What to Expect Now That We Have K&P Back

K&P has, at last, been freed from clickbait hell. “Press love” posts will now be detrended so that we can read actual content in the top 10. I feel for the Only Fans tribe, but I’m thrilled to see actual writers back up there. Unlike literally every other Fet member, I loved the top 10. It was a water cooler that launched a thousand site-wide conversations. It also introduced me to some pretty great people, including my first kink mentor.

The top 10 has been an Only Fans marketplace for years, so many of you have never been exposed to the True and Real K&P. Let me explain the rules.

• The first rule of K&P is nobody reads K&P. If anyone says the words “K&P” thou shalt say, “I don’t know. I never read K&P.” Nobody even goes there. It’s uncool. You’re meant to find all your reading material yourself because you're a Fresh and Pervy rebel and your friends are more awesome than everyone else's friends.
• The second rule of K&P is thou shalt not care whether or not you trend, but if you accidentally get onto the top 10, thou shalt hide away for at least two days tending to your injuries.
• The third rule of K&P is there shalt be a minimum of one counterpost for every post. There will also be counterposts to counterposts. And also counterposts to counterposts to counterposts. And one yuuuge counterpost for all those counterposts.
• Pursuant to the abovementioned point, we’ll be having a lot more arguments, now. Some of these arguments will be objectively important, and some will be five-day fights about whether or not good girls swallow. That was an actual counterpost war from 2015. We’ve also had counterpost wars about what constitutes “the beautiful days of beautiful submission” and whether or not you should sanitise a flogger. That last one got hairy. There was blood all over the furniture and missing limbs strewn on the floor. And also bits of spleen draped over the sanitised floggers.
• The fifth rule of K&P is all Fetlebrities are silly. You’re not to make friends with one until people start calling you a Fetlebrity. At that juncture, you should say, "I'm NOT a Fetlebrity." Then, when you realise you actually are, you’ll have no choice but to make friends with Fetlebrities.
• The seventh rule of K&P is if you inform someone that you are not, in fact, a Fetlebrity, they will definitely believe you.
• The seventh rule of K&P is always put a minimum of one misnumbered item at the end of your lists to irritate people.

I apologise for this post. Sarcasm is an unremitting disease I have. I really do miss K&P culture. I miss the counterposts and the fights and the friends. I miss seeing what everyone’s talking about, and I miss the conversations that go on all week. Essentially, I’m the only person on the whole site who’s ever read K&P and ever will read K&P, but you really should give it a try.