Oppertunities for Development - Chapter 2 - Friends and Foes

Chapter 2 - Friends and Foes

Waking up for a day at Grimsby’s has always been a rather surreal experience. The daily rituals of self-care were mostly confined to finding my uniform, eating a simple breakfast and brushing my teeth shortly afterwards. All of the various pieces of crockery, the cutlery and even the soaps I used to wash were childish, colourful and made of easy wash plastic. We looked like toddlers playing at being adults, waking up in a dolls house for the amusement of a child. We could have ordered expensive, custom-made Little items but my mother was a frugal spender. This was cheaper and in many ways easier than constantly searching for the one Little with the experience to do such work.

Oh, and then there was putting on a diaper.

That task was a surprisingly dangerous one when I was younger. My parents had diapered me until I was into my teens, at which point personal space became something of a sticking point. Now that I was eighteen I was a rather dab hand at taping up a Monkeez. Grimsby herself would be impressed, if she didn’t think my parents were doing it.

Yes, I’m proud of that. If I was forced to wear it I may as well wear it right and not get tuts from my teachers about a tape job that then required a rather overzealous readjustment in front of other kids. There are survival skills to learn in this system, and that was one of them. Besides, leaking was not something anyone wanted, us or them.

So by the time I was in the car and headed for my second Reception Assessment in two days I looked as fresh and bright as any child on their first day at pre-School. The fourteenth first day at pre-school, in my case. As with yesterday I said goodbye to my parents at the door and made my way to the classroom, knocking on the door and awaiting the call from Miss Grimsby to ask me to take a seat.

“We’ll be a minute Eddy, just waiting for another teacher”

Another teacher? I looked through the frosted glass pane on the door to see both Grimsby and Church seated as they had been yesterday. Mr Douglas’ seat was, however, empty.

“Phew! Just in time… You must be Eddy?”

I swung round and practically jumped out of my skin. Towering over me was an Amazon woman, one who couldn’t have been much older than I was. Long blonde hair came down to her shoulders, neatly straightened out. Her ID card was swinging past her white button-up top on a lanyard, making it impossible to identify her at a glance.

All I could manage was to blurt out “H… Hi!”

“Sorry, first time heading to this side of the school!” she let herself into the room “Come in and take a seat”

I followed this new arrival into Grimsby’s room, my tutors smiling as we did so “Ah! Grace it’s so good to see you!” Church invited her to Mr Douglas’ seat “Thank you for doing this at such short notice”

I took the same seat as yesterday, shifting in place to get comfortable in my diaper and allowing the group their little chat about traffic and the weather. Sitting in that seat was something I would rather only have done once a year, doing it a second time in two days just felt like torture.

“So, how about we get going Eddy?” Miss Grimsby turn over a page on her clipboard “I think it’s best to start again, given Miss Addison isn’t familiar with you”

“Is Mr Douglas not returning Ma’am?” I asked, trying not to smile as I awaited the obvious answer.

Grimsby sighed, a frown appearing on her face “After yesterday’s incident Mr Douglas will no longer be teaching you.” She looked back down at her notes.

“What’s your name?”

As with before I answered the questions in the order provided, keeping myself to my pre-planned answers. This was a formality and we were all treating it that way, boxes were ticked and I was left to just repeat exactly the same things as yesterday.

“Do you think you’re big enough to go to Reception?”

“Yes Ma’am, I believe have the skills to succeed at Reception level”

“But do you think you’re big…”

My eyes rolled involuntarily at the repeating of the question. Almost instantly I felt a blush rush to my cheeks as I realised my brain had decided to say the quiet part out loud, Grimsby stopping and giving me a stern look.

“Sorry, I’m just a bit tired Ma’am”

“If you’re bored Mr Carlisle I’m sure we can find some toys for you to play with once the meeting is over?”

I winced at them changing to using my surname and title. Great, just give them an opening to skewer me with. Not like it mattered really but I’d rather have avoided a sting to my pride.

“Can I ask a question?”

Miss Addison had stayed quiet throughout the whole meeting, understandably leaving most of the questions to Grimsby and Church. I’d barely registered she was even there until she meekly put her hand up to my right.

“Certainly Miss Addison.”

“Why is he still in Pre-School?”

I’m pretty sure my eyes must have been close to popping clean out of my skull.

“He’s not shown the requisite learning at this level to progress” Miss Grimsby answered sternly “We’ve given him time during classes to show the needed levels of engagement and he has failed to do so.”

A wonderfully buzzwordy couple of sentences that were sent to me in every letter, every year. It could mean literally anything, the opaqueness of the phrasing was deliberate. I could recite the whole thing from memory at this point.

“He has a vocabulary that I’d expect from one of my students that would graduate to Secondary at a high level.” Miss Addison continued “His mathematics are noted as a weakness but not so much that…”

“Miss Addison, we will talk about Eddy’s attainment after the meeting” Grimsby interrupted “It’s important that we only provide an educational assessment that takes into account the full range of discussions that can take place at the conclusion of this process.”

If I was a five year old, all of those words would have been incomprehensible I imagine. There were clearer ways of saying “Shut up, don’t get his hopes up” but both me and Miss Addison got that message anyway.

“Apologies, I’ll raise these concerns after the meeting has finished”

Both Church and Grimsby cleared their throats simultaneously. Addison was stepping on their toes. I was smiling, unable to keep a sly grin off my face as I felt the frustrations of all three members of staff suddenly change the atmosphere.

“Is something funny Mr Carlisle?”

“No Ma’am” I responded, shifting in my seat and biting my tongue to bring my mouth back to a stolid frown.

“Good, then we’ll continue.” Grimsby flipped over to her class notes, as did Church. Addison had nothing left on her clipboard to flip too. Evidently Mr Douglas’ evidence was no longer submissible, even to this kangaroo court.

“We can see you’re not doing so well in many areas, like in potty training and mathematics” Church started “Kids don’t normally struggle in Reception in these areas, do you think you’re really ready?”

It’s funny how watching adults buzzword each other into submission one minute then talk to you like you’re an idiot the next makes you wish for the former.

“Yes Ma’am, I believe I’ve shown the level required to progress to Reception.”

Church sighed and ticked a couple of boxes. One day I’d like to see what was on those forms, but they were always kept well out of my ability to view them.

“You’re not potty trained?” Miss Addison's voice once again seemed to tighten the whole atmosphere of the room.

“Miss Addison ple…”

“Yes Ma’am, I am potty trained.” I interjected, making sure to act like I was just answering the question at face value. Church and Grimsby knew what I was doing, I could see it on their faces, but I had yet to cross a line.

“Mr Carlisle, while we think you’re doing a good job for a Little, it’s still below the Reception standard to require diaper changes. You should have grown out of that by now”

“I don’t need the diapers Ma’am, as I said yesterday…”

“We’re not talking about yesterday Eddy, that was a silly thing Mr Douglas did but it doesn’t prove you’re a big boy.”

I could feel my brain kick in a fight or flight response. That attempt by Church at defusing the situation was more like cutting the fuse short at the base of a firework and lighting it anew. I felt my heart rate start to quicken, years of frustration starting to hammer away at my otherwise trained barriers.

“Ma’am I…”

“I think we have enough to make a judgement” Grimsby flicked her clipboard snap with a firm smack as she pulled her papers free, cutting me off. “Thank you for coming again Eddy, I’m sure whatever the result you’ll be happy next year”

Unlike yesterday there was no feeling of success, no winning sensation. I already knew the result was the same as it had been every year. There was some comfort there, I’d always considered it likely that I’d be leaving this place with nothing to show for it but then I had parents to back me up. Not all my classmates would be so lucky, I reminded myself.

The ride home was quiet, once I’d explained what had happened. We all knew what this meant, what this final meeting entailed.

I’d have one more year at Grimsby’s and after that I was fresh meat. Edmund Carlisle would have no qualifications, no job experience. To any Amazon that looked at me in the wild they’d barely need to raise a finger and I was theirs.

That’s why my education took place at home, in reality. It was almost like practicing theatre, Grimsby’s class was the stage, the Littles the proverbial players and my Amazon teachers over the years the audience that watched my every step. A highly critical audience who would look down your pants every half-hour in front of the understudies.

“How close are you to finishing your AVQ licence?” my mother asked as we walked up the driveway.

“Most of the work is done, just got my final electricians test to complete”

“Still struggling with maths?”

I blushed, Church and Grimsbys words from this morning about my “weakness” in that area had already made me feel crap enough about my ability with numbers.

“Yeah, and the formulae for resistances and such. They just don’t stay in my head for the tests.”

AVQ’s were “Albiene Vocational Qualifications”. Licences for trades, skills courses and online tests that were supposed to be for Amazons to find additional skills for employment.

What was actually important was that they give Littles like me a chance of survival. In a world where our academic ability was basically questioned at every step, our ability to change a lightbulb was, surprisingly, rarely given a second thought. I often felt like this was deliberate, get the Littles to do the dirty work in the background so Amazon’s don’t have to. Get us to go into the backs of dishwashers and fiddle with wires in fuse boxes while they make us sippy cups of juice we politely refuse. We weren’t chimney sweeps anymore at least.

“Can Fran help at all? She was great for your driver’s licence.”

“Nah, she can’t really help much with the content. Driving was easy, she just sat there and let me drive around in the Tyke…”

Once we were inside I snipped off my diaper and headed upstairs. Opening up my laptop on the desk I saw a few unread messages had come in during my assessment through GwiffinWeb.

“Are you awake dude, it’s like 10:30”

The clean shaven and curly haired profile picture of Stuart Boars, a fellow inmate of Grimsby’s, was flashing away, indicating he’d been trying to contact me. I quickly typed out a response.

“Yeah, just had to go my reception assessment again”

A reply came through almost straight away.

“Wtf? What happened at the last one?”

A few minutes of back and forth explaining the situation later and he was up to date, his messages switching intermittently from “lol” to “ffs” as the context demanded.

“You’re out already right?” I asked.

“Yeah, free man as of July”

I chuckled “If that Year 4 teacher doesn’t try to adopt you”

“She’d be so lucky, bitch isn’t getting my diapers to change I’ll tell you that right now.”

I smiled, a small sigh coming out. Stu and I were veterans now, he’d joined Grimsby’s a year before me and had been a close friend throughout. Now I’d be going into my first, and only, year without him.

“Gonna miss ya man” There was a pause before the next message made me do a spit-take

“Didn’t know my Monkeez smelled that good”

“Oh fuck off!” I laughed to myself “Even Church hated changing you after lunch”

“Not everyone is a teacher’s pet on the changing table Carly” I could practically hear the smirk he had on the other end “That woman has been trying to adopt how many of us? Joanne barely got out of her house that one time.”

I shuddered. There’s a reason why my mother was so firm with Church yesterday. She was the wrong kind of “cuddly”. She wanted a Little, and the only reason she hadn’t got one of us was essentially professional courtesy. Joanne had foolishly attempted to persuade Church that she could be a “good Little”, and not be kicked out of the class when she was thirteen by knocking on her door and bribing her with chocolates.

Her parents arrived just as Church was strapping her into a high-chair in tears. Thankfully an Amazon, no matter how crazy, cannot argue for adoption in front of police officers. Chances are she’d have been a gurgling infant by the end of day without their intervention. Church just said it was a misunderstanding and, of course, nothing happened to her. But in the end it didn’t matter, she flunked and got adopted anyway by the police constable they’d reported it to. Now she was a drooling, crawling, twenty year old Little. Seven years of babyhood had brought her back down to the basics.

“I’m not that stupid Stu. Besides I’ve got an AVQ on the way”

“You’ve said that for a year”

“Yeah, well, being an electrician isn’t all “cut the blue wire””

“That’s bomb defusal Carly”

I tried typing out several responses before groaning at myself and giving in to the temptation “So like changing you then?”

“Nice work, only took you five minutes”

I could only give another chuckle. Socialising like this had got us through day after day of preschool; the inanity of the same tasks year after year constantly threatening to drive us insane. You found enjoyment where you could and tested every boundary. What we read at home we shared, kept our brains working and our minds sharp.

“Gonna miss you too though Carly. I’ll wait for ya on the other side. We can form a duo squad in a Tykemobile. “Carly and Boars Plumbing and Electrical” or some shit.”

“Weren’t we the DinoBro’s not so long ago?”

“Lol, a decade ago, yeah. Bring back Dinoformers, that show was great”

“And safe”

There was a pause before I got another reply, memories clearly flooding back for both of us.

“Before Season 3 anyway.” Stu replied “Who knew putting brand new CGI transformations with massive flashing lights would make us crap our pants huh?”

“Ask my mom, she had to deal with it”

“Don’t need to, mine nearly took a hammer to the TV”

Before I could respond I heard the clatter of cutlery being prepared downstairs. Lunch was nearly ready and my stomach responded with an admirable groan.

“I gotta get lunch man, speak later?”

“Sure, I’m home all day”

As I picked myself up to head downstairs a question came to mind, my curiosity forcing my butt back down in the seat for one last message.

“You don’t know anything about Miss Addison by any chance? I’ve never seen her before”

“Oh yeah, she joined this year.” Stu quickly replied “Douglas made a big deal about it in the corridor while Grimsby was taking me for a change. “She’s such a young thing to be teaching year 6’s”. Creep. Guess he’s been royally buggered over if she got his job now though huh?”

“She actually defended me in the assessment”

“Wtf? Did you wear a special cologne or something?” It was a genuine shame I couldn’t see his face. I imagined his eyebrows shooting off his forehead.

“She said I would probably graduate to secondary”

All I got in response was a big red flag emoji.

“Yeah, she’s probably got the cossets, I know. I have that kind of gravitas”

“Was she actually hot though?”

I had to physically stop myself from indulging him. Any answer to that question was as big a trap as one laid in the Reception Assessment.

“Off to lunch now, bye!“ I stood up and left the computer, concluding the only way to win was not to play. Hearing a single ding, I looked over at the computer screen at his response as it came through a few seconds later.

“You’ve got one more year. Don’t let her screw it up.”