Page 451: Dialogue Evolution

Like most pages, Page 451 went through a lot of evolution in the dialogue. I thought it might be nice to show some of that process!

Before we set down the specific wording, Ari and I discuss the goals for the page and what we want to make sure to hit. For this page our goals were:

• Show differing opinions on Cori's parenting style

• Show Jonas's parents joining in on the search for their son's friend

• Show Avery, Isaiah, and Jason together in a scene, to show their friendly dynamic (even though Jason and Avery are divorced and she's dating Isaiah)

• Show what information the adults have on the events of Bally Bluffs

With that in mind, here's the script we wrote:

451.1
Big frame showing Avery, Isaiah, Jason, Rosalyn and Daniel as the focus as they trudge through the snow, talking. Anthony and Piper are trailing along behind. Jason is sleepy, rubbing his neck.

JASON: Hope we find the little blighter soon. My bed's calling my name.
ISAIAH: He can't have gone too far. The window for him to have gotten in, left that note, and gotten out without detection is so slim.

451.2
Rosalyn speaks up, Avery has an annoyed reaction.

ROSALYN: I can't imagine how Cori felt, finding that note.
AVERY: Awful, no doubt. But she lets that kit walk all over her.

451.3
Avery continues.

AVERY: She's way too soft on him. The one thing we know for sure about Bally Bluffs is he pushed Tamberlane in the water.

451.4
Rosalyn speaks up while Avery continues.

AVERY: Surely some punishment is warranted. A grounding, at least!
ROSALYN: I'm sure Coriander is doing her best. She probably knows Ellis best of all of us, after all.

451.5
Isaiah speaks up now, and Daniel agrees.

ISAIAH: I'd say Cori's tactics are a worthy experiment.
DANIEL: Could be. All I care about right now is Jonas still having a friend when he gets out of the hospital.

451.6
Focus on Jason in the back, rubbing his arms, with Anthony and Piper behind him, trudging along.

JASON: I salute your priorities, sir.
JASON: I just wish they didn't involve trudging around in the snow after sundown.
SFX: shiver shiver

Very similar but some notable differences, right? I sent the script to Ari and he had this note:

So the line was updated to Well, parenting styles aside, every kit deserves to be safe, troubled or not.

Once it was time to start the scene, I went straight into finishing this page, since I was behind schedule. Usually I thumbnail a whole scene before I work on a single page. But I've also been under the weather lately so my work has been sparse, and I really just wanted to draw comics. So draw comics I did!

I had to rearrange the order of the search party several times so the dialogue bubbles would flow well. (If someone on the left is speaking second, it makes it harder to compose the bubbles for a natural left-to-right reading order!)

In this, I moved the line about Cori knowing Ellis best to Isaiah.

I also changed Rosalyn's dialogue to be more supportive of Coriander's parenting, in an effort to reestablish that Cur doesn't work well with traditional parenting. However, it made it seem that everyone else supported Coriander, and only Avery was against her — which is not what we wanted to portray. So eventually I changed it:

There were a few other things I wanted to tweak, so by the time inks were done, I'd already made more changes:

Isaiah is now explaining more about why her tactics are worth trying, and calling Avery 'dearest' as a way to remind the reader that they're dating. Especially since it's been hinted at so little in the story so far, and mostly in edits made in 2024, which not everyone will have properly absorbed. It's not important to remember, but it's always good to have at least an idea of the web of relationships within a scene.

In addition, there's a bit more reticence on Daniel's part by adding "I suppose" into his dialogue, and Jason now has a little shivery stutter in his last panel. Just enough for flavor, not enough to be annoying to read. Also Avery gets a little "yeah, yeah" that shows she acknowledges his point even if she hates it.

I continued to tweak dialogue a bit more as the process continued. This is normal for most pages, but some pages — like this one — are a bit trickier to stick the landing, so I do more tweaking than usual.

I wanted to make sure we knew how the adults knew that Cur pushed Tamberlane into the water. This hearkens back to page 360 when Cur's shouting his crimes at Coriander. The adults don't know more than that, as the details are vague, not forthcoming, or inconsistent. There were very few witnesses to the event that took place, Tamberlane's not great at communicating, and the bully trio aren't likely to talk much to the adults.

And finally! We have the final dialogue pass at the end of the page's completion:

I updated Isaiah's phrasing in the first panel to say "window of time" as I felt that some of our non-English readers might have a harder time with the phrasing.

Avery now calls out Rosalyn's name, which helps remind the readers of names. (I don't even know if Rosalyn's name has been said in the comic yet, honestly.) I wanted to have her say something like, "He put your kit in the hospital, Rosalyn!" but having Isaiah be supportive immediately after that didn't work at all. There would need to be more back-and-forth between Avery and Rosalyn for that to work, so I just went with "Really, Rosalyn?" That's just how it goes sometimes!

Finally, Isaiah's dialogue in the penultimate panel was massaged even more to support his argument.

What a beast of a page! This was a lot of fun though, and I enjoy walking through this process with you.

If you would like more posts like this, let me know — this happens a lot, and I always find it fascinating!