Chapter 7: I Will Never Date You!

Mutation (7)

I didn't really have a girlfriend, and it wasn't like I knew how to appeal to women, but I still thought I put some effort into my clothes.

I wasn't particularly trendy, nor did I have a great personal style. But at least I didn't think people would say I was badly dressed.

"No, not at all."

But my sister immediately frowned upon hearing my assessment of my fashion.

"You just wore drab colors, top and bottom. It was always just pants and a shirt. And the colors were all in the black family."

"But I didn't look weird, did I?"

"Not looking weird isn't the same as being 'well-dressed.' No, more than that, not looking weird is just the bare minimum. How can you call your usual self 'well-dressed'?"

"……."

I had nothing to say to my sister's words.

"What does it matter to you if I dress well or not?"

After racking my brain, that was the only thing I could come up with.

"If you were still my Oppa, it might not matter so much. As long as you weren't embarrassing in front of others. Even if my friends saw you, there wouldn't be much to judge, right?"

I guess?

Maybe that's true. I haven't really thought about whether my friend's sisters or my sister's friends were well-dressed or not. In the first place, we probably don't pay attention to each other and are mostly awkward.

"But Unni can't be like that... Ah."

My sister, who had been grumbling to herself in anger, shut her mouth.

Words that are difficult to say to a patient.

They told her not to say things that confuse my identity. Besides, I heard similar words. My identity is only determined by me, and it's okay not to care what others say. I guess they give that kind of advice because they are people whose physical gender has changed unintentionally after birth.

I hesitated whether to tell my sister it was okay, but I decided not to say anything. Sometimes it's much better to just gloss over things.

Anyway.

So, my sister doesn't want me to be badly dressed now that I'm physically a woman.

"And I hate it when you forget things like underwear. What am I supposed to say if we run into each other outside and you're braless?"

...Well, I guess there's that reason too.

"You're making a big deal out of forgetting underwear once. It was thick clothes anyway, so you couldn't see it."

"If you can't see through your pants, does that mean you don't have to wear panties?"

My sister asked immediately, and I couldn't say anything.

"And, it would be good to know how to pick out clothes. Even if I give you a hundred steps and say it's okay to wear black clothes from top to bottom, don't you have no sense of size or anything?"

Well, that's true.

I could ask Mom, but it wouldn't be bad to ask my sister. Since we're about the same age, maybe my taste won't get weirdly fixed.

A weekday morning subway where there aren't many people yet. We sat side by side and had such a conversation.

It was a really trivial conversation, but it felt strangely like it had been a long time.

No, it really has been a long time. If you asked me when I had been out alone with my sister, I would have to go back years to remember.

The existence of my sister felt familiar, but the situation felt awkward. And yet, it was strangely enjoyable.

I wonder what my sister would say if I told her that.

"…Hey."

Had I suddenly become a little anxious because I had shut my mouth and wasn't saying anything?

My sister spoke to me.

"...You're not angry or anything, are you?"

"Was there a reason to be?"

I tilted my head, and my sister let out a light breath.

*

"I hate skirts."

"Still, buy a few. If the size is right, there might be a time when you wear them someday."

Even though I said I didn't like them, my sister kept putting clothes in the shopping basket in my hand.

Not just skirts, but also flimsy blouses, strangely short tops, and excessively short pants.

I hadn't paid much attention when women were wearing them, but when I looked at them separately as 'clothes,' the area of the fabric seemed really small. Or maybe the fabric was so thin that you could see through it. ...Did my sister wear clothes like this?

"Okay, now try them on."

"Huh?"

"What? I can't go in with you. It's unpleasant, and the rule is that you go into the fitting room alone."

My sister pointed to a warning sign on the clothing store. It said, "Please enter the fitting room one person at a time." ...Did something happen inside?

It's not like I've never been to a clothing store, but I've never paid attention to these kinds of signs. In the first place, I've never gone shopping for clothes with friends.

"If you really want to show me, show me. You can put it on and come out and show me, right?"

"...I'll just check the size and come out."

I said that and went into the fitting room.

The fitting room door wasn't that thick. It didn't block out much of the outside noise, and the top was completely open.

But somehow, as soon as the door closed, I felt like the surroundings became much quieter.

"……."

Inside the fitting room, there was a full-length mirror.

The me in the mirror was holding a shopping basket full of clothes and staring blankly at me.

It looked like I had something to say. Maybe it felt that way because the image in the mirror was so different from the me I knew.

Realization.

It's not like I can't taste food when I eat, or I can't feel anything when I touch something. I was really startled when I encountered a bug earlier. The old me was like that too, so maybe I haven't changed that much.

But even so, I strangely don't feel any sense of reality.

I am still the same, but everyone around me treats me differently. The first time someone sees the changed me, they probably won't even recognize who I am, and even in places where I'm registered with my name and information, they won't even think to match me with that information.

"……Haa."

What am I thinking?

I sighed deeply and put down the shopping basket. And I sighed deeply once more as I looked down at the clothes piled up inside.

Just trying them on will be hard labor, huh?

*

*

*

(T/N: Past Ihyun will be referred to with male pronouns)

Outside the fitting room, Yiseul sat on a chair with her arms crossed and tapped her feet.

She didn't know if 'Oppa' would try on the clothes or not.

In the past, he would have been furious. Of course, that was during her adolescence, when they often clashed.

As Ihyun became a student preparing for the college entrance exam, she became engrossed in studying, and he didn't clash with her sister, Yiseul, as often. Maybe that's when her personality softened a little.

No, it would be more accurate to say that their personalities didn't change, but rather that they simply had less to say to each other.

By the time Ihyun went to college, Yiseul, who was a year younger, was preparing for the college entrance exam, and Ihyun, who was also studying hard, didn't have to clash with Ihyun.

Even more so since Ihyun went to the army before the end of the college entrance exam.

I wondered if they would just become acquaintances if they continued to live indifferently—and then.

Kim Ihyun collapsed.

The emotion Yiseul felt was indescribable. She thought she hated him very much. They were always clashing, with no common ground. They were like enemies who growled at each other whenever they saw each other's faces.

But even so, they were family. What Yiseul thought after Ihyun collapsed was that they didn't really hate each other that much.

Just a problem that time would solve. Stories that they would laugh off as absurd when they met a few times a year after they both became 'real adults,' wondering why they were like that back then.

"……."

No one had died from that disease, but from the perspective of someone who had seen the symptoms of the disease up close, she couldn't just think that way and move on. His skin was peeling off, and in the CT or MRI images, the location of his internal organs was almost indistinguishable.

And then, after everything was over.

When Ihyun came home with a slightly dazed expression, Yiseul thought that for just a moment.

'Is that really the Kim Ihyun I knew?'

"……Geez."

But after seeing her make such a fuss over a cockroach today, she also thought that maybe it was.

"……Hey."

The fitting room door opened slightly, and Ihyun's face peeked out.

"What? Have you tried everything on?"

"No."

Ihyun only stuck out her hand and handed something over. It was a blouse on a hanger. A blouse that fit a little too snugly.

"What about this?"

"The size doesn't fit. It's too tight in the chest."

"……."

I see.

It's too tight in the chest.

It's a much bigger size than I wear.

"Then just try everything on and bring it out separately!"

Yiseul thought that maybe the person in front of her was really that Kim Ihyun, seeing as how she was saying things that unconsciously rubbed people the wrong way, even though it wasn't Ihyun's fault.

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