Diaper Update 1/21

Hey there everyone! I have an interesting update for you all this month. Break out the book because it’s story time!

I went on a ski trip with some friends for about a couple days last week (Everyone got tested for COVID before and after, everything came up clean). It’s an annual trip with my old college friends from my major. It’s tons of fun. Ski all day, have some drinks at night. We’ve been doing it for the past three years. Normally I’m super excited for it, but this year I was a little nervous with my diapers.

This was my first big trip with people since I started being 24/7. Only one out of the six in our group knew about my diapers. I didn’t want to tell any of them about it, mostly because I knew they’d probably think it’s a little weird. Luckily, I roomed with my best friend who did know, so I didn’t have to try concealing them in the hotel room.

We were also skiing all day. My bladder and bowl muscles have been wide open for the past 14 months. I’ve been soaking through 4-6 diapers a day recently (counting my overnights). I could reduce that by restricting my liquids, but I knew all that turning and acceleration was going to push all the dribbles out of me. Trying to hold it was out of the question. I also didn’t want to. I wasn’t going to let other people dictate my diaper use.

So the big challenge for me was making sure I didn’t leak into my snow pants. The problem though, is there aren’t a lot of bathrooms in the middle of the slopes. And for those of you who don’t ski, typically when you get down the slope you queue right up again for the lifts. You normally don’t go into the lodge unless you’re getting lunch or taking a quick break. So diaper changes were going to be few and far between.

I thought the best way to reduce my chance of leaking was to wear as much bulk as I could possibly hide underneath my snow pants. At the same time, I didn’t want a super noticeable diaper waddle. I decided to wear a booster underneath a Bambino Bellissimo (My favorite diaper! 😊). I’d change in the bathroom right before we started skiing. I was shooting for one diaper change around lunch, and then change once we got back to the hotel 3-4 hours after that.

I was wet before we even started our first run. I sat down on the lift and felt a little warm squish. I was in that diaper for less than 10 minutes. I was trying to be genuinely aware of wetting too, I literally couldn’t tell at all. I just smiled to myself at that point. I knew that paying attention to wetting was a lost cause after that.

Every time I got back on the lift I’d squish more and more. The diaper pressed up against me and I’d think, “Yup, I’m wetter.” “Yeah, that’s wetter than before.” “I’m soggier.” There wasn’t any stopping it. I could feel I was getting pretty droopy about an hour before we were going to get lunch. I typically change once I’m at that level. It could hold about 1 ½ more regular wettings at that point. I said fuck it and kept going. By the time we got back to the lodge for lunch, I was completely soaked. I was also starting to smell like diaper, but no one said anything. Hopefully they thought it was skier sweat or something…

Each day worked out just like that. I’d tape into a new diaper right before we hit the slopes, get completely soaked by noonish, then change into my afternoon diaper. The only time I had problem was when I’d fall on a full diaper. There were two times I fell and felt pee squish out the sides. It wasn’t that bad to be honest. There were some stains around my leggings, but no one could see them. I didn’t even change out of them after lunch. I’ve been in plenty of leaky pants. It doesn’t bother me at this point. Snow pants are low key great for hiding leaky pants.

The night times were WILD. When we hang out, we all go hard. I knew that if there was any chance of me keeping my diapers from leaking, I was going to have to change in the hotel rooms/bars. My purse became an over glorified diaper bag. The second I have alcohol in me, I turn into a river. My diapers get wetter by the second. Especially if I’m drinking beer, which, like the silly I am, I did a lot XD. Even with my Bambinos I ended up going through roughly 2-3 each night.

All in all, it was a diaper success! I learned some interesting things about my diaper use that week. I realized I’m kinda becoming a “diaper pro.” Like, it was weird how seamless it all went. The only problems I had were leaking when I fell down. But everything else felt like second nature. Packing the diapers, getting them on in the bathroom, changing when I needed to. It wasn’t hard. If anything, it was easier than having to go the bathroom like a regular adult. I never felt the need to go, and because of that I never had any discomfort. I did what anyone else would do and spent a little time in the bathroom during lunch, but instead of using the bathroom I was just changing my diaper. No one knew.

It also put it into context how much of a wetter I’ve become. I thought I’d be able to hold onto my pee at least a little bit. But I literally had zero control. There were maybe 3 or 4 times out of the 5 day trip that I even realized I was GOING pee. Not that I HAD to pee. I’m constantly dribbling little by little into my diapers now. I can’t put it into words how much I’m in love with it.

This was also low key a “test” to see how things will be like after COVID. For the most part, I’ve been confined to my house for the past 10 months. It’s been stupid easy to just go in my diapers whenever I want. I’ve been out with friends here and there, but nothing like a multi-day trip. I was expecting hiccups. Slips of my diaper to show. I’m leaking and I can’t get to a bathroom. I run out of diapers and I’m stuck in a full one. None of that happened! I planned it all out ahead of time, and it all worked perfectly. It really wasn’t that hard. It gave me a huge confidence boost that this isn’t going to be a problem whatsoever once things get back to normal and we’re all out and about more.

For those of you wondering, no I didn’t mess when I was on the slopes. I decided I would hold it until I was able to mess in the bathroom and then quickly change after that. I did it for two reasons. 1. I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable in case they smelled me. And 2. If I was in a leaky messy diaper on the slopes, that probably wouldn’t have been very fun. I understand that if I want to be fully incontinent, then that won’t be a choice in the future, but it just didn’t feel right.

That’s not to say I didn’t have some close calls. I’ve mentally been releasing my bowels the second I feel any pressure for the past couple months. There’s residual muscle memory to that even if you’re trying to hold it. Your mind gets caught in an automatic rut. Every time I felt the urge to mess, on instinct I wouldn’t hold back. I’d quickly realize what I was doing and clench down. My bowel control is getting softer though. It felt delayed at times. Like it took longer than I expected to stop myself from messing. And even then there were times that if I hadn’t caught it sooner, I probably would have messed a little before getting control again.

I’m back to full 100% release my bowels now though. It was so nice to not having to worry about my diaper when I got home. As a treat I slipped my pee pants on the second I walked into the door, strapped into a fresh diaper, and didn’t pay attention to it until I felt the leaks. It was my little reward for doing so good XD.

I’m diaper dependent for wetting without a doubt at this point. The trip really solidified that for me. I couldn’t stop the dribbles if I tried. If I wanted to go back at this point, it would take literal months of muscle training to even get back to pull-ups. Probably 6-8 months before I even had control again. And that’s not to mention the fact I’ll probably have stress incontinence (Sneezing, coughing, standing up, etc) for a while after that. I’m okay with that though. I’m not planning on getting back into regular underwear anytime soon. If ever. I literally have no desire.

Wrapping it all up:

Wetting Control: 1%

Bowl Control: 85% (I tested it today. I have roughly 45 minutes between feeling pressure and messing uncontrollably)

As a little side note. I hope you’re all enjoying the new stories! Like I said a couple months ago, I’m putting everything I got into these ones. I want them to be my master pieces. I have one more new story I’m finishing up that I’ll have out by the end of the month. It’s a funky one. We’ll see how it plays out. I’m trying to write it in a style that I’ve never seen on the web before.

Also to clarify, I’ve gotten a lot of messages about this. Yes. “Living With This” is completely true. I went to therapy for my fetish. I don’t want to give away too many details about it right now. That’d ruin the story!

Thank you all so much for your support this month. I genuinely wish from the bottom of my heart a Happy 2021 to you! I’m loving the direction of this page, and hopefully it’s only getting better from here. See you in February for another soggy diaper update 😊

Stay Padded,

MC