from bones hovered in the air in demonstration, forming 3-dimensional blueprints--and then the bones started phasing through each other, forming more and more complex shapes and figures. And the Papyrus began discussing puzzle theory, and Frisk felt their brain dribble out of their ears. The universe unraveled around them. They could see valve puzzles and game theory equations even with their eyes closed in a vain effort to shut them out, mathematical concepts they only recognized due to their friend’s speech, and couldn’t hope to understand. The world was a system of spreadsheets and miniature figures, ropes and pulleys, boxes and buttons, scales and weights, and it all ran together in a unified theory of puzzling.

The entire world was a faceted, rotating cube, and Papyrus yearned to match all the colors.

Untold centuries came and went, and the tapestry of space and time were woven back together, and suddenly, the crash of incomprehensible noise stilled, and Frisk opened their eyes to see Papyrus looking at them expectantly.

Shakily, unsure of what was real, they smiled and gave a thumb’s up. “Wow, you sure know a lot about puzzles!”

Papyrus preened. “I DO! PUZZLES ARE AN UNDERAPPRECIATED ART IN THIS MODERN AGE!”

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Papyrus wanted to show them to Snowdin Town, but Frisk was getting tired. It was impossible to tell day from night underground… but Frisk had a giant fancy wristwatch, and so they knew when it was getting late.

I wonder if monsters have Thanksgiving…

Still, their new friends insisted on escorting them back, which was fun.

With Papyrus following and occasionally carrying them, they made it back in no time, and soon they were back at the first sentry station.

Papyrus’s brother was still asleep, though at some point he had fallen out of his chair and was loudly snoring on his back. The taller skeleton clicked his teeth together and lifted the other over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Frisk thought he looked funny. He was a skeleton, right? So how did he look fat?

“BECAUSE HE IS GROSSLY OVERWEIGHT AND UNHEALTHY!” Papyrus griped when they asked. “HE DOES NOT EXERCISE AND CONTINUALLY STUFFS HIMSELF WITH GREASE AND SUGARY DRINKS. OF COURSE HE LOOKS LIKE THAT!”

Frisk considered that. From their position on Papyrus’s other shoulder, they reached over and poked his brother in the stomach. It gave way exactly like you’d expect a tubby tummy to, and he twitched in his sleep with a grumble. They lifted his shirt, and there was nothing but air underneath. “So…” they began, curious, “W-What do you look like with regular clothes on?”

“CAN YOU NOT TELL?” He flexed his free arm, nearly sending them falling. “DO MY GLORIOUS BICEPS NOT INSPIRE AMAZEMENT?”

Frisk only saw bones in tights. “No?”

Papyrus gasped. “WHAT?!”

“Sorry.”

Papyrus stared at them in astonishment, and then looked at his own arm as if seeing it for the first time. Taking a moment to rebalance Sans, he reached up with his other hand and squeezed his arm. His mittens wrapped entirely around his humerus, and he yelled in wordless frustration.

Sans chuckled in his sleep. For some reason hearing Papyrus shout made him look even more relaxed. He was sweating, Frisk just realized. How did bone sweat? Monsters were weird.

They made it to the Ruins door, and at Frisk’s direction he turned a hard right to follow the wall. He stepped carefully over a conspicuous bush.

“...Papyrus?”

“YES, MY FRIEND?”

“Why, um, why were you laying out traps for humans?”

Papyrus looked at them, surprised. “DO THEY NOT TEACH THAT AT SCHOOL IN THE RUINS?”

There’s a school in the Ruins? “N-No.”

“WELL!” A look of concentration crossed his face for a second before smoothing out again. “YOU ARE AWARE OF THE BARRIER, AT LEAST?”

Barrier? Wait. “I think Flowey mentioned something like that once or twice? Oh, and Napstablook--”

“YOU KNOW FLOWERY TOO?” Papyrus said, delighted. “HOW WONDERFUL! I THOUGHT HE WAS TOO SHY TO TALK TO ANYONE BUT ME.”

“I wouldn’t c-call him shy…”

“ANYWAY! YOUR QUESTION. THE BARRIER IS WHAT KEEPS ALL THE MONSTERS TRAPPED UNDER THE MOUNTAIN. ACCORDING TO LEGEND, SEVEN HUMAN SOULS ARE NEEDED TO BREAK THE BARRIER AND SET US ALL FREE. WE CURRENTLY HAVE SIX!” His grin widened, and Frisk could swear there were stars in his eyesockets. “CAN YOU IMAGINE IT? REAL WIND, UNDER A REAL SKY. REAL STARS, AND REAL RAIN. MORE SPACE THAN WE COULD EVER USE. AND OH… WHAT I WOULDN’T GIVE TO DRIVE A CAR DOWN THE HIGH-WAY WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN, THE WIND IN MY HAIR… OH, HERE WE ARE.” Papyrus set them down by the hole in the wall, and peered inside. “WOW! THE RUINS ARE VERY PURPLE!”

“I know…” Frisk muttered. “So… when you catch a human--”

“YES! WHEN I CATCH THE HUMAN--”

“Yes, but--”

“I WILL BE A HERO! PAPYRUS, WHO GAVE US THE SUN!”

“But what happens--”

“THE KING HIMSELF WILL TRIM A HEDGE OF MY FACE!”

“But what happens to the human?”

“EH?” Papyrus scratched his scalp. “I TAKE THEM TO THE KING, AND THEN--” He cut himself off, and for some reason eyed their striped sweater. “...ER. I DON’T… KNOW??”

Frisk stared at him. Then smiled, a little shakily. “Well, thanks for telling me about… all th-that.”

“OF COURSE!”he said, sounding relieved. “I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON, FRIEND. AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU SEE A HUMAN!”

“Okay, Papyrus.”

“BUT DON’T GET CLOSE TO THEM! I AM TOLD HUMANS ARE DANGEROUS, THOUGH IN WHAT WAY I AM UNSURE…”

“Okay, Papyrus. Bye.”

They waved goodbye, and Papyrus saluted before turning on his heel with a “NYEH HEH HEH!” Sans blinked awake at the sound, and Frisk made eye contact with him briefly before he fell back asleep.

Or tried to, anyway. Papyrus jumped over the bush as he reached the door again, jolting Sans awake for good.

“huh, whuh? where am i?”

“SANS, YOU’RE AWAKE JUST IN TIME FOR THE EVENING!”

“oh. hey pap.” He yawned. “sorry for falling asleep. evening, huh? guess i better get to bed, then. you can let me down.”

Papyrus did not let him down, continuing to carry him. “IT IS OF NO CONCERN, BROTHER. I KNOW YOU ARE ILL. THAT SAID, I URGE YOU TO AT LEAST TRY TO STAY AWAKE FOR A WHILE YET. ALL THAT NAPPING CAN’T BE GOOD FOR YOU.”

“i definitely don’t feel much better,” he admitted. “so, what've you been up to?”

“I MADE A NEW--OH, ONE SECOND.” Papyrus fished his buzzing phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. “HELLO? AH, DR. ALPHYS, HOW NICE OF YOU TO CALL! IT’S SO GOOD TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!”

“you know alphys, bro?”

“NO, WE HAVE NEVER SPOKEN BEFORE--WHAT? NO, I HAVEN’T SEEN ANY HUMANS TODAY.” He blinked, then excitedly asked, “WHY, DID YOU SEE SOMETHING ON YOUR CAMERAS?!”

The phone was silent for a long moment, and the clicked into a dial tone.

“wow. rude,” Sans said, bemused. He coughed. “she say anything?”

“NOT A WORD! HOW ODD.”

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Hotland Labs

She would apologize later for hanging up like that, but she panicked.

What were the odds?

Alphys set her phone aside and stepped away, then doubleback to put the phone in her pocket instead. It felt wrong without that weight in her coat.

A few hundred feet below, there was a TV playing on a loop. Building an antenna that could pick up satellite broadcast through miles of stone, a magical barrier, and in spite of not having a service provider hadn’t been easy, and it definitely hadn’t been cheap--the materials both magical and mundane required to create it almost weren’t worth it, and definitely not worth the effort of making more, so only a select few outside her lab knew it existed at all. It provided news, and--eheh--entertainment that no one else in the underground had access to.

Now, though, it definitely wasn’t worth the resources. It hadn’t picked up more than an emergency alert in nearly a month, and even those were starting to time out.

No, instead she was playing the last broadcast she recorded on loop. She didn’t need to, she had recorded it, but she… well. She would admit she was a bit of an obsessive personality. And the content of the final broadcast was darkly compelling.

Alphys had been certain that no human would ever fall into the Underground again.

What were the odds?

And now, here one was.

What the hell am I going to do about this?

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Main Quest Update

Snow Way Home:

• Reach Snowdin Town

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Papyrus is now available to be your companion.