April Progress Report!
Added 2022-04-20 22:57:13 +0000 UTCHey everyone, we've got a progress report before a video this month, and that is because:
I am very much feeling the fabled burnout.
If I'm being perfectly honest with myself, this burnout has been creeping up on me ever since we started prepping for our move back in autumn. Kind of surprised it has taken this long! I've been making videos for years now, and while there have been moments of feeling sluggish and frustrated with my work, it's never been quite this bad.
For a while, I figured it was just run-of-the-mill stress, but according to the extremely trustworthy WebMD:
Many burnout symptoms can feel like symptoms of stress, but there are three ways to differentiate them:
-Feeling tired or exhausted
-No enthusiasm, and feelings of negativity toward your job
-Inability to perform your job
Haha, I recognize those feelings!
I think the past few months of adjusting to a new home & new friends & new weather-patterns-that-don't-include-rain have combined with the many non-video projects I've been trying to juggle (the stuff I mentioned here), and what I'm left with is a general sadness whenever I try to make videos. Sometimes I can funnel that sadness into content, but more often than not, I just stare at my computer screen and get real existential. It's not very productive.
So here's what I'm gonna do about it:
- Take a little break from the Patreon refresh I planned for May. I've already chatted with the Patreon folks about this, and we'll probably push it into the summer. (Btw, your survey results have been really helpful, and since we're pushing the refresh, feel free to keep submitting here until we shut off the survey in a week or two)
- Lock in my daily schedule to make sure I don't end up working during off-hours (or even worse, feeling guilty for not working during off-hours)
- Push the two videos I'm working on into May.
- Have a weeklong break in May.
It's not a lot of change, but I want to start here. I had considered taking the entirety of May off, but it seemed a little drastic. I'll keep that as an option if I continue to feel this way for the next few weeks, but I'll let you know first, and I'd pause that month's billing cycle on Patreon (this means you wouldn't have to pay for the month, but I wouldn't post anything).
I'll still do the livestreams for the Novelty Instrumentalists and Jorts Enthusiasts this month, though, because they always tend to be fun!
And that's where I'm at!
Sorry for the downer progress report, but also, it's important that I keep y'all in the loop! If I'm feeling like garbage while making my videos, I'm sure I'll feel like garbage when they're published, too. So before I work hard on these videos, I'm gonna work hard on finding what makes me happy when I'm making videos!
I do have a little update on the next two videos, though! The songs are both fully written and recorded, and I even filmed one. Here's a screencap:
I'm really excited about the music in these ones. I put a weird six-part choral harmony in one. I play a recorder in the other.
Hope y'all are hanging in there, and thanks for your patience.
Comments
My heart goes out to you in a big way. It's so easy to fall into the pattern of pushing yourself wherever you can, because it seems like you'll get more done - but from someone who has spent the past... oh god, decade?? either burnt out or riding a fine line, trying to force yourself back into productivity doesn't increase output. Not that landlords care, so I know it's easier said than done. It's good to see that you're taking it seriously and carving out some rest time. On that note, don't pause payments. Also, I'm reminded of when my sister moved from Baltimore to L.A. a few years ago. She had a hard time adjusting, and friends reassured her that the first year of living in SoCal is miserable and you regret your whole life. After that, though, things start to feel a lot better. Don't know why it's specifically a year, but apparently it's a thing.
Clockwork Creature
2022-05-11 19:47:18 +0000 UTCI’m also happy to pay for May even if you do decide to take the month off! I’ve been currently writing a paper for my workplace about burnout because I’ve been feeling it too and seeing it in the people around me. And it sucks! It’s the worst to be staring at work that you love, that you have a passion for and just feel that ache or hollowness. It takes time and granting yourself grace - do whatever you need to get that energy back.
Kat Denvir
2022-05-04 22:21:49 +0000 UTCI’d like to join the group on this- we’ll pay for May, you just take the time that you need.
ApatiteSupernova46
2022-05-03 15:59:13 +0000 UTCLook after yourself! I hope the rest helps!
Stephanie Young
2022-04-30 18:51:31 +0000 UTCGlad you have a plan! Hope you have a relaxing break!
Hannah Pate
2022-04-27 03:36:04 +0000 UTCAdding to the chorus of “don’t pause the payments”. You’re not a machine. Take some time off, seriously. We’ll be here
Carla Cornelius
2022-04-26 02:56:54 +0000 UTCI will absolutely pay for May even if you take the month off! This is in my budget and I don't feel the need to have regular content from everyone I support. Take care of yourself, burnout sucks.
Ian Peters
2022-04-25 14:09:04 +0000 UTCburnout is awful. if you do end up pausing payments, i hope there can be another way to continue supporting you. the feeling of “if i stop working i stop making money” really prolonged my burnout. take care of yourself!
sla
2022-04-25 07:15:14 +0000 UTCIt's really hard to acknowledge your own emotional state when it doesn't jive with the expectations of capitalism. That whole Upton Sinclair "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it" bit is not just about outward negligence. I know the emotional situation is hard, but you taking a break isn't a downer. I'm glad you can do it and I'm happy to support healthier, sustainable relationships with work. (p.s. please let me pay for you to have a break in May)
Sy Holmes
2022-04-23 14:32:15 +0000 UTCBurnout sucks absolute balls. And putting on my "a doctor but not YOUR doctor" hat for a sec, if you don't deal with stress and burnout when it feels like stress and burnout, your brain will MAKE you deal with it. By doing shit like "turning your legs off because fuck you". Take care of yourself - you are a human being with intrinsic value and shit, not a content vending machine.
Emily T
2022-04-23 01:58:21 +0000 UTCI'll echo what everyone else has said - take whatever time you need, and no pressure to pause payments. Burnout is awful and I hope you can take some time for yourself to feel better!
JD
2022-04-23 01:16:54 +0000 UTCDude, take two weeks off.
Jessica
2022-04-22 14:32:28 +0000 UTCAdding on to the chorus of "please let me pay for May while you take a break." I view this platform as a way to fund others' creative pursuits, and a big old part (the biggest part even) of creative pursuits is the wellbeing of the creator. Thus, supporting you while you take some time off to do self-care is part of what we're here for.
Ronnie Ranallo
2022-04-22 08:34:16 +0000 UTCBurnout is rough and definitely needs to be addressed, health is the priority so don’t worry about us we’re just hoping you feel your best and continue having fun!
Ryan
2022-04-22 02:20:10 +0000 UTCTake care of yourself 💕 Also don't worry about pausing May if you have to take it off. I'm not paying for stuff, I'm paying to support you! And if that means paid time off to care for your mental health then that's great!
Luna
2022-04-22 00:45:07 +0000 UTCSo, SO glad to be seeing you prioritize your wellbeing. You are not a content machine - take all the time and rest you need/want so you can fully love the things you create <3
Roux Bedrosian
2022-04-21 18:54:03 +0000 UTCPlease take care of yourself! We all want you to *enjoy* what you're doing and not force yourself. Also, please do not pause the Patreon payments. I am here to support you the creator, not your content. Take it easy.
Lindsay Blank
2022-04-21 17:10:29 +0000 UTCI’m really glad you’ve realised that something isn’t working and are taking action. Just wanted to add my voice to the many here saying that you should take May off and keep the Patreon going, you can’t really rest if you’re worried about money. Also if the break needs to be longer or vids come without a schedule or you just need to remember how to relax and play and you share as much or as little of that as you want - literally whatever. Having to buy the stability essential to health through high productivity is fucked anyway, work is broken, culture broken, as a disabled person I am sad and existential about this a lot lol. I would really like to help with that material security while you recover/adapt and a lot of people here feel the same. Wishing you comfort and peace 🐛
Elly Wade
2022-04-21 17:09:53 +0000 UTCCame here to say EXACTLY this, thank you
Elly Wade
2022-04-21 16:31:58 +0000 UTCHave an encouraging comment and a virtual hug from me. Hope you can get to a point where you feel enthusiastic about making content again.
Nat Adcock
2022-04-21 15:38:06 +0000 UTCI'm here cause I want to see what you make when you have the freedom to make whatever you want and sometimes the thing you're going to want to make is "nothing" and that's valid.
Lemon Dread
2022-04-21 14:14:18 +0000 UTCYou know that rule on flights where you're supposed to put your oxygen mask on before helping others? ( I realize this is a drastic example for this analogy but I think it still fits.) Put your oxygen mask on, Brian. For the love of Pete, please take care of yourself. When you're ready to get back into it, slam a couple Bacchus-Ds and carbo-load with some Jjajangmyeon and we'll all be here for you.
Ricky Rowe
2022-04-21 13:12:20 +0000 UTCObviously yu don't need another person telling you to take PTO, but take the PTO. If people don't want to pay you for your time off, let them cancel their donations for a month or something. You deserve time off as much as any other working person! I don't support artists on Patreon because I expect a constant stream of content, it's because I want to support their art. Same goes for you, too, man.
Steph Gilliam
2022-04-21 11:27:00 +0000 UTCI'm just going to point upwards and downwards at all the good posts that have already been made and will be made after mine. Take care of yourself, Brian.
Unhuman
2022-04-21 10:39:17 +0000 UTCIf you’ve noticed me saying the words “not obligated” ad nauseum, I confess there’s a specific reason I’m doing that - I have witnessed other independent creatives wear themselves down into a fine paste for the sake of trying to remain “on top of it”. We’re ostensibly paying for a service that is “Brian makes videos and music and stuff”, but I doubt I’m the only one who’s paying more for… you to be able to do the things you want without that grinding pressure, or without you flying off the face of the Earth in the process. Whatever obligation you feel towards us as “shareholders” or however you think of us, it is *not* to the point of self-destruction! Take the week off. Take more time off if you need it. We like you which is why we’ve chosen to support you, and while I don’t have time to dissect the weird parasocial aspect of that, know that we are not your bosses and we absolutely don’t want you boiling your own brain for our sakes. (Gonna be honest, maybe also writing that for myself - burnout seems to be the other pandemic going around these days 😔)
Well-Spoken Rambler
2022-04-21 09:32:35 +0000 UTCHey brian. I came and searched for your patreon after noticing you hadnt made a video in a while hoping nothing terrible happened. Discovered your content only recently and my first fresh video of yours was "hats" which i am in love with. I was afraid of a much worse update than this one. In fact when i heard it was burn out (and that you are being self aware and taking steps to protect yourself), i was actually pretty relieved! I dont mean that i dont think burnout isn't negative or anything, I just mean that im willing to join the others here and tell you how thankful i am for your content and how happy i would be (even as a brand new patreon supporter) if you took as long of a break as would be necessary to get you back to feeling good about what you do. In fact I only joined patreon today, and am subscribing with the sole hope that my dollars go towards you taking care of yourself, not out of some transactional mindset of "i trade dollar for content, go brr". So please take as much time as you need, and please allow us to continue to support here while you do so.
Matt Jobe
2022-04-21 09:15:28 +0000 UTCFell better, rest up! We are all happy to support you no matter the choice you make for a longer or shorter break! We know your only human and you got to look after yourself too
OddPittPatt
2022-04-21 07:36:45 +0000 UTCBrian, you should take all of May off and not pause payments. Having struggled with burnout and creative burnout in particular on and off multiple times for the past few years - a week will help but you’ll be back to burnout in a week or two. Burnout needs deep and prolonged rest. You need time to let go of everything. You need time to not just get restless but to get SUPER bored. The recovery happens inside of that boredom. Brené Brown’s recent book Atlas of the Heart explains it well - the difference between stress and overwhelm is that when you are overwhelmed, BIOLOGICALLY, you need to stop. You stop processing contextual information properly. You might get stuck in a flight/fight/freeze response. Burnout is just a prolonged form of overwhelm. Take a long break and do as little as you can. Don’t pause payments. As patrons we’re here to support the work of an artist we love - through anything - not to neatly pay X a month for some product.
Kieran Cutting
2022-04-21 07:31:38 +0000 UTCDon't worry too much about it, dude. Take care of yourself! You deserve some time off. Get your rest until you feel like yourself again. We'll be here ^-^
Dellamore
2022-04-21 06:37:21 +0000 UTCIt's not a downer! Take care of yourself, we want you happy and healthy! ♥ Glad you are taking time to do self-care and going against our crunch culture!
Michelle S
2022-04-21 05:47:48 +0000 UTCLove you Brian. Take all the time you need, we'll be here.
TM
2022-04-21 05:45:09 +0000 UTCother ppl have already expressed my thoughts in better/funnier ways than I can, but in case my words still help: you are working hard enough just by existing, my dude! Burnout is real, especially for artists, so please take time to rest. We'll be here whenever you're ready to return
Emi Cohen
2022-04-21 04:58:56 +0000 UTC+1 to making the time off paid... Let us help make that world we want to live in.
Isaac Zarsky
2022-04-21 04:00:22 +0000 UTCThanks for talking about this, burnout is real! Rest your brain, and if you get a chance to think about a question: is Waluigi Italian or French? 🤔
Christopher Underhill
2022-04-21 03:59:49 +0000 UTCI hope you feel better soon :)
pants
2022-04-21 03:28:08 +0000 UTCI cannot do anything here but make sure to recommend that you take breaks! Not just daily and weekly, but vacations, and maybe even consider taking an entire month or two off. The people here are here for you, not for your schedule. If you take long breaks, we'll still be around, especially if you plan for them and tell us the time frame you'll be gone for (think seasons on a TV show). You can only do this long term if you prioritize mental health, and a great way to do that is breaks. You're not working on a large team - so much of it requires you. So YOU need to be okay. I wish you the best and hope you can find methods to prevent burnout.
Brett Abraham
2022-04-21 02:54:14 +0000 UTCYour mental health comes first! For as much as we love your work, I think we all want you to be able to feel good and enjoy it. You've been working very hard (even if some days you don't feel like you have), and it's good to take a breather, especially since you've had a lot of life changes. Take the time you need!
Oddity
2022-04-21 02:52:45 +0000 UTCburnout sucks, hope things start looking up!
Cinnamon Shakes
2022-04-21 02:40:10 +0000 UTCTake whatever time you need, I've been feeling the burnout with college as well so I know how important it is to have time to recover. I'm glad you're making sure to take care of yourself, take it easy :]
Sophie Decker
2022-04-21 02:37:13 +0000 UTCHey just want to say that like others I am here to support you even and especially if that includes taking time off. Do what you need to do and take care of yourself!
Ellysia
2022-04-21 02:20:34 +0000 UTCI didn't start donating to your patreon for monthly videos, I donated for your work no matter how long your videos take make. You need to take a break for your own well being, I think that's just part of what I'm supporting.
Richard T Hoopes III
2022-04-21 01:41:39 +0000 UTCI’ve always wished that patreon functioned less like a subscription service for exactly this reason. it’s so much pressure, to provide to some amorphous mass and feel beholden to it to some extent. please take care of yourself. please don’t let the amorphous mass start to feel like a duty to be fulfilled at all costs rather than support for the arts, including the time in which someone needs to rest in order to want to make the arts. patrons aren’t entitled to content at the sacrifice of anyones health and well-being. you wanna pivot hard and get into whittling? fucking go for it, i’ll fund that.
Alex
2022-04-21 01:31:52 +0000 UTCI'm happy to carry on paying to fund the month of May even if you take the whole month off and I'm pretty sure basically everyone else would be too. If you do pause, let us know if we can pay through KoFi or something.
Alexander Goldsack
2022-04-21 00:53:35 +0000 UTCCouldnt have said it better myself! We love you BDG! Thank you for keeping us in the loop, and I hope you take the time you need ☺️
Sarah Greenlaw
2022-04-21 00:48:57 +0000 UTCTake all the time you need -- burnout sucks, big time, and is especially understandable considering the circumstances. As others have said, we really don't mind continuing our patreon support while you recharge, so don't feel guilty about it! Take care of yourself and we'll be here when you feel ready to start creating again.
spacecadet
2022-04-21 00:39:58 +0000 UTCCould not agree more. Do what you gotta do, Brian. We got your back - you just take care of yourself.
Randy Thompson
2022-04-21 00:28:54 +0000 UTC❤️
Chris Ressler
2022-04-21 00:04:45 +0000 UTCGenuinely, truly: pls let us fund yr vacation (& take as long as you want)
Michelle O
2022-04-21 00:01:44 +0000 UTCBurnout is really hard to deal with and creators deserve to have some time off, I still consider myself to be backpaying for years of fun content so worry not, at least from this supporter.
Sammeh
2022-04-21 00:01:27 +0000 UTCI have had burnout, like others, and it absolutely sucks and is a real health issue. Please take care of yourself, whether a week, month, whatever you need. I will 100% keep being a patron. I give to give support you as an artist, not treat you like a video producing robot. Also i don't think this post is a downer - i am truly heartened to see people openly take care of themselves and exemplify work-life balance.
Bonafide Cat Lady
2022-04-21 00:01:05 +0000 UTCI'm feeling burnout too at my job...please take care of yourself and take the time that you need - 'Cause boi, you know that we love to see your vids, Your stuff is money and funny and Gets us through our day, But we'd give it all up if you had just one month, Just one month, We'd give it up for one month for your health
Anne Nguyen
2022-04-20 23:56:12 +0000 UTCTake all the time you need to take good care of yourself! Burnout is terrible indeed, and it can be hard to predict how long it will take to recover from it. I'm glad you're recognizing the signs. I hope everybody's comments help you feel better about taking a break.
Candy Emberley
2022-04-20 23:54:49 +0000 UTCTake all the time you need to take good care of yourself! Burnout is terrible indeed, and it can be hard to predict how long it will take to recover from it. I'm glad you're recognizing the signs. I hope everybody's comments help you feel better about taking a break.
Candy Emberley
2022-04-20 23:54:46 +0000 UTCBurnout sucks. Even the game burnout sucks.
Emily Darrow
2022-04-20 23:53:58 +0000 UTCTake care of yourself! We are here to support you, not force you into endless creation. Please rest <3
Katie
2022-04-20 23:52:21 +0000 UTCI would argue my Patreon support is EXACTLY for situations of burnout and stress. You deserve PTO, please take it and let us continue to support you! Not a day goes by in my house that there isn't a song or video revisited from your catalog. Rest up!
Erika & Luke "Faster"
2022-04-20 23:44:28 +0000 UTCTaking a week off is not a lot of time! I know I'm not working for myself but in the corporate life I get like 4 weeks of vacation, 11 holidays and 4 sick days a year. Taking time off is a good thing and you'll come back recharged and ready to go.
Brandon Beall
2022-04-20 23:42:03 +0000 UTCBurnout is the absolute worst, definitely take the time to rest and relax and heal from all the work. Burnout can easily lead to hating something you used to love and I’m sure no one wants that for you. Here’s to a relaxing few weeks for you! ☕️☕️
Hincaru
2022-04-20 23:25:53 +0000 UTCI am also going through horrible creative burnout right now, so i absolutely get it. I'm trying not to get down on myself about it and I'm leaning into the fact that it's important to consume other people's art to inform how we make our own. Take all the time you need. We'll get through it eventually.
IProvide ThePaint
2022-04-20 23:22:15 +0000 UTCIf you wanna take a big break, or smaller break, or anything! I wish for a rest and refresh for you.
rionsanura
2022-04-20 23:21:33 +0000 UTCHonestly a month doesn’t sound that crazy. Take as much time as you need. Your mental and physical well-being has to take priority over being productive - you’re a human being not a content farm, and we’re happy to support you in any way we can.
Alex Derbe
2022-04-20 23:17:35 +0000 UTCI'm cool with paying for May even if you need to take the month off - burnout is mcfuckin REAL and I see that others here will want to support you if you need to take a creative break. I'm more interested in supporting the creator than paying for content. Hope everyone here takes some time today to take care of themselves ❤️
Maia
2022-04-20 23:16:05 +0000 UTCTake all the time you think you need, then double it!! Burnout recovery is no joke. I'm one of the many people chiming in to say that it's important to me that the people who make things I enjoy are happy and healthy, and it's worth even multiple months of pledging 'for nothing'. You've been going non-stop and you deserve rest.
Lindsay Ishihiro
2022-04-20 23:14:47 +0000 UTCPlease rest for as long as you need. I personally love the shingle jingle however it'd be cool for you to not go through that again.
Erin_Vontrapp
2022-04-20 23:14:40 +0000 UTCTake all the time you need to rest and take care of yourself and loved ones, dude. It took me months to get better from my own burnout, it is no joke and needs to be taken care of as you see fit and need. So no worry, health comes first.
Rawen
2022-04-20 23:11:42 +0000 UTCSinging with the choir here- take the time you need to not burn out!
Jess Herron
2022-04-20 23:11:15 +0000 UTCSame here 😂
Joshua Cubbin
2022-04-20 23:10:57 +0000 UTCI'm here to support you, not the hashtag content. Burnout is a bitch and you should do what you gotta do to get through it ❤️
Joshua Cubbin
2022-04-20 23:10:35 +0000 UTCOh and if there’s any way to have a month be opt-in or -out on Patreon, please consider doing that instead of pausing en masse!
supercres
2022-04-20 23:09:42 +0000 UTCWe're here for the long haul so take some time and reset. It's well earned.
Blek
2022-04-20 23:09:23 +0000 UTCBut I'm pretty sure you asked about it in the Google survey so trust those numbers more
Moira Kauderer
2022-04-20 23:08:40 +0000 UTCHells yeah Brian. Rather have videos from happy BDG in the future, even the distant future, than from sad BDG now. Loving the Crinklecasts and livestreams!
supercres
2022-04-20 23:07:58 +0000 UTCDon't be afraid to take more time if you need it, okay? Burnout is no joke, I'm sorry you're suffering from it!
Escher Cattle
2022-04-20 23:07:30 +0000 UTCGlad you're taking care of yourself! You deserve a break for sure. Don't feel like you must turn off payments, consider it PTO 😜
Moira Kauderer
2022-04-20 23:07:21 +0000 UTCCan’t imagine how exhausting it is moving across the country, take all the time you need!
GreatBearShark
2022-04-20 23:06:15 +0000 UTCI know I've said this before, but I'll say it again, you get paid time off with Patreon. It's a completely sane and reasonable thing for you to do. You've had one helluva crazy few months and no doubt you need some downtime!
Danielle Dunne
2022-04-20 23:04:54 +0000 UTCLol so true
Carla Carroll
2022-04-20 23:04:42 +0000 UTCBurnout is completely understandable, please rest and take care of yourself!
Caelharx
2022-04-20 23:04:21 +0000 UTCI've watched New Shoes so many times I think it is worth many months of your Patreon going quiet.
Michael Hoehner
2022-04-20 23:04:20 +0000 UTCI'm going to add to the choir saying you really don't need to pause the patreon support to take a week/month off! Take care of yourself :-)
Carla Carroll
2022-04-20 23:04:16 +0000 UTCLook after yourself!! If the patreon support enables you to take some time to recover, then it's still absolutely worth it. I hope you'll get a good rest and feel better.
Leo Siebert
2022-04-20 23:02:30 +0000 UTCGet that rest and self care, baybeee
Greens
2022-04-20 23:02:07 +0000 UTCPlease consider not pausing the payments! I am here to support you because I like what you've done, and want to pay you back for it. Let it ride and find the joy, and don't worry about the schedule unless it's helping you!
rionsanura
2022-04-20 23:01:12 +0000 UTCHonestly I am totally cool with a loose delivery schedule and do not feel bad if creators take a pause and let that Patreon charge keep on rolling. I'm supporting the creator more than the specific content!
Landon Beadle
2022-04-20 23:00:30 +0000 UTC
